I don’t think most people paying 30% or more of their income for housing are putting much if anything towards savings or retirement.

Where I think things are heading here is distinguishing between owner occupied short term rentals and non-owner occupied ones. If you live in the home and want to rent out a room or basement apartment or backyard apartment or whatever, fine. Obviously it’s better for the housing shortage if you do so to long term renters and not short term ones, but it looks the government here is going to leave these alone. They are looking much more closely, however, at any homes used only for short term rentals, so basically as a business. Various proposals are being floated from restricting their number and location to taxing them like businesses rather than residences and several things in between.

That is so much to be dealing with, you will be in my thoughts. I hope things calm down and get back to normal very soon for you and your family.

I hope you don’t think I’m implying your grandparents need to move just because it worked out well for my mom, they should certainly stay in their home as long as the like. I will say that my mom saves on a lot more than homeowner’s insurance and property taxes by not owing a home though. All utilities are included in her apartment rent, she has no maintenance or repair costs, and she doesn’t have to find and pay someone to do yard work and shovel snow. Plus, there are numerous free and low cost social activities right at the complex, friends with cars to drive her places live right there, and it’s one block from the major medical center where she gets all of her care. So no traveling over snowy rural roads when she has appointments or wants to go places. Probably the biggest benefit for her has been a drastic increase in the amount of exercise she gets. She routinely gets 10,000 steps per day with her walker now because she can walk indoors over the whole complex compared to worrying about and actually falling while walking outdoors on badly maintained sidewalks in all kinds of weather. My mom primarily lives on SS and a small amount of savings. I keep mentioning this because while it might not be true in all parts of the country, there are affordable, nice retirement places out there. And actually, her place is 55+. Her best friend only stopped working two years ago, long after she moved into the complex. And one of the 90+ year old residents still owns and runs a business in town. I’m sure there are others who still work also.

I don’t think people are ignorant of the emotions involved with downsizing and selling a family home. I’ve been through it with both my mom and my MIL and although not directly involved, I certainly discussed it with my husband’s grandma. I’m sure I’m not unique in having experience with this scenario.

I’ve already described the very nice, affordable aging in place senior community where my moved into a senior apartment. Virtually every single person moving there sold a home before doing so. A few of her other friends moved in with children or had children move in with them. A couple of her friends who used to live out in the country bought very small homes or condos, some in communities specifically designed for seniors, in nearby small cities when they sold their properties. These are not upscale, fancy resort type retirement homes, but solid, simple homes where residents don’t have to worry about yard work, snow removal, snowy country roads, etc., but are still independent and have room to live and host family and friends. Many small towns in the Midwest have small one story senior/disabled apartment complexes built by the government with affordable rents. My husband’s grandparents first bought a house in town after they sold their farm. Later, after her husband died and she got tired of trying to find people to mow and shovel snow, his grandma moved into one of these apartments. It was quite nice and she liked the size of it and not having to worry about keeping on top of yard work and snow shoveling. She could just enjoy her small garden area. My mom sad there’s always a long waiting list for these apartments in my hometown. It had two bedrooms and we always stayed over with her when we went to visit. And there was a shared community center she reserved when the whole family came for a holiday meal or other special gathering.

I think this must be location dependent. In my current neighborhood, my hometown, and the location where my son just moved, homes being sold by older people are very sought after, both ones in excellent shape and those needing work. Most people in my hometown commute to work, but they consider the rural lifestyle and smaller schools an acceptable trade off. When people in my small hometown heard my mom was getting ready to sell, she constantly had young people approaching her and expressing interest.

Many coastal homes here do not have ocean views and the majority are smaller homes, not the huge ocean view homes you see in movies. All the coastal towns here are relatively small. While it’s unlikely that low income people could afford to buy them, there was a time not that long ago when the majority of homes in coastal communities here were owned by year round residents, and not used as short term rentals or vacation homes. The explosion in short term rentals is what finally brought the housing situation to crisis proportions. And it’s not just that those who live there year round and want to buy can’t find anything or anything affordable, it’s that rents are also very high due to the shortage of housing. I remember driving through a lake from town in MN last year and being so impressed that there were mobile home parks and apartments (both basic and upscale looking) with lake views in addition to lots of single family homes of various sizes. Granted, this was a very large lake, which likely made it easier to end up with a wide range of properties having lake views.

I can see where there are definitely places where people in lots of professions would not be able to live and work but would like to own a second home. The problem, at least in my state, is there are not enough affordable homes in these types of areas for the people who do work there and live there year round because people buying second homes and short term rentals have both caused prices to increase and led to a shortage of homes for sale. The vast majority of popular second home/short term rental spots in my state are also places where regular people live and work year round. None of the friends or neighbors I know in my state who own second homes do so in remote places where regular people don’t live and work year round.

Do these areas have no schools? Do no working people live there year round?

I think this is going to vary widely by location. I think few if any second homes in my state would fit the above.

I’d be interested in the percentage that fit this description. Both second homes and short term rentals are huge issues in all of the coastal towns in my state and people live and work there year round. I don’t think there is a single part of my state without a housing shortage where local people who live and work there (even if the work is only seasonal) would not benefit if more homes were available for purchase for those who live year round. Of course that goes back to the catch 22 of touristy areas relying on visitors and those visitors needing a place to stay.

I brought it up earlier when I listed many of the contributing factors to the housing shortage.

I can definitely see this. My mom was lucky in that she had one grandchild who wanted all of the fancy dishes and extra kitchen stuff, another who wanted most of the furniture, and me who wanted many of the handmade linens and blankets. But she still has two on-site storage units, although one is free with her rent. Even though we aren’t even retired yet, I keep reminding my husband that we need to be getting rid of more than we acquire. It’s easy for me because I don’t like most stuff and find having it around stressful, but harder for him.

I guess so, but unless one paid the $150k in cash, they paid way more over the years than $150k for the house, not to mention all of the upkeep, improvements, etc. I can’t even fathom trying to keep up with a 3,000 sq ft house while elderly in terms of cleaning, utilities, insurance, repairs, yard work, maintenance, etc. Then again, I’m a minimalist and think a tiny house sounds great, so I don’t think I’m the average US consumer in any way at all. And I see many of my elderly neighbors struggling to keep up with their homes, except for those who can easily afford to pay for absolutely everything to be done. Even then, they have to constantly deal with finding people, and it takes lots of time that could be spent doing far more enjoyable things. Seeing where my mom lives compared to their struggles makes her kind of place very, very appealing to me. Even my husband, who loves his shop, garage, and studio, was very taken by her place. And I absolutely love the economic diversity there. I would never want to live in any sort of exclusive or high end retirement place with only upper middle class and above people.

But if you’re downsizing, wouldn’t the sale of your larger home pay for the smaller home, no mortgage involved? I don’t think most people take on a mortgage when they downsize.

I think the housing shortage is multifaceted, so multiple solutions will be needed to solve it. Under building since the Great Recession, people living longer, explosion in short term rentals and second homes, more companies and investors, especially from other countries, buying up housing as an investment, builders incentivized to build larger homes, etc. etc. And where I live, add very restrictive land use laws. In terms of places to live in retirement, I think it depends where you live and what you are looking for. My mom lives in a one bedroom independent senior apartment in a very nice aging in place complex in the Midwest. She basically lives on her SS and a small amount of savings. Although her house had long been paid off, her current rent includes all utilities, so her expenses are quite low and she doesn’t have to worry about keeping a house or yard, paying property taxes and homeowners insurance, etc. She also doesn’t drive anymore so that is another expense gone. At her place the apartments range from studios to three bedrooms with sun rooms and if they desire, people can pay to upgrade flooring and appliances. So there really is a very wide range of people, income wise, living at her place. While I don’t think my husband would ever agree to it, I find the kind of place she lives highly appealing for when I’m older and retired.

T

Do you have a source for the response time info? I’m surprised to hear it based on lived experience. While certainly many in Iowa live rurally, it is very evenly populated and not like rural areas in some other states which can be very sparsely populated.

I’m not sure being homosexual is a problem/issue/unique challenge unless one also considers being heterosexual as such.

But surely you, your children, and your friends are not mundane? They are the very essence of a life well lived. When our family was going through a huge transformation almost twenty years ago, we agreed as a family that we would not wish the time away until things had settled down and my spouse had completed his career transition, but rather that we would live intentionally for the here and now. Because life is what happens while you are waiting for … a significant other, to finish school, to find a new career/job, etc. Early in our marriage when we were living in poverty while going to grad school, we kept wishing away the time, by saying, when we finish school then we will … And we purposefully wanted to stop doing it. As a now young adult, my son has told us it was a very valuable life lesson for him because he saw that we did it and what a difference it made to our family during the five years of transition.

I don’t think that others can’t relate, it’s just that many people have experienced in both their own lives and those close to them, that it’s usually when one isn’t actively looking that they meet the right person. It was true for me and my husband, my son and his spouse, and countless others I know. One of my closest friends in college so desperately wanted to find her guy and get married ASAP that she kept getting hurt and disappointed over and over. When she finally decided to take a break after graduation and focus on her career, that’s when she met her now husband. My husband and I were both absolutely, completely not looking at all for a variety of reasons when we started dating, the same for my son and his spouse. It’s a pattern I’ve seen repeat over and over among family and friends. You’ve done so many amazing things over the last few years and I really hope you will find a guy to share your live with. But if you can step back and keep focusing on yourself and your kids and your friends, I truly think it is more likely to happen.

Sports are definitely a hook at the Ivies. Per capita, they have far more student athletes than most colleges, so lots of admission slots that need to be filled with athletes. The Ivy League was a sports league from the beginning. Another possibility, although a whole other level of intensity, is the military academies. They also have a disproportionally large number of student athlete slots to fill.

They don’t necessarily need their own supplies though. Many people are like us and prefer to hire an independent cleaner and provide the supplies. I think almost all of my neighbors who use cleaners are similar. When we were shopping for a new vacuum cleaner, the salesperson said she is always surprised by people being ok with a vacuum being used in their house and many others. One need I see locally is transport for seniors. I know several elderly people who would love to have a young adult they could call and pay for transportation to appointments and shopping. While they know about things like Uber, they’d rather have the same person consistently.