Are people even reading the article? It’s not contrasting active parenting with free range parenting. Parents can be actively involved in their children’s lives without being hyper vigilant and micromanaging. They can be actively parenting and still allow plenty of opportunities for risk taking, mistakes, failures, independence, etc.

I think we are saying the same thing. The ability to easily communicate with others is the one overall positive aspect of technology and the internet age. Of course it’s not a substitute for in person community. At least where I live, volunteering is a place to get free community across ages and many of the arts organizations offer free or reduced price access to space, materials, and community. Also, we have lots of wonderful parks that are great gathering places for people of all ages. When we were at one near downtown and the river this summer, I turned to my husband and said, “It’s become like a big backyard for the city.” They keep adding new features and more and more people are gathering there. That night there were bike riders and walker, exercise classes, young adults playing volleyball, people taking prom pictures, families and couples picnicking, lots of dog walkers and runners, people setting up for an outdoor movie night, lots of music playing, carousel rides, boat rides, etc. Those at the park represented a very diverse cross section of our community.

I’d say the biggest issue here is a school awards ceremony for first graders!?! That’s crazy and very inappropriate. We didn’t even get letter grades until fourth grade and there were no awards ceremonies until middle school.

My community and neighborhood must be very different than yours because here teens are welcome and encouraged to use public transportation on their own and go the YMCA and teen drop in center, teen center at the library, numerous volunteer opportunities on their own, etc. These are all centrally located and all of the outlying lower income neighborhoods have Boy’s and Girl’s Clubs which are specifically designed for children to visit alone. I was just volunteering at a week long holiday event and numerous teens were there volunteering on their own and I even met a few young adults who were reminiscing about their times volunteering as a teen at the same event. Many of the elementary aged kids in my neighborhood walk together to school and we know every child of every age by name in our neighborhood. I do see and hear about the reduction in recess and I honestly think there should be laws against it. I’m so sick of our public schools regularly going against what research shows is best for children.

I don’t think what you were doing was the type of hyper vigilance discussed in the article. It sounds more like you were doing exactly what is research recommended for adopted children from difficult backgrounds. I also don’t think the article is advocating for the kind of neglectful parenting you experienced, but rather nurturing involved parents who foster independence, risk taking, and maturity in their children. I don’t think the article is advocating for hands off parenting, as some seem to imply when referencing their own childhoods. Asking about school, attending events, showing interest in what they are learning, etc. is completely fine. Children don’t need to be left to flounder with no help or guidance in order to become independent. Parents can still be very involved and nurturing without micromanaging and hyper vigilance.

Our small family owned yard care company is taking off three weeks for the holidays. I’m guessing they might be spending it in Mexico, as that is very common here for those who grew up there. I think it’s great they are able to do well enough during the year to take off three weeks unpaid except for any holiday tips they might receive.

I still have wonderful memories of our roofing party as a child, even our little beagle got up on the roof with us, although our roof was not nearly as steep as @Meriwether’s roof.

It’s ludicrous that any company only recruits from Harvard. Having attended any Ivy League school for grad school, they are seriously overrated. But if you really want the connections they can bring without going to grad school, I guess you have to play the game. Personally, I don’t think it’s worth it. But then again I’ve never been interested in a jet setting, competitive lifestyle. It holds zero appeal for me. Comfortably upper middle class after coming from the lower middle class seems pretty darn good to me and my husband. That said, I did find the article quite interesting but not surprising. Many of the elite LACs have a similar demographic, very wealthy and those who are Pell eligible without a whole lot in between. Our son would have been one of those in the middle paying full freight and while we would have paid for it had he chosen that direction, I have to admit to feeling resentful that all of the sacrifices we made to get multiple advanced degrees, the many years of living in poverty, and working while homeschooling resulted in us becoming upper middle class literally right when he was applying to colleges, so we qualified for no financial aid anywhere. I’m regularly amazed at the lifestyle some people live while qualifying for lots of financial aid, although I suppose having multiple children used to also help with that.

I’ve seen parents stop their preschooler from eating the “adult food” while they prepare kid’s food for them. And then they wonder why their kids are picky eaters!

TMI

Hugs to you, it’s completely understandable to feel sad.

Except for the ability to easily communicate with people, I think the tech age is a net negative for all of us, not just children born now.

TMI As neither my parents, my husband’s parents, nor my sister did this, I will say I struggle to understand the intense involvement of many parents nowadays in their children’s schoolwork and grades. I am not talking about kids with ADHD or otherwise neurodiverse or those with learning problems like dyslexia. But your average parent of your average child who is regularly checking online grade and hw portals, talking about their kid’s grades, reminding children of assignments and exams, etc. How will the child ever take ownership of school if the parent is more invested than they are? Absolutely I think the parent should be helping with hw when the child asks, modeling good organization and study skills, attending events, showing interest, etc. I’m not suggesting not being an involved, connected parent. But what I’m talking about goes way beyond this. The one semester my son was in middle school I never even made an account for the online grading system. He knew school was his responsibility and we were there for help or assistance with anything he needed. We did talk to him and show him organization/reminder systems that worked for our jobs/lives, but ultimately let him choose what worked best for him. In my generation, school was seen as the child’s job and responsibility. So many parents I see now are micromanaging their child’s lives to a degree that there is little chance for taking responsibility, maturity, and independence.

Reciprocation is definitely a thing where I live and not just for parties or dinners, but even visiting from out of town and staying overnight. I will say we do have friends who we invite over for dinner (just them) and they only ever invite us to group parties, but that’s still reciprocation. Even our quite elderly neighbors will insist we come over for tea and cookies if they’ve been over to our house for dinner or tea or we’ve brought them some treats or done other favors for them. It might take a few months to find a time that works for everyone, but it eventually happens. If we visit out of state friends and stay with them for a few days, we make sure they know they are welcome anytime to come and stay with us and almost always they eventually take us up in the offer. My brother once told me that their best friends had never invited him and his wife over, despite being to their house literally hundreds of times. They finally straight out asked them about it and from then on they did get occasional invitations. It was still lopsided, but no longer 100 to zero.

I think we’re going to do something simple, a large warm skillet chocolate chip or chocolate chocolate chip cookie in the cast iron skillet with vanilla bean ice cream and a choice of hot chocolate or caramel sauce.

I think it will take a pretty major recession for housing prices to come down much. With inflation, it now costs much more in both parts and labor to build a new home. And when interest rates start coming down, house price will likely increase again, as competition among buyers will resume in many parts of the country. If one can afford a house now it might actually be a very good time to buy, depending on location. Then one can refinance when interest rates are lower. That said, if someone needs a $100k gift to be able to qualify to buy as a first time homeowner, I would be concerned about whether or not they are really ready to buy. There are so many more expenses when you own vs rent.

It makes me very sad to read your description of your dd#3. While in general I love and admire my mom very much, one of the few things I strongly disagree with her about is when talking about my very difficult sister she always brings up how much she is like both her difficult mom and her difficult MIL (both now deceased). I thinks this serves absolutely no purpose and if it really is true, then in some sense, her and my dad are to blame because it’s a combo of nature (and they knew they had difficult people in their family before having children) or nurture that likely makes her the way she is. At least my mom seems to have sympathy and concern for my sister. I’m sorry, but I just don’t sense any love in your description of your daughter and that must be heart wrenching for her to know her mom feels that way about her.

My son did non work study jobs, either research or being a TA in his major and a very lucrative outside job (very part time during the school year and part-time during the summers when he did research during the week) that could have paid for his college had he not had a full tuition scholarship. He didn’t qualify for financial aid anywhere, but was offered work study at one of the elite LACS, but not at the university he actually attended. There was no way he could have worked 20 hours per week during the school year with his very demanding class schedule. But he worked 6-7 days per week during the summer by choice and also worked quite a bit during the holiday break. We are currently helping out a local college student and she works 20 hours per week in the dining hall which I personally feel is way too much given her demanding major. She’s made very few friends and is only involved in one activity, but she gets credit for it, so it’s almost more like a class. I feel like it’s really negatively impacting her college experience at a small LAC. And for the most part, she doesn’t need the money to attend. One thing that seems new since I went to college is some of the work study jobs being out in the community, this came up at more than one of our campus tours. For her work study, my niece tutored at a local private high school for all four years. She could walk to it so didn’t need a car. She also did other non work study jobs like being an RA, student academic advisor, etc.

British actress Nicola Walker. I thought she was quite well cast for Last Tango in Halifax and loved the show, but she seems to play every character in every show almost exactly the same. She completed ruined “The Split” for me. Every other main character was wonderfully cast and she was definitely not. She was completely unbelievable as a posh divorce lawyer and seemed to be playing her character the same way as when she was a poor sheep farmer in Last Tango.

Wow! If he’s leaving it right at your door, I’d tip at least $50. That’s amazing service in this day and age. I did that over 45 years ago when I had a route. We no longer get a physical paper, but when we did, no one ever walked it up to our door. They just threw it and it landed wherever and usually made a loud thunk. And trying to get replacements for missed papers was always a pain.

Since you got monthly flower delivery for MIL, you could look at monthly fruit delivery for FIL. Harry and David is one company that does it. Everyone who we give pears to from there loves them. And they will replace any item that isn’t as good as it should be.

Nope, gift giving and receiving are not my love languages so I try to keep it to a minimum. If anything was needed last minute for a gift exchange, I would grab some handmade art from my husband’s stash. I do buy gift bags on sale or at inexpensive places because they can be pricey, so I like to have them on hand. I always have a stash of nice blank cards (usually to support a cause or artist) because I do frequently send a card and note for all sorts of reasons.

Make sweet potato chips in the oven and use the leftover tzatziki for a dipping sauce.