Those That Homeschool With Chronic Illness

[eight_gregorys]

Ok....this has been a long couple of months. I have Systemic Lupus, Fibromyalgia, and Thyroid issues. Lately I've started having other issues that my Rheumatologist thinks could be MS. With all the issues, I'm having I'm seriously doubting homeschooling my kids. Not to mention that they have been utter monsters lately. I have one who has some learning disabilities and no matter what he will not return to school. (I put him in for about 6 months last year to try to get him tested. It was a horrible mess and we finally ended up paying for testing for him and pulling him out.) My other kids are very bright and have no learning issues. I guess my biggest problem is I deal with a lot of pain which makes me very grouchy sometimes. Obviously this is not my kids fault, but a lot of the time I am very impatient and grumpy. This then cycles down to the kids who become impatient and grumpy and well you know the rest. The other big issue is that my boys fight constantly about EVERYTHING. I feel like a referee most of the time. Plus, they know when Mommy is too physically weak to enforce the rules and take advantage of that. I'm very conflicted on what to do. The schools here aren't the best, but I've seen worse. My kids are good kids and I love being home with them, but I'm not sure how to handle all of this.

 

What do you do? How do you cope? All advice is welcome.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Well, last year I was headed toward being an invalid because my fibromyalgia was getting so bad (and I had some MS like symptoms too). I told my dh that I might need to put the kids into the p.s. because of it. This wasn't what we wanted for the kids but might have to be a fall back position because of my health. He said that since our kids were on target or ahead, that we had some wiggle room. He told me to back off from homeschooling and really focus on my health. I did for 3 months. We did school basics during that time - only the 3 R's pretty much with some Sonlight type books thrown in for their own reading enjoyment.

 

It was worth it for me. We committed to spending the money and time to working on my health (and it wasn't easy and did cost money). In my case, I went to a naturopath. I've gone to traditional MDs for years and had no relief with the usual medicines and treatments. I chose a naturopath who had training in both naturopathic treatment and mainstream medical care. She uses normal lab tests to help in diagnoses.

 

I found out that I had a very serious vitamin D deficiency. I also found out that I had a thyroid problem and adrenal problems. We started treating the more serious problems first. It took about a month before the I really started to see a difference but then I started to see some pretty big differences. A year later, I still have some problems - and am now waiting to see what the latest round of lab tests show - but - I am now a functioning mom and teacher.

 

I would recommend that you put your health on the front burner. And I would recommend that you find someone willing to look for the causes behind your symptoms - instead of just treating the symptoms.

 

In our case, we felt like having the kids at home at a time when I couldn't school them well, was still the best thing to do for our family. I was still able to work on character issues. And even with a pared down schedule, we still did higher level work (esp. the books they were exposed to) than what is listed on the curriculum list of our public school. You, of course, will need to evaluate your own situation to see what might be best.

 

I hope all the best for you.

[Mommyfaithe]

:iagree: Totally with Jean. You need to make sure you concentrate on getting healthy. Read-Alouds can be bedtime stories...or audio tapes. Most schooling can be done pretty simply. keep it simple.

 

Have dh back you up on discipline issues. Make sure your kids know what is expected of them, what the penalty is, and then stick to it...(Or have Dad make sure they stick to it.) Let them know you are not feeling well and how that makes you feel. Tell them how they can help. My kids felt helpless about my chronic pain until I told them about it, and what they could do to help me. They were (and are) pretty helpful. Even the little ones may be responing to your illness by rotten behavior because they do not know how to express their concern and fear.

 

Take it easy on yourself. Treat yourself well and your kids will respond in kind. Academics are very important...and up pretty high on my priority list, but love, compassion, serving hearts and learning to be a sensitive caring adult is higher. I am so sorry you are ill, but this can be an amazing lesson for your children to learn.

 

Peace and Health

Faithe

[silvermine]

I have issues with gluten intolerance -- the symptoms are things like horrible stomach cramps, sinus pain, tiredness, migraines, exhaustion, whining, shortness of breath, did I mention being really cranky?, and tiredness.

 

Honestly, I think homeschooling is easier. If I feel horrible one day, we could do school in bed, or skip it and do it on Saturday or tomorrow night, or whenever. The schedule is under my control, it's not at the whim of someone else.

 

Yea, I'm cranky. I try my best not to be. But I don't think I'm so horrible that the kids are better off not being around me. :)

[Happy Camper]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. :grouphug:

 

I have Fibro also, although the symptoms are under control most of the time. My kids seem to understand when I don't feel well and need to rest. Not sure what you've done to explain the situation to them, but you could try something like the Spoon Theory: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/2009/08/the_spoon_theory.php#more (note: the link didn't work for me, but my internet connection can be spotty - it's worth tracking down if you haven't read it). Perhaps if they understand what you are going through they will be more cooperative. Hang in there, and by all means, if you are able to put the time and money into improving your health, do it! Stretching daily, and changing my diet (vegetarian, minimizing processed foods, etc.) helped a ton. Your body may respond to different changes, but it's worth the effort to figure out what those changes might be. As moms, we often put ourselves last (I haven't had a hair cut in months!!), but your health should come first. It's like being on an airplane - put your own oxygen mask on first, then help your kids put on theirs.

[sweetgeo]

I've been in cancer treatment for 8 months now, and we do school on my good days, and they just read for pleasure/do anything within reason on my bad days. When my kids start fighting/fussing with each other, I tell them they absolutely CANNOT play with each other, and they cannot be in the same room together. It works like a charm, every time! After a relatively small amount of isolation (we live out in the country and there are no neighbor kids to play with, so their sibling really is their only constant playmate) they always come to me to beg to be allowed to play with each other again! My kids, now 7 and 10, have learned to be more independent in terms of simple meal prep for themselves, and how to really pitch in and help with some chores that previously were my domain only. Blessings to you as you try to determine what is best for your situation.

[KristenS]

((((Hugs)))) for all you ladies!

 

I ditto, take it easy, put your health first, and just do simple lessons, if any. Nothing wrong with a steady diet of Magic School Bus videos for a time, if it comes to that. :)

 

My anxiety issues cause a lot of health complications, though not quite on the scale you ladies are dealing with. But I definitely have to work around the highs, lows, migraines, and nausea. Short lessons are a real blessing, and the flexibility of not having to be on someone else's schedule is a gift from God, for sure.

[helena]

Here is another thread you may find interesting: http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=94184&highlight=chronic+illness

 

I have SLE too. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. While only you know your physical, emotional limits, I think it's good to remember a lot of people have numerous days where they're saying "I can't do this anymore". Healthy or not.

 

For me it's all about running a tight ship. Assigning chores (to be done the CORRECT way), zero tolerance in the classroom etc. I can no longer feel guilty about the kids knowing I'm sick. That's life, and they need to step up to the plate. That gives me a lot of wiggle room for bad days. The house isn't as messy, and a fair amount of school work gets done.

 

I'm also struggling with the grouchy thing, I'm embarrassed to admit sometimes I'm down right mean. Nobody's perfect, and I know in my heart that I'm making slow progress on this issue. I know I'm a good mom.

 

It can be very lonely being sick. Even the people in you're home simply go on with their lives (as they should) when you are left trying not to be a whiner with constant constant constant pain, ache, exhaustion, itch, spots, sores,pills,vomiting, fever what ever. I don't know about you, but I absolutely can not go in the sun. I'm completely separated from everyone in this one thing, and it changes the way I do everything. It's very heavy for me.

Sometimes it makes me grouchy. Sometimes it feels like the right response.

I think your kids have a lot of beautiful lesson to learn from your illness. And beautiful ways to see and know their mom. I hope my girls remember me as brave, gentle, strong, hard working, funny. In spite of my obvious weaknesses and struggles. I hope they see that I was always trying, falling short & trying again. I can live with that.

 

Even if you put them in public school, it doesn't have to be for ever. It can be a temporary solution. It's not a contest. You might really need the chance

to rest and heal. Sometimes that's the best thing you can do for the family and yourself.

 

Sending you love and positive vibes-

:grouphug:

 

My brain is fuzzy today I'm sure my wording is weird in some parts of this post, hope I made some sense :)

[helena]

I forgot to list the things that help me cope

a good cry

a good laugh

a massage, the kind you pay for, not the 10 minute husband kind :)

acupuncture

happy movies

gardening

good sleep

knowing when to cook a home cooked satisfying meal and when to get take out

hiding in my room with the ac on and the curtains closed

getting cozy

saying no to coffee

protecting myself from other people who don't understand lupus. Sometimes peoples words and expectations are harmful. whether they realize it or not

Edited August 20, 2009 by helena

[sunflowerlady]

I have begun to use a traditional worktext curriculum that dd can do independetly. We are using ACE paces and so far it is a real blessing. I help dd when she needs it, but she works on her own with me in a more supporting role.

 

I have to learn to let things go and not obsess over a perfectly clean house or a great looking yard. The basics of housework are the priority.

 

1.clean laundry

2.cooking a good supper

3. doing other housework just a little each day. Dd has chores, too.

 

I have begun to use paper plates and paper cups. It cuts back on dirty dishes , which is less stress for me to deal with.

 

Sometimes I go in my room , shut the door and read or watch TV. Alone.