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Hannah

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Posts posted by Hannah

    What did your kids think about being homeschooled after being done?

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Hannah

    11 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

    I reckon the ultimate in parenting is when your kids have different hang ups to you. 

    Very well put Rosie!

    My girls understand and appreciate that we really did do the best that we could under the circumstances, with the skills and knowledge that we had at the time.  If I knew then what I know now I'd do things differently, but we can't beat ourselves up about that.   

    I hope that our whole family learned from our experiences and efforts - in my case I needed to actively work on acquiring an emotional vocabulary and literacy.  My girls are way more self-aware and have more confidence than I had at their ages and have more coping skills and tools.   I hope that some generational trauma and hang-ups have been resolved and I'd be really sad if they have the same ones I do!

     

     

     

    • Like 4

    What would you do?

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    6 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

     When they accept that the end is near, they often rally, eat well, converse, and genuinely seem to be doing better. It's very common for family members to be overjoyed at the improvement, and take a break from their loved one, only to have the loved one pass away mere hours later. 

    My mom passed away in hospital shortly after we all went home and I felt very guilty that we weren't there by her side when she went.  The ICU nurse told me that she saw it very often that the patient died just after the family left and she believed that the patient did have a small measure of control about when they were going to let go - and often chose to do it when they were completely alone.

    • Like 6

    What would you do?

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    2 hours ago, TexasProud said:

    He is totally content with my being his only friend, and I feel somewhat disloyal that he isn't enough for me. 

    People's personalities and relationship needs differ. Maybe he's an introvert and you're an extrovert? Or he just wants one friend. That's OK.

    But you don't have to expect from yourself to have the same need.

    Ester Perel is a Belgium couples counselor working in New York. She often says that modern marriage has evolved such we now expect everything from one person what a village used to offer. 

    Your husband can't be the whole village for you and I don't think there's any need to feel guilty about that.

    • Like 4

    What would you do?

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    19 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

    What I mean is you post very often here about the ways you are failing this life long class called "humaning."
    This thread is just the latest iteration of that. The bolded, why do you feel that way all the time? Why not just say "Hang it, I'm doing my best here" and let the guilt go? Why not work on putting your boundaries where they ought to be? If there are any "shoulds" they are about doing *your* duty, not taking responsibility for stuff that is on the outside of your boundary fences. Taking responsibility for stuff that isn't possible then feeling guilty is trying to transcend your own humanity. You have limits because humans have limits. Make peace with that!

    As for feeling grief, that seems a constant in your life. Perhaps you are misdiagnosing grief for guilt.
    As for feeling love for other human beings, it's 600% normal not to *feel* love for the people you are in constant contact with. You know you love them, you act like you love them, but familiarity kind of expands and takes up all the room. 

    For a further question upthread, "just being with loved ones" means exactly that. That you and loved ones are in the same place. Maybe interacting, maybe just being there parallel playing. I remember my grandmother enjoyed napping to war movies much more when we were visiting than she did when we weren't. If she was awake, she enjoyed that her grandkids were humanning near her, even when she was too deaf to follow any conversation.

    There is no room to feel positive things if you are self flagellating.

    So very true. Well said Rosie!

    19 hours ago, Jaybee said:

    Rosie needs "like" buttons. 

    She absolutely does!

    • Like 2
    • Thanks 1

    Organizing Family Photos

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    Just now, TexasProud said:

    I guess I don't want my kids to have to go through all this crap.  I want it to be as easy for them as possible.

    With our family's sense of humour, I'd leave a note in the beginning of each album with a "2001 trip to xxx - To be tossed out without a moment's hesitation or any guilt when I'm gone!"

    • Like 2

    Funerals…..does anyone else hate them?

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    On 9/11/2022 at 7:11 PM, Corraleno said:

    In my extended family, a celebration of life is held in a private venue rather than a church and is not religious. 

    That is my understanding as well.  A funeral is in a church and a celebration of life is non-religious.

    I was recently at a funeral where the minister did not actually know the deceased as the one who did know here had passed.  He took the opportunity to preach fire and brimstone and said nothing about her life as a wonderful teacher.  None of her colleagues, friends or students were called to say anything either.  It was a truly horrible experience.

     

    • Sad 1

    Organizing Family Photos

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    My paternal grandmother was meticulous in dating and labelling her photographs and in some cases even a small description of the event.  I'm a keen genealogist and it has been amazing to have all of this history available.  My cousin spent a lot of time scanning everything and has shared it with the rest of the family.  

    I have a similar box to yours of my maternal grandmother's pictures and that is proving to be a lot more challenging because I also don't know who everyone is, or even where it was taken.  I've scanned those that I can figure out and was able to ask my uncle about (Mom passed away years ago). 

    I have kept a shoe box of 'bad' scenery pictures for potential craft projects, although I really don't know yet what kind of project I could use them in or whether that will ever materialize.

    For your own scenery I would absolutely keep only the very best and have it on one page of an album - with dates and locations so your kids and grandkids know what they're looking at!  Throw the rest away.

     

    • Like 1

    What are your goals for your kids, as far as college?

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    10 hours ago, Corraleno said:

    what kind of life style he really wants, and what aspects are most important to him, and then work backwards to figure out the best path to get him there, rather than just accepting the values and goals of his peers (most of which have simply been handed down from parents rather than being consciously thought through and freely chosen) and then just following the path that everyone else claims is the "best" or most desirable or most prestigious, without stopping to think whether the place it goes is really where he wants to end up. 

    We have had very similar discussions.  Because medical school is so prestigious and its where the "best" kids go, it means that there are kids going the medicine route only because they have stellar marks and it shows how accomplished they are, not because they really want to be doctors.  Some of the universities now do required a certain amount of job-shadowing to counter this.

    • Like 1

    What are your goals for your kids, as far as college?

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    20 hours ago, Laura Corin said:

    We were keen that the kids had good academic results. Sports etc. are rarely important for university entrance in the UK, so they just pursued whatever they fancied.  Only in more vocational fields like medicine do extracurricular experiences matter.

    Our goal too was to prepare the girls so that they could enter public university if they wanted.

    Here too good academic results in the national school leaving (or equivalent) exams are the primary requirement, including for the 11 medical schools in the country. Medical school starts straight after high-school and is a six year degree which includes practical training from the 2nd year onwards. It is the most competitive degree with more than 36 000 application for 1 800 1st year positions annually.

    My kids have competed at national level in their sport, but it does not make any difference in university selection in their chosen fields.

    There are 26 public universities of which 11 are 'traditionally academic' meaning they only offer degree courses, no vocational diplomas. Population 60 million. 

    I have no idea how this would compare to a state flagship, but in most of the worldwide university ranking reports the top 5 are in the top 500 wordwide and the remainder in the top 1000.

     

     

    • Like 3

    If you're willing to identify your denominational or religious affiliation or lack of one...

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    I was raised in the Dutch Reformed Church.  I don't know what the US equivalent would be.  Traditionally Calvinistic, rather conservative.  Although I went to a government (public) school it was very much influenced by the church and apartheid politics of the era.

    I gave up on God and the church after my mother died when I was 18.  I was very much questioning at the time and in retrospect I think that the catalyst to walk away was this huge disappointment that God had let my sisters and me down so badly.  I couldn't trust him anymore.  What was the point of worshipping this deity that was letting the bad stuff happen anyway.  I might as well just try my best to be a decent person and not expect there to be any big plan or anything in return.  

    If I have to label myself now it would be secular humanist.

    • Like 3
    • Thanks 1

    Please help my daughter brainstorm for her assignment - developmental program for 10yo's

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    7 minutes ago, AmandaVT said:

    One psychosocial game we do in our school is a neat one that the kids really get into. Everyone stands in a big circle and the facilitator starts calling out descriptions. 

    Thank you Amanda! I just mentioned this to Dd and it is the perfect opening activity.  She was thinking of a similar one called 'A big wind blows' which is a version of musical chairs, but this is a lot more intentional.

    • Like 1

    Please help my daughter brainstorm for her assignment - developmental program for 10yo's

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    Please help my daughter brainstorm a one-day developmental program for a dozen 10yo's.

    It needs to include at least 2x psychosocial development activities (she was thinking to include one as an introductory ice-breaker during circle time), 2x cognitive activities, 2x physical activities.  The assumption is that the children do not know each other.  Social distancing needs to be maintained.  It is assumed that a hall will be available, but no other resources other than what the activity leader provides herself, so needs to be budget friendly.

    She has found many suggestions for camp activities and classroom activities, but is struggling to decide what would be appropriate.  This is a small portion of a larger assignment, but she seems to be overwhelmed by the choice.

    Moving WWYD

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Hannah

    Another very strong vote to stay in your ideal location. Kids getting to their friends, activities and church on their own is huge! We live 20min out of town. A drop-off to an activity is at least a 40min round-trip. Friends can be further.  You're just home and then need to do it again.  My youngest has just got her driver's license (18 here) and the extra time I've gained is amazing!)

    • Like 1
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