Carrie12345 Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Do not read if you are anti-secular-psychology/parenting. Do not read if children out of wedlock offend you. Do not read if blended families disturb you. Do not read if you hate threads that don't have any specific homeschool content. Etc. My ex and I have a soon-to-be-11yo who has Asperger's. I have 3 younger children with my dh. Ex has an 8yo stepson (no bio-dad ever involved) and a 3yo son. There have been times when ds's aspie issues have been intense enough to research emergency hospitalization and temp. residential care. While we haven't had to actually take those steps, ds is aware that they exist. Over the past few months, ex's 8yo has been hospitalized multiple times for "uncontrollable behavior". He has no official dx, but ODD and a few other acronyms are being tossed around. Ds knows his brother has been in and out of the hospital. He has a very good understanding of people needing help when their brains aren't working "normal". He seems to be handling it well. Last night, I found out that the 8yo has been admitted again. This time, they're considering long-term residential care. Ex is afraid to talk to ds about it. I, on the other hand, always lean toward being direct with my kids. Unfortunately, there's only so much I can say. While I'm fully aware that parenting cannot prevent or cure mental issues, I do know (from the horse's mouth) that this poor child is getting no help at home. He hates my ex, he hates his baby brother, he hates being the only obvious minority in an otherwise white family, and I'm sure he's terribly confused about his own birth father. But he is expected to come home from the hospital "fixed". I'm afraid he's doomed to residential care. I have recommended books and doctors, but it's a waste of energy. Ex never even read up on AS (dx'ed 6 years ago), and ds is in a cyber charter b/c ex won't research homeschooling or even part-time K12. He doesn't "do" that kind of parenting. Ex is planning to take ds on a trip in a few weeks, and nobody knows if the 8yo will be there. Ds is confused about this. Like I said, he does understand that some people need help, but his only personal experience has been some 45 minute sessions and watching his brother spend a few days away. I'm considering comparing it to homeschooling. Some kids (like him) are educated at home, some are educated in schools. Some people (like him) get most of their help at home, some are helped in residential care. It seems perfectly logical to me, but I'm wondering if that's getting too close to the dangerous "why can't he be helped at home?" Thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 I tend to agree with you about being as direct and honest as possible with the kids. I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 I tend to agree with you about being as direct and honest as possible with the kids. I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation. :iagree: Is it wrong that your disclaimer made me giggle? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Clearly, you've navigated many complex life situations well. You'll do the best you can with this one given the choices you have. :grouphug: At his age, and combined with the direct approach you have, I'd add the reality that adults deal with parenting issues in different, non formulaic ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Carrie, I just sent you a PM. Antonia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 No advice, but I like the way you are trying to deal with things. You're in a tough situation and I wish you the best. I like the homeschooling comparison, and I guess I would just try to be honest about why he can't be treated at home--without blaming the parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 I would handle it just the way you have mentioned. My dd9 is on the waitlist to do a 2 week in hospital assessment and then possibly going to a residential type program for 4-6 months where she will do school inthe am and behaviour therapy in the pm but then come home at the end of the day. My oldest kids both know this is in the works. Ds10 underwent the 2 week hospital assessment when he was 5 (spent his 6th b-day in the hospital), so they know what that involves. My little kids I have not discussed it with and will not until the time arises. Navigating mental health issues in kids is such a tricky thing, and figuring out how much to say, how to say it etc certainly does not make it easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ciyates Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 I have no advise but would like to offer prayers for everyone involved if it would not offend anyone. I think your comparison is great. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 No help here, but I just want to offer :grouphug: to you and your family. You are certainly dealing with a very difficult situation and then trying to explain it to your ds so as not to scare him, oh my. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted July 1, 2009 Author Share Posted July 1, 2009 Thank you all for you're advice and support! We just happen to be celebrating my daughter's birthday today, so I'm hoping ds and I will get a chance to talk once the littles go to bed. I am SO not looking forward to this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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