Mom-ninja. Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Why do I have a kid with SID? Why does it have to be me? I'm not strong enough to deal with it. I scream at him every day. Every day. He pushes all my buttons, and then pushes more. I hate the constant body slamming into the couch. I hate the constant pushing, poking, and squeezing. I hate the wall bumping. I hate the constant fidgeting. I hate the lack of self control he exhibits. I hate that I lose patience, but so help me that child exhausts me to the core. Why do I have this child? :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm sorry!! I don't have much to offer except some hugs. I'll watch to see what other say... Carrie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 :grouphug: Aren't you glad you can come here and spill your guts?:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Why do I have a kid with SID? Why does it have to be me? I'm not strong enough to deal with it. I scream at him every day. Every day. He pushes all my buttons, and then pushes more. I hate the constant body slamming into the couch. I hate the constant pushing, poking, and squeezing. I hate the wall bumping. I hate the constant fidgeting. I hate the lack of self control he exhibits. I hate that I lose patience, but so help me that child exhausts me to the core. Why do I have this child? :crying: It is hard. Is your son getting treatment? It made all the difference in the world to my ds. Occupational therapy reduced impulsivity, gave him the ability to have self-control, and stopped much of the stimulus-seeking. While there were things that we could do at home, we could not provide all the equipment that they had at OT. It took about 3 weeks to see a huge difference. If you don't have him in OT, run, don't walk to get an appointment. We paid for most of it out of pocket because our insurance only paid for 1/2 of the best (and most expensive) local provider. It was well worth it. Ds said at the end of therapy, "I used to think I was a bad boy, but now I'm a joy boy." I would have paid a lot more to get there than we did. And ds thought he was a bad boy because I, too, lost patience with him. You really want to get help as soon as possible. It's not your son's fault. What he is doing is going after the stuff that helps his neurological system function. He's self-medicating, as it were. Since your child is sensory seeking, here are things you can do to help him while you wait for an appointment: Give him things to slam into: stuff a duvet cover with old pillows and let him run and crash into it. We had great success with putting a water bed mattress (about $45) under our swingset. Ds could crash down onto it, or run and sprawl onto it. His friends visiting loved it as well. You want to give him lots of proprioceptive input--that's input from the muscles and joints. That is very organizing to the nervous system. Chewing gum really helps (just muscle-joint, muscle-joint constantly). Wall push-ups (have him pretend that enemy troops are trying to break down the gate to the castle and he has to hold them back), wheelbarrow walking, crab walk, jumping on a minitramp, etc. Obviously , you can have fun and make a game of much of this stuff and that can help rebuild the positive parts of your relationship with him. When you give him enough, he will be calm. Have him help you carry in heavy groceries, like the gallons of milk, or carry in wood if you use it, etc. Swimming is great for kids like your ds. Horseback riding is also good. If he fidgets, it can help him to sit on an exercise ball, or get a cushion that is inflated that he can kind of wiggle on. There are tons of hand-fidgits. Go into a kids' party store or educational store and let your ds pick out something he likes. One of the things that helped my ds the most was the therapeutic brushing, but that is not for all kids, and should only be done under supervision. Strong hugs are helpful. (Another way to turn things around and be positive.) Wrapping him up like a tortilla (especially at bedtime): put him on a blanket, facedown, "spread" some "beans" on him (deep massage of back, legs), spread sour cream, etc., then wrap him tightly in the blanket. This gives lots of deep pressure, which should be soothing. At night, you can also cover him with a pillow and then lay some of your body weight across it as another way to give deep pressure. Obviously, you want to be careful that he can still easily get his breath, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 Want to know what my DH says? "Put him in school then." "It's just a stage. He'll outgrow it." He does not believe in OT. He thinks it's a bunch of bologna. He gets this opinion directly from his dad. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 My STBXH has a similar feeling - but more, the school can "fix her" instead of private therapy. Missing the point totally what the school does. I'm pretty sure that getting her to TRY a grape today, and eating it - is so NOT what the school would be doing. He then said, "maybe it would have been caught sooner". Nope, i've known for years... we just didn't have insurance that would TREAT IT. So i've done the best i could. i'm sorry you are dealing with this, about your sons age I was able to figure out how to react to her better. As in NOT reacting. It's done a huge amount of good - but it took a lot of work on my part and reading. hang in there, and i'll hope you can get him into OT. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 Yea, that's another part. DH does not want to pay. I'm thinking we need to give up other things and so therapy. I'm at my wits end.Then I feel like the worst mother ever for yelling at him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Want to know what my DH says? "Put him in school then." "It's just a stage. He'll outgrow it." He does not believe in OT. He thinks it's a bunch of bologna. He gets this opinion directly from his dad. :glare: If you think that the only way his needs will be identified is to enroll him, I'd seriously consider it. Maybe the outside opinion will get your dh to see things more objectively. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Want to know what my DH says? "Put him in school then." "It's just a stage. He'll outgrow it." He does not believe in OT. He thinks it's a bunch of bologna. He gets this opinion directly from his dad. :glare: Would a book help? The Out of Sync Child is the classic one. You could also talk with your pediatrician about a referral. Would your dh accept a doctor's recommendation? Likely that dh and gf don't want to accept that something is "different." For one thing, fathers often have less contact with the kids, and don't see the patterns. Or the wild behavior doesn't bother them as much. I don't know how many times on this board I've read a mom who clearly sees a problem, but has a skeptical husband. Your ds sounds so much like mine used to be. Really, the OT was life-changing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 I agree about getting a professional evaluation. It's easier to take from an actual doc. Also, there is usually some therapy available through the state, with an IFSP until age 3 and then an IEP. The IEPs are offered through the schools generally but some states also offer the same free (or whatever you qualify for) therapy to homeschooling kids. I know my SID girl actually does better in a group setting (she has structured playgroup at the Early Intervention center once a week). I think it's the combination of strange adults who are used to calming kids like her, and the other kids who are all doing the same thing at the same time. Herd instinct, if you will :lol:. For what you can do at home, The Out Of Sync Child Has Fun is a book of activities for the SID/SPD child. You can also get swings/rings to swing on cheap from IKEA or eBay that screw into the ceiling, fill a sleeping bag or two bedsheets sewn together with bits of foam for a crash mat, get medicine balls or fill something with several pounds of rice or millet to carry around as "heavy work," fill a kiddie pool (lined with blanket) with balls (make it a ball pit), wrestle on the bed (dh picks dd up, turns her upsidedown, and pitches her onto the other side of the bed. She LOVES it), fill a deep pan or a drawer with rice, beans, little toys to discover, and some scoops/cups to dig around in it with, use sand/playdough, make a safe place to climb/jump off, etc, etc. And get dh to watch him and go take a BREAK!! With dd1 I cried when I went to work. With dd2 I need the break ;). Oh, and a lot of SID kids are sensitive to dyes, and some to gluten. Man, I actually need to do more of these, LOL. I forget I have all these ideas until I write them down.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 If you think that the only way his needs will be identified is to enroll him, I'd seriously consider it. Maybe the outside opinion will get your dh to see things more objectively. :grouphug: I agree with this actually. What is most important is helping your son. While public school with special needs is not always recommended, for some kids and families it is the very best choice - for a lot of different reasons. Your son needs help. I don't mean to be harsh, but sitting at home having disagreements with dh is not getting your child the help that you believe he needs. Sometimes a break is also just what you need. If he goes to public school, you can get the testing you need, a much needed break, and it can spark many good things. Maybe your son just needs to be exposed to a different life for a while before he decides to work better at home and to increase his own self control. Other teachers may have good ideas, be able to counsel him some (why do they always listen to others better than mom??), and provide coping techniques for everyone. Some schools here are starting to work with homeschoolers more- they can attend a part of the day. I know some private schools also do this. But then, later once you know what is happening, and maybe your dh is on the same track as you, you can bring him back home for a more successful homeschooling experience. In the meantime, :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jill Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Our district will test homeschooled children for sensory issues particularly how they might affect doing schoolwork. They will also do some OT but as it pertains to schoolwork/classroom skills, not so much how to try new foods, etc... (My son actually ate a square centimeter of celery the other day. That feels like a HUGE step.) So that might be a trade-off of only going the public school route, the med route has broader life skill focus - in our area anyway. On days that seem to not be starting out well, I take a look at my behavior/inability to stay cool and the calendar and then evaluate whether I need to pop a Dong Quai plus calcium. Not that I would need herbals if I was doing work outside of the home, the extra hormone energy used to help me with that, but in the home it certainly helps me modulate my response when my mild PMS/perimenopausal symptoms add to the conflagration, iykwim. Cup of chamomile tea perhaps? If I don't think I'm contributing much to the chaos, I go draw a bath for ds, put the epsom salts in it, and let him play in there for a while. Things usually go better after that. I also give myself the option to lock myself in the bedroom to chill out for a while, not an option if your son would be a danger to himself and others of course if you're not around. ...just some thoughts... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 Have had some more conversations with DH. I think he really doesn't want to feel like something is "messed up" (his words) with his son. However, he said if I feel like getting him tested, and looking into therapy then fine. I spoke to a friend of mine who used to be an OT. She is going to give me the contact info to a friend of hers who is certified in SID/SPD. Thanks for the activity suggestions. Right now I have ds outside plowing the garden to get it ready for planting. Double bonus, he gets the stimulation he needs, and a chore gets done. :001_smile: I'll post an update when I speak to the OT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Something is already messed up--getting therapy will start to get him back to normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Want to know what my DH says? "Put him in school then." "It's just a stage. He'll outgrow it." He does not believe in OT. He thinks it's a bunch of bologna. He gets this opinion directly from his dad. :glare: That just makes me so sad. My son would not be the amazing boy he is today if it was not for Occupational Therapy. What is your husband afraid of? Why does he see OT as such a threat? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smithie Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 "He does not believe in OT. He thinks it's a bunch of bologna. He gets this opinion directly from his dad." :mad: I get this from the extended family from time to time. If I was hearing that ignorant bs from my husband, I think my head might actually explode. I'm sorry mama, but this is one of those times where you put your put down and overrule the other parent. Just make the appointment and go. Your first responsibility is to your child. When you son gets BETTER, I think your husband will probably be more than willing to forgive for pulling rank over this. You've already gotten good suggestions for OT-like things to do at home, and you've already heard from other parents how much OT can help a child with SID to control their symptoms, so I won't go through all that again. My SID son has improved greatly over the past two years, and here's some things that have helped along the way: 1. The couch. Oh, the couch. For an entire year my son was not allowed to sit on or touch the living room couch or chairs. If I let him get anywhere near them, the next second he be standing behind on of us (or worse, a guest) grabbing onto them hard enough to hurt. I got him a child's upholstered chair and that's where he sat until the flinging on the couch obsession passed. And it did pass. I think it took about 2 years. (The first year, when he was three, we just stayed out of that room during that day. Then we moved and our furniture setup changed). Th couch is no problem at all these days. 2. The pushing, poking, squeezing (and close talking, and interrupting, and repeating) - this has also gotten better with time in our house, but there were months, MONTHS, when every physical interaction with my son ended in me saying "No! That hurts me! Stop hurting me!" Sometimes the pain was physical, sometimes it was emotional or mental, but he was so young that I stuck with "hurt" as the concept. He has a perfectly normal sense of empathy, and doesn't WANT to hurt me, so he would tend to be more receptive about redirection once he understood that what he was doing was causing me pain. It was an exhausting process, but I found I lost my temper much less often if I expressed my feelings strongly right in the moment and didn't try to endure ten minutes or so of extreme irritation before completely blowing a gasket. In our house, what has worked is to intervene and stop the behavior IMMEDIATELY. 3. For fidgeting and other stimming behaviors, what has worked best for us is to say "you may do that if you need to, but you will do it in another room because it makes us very uncomfortable to see it." Just like you might say if a child was examining their private parts in the middle of the living room. These days (at age 5.5), our son will generally just cease the fidgeting, disturbing vocalizations etc. when they are pointed out because he no longer seems to NEED to do it to organize himself, and he generally does not want to leave the room we're all in. It's so hard. We spend a lot of time and energy celebrating our son's positive traits and focusing on the things he does well, to make sure that he doesn't internalize the idea that he is bad or defective in the face of all the correction and redirection he gets to help him conquer the SID. And you know what? I raise my voice to him almost every day. But I can still see that things are sooooo much better after a year of OT. And I don't actually SCREAM every day anymore. Usually it's more like hollering. :tongue_smilie:What I'm trying to say is, the tension level around here has plummeted, and I hope the same miracle happens for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DB in NJ Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klowee Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Chiming in to agree with other posters...OT was life changing for my ds. He is now 14 and started OT when he was 3-1/2 until he was 9. I am so thankful for the intervention he recieved. I hope that you are able to get your ds the help that he needs. Your DH will be amazed when he sees an OT work with your child and the difference it will make! All of the ideas others gave you for the hugs, beans, bashing into controlled things...all of those will do wonders for him. You will survive this, I know he can make you want to pull your hair out, but he has no control over it. You have control when you are able to get him the input he needs before he starts melting down. Take care! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonygirl Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 (edited) Why do I have a kid with SID? Why does it have to be me? I'm not strong enough to deal with it. I scream at him every day. Every day. He pushes all my buttons, and then pushes more. I hate the constant body slamming into the couch. I hate the constant pushing, poking, and squeezing. I hate the wall bumping. I hate the constant fidgeting. I hate the lack of self control he exhibits. I hate that I lose patience, but so help me that child exhausts me to the core. Why do I have this child? :crying: I am there EVERYDAY!!!! It does get a little easier to handle when you start to understand why it happening. It is medical the central nervouse system is screwed up it's imature it's not understanding the signals correctly which ever way you look at it it's medical therefore you need a medical opinion. The school usually only looks at it from a school point not a life point. Go to OT they will help your ds but more importantly they will help you and train you to help your child on a daily basis. God Bless Teresa:D Edited October 5, 2009 by tonygirl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mchel210 Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Ok....It sounds so bad...but I feel the same way!!!!! I am sooo happy to hear you say the words I wanted to say. I just cant handle being home some days. Well...we tried the school route...and it was worse. Much worse. So...I am just learning to breath very slowly and started exercising to release stress and anxiety. I have my son working out with me. That does help. OT didnt work for us. I saw no use to it for my son. My son did love going...I think he loved the activities. He thrives on attention! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 You have control when you are able to get him the input he needs before he starts melting down. Take care! :grouphug: Exactly. That's what it's about: you as the parent making sure he has what he needs before the melt-down, wild time, etc. It's hard at first, but as he gets more of what he needs and you get better at being proactive, it gets so much better. With my ds, there is little to none of that kind of stuff anymore--and we don't have to manage his environment to prevent it. So there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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