Do you say “I hate…..�

[BillieBoy]

One thing I've pointed out to my kids is that the world is not a very big place and there's no real need to contribute to the negative feelings surrounding it. IOW, think positive, be positive, and add to the happy/good/positive in the world.

 

:iagree: Very nicely said :001_smile:

[Zebra]

Well, I'm all for honesty...if you hate something by all means, say you hate it. I wouldn't really want my dc to say she hated a person, because it's not okay to hate people. But saying she hates tomatoes (AMEN!) or the rain, well that's fine with me. However, if someone told my dc that they hated her, I would tell her to just ignore it, it's just a word after all.

 

I do hate when other people say I can't say hate in front of their kids. That I hate ;).

[nlmullen]

I have heard this often. I think we can hate things and what people do (sin), but not the people. Kids need to know why they shouldn't say the word hate at some point. But, when they are little, maybe just banning the word is enough.

[cathmom]

Every time my sisters or I said, "I hate xyz" around my father, he would say, "Hate's an awfully strong emotion to apply to xyz." We "hated" hearing him say that, so we stopped saying we hated things. :001_smile:

[bella_gitana]

I seldom use the word hate, and I don't like my kids using it. To me 'hate' is a very strong sentiment. I may dislike many things, but only hate a few.

[stripe]

I don't really say it, but I had a teacher in elementary school who made a lot of sweeping statements that I found somewhat annoying at the time, such as that we were not allowed to say "can't." Well, I'm sorry, there are some things I cannot do. I cannot give birth to a swan. I cannot donate sperm. I cannot survive without oxygen. Acknowledging my limits hasn't made me a helpless piece of blubbering goo! I would tend to try to rephrase and focus on the positive, but I don't think saying "hate" is always a complaint, and a little complaining is okay. If it's all the time, I hope it's a phase someone passes out of....

[lisabees]

I do not allow my girls to say "hate" or "stupid." Unfortunately, I am not so good about that myself. But I try to think about it before I say it, and try not to. My younger dd likes to catch me and let me know that I'm not supposed to say those words :glare:

 

All it took was one visit to my SIL's when dd was 2 or 3 and every other sentence out of my nephew's mouth was "I hate..." No exaggeration. It immediately became something we didn't do.

 

I banned stupid because I did not want my girls to call each other or other people that. It's just not nice. I used to hear it so often between siblings or friends. Didn't want that either.

 

:iagree:

 

Just today, 6 yr old dd heard a friend say , 'I hate..." and dd said, "oooooh that is a STRONG word!" Very cute.

 

I remember when my oldest was 12, he came home and said, "Mommy, stupid is NOT a curse word. My friends told me so. They all use it." Busted!

[eternalknot]

Do you say “I hate…..†and/or do you let your children say it?

 

I do. The kids do. Not frequently, but not infrequently either. I'm in the camp that lets people own the feelings they feel, however appropriate or inappropriate. That said, we do discuss and handle the issue of how to appropriately let these feelings be known (or to be kept privately, if that is what's most appropriate).

 

My daughter told my son that she hated him, one day in anger. It was ugly, and hurtful. She saw it's effect on him, realized her fault, then after time and discussion both kids learned and grew from the situation. Things don't always work out that effortlessly on my part, but in this instance ... they learned firsthand how powerful words could be, and that word in particular. They decided between themselves to not use it in that way again with each other, and in the past year they've stuck to that vow. They're still young (3 and 8) but it's promising :).

 

Words are just a bunch of letters strung together. It's intent that matters, and that's what I try to emphasize to the kids. Sometimes ugly things are said with no poor intent; other times, nice things are said with suspicious intent. I find it more beneficial to my overall understanding of someone or something, if I more highly value intent over content.

 

I liked Peela's post to this thread. Food for thought.

[T Baer]

I try not to use that word under most circumstances, and I don't let my kids use it either. I have had many moms roll their eyes at me on this one. I tell the girls that words are powerful, you can't just go around using them willy nilly. Hate is a powerful word and should be reserved for the right occasion. I hate racism for example. But if my kid is being served mushrooms they take a bite and say thank you, I just don't care for mushrooms.

I put it on the same level as shut up, it becomes a habit to use those words, and they begin to pop up more than they should.

When it comes up, I help DS replace it with a different word that is usually what he means anyway. Of course the "shut up" is the one that I get caught on, as there are times when it comes out and of course i end up apologizing and asking for forgiveness.

[Laurie4b]

Yes, we say it and I don't think there is anything wrong with it. It means, "I really strongly dislike x,y,z." Dh strongly dislikes it (ahem) when anyone says, "I'm starving" when they are hungry. To me, it's hyperbole.

 

Question for OP: Do you forbid using the word "love" in a similar way, as in "I love chocolate?"

 

imo, in all of these cases, no one is using the word literally.

[BillieBoy]

Yes, we say it and I don't think there is anything wrong with it. It means, "I really strongly dislike x,y,z." Dh strongly dislikes it (ahem) when anyone says, "I'm starving" when they are hungry. To me, it's hyperbole.

 

Question for OP: Do you forbid using the word "love" in a similar way, as in "I love chocolate?"

 

imo, in all of these cases, no one is using the word literally.

 

No, I don't forbid either I just say it's a no-no when used out of context. When I learned how to speak English there was a lot of emphasis put on how much vocabulary there is in English and how to use that in communication. Believe me, there are many ESL people out there that do take words literally. English, to me, has some strong words that can vary wildly in their interpretation. If I really mean "dislike" for example then I say that. There are things I hate, like prejudice, and I mean that. I also really like apples. The same goes for love, I would not want my daughter to equate my love for her to a big fat juicy apple. I know, again, pretty literal, but it does desensitize it a bit. I'm not strict about, I do not care if other people use it in front of me. I know our language has degraded a degree or two. I'm just trying to do my personal part to try and say what I mean. :001_smile: I goof up all the time. :o I have learned from this thread that I'm pretty an*l in comparison. :lol:

[Zebra]

I don't really say it, but I had a teacher in elementary school who made a lot of sweeping statements that I found somewhat annoying at the time, such as that we were not allowed to say "can't." Well, I'm sorry, there are some things I cannot do. I cannot give birth to a swan. I cannot donate sperm. I cannot survive without oxygen.

 

:lol: I had teachers like that too and it drove me CRAZY! It made me feel like a LOSER that I knew in my head there were certain things I just couldn't do. Some of us are bad at certain things, oh well!!! I think it's a good thing to know your limits in life, and we all have them. Trying harder and having a positive attitude will never help me give birth to a swan....or even play for the NBA. :D