HeatherLynn Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 We are considering the adoption of a sibling group. This group is quite large, and would more than double our family size. However, we are prayerfully considering submitting our home study for placement of this group (the children range from age infant to 8). Their parents were killed, and they have no family. I would just go forward with it, but DH is totally wigged about that many kids at once. He says he feels a pull toward them, but never imagined having THAT many kids. This is on top of another adoption we are working on (our son's bio sibling). I want to pray that God's will is done, and that if we are supposed to have these beautiful kiddos that God will speak to my husband and have him come forward for it. I do not ask for outside prayer often, but right now I would appreciate some prayer warriors. :grouphug: Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tricia Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 :grouphug:Hope everything works out God's way for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 Sometimes God speaks to us through information, if that makes sense. Has your social worker discussed with you the issues you will deal with when you adopt out of birth order? Adopting a sibling group (of any size)? Grief and trauma issues? Possible undiagnosed disabilities? Issues of children from the country they are from (if international, such as malnutrition)? RAD? These are topics that will only help your family join these children with your own much better if you do accept them for adoption. This can be another "test," that God will give you peace with these facts. You are very fortunate to be able to consider such an adventure. I hope my time comes some day. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 Bless you! We will be praying for God's will to be done and clear to you and your dh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherLynn Posted July 18, 2009 Author Share Posted July 18, 2009 Sometimes God speaks to us through information, if that makes sense. Has your social worker discussed with you the issues you will deal with when you adopt out of birth order? Adopting a sibling group (of any size)? Grief and trauma issues? Possible undiagnosed disabilities? Issues of children from the country they are from (if international, such as malnutrition)? RAD? These are topics that will only help your family join these children with your own much better if you do accept them for adoption. This can be another "test," that God will give you peace with these facts. You are very fortunate to be able to consider such an adventure. I hope my time comes some day. :) Yes, we have discussed adoption out of birth order. As a matter of fact, this is the reason we changed agencies. Our old agency that did DS adoption is against adoption out f birth order, but our new agency believes all children deserve a home where the family is willing to work through obstacles with love. It is sad that 2 children were without a family for two years because our agency was against it. They were adopted by the time we got our new agency, but it was almost two years. They are healthy as far as their age appropriate examinations have proven. But thank you, these are excellent points. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 :grouphug: Good for you. The world needs more Heathers in it :) Keep us posted? If it's the right thing, then it will all fall into place. I'm relearning how to pray, but putting forth an effort and now I have something specific to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avila Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 :grouphug: Praying for God's will and blessings on you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rita Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 Praying for wisdom for you and your family.....and the perfect place for these children blessings, Rita Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2abcd Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Praying that God will guide you all into knowing His will. You are a blessing to the children He's given you! I pray the sibling group will be placed in exactly the right place where ever that might be. God bless you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 My five cousins came to stay with us for a while during their mother's hospitalization. I have two children of my own. This was absolutely the most overwhelming thing I have done. It was also very difficult for my children. These cousins are children that we knew/know and love very dearly. My children get along well with their cousins and enjoy time with them. Even so, it was extremely difficult. We are very, very laid back about our space and our possessions and have had long-term houseguests before. However, sharing with five cousins was very, very hard. My two children were fairly stressed by the inundation of other people who all wanted and needed to play in their space with their things. The younger cousins were not always respectful of my kids' things--it was terribly hard on my kids to find their toys broken. Sharing your space and your things is a big issue to consider. My children were even more stressed about their lack of access to me and their father. We were there, all the time, for them--but so were their cousins. Private time with me or their father came in bits and snatches. The cousins were with us for a couple weeks, though at the time we thought it would be for months. Even now the cousins are with us each weekend. My children absolutely mourned the loss of access to me and dh during the long stay. This is a really, really big issue, and not one to be taken lightly. Also consider that traumatized children often have behaviors related to that trauma. The death of their parents and settling into a strange new home are both quite traumatic--there will be behaviors that will challenge your very best parenting instincts. Have you considered the sheer logistics of taking in so many children? Is your car big enough? Is there enough room in your house? What about food? It is sooooo much more work to prepare a larger meal for all those extra little people. Our cousins are very, very picky eaters, and mealtimes tended to be very difficult for all of us. Cooking in bulk for each meal was quite a production, only to find that the kids often refused to eat what was prepared (often even when it was extremely plain food--they were used to eating a lot of McDonald's). Please also consider that love alone often just is not enough. I have known too many foster parents, and watched too many loved children stray down heartbreaking paths, to tell you otherwise. I do not mean to be overly negative--but rather, to urge you to think this through very, very carefully. On the positive, I do know a family who adopted three African war refugee children who were older than their two boys. Somehow they managed to meld together into a truly loving, cohesive family. (They've been together many years now--the oldest three are now in college.) They were certain of God's leading, and feel blessed by the way God brought their family together. Sadly, I know several other families whose adoptions or foster situations have not gone nearly as well. My own experience over the years of parenting my cousins part-time has given me a lot of caution as well. Pray thoroughly. Make sure your dh is in full agreement, or please don't do it. An adoption like this will require ALL your resources, and you and your dh will have to be of one mind or it could destroy you. God may lead you to the adoption, or not, but if you pray and seek His will He will provide the wisdom you need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blessed2fosteradopt Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 No matter what happens and what direction God leads, you are a blessing and I admire your love and desire to provide for His little ones. From one adoptive mother to another, God bless you and I will be praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherLynn Posted July 19, 2009 Author Share Posted July 19, 2009 Strider: We have been the parents at a children's home and had 8 troubled children along with our four. So, we have cooked for the masses, shared our love and time, and our children have seen first hand that sometimes love and compassion go a long ways. This is not something I would jump into willy-nilly just because it sounded like a cool idea. I know good and well there would be many adjustments to be made and would take a while to get it all straight. Do I think it would come without emotional issues and maybe more? Absolutely not. Do I think we could handle it with our support system, prayer, patience, and love? Absolutely. We will continue to pray about this until our social worker can talk with us at length about it. Thank you everyone for you prayers. Regardless of if we adopt *these* children or not, we plant to keep growing our family through foster/adopt. Just because my womb is a barren land does not mean my heart or home will be. I know I was meant to have MANY children, I just think God meant for me to go about it a different way than most. Also, we are in the market for a new vehicle. If it came to pass that these children would be coming here, we would just purchase something big enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 :grouphug: I really admire your openness and am honored to lift this situation up in prayer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blessed2fosteradopt Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 I just wanted to add that while one should be informed about fostering/adopting out of birth order it isn't always the train wreck it is conveyed to be. I have fostered several children that were older than my oldest and while it did not come without some challenges, they weren't challenges that were insurmountable. I cannot tell you the vast number of children I have seen....lovely, wonderful children that are passed up because they are older. These are the kids we complain about later on in life, who commit crimes and have no conscience because nobody cared enough or was willing to give them a chance. Additionally, families who are willing to give a sibling group of this size an opportunity to stay together are FEW and FAR between. Research has shown (don't ask me to find it - I have come across it many times in the continuing ed I am required to do each year to renew my license) that one of the most traumatic events children experience is being separated from their siblings and in many cases this is even more traumatic than being separated from their birth parents. I also know this first hand. I fostered a beautiful 10 year old for a year. She was placed with me and her two younger brothers were placed in another foster home. She pined for them incessantly and it consumed her. Thankfully, a family was identified to adopt all three of them and she is thriving. I will continue to pray for this family and for God's direction. Please keep us informed. Blessings to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kristi67 Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 I don't have any experience in doing this, but a gal from my local HS group had 3 children and adopted a sibling group of 3 and then adopted another sibling group of three. If you would like to get in contact with her, I could forward this thread to her and see if she is willing to talk with you. Kristi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherLynn Posted July 19, 2009 Author Share Posted July 19, 2009 I just wanted to add that while one should be informed about fostering/adopting out of birth order it isn't always the train wreck it is conveyed to be. I have fostered several children that were older than my oldest and while it did not come without some challenges, they weren't challenges that were insurmountable. I cannot tell you the vast number of children I have seen....lovely, wonderful children that are passed up because they are older. These are the kids we complain about later on in life, who commit crimes and have no conscience because nobody cared enough or was willing to give them a chance. Additionally, families who are willing to give a sibling group of this size an opportunity to stay together are FEW and FAR between. Research has shown (don't ask me to find it - I have come across it many times in the continuing ed I am required to do each year to renew my license) that one of the most traumatic events children experience is being separated from their siblings and in many cases this is even more traumatic than being separated from their birth parents. I also know this first hand. I fostered a beautiful 10 year old for a year. She was placed with me and her two younger brothers were placed in another foster home. She pined for them incessantly and it consumed her. Thankfully, a family was identified to adopt all three of them and she is thriving. I will continue to pray for this family and for God's direction. Please keep us informed. Blessings to you! Thank you very much. I think every new situation comes with it's challenges, even a new baby born into a family. We continue to pray over this. I will keep you updated. I don't have any experience in doing this, but a gal from my local HS group had 3 children and adopted a sibling group of 3 and then adopted another sibling group of three. If you would like to get in contact with her, I could forward this thread to her and see if she is willing to talk with you. Kristi I would appreciate it, than you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsrevmeg Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Will definitely keep you in my prayers. Hope that God opens the doors to do what is best for these children. I think you and your husband must be amazing people to be willing to open your hearts and home to this family. It would be wonderful to see more people willing to love children. Bless you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Strider: We have been the parents at a children's home and had 8 troubled children along with our four. So, we have cooked for the masses, shared our love and time, and our children have seen first hand that sometimes love and compassion go a long ways. This is not something I would jump into willy-nilly just because it sounded like a cool idea. I know good and well there would be many adjustments to be made and would take a while to get it all straight. Do I think it would come without emotional issues and maybe more? Absolutely not. Do I think we could handle it with our support system, prayer, patience, and love? Absolutely. We will continue to pray about this until our social worker can talk with us at length about it. Thank you everyone for you prayers. Regardless of if we adopt *these* children or not, we plant to keep growing our family through foster/adopt. Just because my womb is a barren land does not mean my heart or home will be. I know I was meant to have MANY children, I just think God meant for me to go about it a different way than most. Also, we are in the market for a new vehicle. If it came to pass that these children would be coming here, we would just purchase something big enough. I am glad to hear you've had the experience to have a realistic idea of what this might be like. I am sorry if my negativity hurt you--I did struggle with what to write. I did not think this was something you were going to try willy-nilly because it sounded cool (I don't know you nearly well enough to make those assumptions), and am sorry to have given that impression. I wrote as I did because my own experiences both with my cousins and with numerous foster and adoption situations have made me acutely aware of the difficulties. I pray that God shows you exactly what to do in this situation and that God makes the path before you clear. And may God bless you for the love you have for the children who need you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherLynn Posted July 19, 2009 Author Share Posted July 19, 2009 I am glad to hear you've had the experience to have a realistic idea of what this might be like. I am sorry if my negativity hurt you--I did struggle with what to write. I did not think this was something you were going to try willy-nilly because it sounded cool (I don't know you nearly well enough to make those assumptions), and am sorry to have given that impression. I wrote as I did because my own experiences both with my cousins and with numerous foster and adoption situations have made me acutely aware of the difficulties. I pray that God shows you exactly what to do in this situation and that God makes the path before you clear. And may God bless you for the love you have for the children who need you. Thank you. I know people who do jump into things like this willy-nilly, just because they think it would be cool. For me...well, I am like "we MUST be crazy" but I have never denied being a little off center any how. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirtroad Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 We have a family at church who adopted 3 sisters (all under 7) soon after adopting an infant son (he was about 2). They had a full house & much to learn. but... the kids are incredible... blooming and amazing to watch... the family got into routine quickly & struggled with certain discipline issues & personality issues.... but the girls have done so well. They were so happy to have "family" again. Pray for hubby. We will pray for you also! I hope you can help them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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