My mom is exactly like this. Her default is negative. Like I said above, my Dad is more positive, but every, little event knocks him right over, and he takes a long while to recover. They DO have mental health disorders, but no one on the street would guess that. They come across as very successful, they are extremely intelligent, my Dad has his doctorate and my mom has 2 master's degrees, etc. It's really rather shocking when I spend time with my mom and realize just how very negative she is. I do think much of it is genetic. I also do not see my parents as making a conscious choice to be this way. They do not consciously choose to speak negativity, that is just their default (well, my mom). My MIL is a very angry person and TRIES to be cheerful and happy, but because of the years she has spent angry you can tell she is just gritting her teeth through it and forcing it out. It's not genuine happiness. It's kindof disturbing, actually. :lol: Having had many children, I can see the very clear and distinct differences in their personalities that leads me to conclude that yes, much of this is ingrained in us- how easily life knocks us over, how quickly we're able to get back up, whether or not we see the positive/negative side of things.

My mom is like this, and my Dad tends to be very gloomy and negative as well. Even the smallest of inconveniences sends them reeling. It's very difficult and stressful to be around, and after 18+ years of being inundated with that kind of personality, it becomes almost habit to react in that way as well. I have no idea if their parents were that way (I suspect so), but you tend to become like the people you spend a lot of time with, and I don't think parents/children are immune from that, esp. when they also share all of their genes. My dad is bipolar, my mom is chronically depressed. I do struggle with depression and tend to be naturally negative, but I also have a great sense of humor and tend to be very sarcastic, which I think helps off-set those negatives. :D I will never, ever be a "Pollyanna" or a "Tigger" type, that's just not how I am, that's not my personality to be all bouncy and shiny and happy. But that doesn't mean I'm miserable, either. Am I happy in my life? Absolutely. Even though we're not rich, we're not successful in the sense of having high-powered jobs or lots of options, we don't have a super-big house or live near family or have great retirement or go on fancy vacations regularly or any of that, I am deeply happy with my life. All of the things you listed make me happy- the pretty fall colors, a yummy-scented candle, my children's laughter, sharing jokes with them, nursing my baby, taking pictures, I get extreme enjoyment and deep happiness from all of that on a daily basis. I appreciate all of it. That doesn't mean I'm a Pollyanna, though. ETA: And honestly, I wouldn't want to BE a Pollyanna; Pollyanna types annoy me. Although I do secretly wish I was more like Giselle in Enchanted. Love her. :laugh:

Yeah, I just roll my eyes when people say they did it for the money. Watch an episode or 2 and you'll get the feeling that JimBob, while being strange in many ways, is very savvy with money. They were doing just fine way before the show came along. He's really smart with investments, saving, etc.

Really? Yet another thread just to bash on Michelle Duggar? The video is old, it's from when she was pregnant with the baby that died. It seems this was started just as a means of being ugly toward the Duggars. As if there isn't enough of that. And I was an only child in my home (my sisters were over 10 years older) and my parents NEVER wanted me in their bed. When I was scared, I was banished to sleep in their closet. I have 7 kids and every, single one has slept in my bed with me for long periods of time, even to the detriment of my own sleep.

We don't live in a high COL area, but we spend around $200/week at Costco, and get 1 or 2 take out meals per week on top of that (pizza, a lunch out for dh and I, etc). With that and trips to the store for milk or produce and dh's daily energy drink we end up spending around $1400/month on food. It's horrible, I know. :( It did encourage me to read this chart: http://www.cnpp.usda.gov/usdafoodcost-home.htm We are feeding 8 people right now (we have 7 kids, but one is exclusively nursing still)

yeah, if only the school year were 6 weeks instead of a year. I can do 6 weeks of staying on top of teaching and schoolwork. lol

Sparks, NV. http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/student-shot-middle-school-article-1.1491586 ETA: I thought this was breaking news, but I guess it's already been a couple of hours, and the shooter is allegedly dead. Still, sad though.

I would find it very rude to do to someone, but I wouldn't be horrified if someone did it to me.

Oh wow!! How exciting!

There were kids meals when my sisters and I were growing up. They're 41 & 42, and I'm 31.

Thank you all for sharing. What beautiful perspectives you ALL have! :grouphug:

:iagree: A little dose of humility and some compassion for others less fortunate is always a good thing, IMO.

Diane, I'm thinking more of things not in one's control- major illnesses, a painful death or a close family member going through the same, etc. I think this cancer issue is really getting me thinking about this, as my MIL is dealing with this and I've known of (not personally, but through friends, etc) many young, healthy people die from cancer just within the past couple of years. Also, I've noticed that a lot of major trauma can be brought on by one's spouse, and that obviously is not within one's control other than trying to choose the best spouse one can. My BIL was a great choice, until he wasn't, many years later when he had a complete breakdown. But I'd agree that a lot of drama people tend to bring on themselves. I wonder what your background would be if you had not been born to hard-working parents in a privileged home with the social opportunities you were afforded? It's easy to say we are super positive and take life by the horns, when much of that is due to our upbringing/support network. I love Stephanie Nielson's story, I followed her blog before she even got into the accident, and her book is one of my favorite books, if not my most favorite. But again, she grew up with a lot of privilege and has a HUGE family and support network around her.

people don't seem to understand what I'm asking. I must not have done a good job explaining myself (not surprising) lol

very thankful to know that!

Yes, that's a great way of putting it. I'm asking more about trauma than hardship.

yes, exactly.

Tom, thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I wouldn't wish cancer on anybody or any creature, not even a tree. Why are you passionate about conventional medicine, if I may ask? It seems that in many (most?) cases, it just weakens people and allows the cancer to grow back in new and different ways, and reduces their quality of life so much.

:hurray: :hurray:

Tom, this was helpful, thank you. I think what's throwing us is this "stage 4" talk. When I hear "stage 4" I think the person is on death's door. Her doctor does say this spot in her armpit is going to cause her pain when it gets near a nerve bundle that it is growing toward. He says she will need to be on pain meds. I'm wondering if they can just go in and cut it out? He also said if vegetables and fruits cured cancer, he would be out on the street. So I'm guessing that veggies and fruits curing cancer is very rare or not reliable, even with all of these recent documentaries out right now?

:grouphug:

I certainly agree, I'm thinking more of people we directly know and events that are too big to be hidden for long. Sure a man can cheat on his wife and have that be hidden, but usually the sh*t hits the fan at some point. That kind of thing. My sister just went through that, she has lived a charmed life until it all came crashing down when her husband cheated. It was many years in coming, but she had her head in the sand. It was a terrible year (just one year, and mostly emotional struggles, never did she have to work for long or be on the streets or anything of the sort), but now she's living in Maui with a millionaire so once again, life is rosy for her.

yes, she is stage 4. She's put her eggs in the naturopathy basket after her bad experiences with chemo and anti-hormone drugs, so she doesn't take what the doctor says super seriously, so I haven't heard many details about what he's said. I'm not sure he's given her any kind of prognosis at all, I have not heard that.

I'm wondering how many people get through life having a relatively "easy" time of it. No major illnesses in their immediate family, no big traumas, things like that. I think of my husband's grandparents, who have had a pretty easy time of it, from what I can tell. He landed in the computer market when it was just starting, worked there for 30 years, left with a great retirement and great stock investments. They bought a house on the waterfront and paid it off quickly, diligently saved for retirement, and now have a great time of it. They are relatively healthy and seem to have had a pretty darn happy life. How many people like this do you know? How many people do you know have died relatively uncomplicated deaths- without too much suffering?

My MIL went in for her scheduled scan and got the results this morning. Her tumors have not spread any further, but the one in her armpit has grown. It's still only 2.6cm though, so that doesn't seem very large to me? These, apparently, are all considered "breast cancer" even though many of the spots are on her bones. She lost the initial bone spots after her last round with chemo, but they grew back on different bones. Those spots have not changed at all in the past 3 months. I guess her biggest "spot" is in the lymph nodes in her armpit. Her tumor markers went from 11 to 50. Her doctor wants her at least to do the anti-hormone pill, if not full-on chemo again. She doesn't want to do any of that. This doesn't seem very aggressive, right? It started in her breast 7 years ago, and just recently popped back up again within the last year. She was cancer free for 5 years. Now she's getting spots on her bones, and they've grown back on different bones, but haven't changed much or grown in the last 3 months. Can anyone point me to info on whether or not this would be considered "aggressive" and what the usual trajectory is for this kind of thing? She's in her mid-50's. This started when she was in her late 40's.