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Hannah

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Posts posted by Hannah

    What does forgiving someone mean, to you?

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Hannah

    I agree with previous posters who have said forgiveness is not reconciliation.  Forgiveness for me is personal, letting go of resentment and anger at someone. 

    You cannot demand a reconciliation. The only thing that wrongdoer can do is to offer an honest and genuine apology.  The wrongdoer needs to take full responsibility for their actions and, with empathy, acknowledge how they hurt the other person without trying to explain or defend themselves.   

    True remorse and regret need to be demonstrated through actions and the wrongdoer also needs to respect that the relationship may be forever changed.

    We also deal with mental illness in our family.  My stance is always that the illness may explain hurtful behaviour, but it is never an excuse.  The wrongdoer has moral agency.  I can forgive them for hurting me, but unless they ‘own’ their actions and demonstrate that they want to change and will work at healing themselves and the relationship, we will not move forward. 

    So yes, I think there can be forgiveness without trust and also without full reconciliation.

    • Like 13

    User directory - for fun

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    username: Hannah

    pronounced: with a South African accent

    origin: my name, although most people know me by a nickname

    likes: quality time with family and friends, reading, genealogy; travel, good coffee, good chocolate, our house and garden in summer.

    dislikes: corruption; insincerity; arrogant incompetence, our house in winter - its not built for this season and a fridge right now.

    frequents threads: I lurk way more than posting, but have been a regular since 2000.

    • Like 7

    Update last post: Help me think through this work situation

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Hannah

    It sounds like job offer company really understand and value their staff. That's priceless. Just knowing that management has your back takes off so much stress. 

    If they're happy for you to work part-time, that sounds ideal.

    Eta: I commuted 75 minutes one way for years. Left home at 4:45am to miss the heaviest traffic going into the city and was then able to leave work earlier om most days. It really depends on the route and how dense traffic is as to how stressful the commute is. I enjoyed listening to podcasts and audiobooks and actually enjoyed the me-time in the car.

    • Like 3

    Cat relieving herself indoors - desperate for advice

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    We have a fourteen-year old cat that we inherited from my mother-in-law 5 years ago.  She started off using a litter box and then we taught her to relieve herself in the garden.  She is a large cat, but squeezes herself through the cat-flap.

    Winter temperatures at night are sub-zero and she started to relieve herself (both urinating and defecating) behind the couch in the living room - thankfully on tiles.  During the day she went outside, but now she does this during the day as well.  Day temperatures are between 15 and 25 degrees Celcius (59-77 F). We have put down a litter-box, but she does not use it at all.  She does her business right next to it!  

    How can we fix this?

    Your relationships with your siblings

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    On 5/11/2022 at 8:12 PM, mominco said:

    My Middle sister(widowed with 2 adult kids) passed away 3 weeks ago after a brief illness which was very unexpected. I was the last person she spoke to and we had a wonderful conversation. We used to talk everyday. 

    I am sorry for your loss @mominco.  You must be missing her dearly.

    • Like 1

    Your relationships with your siblings

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Hannah

    I have two sisters, a step-sister and 2 step- brothers.  My Mom died when we were teenagers (and preteen) and their father died when they were too.  I was 18 and had already left home as had my older step-sister when our parents got married, but the other four lived together.  Our ages slot in between each other. 

    We now live on 3 different continents (used to be four). My sisters and I talk and whatsapp a few times per week and always have. Since the start of Covid we all do family Zoom on a Sunday afternoon. Even while out walking the dog or at a the kid's sporting events, etc. we'll quickly say hello. It means a lot to my parents who are in their eighties to see the kids and grandkids, so we keep it up.

    We visit each other when savings allow. Pre Covid it averaged out to every 18-24 months to see each of them, but we were last all together about 15 years ago. 

    I was "mother" to my sisters after my Mom died and they still confide in me and ask for advise. My middle sister more so than the younger.

    Dh is an only child and his parents have passed away.

    Eta:  Younger sister who lived at home the longest is closest to my step-brothers. I never lived with them, so have always felt more like friends than having a family bond. Both are genuinely nice guys and they have lovely wives. Step-sister is a widow. She's always been more distant

    I dislike one BIL, but can tolerate him when I do see him. He hasn't affected my relationship with my sister.

    Lighting an office/Full spectrum lighting/home office ideas needed

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    41 minutes ago, Bambam said:

    I would not put the monitors in front of the window. I would put them facing the side of the house with the windows to your right so you have that light coming from that direction and aren't blocking it.  

     

    We've just returned to the office full time, but at home mine face the window as I wasn't able to arrange the layout of the room any other way. The curtains were drawn most of the time to allow better visibility of the monitors.

    I'd leave the window open if you can.

    A reading light in addition to other lighting is useful.

    • Like 1

    Beautiful places you have been

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    5 minutes ago, wintermom said:

    If we're talking gorgeous waterfalls, I was stunned by the beauty of Gullfoss, Iceland. I'd return to Iceland in a heartbeat. What a cool place to experience, with the sulfur-smelling natually heated showers and hot tubs!

    Gullfoss Waterfall UNESCO Sites | GetYourGuide

    Wow!!

    Iceland is on my bucket list.

    • Like 2

    Beautiful places you have been

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    1 hour ago, Farrar said:

    Hmm...

    Victoria Falls is totally worth the trip. It's incredible.

    The top of Table Mountain in Capetown is just breathtaking.

    I love that you're listing those!  I grew upon Cape Town.  Southern Africa has so many beautiful places 

    Namibia - to sit on a sand dune outside of Swakopmund and see the endless sand of the desert on the one side and endless ocean on the other.

    Zimbabwe for the majestic Victoria Falls.

    Malawi for the beauty of snorkeling in Lake Malawi - I don't know how it has developed and whether it is still as pristine as when I visited on a student trip 30 years ago.

    South Africa  - the beaches of the Garden Route (along the ocean from Cape Town to Mossel Bay) and forests in the Knysna area.   There are nature reserves to hike where you might not see other people for hours on end.   https://www.planetware.com/western-cape/garden-route-saf-wc-gr.htm

    - the Kruger National Park and surrounding wildlife reserves for the bushveld (and of course safari) experience and the beautiful scenery of Mpumalanga. https://www.tripadvisor.co.za/Attractions-g312628-Activities-Mpumalanga.html

    - the Drakensberg in KwaZulu Natal. https://www.sa-venues.com/destinations/kwazulunatal/drakensberg/attractions/

    The old cities in Europe - Edinburgh and Prague are my favourites.

    • Like 3

    My stepdad let my 13 yo drive with 2 siblings in the back

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    9 minutes ago, Laura Corin said:

    And talking of cultural difference: you can't start driving on the road until you are 17 in the UK, unless you have been officially assessed as mobility-disabled, when you can start at 16. 

    You need to be accompanied while driving by a driver over 21 until you pass theory and practical tests.  Before you pass the tests, you cannot go on motorways (freeways) unless you are with a driving instructor in a car with dual controls.

    In South Africa you can get a 'learner's license' upon passing a theory exam and then start driving on the road (of any type) accompanied by a licensed driver.  You can only do your practical test to become a licensed driver at age 18.

    • Like 1
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