Again, loved the thought and the examples. I guess I should note that I am not shy about actually saying to Dd, "you failed at blah blah" or maybe even as far as "you epically failed at blah blah." I am also not shy about saying "I failed at blah, blah". We have an ungoing joke of sorts in the family that failing with style can be liberating. Dd does a lot of auditions, some win, some lose. Sometimes it has nothing to do with how well she did, she was just not the right height, hair or whatever. Sometimes she did go off pitch or blow a line. It is important to us that she learn the difference and take the opportunities each provides.

Nan, Bravo! More books please. An aside: I wake Dd up each day with the same phrase ("Good Morning -------! Insert complement, not saying to protect her privacy). She is usually already up in the sense of awake, but I say it anyway. It reminds me that I have one more day with her before she has children of her own, a demanding life.... It reminds her that at least one person thinks she is pretty special every single day. It started the first time I held her and it never stopped, except one day when I happened to walk by her door and forget. She came to me that day and asked if she had done anything wrong. I was stumped, then she said that I had not woken her up right. It was a great chance to let her know nothing she could do would change that sentiment expressed every morning and that if ever I couldn't be there it would be nice if she said it to herself. I was given a precious and wonderful gift. A life to nurture and share. I will let her fail when in love it will strengthen her. I will not have a stoic rule that says every failure must be allowed. I may fail at times to know which is which, but it wont be for lack of trying. If in my own adult life every failing was also the risk of being abandoned, I would not have the strength or courage to do all the great things I have done and experienced. I like what Nan said about counselors. They don't often get to see the worried well of heart and mind. Usually that job falls to family and friends. It is simply far too general to say "let them fail". At some point as a parent you have to trust yourself-challenge, question, reflect, think but trust.

Note I said DH (husband, double digits age....). But he would agree with you hardily that teenaged 40 somethings need lots of sleep and he stays up too late.

I wouldn't want someone reading to think that homeschool communities are magical clique free zones or nirvanas of unconditional acceptance. We have seen some rather rigid and homogenous homeschool school groups along the way. Some of the same traits that make someone willing to try homeschooling and deviate from the norm can manifest in some really unyielding structures that are different shades of the same color that "schools" often get painted with. There are great school communities and great homeschool communities that can work to help a parent concerned about social issues. Sometimes it takes some trial and error to find what will work. The situation for Dd in school became a crisis and intervention was needed. We expended a great deal of time and resources in testing, evaluation... These do help to add information to weigh and consider. It helped us to have data. If nothing else it motivated us to try learn more. My regret is that I did not intervene sooner and allowed myself to go against my gut and stick with what wasn't working longer than we wish we would have. Some pain could have been avoided. It is not a straight line from bad to better. We were fortunate that Dd's issues were something that were a response, not a condition. (They were mal-adaptive responses) She had been a thriving, outgoing, caring kid- she entered a span of crisis-we had real reason to believe that there was a her that was not the her the crisis yielded-we could build on that base, we just had to detox a lot of garbage to do so. It wasn't about changing who she innately was, it was/is about learning to know what that is and live comfortably with it.

Sorry, hit button and cut off...continuing... 2. #1 allowed for more organic/hollistic and instantaneous feedback 3. We were incredibly blessed to find a vibrant, active homeschool community-it took devoting time, building adult relationships and sometimes making a choices on whether in the long run time really would be better spent on something academic or social-in other words setting priorities and acting on them 4. The schedule control and flexibility of homeschool helped with number 3 5. We explored interests, encouraged taking chances on trying new things, learned to laugh when something didn't fit or go well and celebrate when it did 6. We were really lucky to have her Grandma around a bit to do what Grandma's can do so well--love unconditionally and we tapped that deliberately and set aside time for it-doesn't everyone flourish when they have that someone who finds joy in every quirk and sees only opportunities? 7. Dd needed the freedom to be "smart" without recrimination and have multi-age relationships---when you can vividly describe the way it must feel for a leaf to fall-become one with the earth and be return to a state of being as one amongst a team on a tree fostering life at age 8, it is pretty good to have diverse ages and perspectives around you to appreciate that and make it ok to express while at the same time having others to play Polly Pocket, run, jump and play. It helps to learn you need not be all that you are at all times in all settings. Homeschool gave that opportunity. Generally in all settings: 1. Yes, I ran interference. She had suffered enough bruises (literally and figuratively) and I made sure she knew she didn't have to. If someone was not accepting, I encouraged her to understand and reminded her the world is a big place and we may not mesh with all folks. I walked away from people who were unkind and she and I together worked on when to bend and when not to yield 2. We tried lots of activities - we sorted things as either *stuff I have a shot at being good at or *stuff with a lot of hard work I could be competent or *stuff I may not do well, am not inspired by and it is ok to walk away from 3. We read a lot of great books and talked about them. We talked (still do) about just how neat people are generally and how much fun it is to experience differences 4. We found areas she could shine and relished them, nurtured them 5. We really did allow failure, a lot can be learned from it. 6. We gave her permission to be a selective consumer - she must be courteous to everyone, but she doesn't have to like everyone and this helped her understand that not everyone had to like her 7. Very huge was really focusing on learning to be a great listener - treating listening like an adventure and a great gift 8. We do not dwell on can't, we challenge can. We experiment. 9. Success breads success. The more she had the chance to see that she was fine, she was fine. She struggled to accept recognition at first-but as she was given permission to be proud of accomplishments that improved. Being outstanding in anyway can provoke some negative feedback, learning that you can't let that deter you or force you to hide was a biggie 10. We stressed she didn't need to be average, typical or always conventional. She needed to learn to read situations and adapt appropriately, but she did not have to be like everyone else to be liked by everyone else 11. Frankly, just growing older and others her age doing so as well helped. Teens are a bit more appreciative of difference and uniqueness than 3rd to middle school girls.

A few things about homeschooling in particular helped us help her (Just homeschooling is not a panacea): 1. We did not have to rely on self reporting-3rd parties we could observe in the moment

A few things about homeschooling in particular helped us help her (Just homeschooling is not a panacea): 1. We did not have to rely on self reporting-3rd parties we could observe in the moment

Whether he stays in school going forward or you decide to homeschool, you recognize something needs to be done. I would have to ask myself if I had seen "improvement" over the time he has been in school already? If not, then simply being around others and observing their interactions is not teaching him. Some kids really miss social cues that help them to regulate and modify their behavior to fit. They could be surrounded with examples, but not see the picture. They just don't see a cause and effect to their behavior and the response it generates compared. They don't see or learn from the observable experiences of others. If he is missing these social cues, he will need guidance. If he recognizes them but chooses to ignore them, he will need guidance. If something a child is doing/not doing is causing dysfunction for them and doesn't feel right to Mom, it deserves to be looked into a bit. How much feedback and support are the adults in the school providing? Do you think it is something that if you created opportunities for ample interaction with children (park days, classes...) and really helped him learn in each of these interactions you could do more, less or about the same as what he is experiencing now to guide him? Homeschool is about all sorts of learning and most homeschool parents I know are aware of a need to provide opportunities for social learning and interaction. Dd had been on a roller coaster in school socially and when we brought her home to learn, social learning was a big part of it. She is now a teen and has a huge circle of friends and very active social life. She had always been outgoing, compassionate, friendly and generally cheerful. In school she learned some bad adaptations (hiding how bright she was to avoid being teased,then trying on masks of sorts to fit in). At home we could adjust, adapt and nurture opportunites. It wasn't long before being around a wide age range of other kids she came to be comfortable in her own skin. She is thriving and I will confess I still get the best feeling when some random person notes how great she is in groups and working with others and how many really great friends she has. She wasn't alone at school, but she was lonely. She is not lonely anymore and hasn't been in a long time. It will be what you make of it in a sense. You have to recognize the need and provide for it. That may be best done in school or it may be best done at home.

TY for posting the link to the article. The comments which follow it are ... at a loss for words.

My DH would be toast! Without either the dog or me, he would sleep till noon with the beeps blaring in the background.

I can so relate. I recently had to dig through the recycling in the cold because DH had assumed the rather bleh looking booklet on the floor by my desk was an oversight on my part when gathering my weekly deposit to his recycling frenzy. (It was in fact the test bank for the Am. Gov't book I was considering). Good luck in your search.

My first thought...and there goes the claim by tech companies, politicians and educators that STEM must be pushed. The message of this is that the problem may not be a lack of STEM qualified workers, but that those 4 schools are not graduating enough students with their school's name on the diplomas. Thus to solve the lack of "qualified workers" problem these four schools must up the numbers they accept and later graduate? This story is not likely to inspire a young STEM potential filled student. The message of work hard, study STEM but it will only matter if you later graduate from one of 4 schools makes the entire effort less appealing. Insert the teen shoulder shrug and eye roll. But wait, why does a tech company need to pay a commission to a headhunter if they can afford to be so picky? With so many applicants for each opening it seems the tech company could manage to cull out the ones not from the 4 schools or just put out feelers to all grads of the four schools. My second thought, It is really a shame your DH's friend is paying for a Ivy business school when the position he would be so well suited for would be is closed to him. The job market can be competitive, but there are only so many who graduate from the Ivies each year. If an employer is so stuck on only hiring from those ranks, they will surely be content while other companies (including their competitors) broaden their range of talent search a bit and go on about doing business. As a stockholder, I like the competitive advantage of the latter employers better. As a consumer I prefer them as well because they may have people on hand to answer the phones and not have to have a message that says "Press 2 two to wait while our headhunter finds someone from x school and only x school to fill a vacant position and everyone else works to cover the vacant position's tasks." All of the above is to say that it is silly for a company to allow a headhunter to bypass a perfect fit prospective employee because the name of their diploma isn't the "right" one....just silly. It happened, but it is silly.

"Social Studies provides coordinated, systematic study drawing upon such disciplines as anthropology, archaeology, economics, geography, history, law, philosophy, political science, psychology, religion, belief systems, and sociology, as well as appropriate content from the humanities, mathematics, and natural sciences." The quoted would have sufficed.

What I like about this is that it opens doors and demonstrates that college is not a four year sentence to be served in order to get your papers. I have to admit that if my Dd came to me with "Mom I want to go to X because they have LOTR campus wide birthday parties", my reaction would have a healthy dose of :001_rolleyes: and :bored:. But, if that feature were a bonus accompanying a solid preparation in something she can build upon, I would be more comfortable writing the checks.

:hurray: :hurray: :hurray:

I worry I might come off in previous posts as sounding anti-"elite", which is not what I intend. If a particular school has the program to further a students goals, go for it. I do have concerns about what I see so many teens doing to try to gain entry into an elite school. When teens can't spend the summer with their grandparents because they would forego a must have exemplary experience to compete with their cohorts, no one is made better for it in the end. And yes, those kids may have more options even if they ultimately find they didn't make the cut for their elite choices. Schools have rankings reasons to scoop up the leftovers who logged the elite path life and missed. Dd is active in the performing arts and it is an arena where the groundwork in middle school makes a difference. But, when I see a kid want to try something out of their "area" discouraged from doing so because they aren't on task to show that one area of intense interest so many of the schools say they want instead of the jack of many trades, I am less sold on the game. Unfortunately, I see it a great deal. Humans are more dimensional than that approach suggests. Someone may be an incredible piano player and be an amazing chef and or/chemist, but cut off from discovering one or the other in order to demonstrate that all important focus. For us, despite the oft proffered advice, Dd's excursions into other areas have opened amazing doors I could never have foreseen which ironically looped back to more opportunities in the performing arts. Serendipity!

Maybe it is the bubble we reside in, but we are surrounding by poster children for the elite college application candidate as suggested by the books cited in above posts. Just about every strip center has tutoring facilities (the best ones with waiting lists), the competition for the coveted spots in the recognized magnets, charters and privates is brutal and extracurricular offerings can't hire fast enough or squeeze more hours out of the day. The accomplishments kids sport on applications and resumes for tryouts, leadership positions and so forth are overwhelming. 8th graders and 9th graders with resumes is itself something that makes me feel the need to be pinched.) I joked for a while that I should write I book titled "Weekdays at Starbucks with Tiger Moms: How To Be Tigger Amongst the Roar". Bouncy, Bouncy...fun, fun, fun! Don't be in the wrong spot when the hellicopters land, they show no mercy. My reaction when I read some of the books mentioned was to think...this is what everyone is doing, where is the news? The networking for those who attend the schools to which you refer is really what is at the heart of it all and it is effective. But...there is a change underway. The movers and makers are increasingly international and the doors to the corridors of the elite are less and less likely to be closed behind the last one to enter. The revised and updated versions of the admissions guides is going to have to include a recognition of globalization. They will also have to discuss budgeting and planning for the longer haul as undergraduate cache is declining rapidly. Today's touted game plan is quickly becoming a cliche. What will replace it?

This is a beautiful and generous gift you have given to the homeschool community, thank you! The candor and honesty is unvarnished and I appreciate your respect for your children's personhood. Enjoy your sabatical.

A few thoughts... -Her interest in being a young business woman could stand to be encouraged just as much as the art. Garage sale, lemonade stand .... she can also do the advertising graphics and thus incorporate both interests -Let her design the family holiday cards. We receive a card or two each year which features a child's art and enjoy receiving them. I have even laminated a couple and use them as bookmarks. -Dd loves to draw (especially with Charcoals and Graphite) and is often recognize for her portrait sketches. I concur with those who suggested keeping quality tools and products around. One in particular that Dd has appreciated over the years is side bound art journals that fit in a handbag and host quality paper. I also picked up how to books over the years and left them here and there around the house. -Be prepared for interesting moments. When Dd was about 8, we found every bar of soap in the house carved into various human and animal figures.....

I might have issues if I saw people licking each others fingers in public...yeah that would just be gross----even with Fresh Hot Krispy Kreme.

:rant: In a world where people have fears over whether they will be able to feed their children because they lost their job, people still die under civil strife and dictators and so forth.....I just can't muster sympathy for any offense taken by the use of the word "kiddo". I don't want to muster it. The idea is silly and wasteful of the immense capacity we have as humans to think. There are real people, with real problems who I can't find enough time in life to help. This woman can stand in line one place ahead of anyone who is also so easily offended and in search for issues to be offended, while blind to things that matter. Maybe when every other conceviable problem in the world is solved it will be worth one more moment spent on her search for something to fret about, thus file it in the circular file and flush. Next! :rant:

Eating a Fresh Hot Krispy Kreme regular glazed donut without finger licking seems wrong in a philosophical way. It just does!

Not sure how it is these days but Sesame Place can be a fun day for the family to laugh and spend time.

I wonder if maybe letting DH just try to carry on with the math but otherwise spend time doing some things he might enjoy with the 5th grader may be a way to go. I wonder about a month with Mom away and occupied with things that kids can sense might be challenging. It might be a good time for having Dad just be there. Maybe watching some movies with a US History theme, have DH take him to pick up a Scrambled States Game or watch all the old episodes of "How the States Got Their Shapes" and chat about what they see. DH may be even busier with you away and it might be nice for them to have some structure with the math but some relaxation and a path of their own with something else? Just another thought.

When Dd was little I did let her play with the tiles on a table to match words. Nothing formal, she just liked to build words she saw that looked interesting and then would occassionally build words on the word. The teens will still occassionally break out a set and play.