Putting kids in school

[Pip]

For the past few months I have been wrestling with whether it is time to put my kids in school. I am beyond tired listening to the girls complain, fight, pout, you name it. We are far behind in school. I just am worn out. I just ordered HOmeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit to see if it can give me any nuggets of info. I also need to make a decision by Monday because we are involved in starting a co-op and I need to tell the others if we can commit or not.

 

We cannot affort private school. The public schools here are pretty good (doesn't everyone say that?). The two younger ones have lots of friends from swim team who attend the schools they would be going to.

 

I'm just really in the pits right now.

 

Ann

[Pamela H in Texas]

I really don't have much to tell you.

 

Generally, I HATE the idea of putting kids in school when discipline is a big part of the reasoning. Parents can learn to discipline (teach/guide) better so as to enjoy their kids more. Kids would benefit better from that.

 

Being behind is often tied to discipline. But this is where I do draw the line. If you won't follow through to the point your kids are getting short-changed educationally, then there is more of a problem. Schools ARE there to educate children. You can be miserable with your kids if you please but they should be educated.

 

I don't mean to sound harsh. I keep wishing it would come out a little differently. But basically, this is a question of whether or not you will choose to step it up a notch or two. Kids are going to behave as we allow them or encourage them. And though it would be nice, kids won't likely do more/better schoolwork than we require of them either.

 

And I reallly say this despite the fact that they appear to be a little "ahead." But that is one consideration while you are deciding. Is school going to place them well and meet their needs? Or if you just stepped it up, would you do better?

Edited June 4, 2009 by 2J5M9K

[SonshineLearner]

Isn't this a hard time of year, to think of another? I can't say that my daughter is easy...She's not! But, I would have the same, and perhaps worse, if she were in school. She would have to get up early, get to school, be good there, turn in her school work, still do her chores here.

I am checking into a Classical Charter school, that sounds fabulous, but I'm not sure that I'll be able to get her in. One thing that is a relief is that she would be someone else's during the day. Whew...but I still be enforcing all other rules....including all the homeworl. Ugh.

And, part of her problem is not really having siblings to play with...(I mean fight with:-) So, it's just her.... I find that one of the only things that motivates her to finish her work...is having something after that she wants to do...go to the library...etc. This is a bit scary as she needs to be delving deeper and longer into subjects next year. I feel for ya!!!

Carrie....

[phathui5]

What do you need to do to get your homeschooling back on track?

[Pip]

It goes deeper than just discipline, although that is a component. I have been struggling with depression for the last year. It has only been in the last few months that I have been able to feel like my life is back where it should be, I can trust myself, etc. I have 2 dds who are going through puberty. The hormones are about to kill me and I feel myself sliding back to where I was last year, last summer especially and it isn't a pretty place. I an still taking some medication, but it is mainly biodidentical hormone treatment, since they think that was the main cause of the problem. Since they narrowed it down to that and started treating the source and not the symptoms, I feel better. I just need to figure out if overall, it is the best thing, or if it will make things worse if I feel like I failed at homeschooling.

 

Of course, after reading my post here, I think, things overall are getting better. I just need to stay the course and it will work out.

 

I'm just having a bad week. I'm sure I'll be off the pity pot soon.

Edited June 4, 2009 by Pip

[bearnpurple]

Don't we all have pity pots before, during and after the school year?!?! I usually get mine around the holidays when I am SOOOO busy with other things that I am shorting myself time; then after the holidays blues hit.....ugh! This time of year, we finished our main stuff and I am trying something new this year. For summer, ds 12 picked History, dd 7 picked History and dd 4 picked math to work on during the summer. They are going to work on it and whenever they are finished whether it be fall, winter or spring---they are done! They are also doing their math review so that we don't have to spend a couple of weeks at the beginning of the new school year doing it; we can go right into the new stuff! They also agreed to do 2 spelling lessons a month to "work ahead" for the new school year. I figure that way when we get the "blues" and "blow outs"; we can "revamp" the schedule a little for awhile! Don't know if this makes sense but I wanted to try something without making it seem like "school over the summer". They actually work only about 45 minutes a day and still have a summer break! It actually has me excited and I almost have the schedule ready for the 1st nine weeks! Although that could change!

 

Good luck in whatever you choose to do and I hope/pray things work out for you whatever you decide! I will admit I have thought about sending my dc to public school (too far to drive to private school with the gas prices) but then I think of the things they will be "learning" not related to school and I cringe and buck up and keep going!

 

Lots of luck!

[Heather in Savannah]

Sometimes, we just have to do what we have to do. I am finding myself in the same position, however, it is because of dh's job loss. My dd & ds will be going to public highschool in September, however, it is a fine arts school so has a good reputation. I have had to come to terms with the fact, that there is more to our family life than homeschooling....ensuring my dc have an education and the best chance at higher education and scholarships is important, as well as my own well being....and right now that means not homeschooling. So....I would encourage you to do what you feel is best for your family as a whole, and maybe having you in a good emotional place is more important than educating your dc. Please don't feel guilty or like you have failed in any way. I hope you hear my heart, as I have struggled through some of these issues - even some depression myself.

[Pamela H in Texas]

It is reasonable for there to be times of ebbs and flows in our homeschools. Give yourself (and your children) a break regarding that. It sounds like you were just concerned so vented a little here. You'll probably get back on track nicely soon.

[Hedgehogs4]

behind what? whose standard? do you need to bag school for a few days and just rest and focus on playing with your kids, doing whatever they want, or treating them to a special outing where you just kind of hang out and listnen to them? do you need to ask them how they would like to pull this thing together? do you need to have a good cry on a shoulder of a dear friend?

 

is the other option really that much better...? if we keep the back door open a crack, when times are tough and the wind starts blowing, it seems to blow it open wider and we think that must mean it's time to go through the door, rather than close it tight and brace ourselves against the storm.

[Marylou]

:grouphug:

[Doran]

Ann,

 

I'm glad to read that you feel things are getting better for you, but I thought I'd chime in with my thoughts all the same.

 

Little has been said in this thread with which I could disagree, even the messages that are a little tougher on the ego to read. Homeschooling our children offers countless unique and irrefutable advantages. However, having enrolled our two daughters in public school last fall (they were 14 and 11 at the time), I can also say that there are times when choosing to not homeschool is the wisest choice. Only you (perhaps with input from those close to you) can determine when that may be the case for you, if it ever is.

 

I know how hard it was for me to let go of the dream to homeschool my kids all the way through, and how much I felt I would be letting them down - and, let's be honest...letting MYSELF down - by choosing the public school route. In the end, though, it has not been the horrifying experience I envisioned. Yes, there have been times all across the school year when I've wondered whether we made the right choice. I have the idea that, for me, questioning is par for the course. Just like I frequently wondered if I was mucking up my kids lives by thinking I could homeschool them (did I know enough, was I disciplined enough, didn't they need more friends, more experiences, more...just more?), I now wonder if I'm mucking them up by NOT homeschooling them. It's my nature to second guess.

 

For our family, choosing the pubic school route was right at the time, and it remains so now. I realize this kind of commentary may be poorly received on a board like this which is intended to encourage and support homeschooling. I know there are those who feel that some parents give up too easily, deferring to public and private schools because they're not willing to do the hard work of staying home. But, I also believe that it is vital to be realistic about our strengths and weaknesses, our personal needs, and our kids' needs. Few decisions in life are absolutely unchangeable. As we did when we started homeschooling, we now look at public schooling as a year-to-year commitment, and we continue to reevaluate how we're all doing in this situation before we make a decision to continue.

 

I hope you find clarity, and I respect you for digging deep on this topic.

[Pip]

Thank you, Doran. I sometimes get truly afraid about this whole thing. I feel so much better, but depression is a horrible thing to deal with and I just don't want to go there again and put my family through what they went through last year. I truly believe we have a handle on what is going on and I finally have doctors in place I trust, but I worry. Depression goes deeper than take a deep breath and s*ck it up, but you don't know if you haven't been there. For a while I couldn't leave my bedroom without having a panic attack. When my coping mechanism works, which it did for years, it works great. When it is broken, we all suffer horribly. It is "when Mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy" magnified to the nth degree.

 

Anyway, today is better. I have a lot to do but that is good. I am sure my fear that I will fall apart with my dds being hormonal and spring fever and all is more of a contributor than any actual depression returning. My dr. has even said she would be surprised if I went through another bout, although anything is possible.

[Catwoman]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I don't really have much advice for you, Ann, except to say that you have all summer to decide about school, so try to put it out of your mind for now. We're all fried from this school year (except for those of us whose kids are like the ones on the cover of the Sonlight catalog... :glare:) and many of us are feeling like we didn't "measure up," so please don't think you're alone.

 

Commit to the co-op, and if you need to change your mind later, they'll deal with it. It happens all the time in co-ops. I'm not saying you shouldn't care about inconveniencing the co-op, but everyone will survive if you drop out at some point, and I'm sure you'd do it in the nicest possible way.

 

Take some time off and try to relax a little. You're still too close to this current school year to accurately judge what your kids did and didn't learn. If they're not up to speed on a few subjects, it's not really the end of the world, as long as you identify the problem areas and address them. Realistically, if your dc are behind their grade levels, ps is probably a bad idea anyway, unless you spend the summer getting them up to speed.

 

Sorry to hear that you're depressed, and I hope things improve very soon, Ann! :grouphug:

 

Cat

[AuntieM]

I am one of those that can feel the approaching end of our home school journey. It has been a delight, and I will graduate the oldest from homeschool in 2012. But in 2 years the others will go to high school, and my youngest will probably be an "outschooler" for the whole shebang. I am ready to move on to other things in my own life.

 

Over the years, there have been many peaks and valleys. But there was always the sense that hsing was still something I felt the Lord leading me to do, that it was what he wanted for my kids. But, in a way I cannot fully describe, that sense has changed. We have changed locations many times over the years and somehow, we are now in the right place and time for a transition to be looked upon as a *good* thing for all of us, mom and kids all (not to mention dh, who has at times over the years gotten shortchanged by the time and effort hsing drains from his wife!).

 

Go back and look at the reasons you began homeschooling. How do you feel they apply today? Consider how your situation may have changed since the beginning, or maybe it hasn't changed and you just need some recharging? Maybe a redesign of how you do things, and some more outsourcing of classes to reduce your teaching burden?

 

Guess what I'm saying here is that, while agree that there have been *many* times over the last 11 years that I just needed to "pull up my boot straps," things have indeed changed for me. Take some time off, even away from the family for at least a long day, and just consider all the options. Deep down you will know one way or the other.

[LBC]

I'll chime in, since I've come full circle on this one. I put my four children in school two years ago, and brought them all back home after a year (less than a year for the oldest two). I was not struggling with depression, and I know that adds an entirely different element, but I'll share some of my insights.

 

• They were at a private Christian school, but in hindsight public school might have been a better fit. This school has a lot of wealthy families, and some of the kids form very strong cliques as young as kindergarten (IE: girls calling each other to ask what they plan to wear to school the next day - in kindergarten:confused:).
  
• As a homeschooler, I felt like we were behind all the time, since my standard was mostly what I saw on these boards, but all four of my children picked up exactly where they left off in math, after an entire year in school.:glare:
  
• Middle school is a really tough time for young girls to start. My oldest went in at 8th grade, and she had a terrible experience. She experienced a lot of relational aggression from some very mean girls, and even the nice girls seemed hesitant to be around her because they were afraid of the mean girls.
  
• My ds had a really hard time adjusting to making sure he was using his time in school wisely, and writing his homework assignments down. By the time he received his mid-term report he was falling behind. I had to spend hours every night working with him to get caught up. I remember one weekend where we spent 10 hours working on a report that was assigned with only 6 days to complete it and no class time. I was almost in tears!
  
• My other ds was in 5th grade. He did well in school, but he had the most relational teacher in the school. He's the teacher that all the kids refer to as their favorite for years to come.
  
• My youngest dd was in 2nd grade. She would wake up every morning and tell me that she hated school. She had a wonderful teacher, but she just didn't enjoy the way the other girls talked to her.
  
• I found it very difficult to apply my parenting values in the short time that we had between 3:00 and bedtime. Some of the attitudes the kids picked up at school made it harder to want to spend time with them.
  

That said, all of the kids begged to come home a year ago. Now that they are home, I can remind them that if they want to have their education from home, they need to help look after their teacher :). This past year has been really tough, but we've made it through. It really helps me to persevere now that school isn't as much of an option. My oldest will be going half time to public high school next year, but I will continue to avoid middle school.

 

Lots of rambling, but hopefully this will help.

 

Lori

ETA: I've heard from many ps teachers (this is in Canada, so it may be different in the US) that they keep repeating most of the material covered in grades 7 - 9 because the kids are going through so much emotional turmoil that the students only have about one "good" year during those three grades. Even if you plug away slowly at home, you may end up in the same place as the other ps kids by 9th or 10th grade.

Edited June 5, 2009 by LBC

[elizam]

I have some depression issues of my own. My dc certainly aren't perfect. I am dealing with two teens, one of whom was in PS last year, and ever since 7th grade. I truly regret putting him in PS. It was not right for him. I let dh pressure both him and me into it. My dd is 14 and does not want to go to PS. DOes she give me trouble? SOmetimes! I know what you mean about hormones! They include my own! I am 42. I am tired!

 

Let me reiterate: I deeply regret PS. My other dc know this... and do not want to go. They have seen and heard enough from their brother, from me, and from other kids and parents who are in PS.

 

I would steer clear if at all possible, unless you feel really sure it will be better. PS for my son worsened both of our depression. I tried putting my younger one in years ago and he would have been a year behind. he hated it and I pulled him back out the first week. His teacher was really ugly toward her class (supposedly one of the "Best" teachers) and the principal and reading specialist were rude and demeaning toward me, pooh poohing any thoughts of LDs, etc.

 

I hear enough about teachers having s*x with the kids, about violence and s*x and dr*gs amongst the kids, etc. to curl my hair. I do not want my kids in that environment, no matter how fed up I get. So many parents I know whose kids are doing well (straight As, sports stars, etc.) would tell you how great our schools are. But I beg to differ!

 

This is just how *I* feel. Most will probably tell you that you should put your kids back in school. But I won't.

[kellycbr]

Ann,

 

I'm glad to read that you feel things are getting better for you, but I thought I'd chime in with my thoughts all the same.

 

Little has been said in this thread with which I could disagree, even the messages that are a little tougher on the ego to read. Homeschooling our children offers countless unique and irrefutable advantages. However, having enrolled our two daughters in public school last fall (they were 14 and 11 at the time), I can also say that there are times when choosing to not homeschool is the wisest choice. Only you (perhaps with input from those close to you) can determine when that may be the case for you, if it ever is.

 

I know how hard it was for me to let go of the dream to homeschool my kids all the way through, and how much I felt I would be letting them down - and, let's be honest...letting MYSELF down - by choosing the public school route. In the end, though, it has not been the horrifying experience I envisioned. Yes, there have been times all across the school year when I've wondered whether we made the right choice. I have the idea that, for me, questioning is par for the course. Just like I frequently wondered if I was mucking up my kids lives by thinking I could homeschool them (did I know enough, was I disciplined enough, didn't they need more friends, more experiences, more...just more?), I now wonder if I'm mucking them up by NOT homeschooling them. It's my nature to second guess.

 

For our family, choosing the pubic school route was right at the time, and it remains so now. I realize this kind of commentary may be poorly received on a board like this which is intended to encourage and support homeschooling. I know there are those who feel that some parents give up too easily, deferring to public and private schools because they're not willing to do the hard work of staying home. But, I also believe that it is vital to be realistic about our strengths and weaknesses, our personal needs, and our kids' needs. Few decisions in life are absolutely unchangeable. As we did when we started homeschooling, we now look at public schooling as a year-to-year commitment, and we continue to reevaluate how we're all doing in this situation before we make a decision to continue.

 

I hope you find clarity, and I respect you for digging deep on this topic.

 

:iagree:Well said, Doran. You can volunteer at school and take extra time for yourself to get well. Dont' forget, you can always bring them home again.

 

Kelly

[melissel]

I'll chime in, since I've come full circle on this one. I put my four children in school two years ago, and brought them all back home after a year (less than a year for the oldest two). I was not struggling with depression, and I know that adds an entirely different element, but I'll share some of my insights.

 

• They were at a private Christian school, but in hindsight public school might have been a better fit. This school has a lot of wealthy families, and some of the kids form very strong cliques as young as kindergarten (IE: girls calling each other to ask what they plan to wear to school the next day - in kindergarten:confused:).

• As a homeschooler, I felt like we were behind all the time, since my standard was mostly what I saw on these boards, but all four of my children picked up exactly where they left off in math, after an entire year in school.:glare:

• Middle school is a really tough time for young girls to start. My oldest went in at 8th grade, and she had a terrible experience. She experienced a lot of relational aggression from some very mean girls, and even the nice girls seemed hesitant to be around her because they were afraid of the mean girls.

• My ds had a really hard time adjusting to making sure he was using his time in school wisely, and writing his homework assignments down. By the time he received his mid-term report he was falling behind. I had to spend hours every night working with him to get caught up. I remember one weekend where we spent 10 hours working on a report that was assigned with only 6 days to complete it and no class time. I was almost in tears!

• My other ds was in 5th grade. He did well in school, but he had the most relational teacher in the school. He's the teacher that all the kids refer to as their favorite for years to come.

• My youngest dd was in 2nd grade. She would wake up every morning and tell me that she hated school. She had a wonderful teacher, but she just didn't enjoy the way the other girls talked to her.

• I found it very difficult to apply my parenting values in the short time that we had between 3:00 and bedtime. Some of the attitudes the kids picked up at school made it harder to want to spend time with them.

That said, all of the kids begged to come home a year ago. Now that they are home, I can remind them that if they want to have their education from home, they need to help look after their teacher :). This past year has been really tough, but we've made it through. It really helps me to persevere now that school isn't as much of an option. My oldest will be going half time to public high school next year, but I will continue to avoid middle school.

 

Lots of rambling, but hopefully this will help.

 

Lori

ETA: I've heard from many ps teachers (this is in Canada, so it may be different in the US) that they keep repeating most of the material covered in grades 7 - 9 because the kids are going through so much emotional turmoil that the students only have about one "good" year during those three grades. Even if you plug away slowly at home, you may end up in the same place as the other ps kids by 9th or 10th grade.

 

Thanks for this post. I'm struggling with different issues than the OP is, but your points addressed several key issues for me.

 

Ann, I have no advice, because I'm struggling most days too, but I couldn't read and not send :grouphug: