My in laws made Christmas big. My side of the family was pretty low key about it. Now it’s just my dad and aunt on my side that I’d potentially see at Christmas and they are totally fine with, I think actually prefer, no gift exchange. So this year I think we will only shop for kids and I may make some baked goods but my dad isn’t even into sweets. Ds has never been really big into gifts and we wrapped up a bunch of food for him last year 🤣 Snack foods. He loved it. I will probably wrap up a few pieces of clothing, too.

I know the psych from YouTube. He speaks so gently that his “whatever” may not sound as dismissive as the average person. I agree, that at least for me, saying whatever could easily do the opposite of de-escalating a tense conversation.

I went to the dr to evaluate tailbone injury. Sorta a waste. They didn’t see anything from X-ray and said get a donut pillow. I was hoping to avoid another purchase but they said expect it to take a few weeks to heal. Use your pain as a guide for exercise which is what I tried to do but later wasn’t sure I made things worse. So basically they don’t really suggest the bike or HIIT. I don’t know if I wanna do youtube walking tonight. My weight keeps going up and down. So annoying. Yesterday I had several steps but we ate at the Sam’s club snack bar and that meal tanked my day. No more Sam’s club lol

Good points I do think he was being extra critical because of how I handled the original situation — which was him insinuating I take his money and don’t replace it (the few times I borrowed). I said that was a different bank acct and he’d legitimately used up that gift money on stuff he bought. Any other gift money he had from my side of the family was cash and I reminded him I gave him that and he put that in the bank acct dad created him. When I went to the post office a bank statement was there and I handed it to him as proof that the money was still there. I did a terrible job at conveying it (I was uh rude/snarky or such… coming from defensiveness). You know when you’re story telling and you do a false voice to represent the other person? I did that (as in, “you spent all my money” and he said I made fun of his voice… I said I didn’t mean it that way (but later realized it doesn’t matter, it was uncalled for and not a flattering way to repeat what he said). He explained he was genuinely confused (I felt badly) and cannot handle me giving him any tone. I’m mean if I get a tone. So in addition to knowing he’s extra sensitive with tone and volume I’m trying to rethink how I respond in general. It’s natural for me to get a little sassy sometimes when questioned but I should try to drop that, in general. I hate to admit he’s right it doesn’t help anything. I will need to give myself an internal time out before responding. All this to say I can work on things with myself that will benefit us.

Thank you for sharing! It’s the same. I have a twin bed so I started with her in her room then went to mine… but she woke up looking for me so I just let her climb in and we went to sleep. Most nights it’s the path of least resistance. I get cuddles and she falls asleep fairly quickly. For years she’s woken up looking for me, stands by the bathroom or where ever I am and insists she won’t go to sleep alone. A few weeks ago I did a workout after the kids were in bed but then she came looking for me. I was just glad I got my HIIT done.

The app didn’t have a real chat feature that we could find. Just a place to say events or add a note to an event. We don’t call each other very often and mostly communicate through text. I sometimes just don’t respond to texts, which don’t really warrant a response. I dropped the kids off last night and he called asking if ds left his school chrome book here (Why even call me at all when it was in the backpack all along lol), berated me for keeping too many of dd’s uniform polos (I realized this right before I got to his house and offered to go back home and get them but he insisted he had one for Monday) and mentioned a bedtime comment. Apparently she outgrew the one polo there and he wouldn’t outright ask me to bring it that night or offer to come get it — it was 10:30 at night. I finally just drove over there and left them in a bag on the door and told him via text without seeing him. I was so over it. He orders the uniforms and I’m (at the moment) only “allowed” to keep one shirt here. I am allowed to place my own order but they are very $$ and I already sent child support. He said more will arrive soon and I can keep a couple here.

Thanks, ladies I know he’s free to communicate with his father but it’s just hard when it feels like I have no privacy (I was told in therapy not to really share about my life to my ex). He calls his dad and texts him while he’s here but mostly doesn’t look at my texts and never calls me. It hurts but I have mostly accepted this. I also know some things are ridiculous like me firmly telling dd she can’t speak to me a certain way (she tells me I’m stupid and annoying when she’s mad) and enforcing some boundaries and during some interaction I got loud so ds says I abused her and I’m mean. Everything is always blown out of proportion. It’s like being a teacher with an evaluator in the corner of the room… every day. The whole spy concept is because he freely admits certain behavior was influenced by court. But logically why would Xh take me to court in the future… what point would there be in him spying. I don’t know, dad’s clout, ego, attempt to control? Lord it over me I’m a “lesser” parent? I don’t know. I just get self conscious and past patterns have told me it’s not a bad idea to be aware of another shoe dropping. At the end of the day dd and I are always ok. She’s just strong-willed, young etc. Dad asked me to make her sleep alone because he wants her to stop asking to cosleep there. I have to wait for her to fall asleep to keep her in her bed — I know she’s too old for that. But she’s very persistent. I went to my room and she came to me a few hours later. In a way it’s none of his business if we cosleep but also I get that she should sleep in her room. I need my time and space, too. I’ll work on my responses and reactions. That’s all I can do I guess.

We had a fight (which apparently was based on a misunderstanding) and then it escalated into the negative dumping. It's hard to consider any of it a win as I don't know if I want someone coming to my house just to be a spy for Dad and to criticize me. But I know I'm supposed to not say or think such things as the adult.

Lol at the last part.

You’re right. I don’t know if we’ll go back to court one day but it would probably have to be years from now (when dd is old enough to state a preference, if she showed an interest in living with me and ds was in college or done with school). We both can parent how we want which is why it was so irritating he starting getting onto me about letting the kids stay up too late during their stay (if they stayed up late it was Friday night. We had school & church the other mornings so I didn’t want them up real late). All while it was 10:25pm and I could hear dd hadn’t gone to bed yet at his home. I think he was having a tough time. He plans to take a class in the spring. I think he will lose his patience trying to study and do homework with kids around. But that’s his decision. The only problem with that is I struggle with any response that sounds like an omission of guilt. So they can come back and say I agreed. But I do need to learn a way to react better. After the food comment dd piped up that I made her a rice dish she loved.

I thought we were making progress but maybe not. It’s disheartening. Ds says he only comes over to see his sister & to make sure I’m not abusing her. He defends his father to a fault as if he has Stockholm syndrome. Xh spanked ds recently. Ds didn’t tell me, dd did. Ds excused the behavior and didn’t want me to know for legal reasons. Dd said Xh goes back to work after they get out of school. I was confused as Xh’s shift ends when the kids get to the bus stop. So ds is feeding dd dinner and watching her some afternoons. Ds said this is only because they are short staffed and dad needs to provide for the family. If that was me it would be, “mom is never around.” Anything I do will be twisted to horrible but if it’s dad it’s ok. Kids asked for pop tarts and I bought them and ds accused me of feeding dd junk food (technically yes but..) They eat pop tarts all the time at dad’s house. I rarely buy them. Everything feels like crazy making and I don’t tolerate that very well anymore. A few days ago Xh asked me to watch the kids next weekend so he could attend a conference. I said sure. Then he said I would have them Labor Day, too (which I didn’t expect). Then today called me and said he decided to skip the conference and take the kids to TX over the weekend. Nothing makes sense. That’s 7 hours away and I’d assume at least one night in a hotel. Ds said he knew Saturday and I said why didn’t you tell me? He said because it’s none of my business (I explained why it’s my business). It do realize it’s not ds’ job to update me, though. His dad could have easily told me on Sat. Anyway I guess I just felt like I had the rug pulled out from under me in a couple ways by both of them. There’s no winning.

That rings a bell. That was weird/gross

Ha I just tried the under arm product.

I can’t find the right ad. I saw one where they applied it to a peach. I tried lume deodorant once but it smelled like feet and after a few days of feeling like I stunk I gave up. It made me feel worse! lol

Not everyone has a best friend. I don’t use “BFF” but I think it’s American, not regional. I have a close gf, I call her my best friend. But, there was a time where she tagged an older friend of hers as best friend in a social media post and I was crushed. I said oh I guess I’m not her best friend? Then another time she referred to me as best friend. So I guess she has 2. Just another example of how not everyone is on the same page 🙃 There have been many times I didn’t refer to anyone as my best friend. I do realize many people refer to their spouse as best friend. —— Babies - I think “precious” is a pretty safe. word. I saw a baby today and said, “aww” and the mom smiled. I didn’t get a great view of the baby but it was wrapped up in the mom’s arms and looked very young.

I just learned a new sexual preference identification term recently (omnisexual). I can’t keep up. I’m not a boomer.

I comment on stranger’s items sometimes and they usually smile. Like in the drive thru line… “I like your nails” (I never get mine done). I think generally people I encounter appreciate it. to clarify I mean the employee’s nails - not a car in front of me lol. I might comment on hair or clothing but not usually eyes, teeth etc.

I just don’t feel 100% yet. My palm is still sore/tender and I need to buy some vitamin E for it. My tailbone feels bruised but I never saw a bruise so I can’t really assess it. I’m debating going to the dr just to confirm bruising vs fracture. I don’t know. I have injured my tailbone before and I think it was worse last time, at lease initially as I recall using a donut pillow. Just like a peace of mind thing. Though could they really do anything in either case? I think I need to just rest as I could make healing take longer by exercising (walking may be ok but the other stuff might need to wait). This is really frustrating but I’ll just have to do my best with diet. I haven’t eaten bad food just worried that I have to eat less to make a calorie deficit. And if that can’t happen because I’ll be hangry, then I’ll just have to accept a pause in my progress. We have to go to the city for dd’s First Communion class in the morning so I’ll see if I can pick up liquid Vit D then. And if not that, at least some neosporin. I think I have some in the car in a first aid kit, too.

Re: ma’am - I tried to tell some people (like my in-laws and Xh) about the stigma with the word where I came from but instead of understanding or really listening they just dug their feet in the ground that it’s polite/respectful and that’s that. My SIL raised my niece and nephew to use it and I once commented that it loses the intent when it’s said robotically. For me saying something like, “yes, please” was plenty polite. Even just “yes” in the right context. I didn’t need ma’am. I actually hated ma’am but put up with it from the kids because that’s what they were taught. I didn’t expect my own children to ma’am me but Xh started pressing them to “sir” him. On occasion, if my kids were being sassy I might tell them, “yes, ma’am” was the acceptable response. One day the ma’am think was discussed head on in a TV show I was watching and I was like, “see?!” to Xh. Lol he did believe me but his dad was also military so maybe that’s why the sir business was so ingrained? I couldn’t relate because my dad was in the military for a little while and none of us ever did the sir thing toward him. He’s just Dad. He never wanted us to call him sir.

I don’t think that is meant to be read as a punishment at all. Just them saying you had the skills they lack. Still don’t like comments like that. I also never like comments where people insinuate that any mother that stays at home and/or homeschools is privileged. I mean maybe in some situations or ways but maybe their family just sacrifices a lot to afford to do it? I just hate the assumption these moms aren’t struggling or that they don’t miss working outside the home. We homeschooled because our school district sucked and we couldn’t afford to move.

My xh has a weird variation of the guess what question. It's something morbid like, "wanna hear something terrible?" before he tells a weird/unfortunate story. I suppose most of the time I did sorta want to hear the rest just because it maybe pertained to someone we knew. Not in the "I want to hear bad things" kind of way but in the, "oh man, that's terrible but I wanted to know." Hangry totally applies to me. I think I'm hypoglycemic so it really fits.

I'm not vegetarian but I sometimes eat non meat things. Pasta salad, spaghetti, vegetable lasagna (I haven't in a long time because it's hit and miss with me and the cheese), vegetarian refried beans for burritos, yogurt/fruit/nuts, green salad with things like chick peas, black beans, tortilla or wonton strips, cucumber, carrot (I don't know which veggies your dd will eat), pancakes/french toast/eggs, pb & j. There are really many things. A common breakfast for me is toast with butter and apple sauce or oatmeal and fruit.

😞

It's been 9 years since I've had a mailbox. First home wouldn't let us mount one on our street because it didn't land on the side of the vehicle that the USPS delivery guy used (stupid). Mounting the mailbox where they proposed would have left it more susceptible to issues or make the address not match (we lived on a corner). Last home I lived in they didn't deliver mail on my side of the railroad tracks. Yeah, I lived "on the wrong side of the tracks" lol. Now my new home actually has a mailbox but I went to the post office to mail a letter to my former landlord certified.

Thankfully it hasn't happened in a long time but I know that I'm not as fast as some people in the restroom and then to have someone draw attention to it by saying, "I thought you fell in" when you return to the table UGH. Gift can be used as a verb. I personally wouldn't use it in that sentence probably, but it doesn't seem wrong. I do hear "sale" used incorrectly. Here pretty much anyone can be called ma'am and once in a while it still throws me off. My lawyer called me ma'am and we're like about the same age??? LOL