Always! Ok, not the first 3 years of our eldest child's life...but since then when I realized that we were either driving or else I was stuck in the kitchen cooking for a million people and missing out my baby opening her gifts. Since that realization we have gotten together with the extended family before or after the holidays but not the week/day of. Instead....we eat what we want (this year Thanksgiving will be Tempura and homemade sushi/sashimi etc)....do what we want (relax, play on computers, watch movies, whatever we want to do). And at Christmas we will have enough time to actually enjoy the slow opening of presents one at a time.....and then spend the rest of the day enjoying our gifts. Not sure what dinner for Christmas this year will be....last year we BBQ'd steak, had baked potato, salad, sauteed onions and mushrooms and something else I can't remember now, lol. New Years Eve day we make a bunch of yummy appetizer/finger food type things to eat for dinner....unbalanced junk actually, lol.....and then around midnight we make chocolate fondue with Sparkling Cider.

I agree, I wouldn't freak out over one incident, especially since he was obviously bothered by his own behavior. I would watch closely however for other signs of anger/agression that are not usual for him. It could very well be hormones....or it could be environmental/food based. I would also enlist the teacher's help, since he said it surprised him as well....the teacher may be able to notice other signs and relate them to you. Also might just be a personality conflict between these two normally good boys. In addition to being open to continue to discuss it and being sure he knew that discussing it was perfectly fine, I'd also use any spur of the moment incidents to discuss choices in either getting angry or letting it go. "Did that character in the movie react appropriately to the situation....how else could he have reacted?" Ok, that's rather stiff sounding, but it's still early, lol....and hopefully you get the drift. I actually use movies, news articles and things we see out and about quite often to ask them if they thought this or that was right....and I ask them about the ones I think WERE actually right too, so their little brains lock onto the GOOD behavior and not just the bad.

Once he registers for unemployment, they will send him a letter telling him that he is eligible and how much he should receive. Take that to DES to show the change in his income level. For the child support issue.....have him file a motion with the court to have it reduced since his income has been reduced. These documents can be obtained from the courthouse and filled out by him without an attorney. There is probably a filing fee, but ask the court if they have an income waiver where you simply show documentation (again the letter from Unemployment) that says your income is below their required level and the fees may be waived. Then, take documentation of his income (same letter), your expenses (gather up bills showing minimum payments, etc). Since you already have a court order they already know that he's married and has other children so unless you've added to your family since hte last hearing, no need for proof of dependents. While it's possible that his ex will hire an attorney to fight it.....he can represent himself and this is really one of the easier hearings to represent yourself. Child support is really about numbers. If he's awarded unemployment then their possible argument that he quit just to avoid child support is moot.....and then the only other argument is that he should be able to find another job quickly. His rebuttal to that is that the economy says differently....and he'll want to bring along a list of everyone that he applies for jobs or even looks into jobs. Just to show he is trying, after all your family isn't going to survive on unemployment! Also take along the fact that he's getting DES. Again, showing that he's not got the money to pay support, or at least not that amount. Now...the downside to going to court to change support is that if a change is granted, the court will likely schedule a follow up in 6 months or something, and if by then he's making more money, there is the chance that the support will be raised based on the new income. So...if by chance he sends his support and never sees the ex or the child, you may want to weigh whether it's worth asking for a decrease if that would then mean ex would know that he changed jobs. In other words...once he has a better paying job he's not obligated to tell her so she can request an increase, it's up to her to know to request it....and of course asking for a decrease puts that under the radar. Good luck!:grouphug:

You could also have a prearranged signal to let DH know that you're awake. Before you leave make up one of those door hangers similiar to a Do Not Disturb sign at a hotel. You can make them out of paper or Michael/Joanns type craft stores sell foam ones ready to decorate. When you awake and are ready for them to come inside, you put the hanger on the door. Part of DH's walk can be to come past the room every once in a while to see if you're awake. Or..after the first morning DH is likely to find a good place to go with DS to keep him occupied and happy until you wake up after the initial stroll around the deck. Each cruise has a kids room so let him tell you where he's going to be and you can wake, get dressed and go meet them before heading to breakfast. Gives Dad and DS more time to play...and DS less time to be underfoot while you're getting ready in those tiny rooms, lol.

Your children are old enough to understand that times are rough right now....and to remember when they weren't so tough. I would suggest having a family meeting to discuss whether they'd like to do without some groceries to pay for a few small gifts....or if perhaps this year could be one about the LOVE of the season rather than the material side of the season. There are MANY wonderful loving gifts that you can give your children (and that they can give you) that cost nothing or next to nothing, but that will properly represent this season of giving and love. A heartfelt letter to each member of the family telling them how proud you are of them, and of all the accomplishments you have seen in them over the last year. My mother wrote one of these to each of us every year from the time I was 9 until she died when I was 21. I still have each one of these letters, even though the first was nearly 40 years ago. She used beautiful paper and envelopes and they were stuck in the tree and always the very last thing handed out. The paper/envelopes were different for each of us kids....I later learned that she was on the watch for paper throughout the year. I have followed this tradition with my own children from their first Christmas. And for my husband since our first Christmas together as a married couple. He picked up the tradition a few years later writing to me. IOU notes have been popular at our house for many years. Each of us give a booklet of handmade IOU notes....they usually are one for each month, though some ambitious children have done more, lol. Bake your favorite treat, do the dishes on your night, back rubs, car washes, make Mom and Dad a date night dinner (where the kids eat elsewhere and are quiet all evening long so we have quiet time together), do your chores for a day, etc etc. etc. Last year my daughter gave the family a "movie of the month"....she picks up a movie from the library each month, makes us dinner, then when we move into the living room for the movie, she brings popcorn, drinks and a sweet something she'd made. We look forward to it each month and I'm hoping for it against this Christmas so it continues through 2011. A photo collage is something I do every year for each of my children. This one isn't completely free since you have to buy a frame, but sometimes Goodwill has them, or Walmart sells them for about $10. You can also do them in a plain frame, just stacking the photos right up against each other rather than having a fancy frame to separate the photos...you get more photos that way and of course non-fancy frames are easier to find at a cheap price. Ok, you get the idea....make the gifts from the heart instead of from the store and you pack more into each gift than all the money in the world could buy.

I've had my Breadman for probably 12+ years with no problems. Still makes a great loaf of bread several times a week. I did learn probably a decade or more ago about either weighing your flour or at least spooning instead of scooping and that definitely makes a difference in the quality of the loaf. But, it also makes a difference in ANY baking you do. I don't know about the newer model Breadmans....I've seen discussions like this before where lots of people badmouth the Breadman and it befuddles me, since mine has been so wonderful. So maybe see if you can find an older model at a great price. And keep in mind that places like Grain Mill and King Arthur SELL the Zo...so of course they are going to consider it the better brand....and it's forum is going to be full of their customers. If possible, try to buy your bread machine locally....then you can at least take it back or get advice if it doesn't do everything you expect. I wouldn't mind some of the new features (especially the one about an artisan loaf setting, lol), but the prices are outrageous now for either the Breadman or the Zo. I think I paid around $50 for mine all those years ago and thought I was breaking the budget, lol.

Any chance you'd be willing to share your chocolate bread and apple bread recipes?

Yes, most foods can be cooked slowly in the oven....in my case, however, the purpose for using a crockpot is that I don't want to heat up the oven. Living in Arizona where summer temps routinely hover at 110 degrees for months and go even higher for days at a time, even heating the oven to 250 degrees is too much, lol. The crockpot cooks at about the same temp but does not heat the surrounding area, whereas my oven will heat up the entire kitchen....not something I want to do at all let alone all day long. The other advantage is that with the slow cooker/crockpot you can leave it running all day without needing to be home. There was a recent thread about whether you'd leave your oven on while you were gone....while the poll makes it look like there was a slight lead in the "yes" category....in reading through the responses, many of the yes seemed to caveat with "while I picked up the kids" or "while I ran a few errands". Very few seemed to indicate that they'd leave the oven going all day without someone being home....so the advantage of the slow cooker is not only not generating heat but the ability to safely leave it running all day long. And many of my days are 6 to 8 hours away from home for various field trips or co-ops. I didn't respond to that thread, but no way would I leave my oven going for 8 hours when I'm not home, even with the timer to shut it off at a specific time. If you're really worried about the lead content of your crockpot, have it tested.

I didn't post that link to alarm anyone....OP asked where to find information on the discussion, and that is probably the most thorough link that I've seen. All that said....I still have my Rival crockpot and use it probably 3 to 5 times a week during the summer (when it's 110+ degree outside even the crockpot can seem like too much heat, we don't even remember we have an oven, lol). In the fall/winter/spring I use it usually once or twice a week, just because we have lots of favorite recipes and it's so convenient when we're going to be out all day enjoying the nice weather! We've done this for decades, literally. I had crockpots before I was even married because after a 12-14 hour day I would come home starving and didn't want to cook. So...all those years of eating allegedly lead laden foods you'd think that I would be glowing or something.....but nope. I've been tested for lead for other medical concerns and it's never come back positive. Never. My eldest daughter was also tested for lead about 3 years ago, again for other medical concerns....and she too came up negative. DH and the other kids have never been tested, but I doubt they'd be positive if daughter and I are not. Now...obviously, your mileage may vary, but if you've been using your slow cooker/crockpot for a few years and not had any adverse affects, I don't think I'd toss it in the trash just yet. You can ask your doctor to run a test for lead if you want to be sure. Do I think they contain lead and might be dangerous....yeah, maybe, but as with so many other things in life you simply have to weigh the concerns. If two tests came back negative, then IF, big IF, any lead is being ingested it's at an incredibly low rate to be undetectable after all these years. Of course, I should add the caveat that I still drink out of the plastic cups that we've had for years that probably contain the dreaded BPA....though I have stopped microwaving any plastic, lol. We microwave on glass plates....but heaven knows what they have lurking in them that could do something mutant to you. Best bet...don't eat, drink, breathe or touch anything. Guaranteed that you won't die from anything you consume....of course not breathing is hazardous to your health too. You choose.

Here's an informative article: http://insightfulnana.com/home-garden/housekeeping-home-garden/lead-poisoning-and-crock-pots

Could he be asking you to stay home with him because whatever bad choice he made 6 months ago, he's not as convinced as you are that he'll be able to behave? It would also depend on whether his asking you to stay home with him is normal or not. My kids practically push me out the door when I say I'm going to leave them for a few minutes to go run an errand or pick up DH or something. So if one of them asked me to stay home, I'd listen hard. I realize it's 4am Sunday here, so depending on where you live you may have already made your decision, but just wanted to voice my wonder if he's worried about temptation being too high for him to repeat the same mistakes.

"Well, thankfully it works for our family". 'nuf said.

Ok, I voted for the umbilical cord....:lol: But.....seriously, my reasoning is that if you and your children get along with the grandparents then I'm all for spending as much as as possible with them. Of course, school work takes priority, but then I'd go for whatever time you have available to fill it with the grands. Now if I misunderstood and you or the kids feel like their visits are an obligation instead of a joy, then I change my vote to "as little as required to fulfill the obligation". One of the major benefits to my family's homeschooling (which when I started I had no clue we even needed, lol) is the relationships we have with friends and family. When I first started homeschooling I thought it was all about the academics.....that's one of the reasons I chose Classical because I wanted the best academics that I could offer and was willing to dedicate whatever time that required (which almost derailed us that first year!). Slowly I came to realize that my children's love of learning and their relationships with those around them was at least as important as what they were learning or how. When your parents come visit (or you go visit them) do you all just sit around and talk, or do they take an active role in their grandkids lives? If they are willing/able to interact in an educational way with the kids, then I'd encourage you to do so. Mom teaching every subject is fine....but others who love and support the kids doing some of the teaching or even just those "the kids don't realize they're learning" moments are very important as well. If the concern your husband has is that all this time with the grands means time away from learning......bring the best of both worlds together. Set up a block of time each week on your schedule for the grands to come over and do science, or math or whatever they feel comfortable. If crafts are more grandmas thing, let her teach them knitting, quilting, crocheting, whatever she does. No, it's not necessarily on your list of "must learn before graduation", but consider it an extra curriculuar. Or maybe your parents would prefer not to do the academics....then let them take the kids to the zoo, museum, science center, or whereever else your town offers. Field trips can be an awesome way to incorporate family/friends who think they can't teach the kids....it's amazing to watch the "I don't teach" aunt as she explains things at the zoo or museum....ummm, hate to tell ya sis, but that's teaching. If your husband discomfort is because he doesn't want to be around his inlaws, then try your best to accomodate that by timing the schedule so that they are long gone before he gets home. His sad relationship with his family has likely made it difficult or uncomfortable for him to forge a relationship with his inlaws, and the kids' time with them is not the time to force him to work through it. In fact, there's a good chance that the kids telling Dad all about the great things they did with the grands each week will work to thaw his feelings for them. Nothing like seeing your kid beaming to make you love the persona responsible!

Yes, exactly. And any military member can tell you how vital it is that those cargo planes get to them. And what happens when they don't! The pilots, crew, ground crew, etc may not be in immediate danger doing their job, but without them, the troops can be in grave danger simply because they don't have the supplies they need (think ammo...or as my husband says, 2nd most important is the mail from home). God Bless your brothers!

As the wife, daughter, granddaughter, greatgranddaughter and sister of military personnel, I can tell you that it does NOT bother our family. He IS in Afghanistan, he IS putting his life in danger (and on hold at home). No, he's not military but nothing you posted says he said that he is pretending to be military. Now, if he comes home and starts accepting some of the perks that many companies offer returning military, I would not be happy if he hasn't disclosed his employment vs. his military service. (edited to add...some of these companies do recognize contractors for perks as well.) But, most of the contractors over there are in a SUPPORT position to the military. They are doing the work that either directly supports the military or takes the responsibility off the military, leaving them better able to do their primary job. That means that our troops are safer because they are not spread too thin. And make no mistake...contractors are in just as much danger as the troops. In some ways they are in more danger, because most contractors aren't authorized to carry weapons, and those that are don't have the firepower the military does.....so that puts them in danger without the same defense as our military. No, they're not on the front line pushing forward, but to the eyes of the enemy, they're not natives and therefore they're targets. Contractors are constantly at very high risk for kidnapping, which sadly more often turns into death than rescue/release. Yes, many contractors are in it solely for the money, and that's fine to me. If they're willing to risk their lives for the job, so be it. Obviously I wish that our troops could be paid for their service at such a high rate too! One other thing that much of the public is not aware....there are quite a few support positions for military personnel that are so far removed from the danger zones that they really aren't in any more danger than they are on any other military mission. They are no less active military though...not in the eyes of the government who recognize their battle service nor in the eyes of their military brethren. And their unit still gets the local welcome when they come home....as they should. Supporting our front line troops is something they can be very proud of...they've trained hard too and their cog is the wheel must be in place for the success of the other cogs. The other cogs may be in the position for more of the glory, but I don't know a single military member who thinks those support positions are less important then the front line guys. The contractors are another cog in the wheel.

Yep, I'd feel very used....but there really isn't much you can do about this time. Chalk it up to a random act of kindness and accept that you did a good thing...they did a bad thing in return. But...in the future....I'd be going to events without the friends and using that money for my own family. I like to think of myself as a generous person....but I don't do well when I've been so blatantly taken advantage of, so that would be the end of my generosity with this family. My DH is reading over my shoulder and said "sheesh at least they could have waited and spent that money on themselves somewhere outside of your vision." Ummm, I don't think he's gettng the point, lol. :grouphug:

My husband's standard comeback for stupid questions is "Did you even think about that before you said it". And then he walks away leaving them to mull over their stupidity. As someone who has been on the sidelines I can tell you probably 75% of the people look stunned and then confused and then embarassed. The other 25% have no clue, lol, and just walk away. My mother had this "evil eye" thing that just scared the bejezzes out of people who "spoke out of turn" as she called it. I've tried to develop it but my children just laugh at my funny face. :001_huh:

Just in case you're also in an older house (ours was built in the 60's)...don't plug both crockpots into the same outlet, blows a fuse and if you set it and walk out the door....well, let's just say you don't come home to a wonderful smelling dinner that's ready....instead you have to head back out and get pizza. :001_huh: And then you'll be posting to the Hive "would you eat this". We have a very small kitchen so there isn't really a place to plug in the second crock pot on another fuse.....so the second crockpot goes on the floor in the dining room, lol. Hey, it's not like the floor is dirty (much), or that the food is going to jump out or anything. Probably not good advise if you have dogs, lol.

Cool....probably got the point across better than giving it to the manager, lol.

Just an FYI for future....leaving no tip did not likely get your point across. She probably figured she was right to snub you because you were a cheapskate because you left no tip at all. Same with leaving just a 5 or 10% tip...the waitress figures you're cheap. Next time, leave a few coins. That tells the waitress if she has any brains that you are not CHEAP but that she needs to think about what she did to deserve such a snub. Back in the "old days" this was akin to leaving a dime in the muck from your milkshake, lol. Yeah, I'm really that old. Or...if you're not comfortable with that....an above poster mentioned another good way to get YOUR point across....give the tip to the manager and tell them why you aren't giving it to the waitress. No waitress wants to have to collect her tips from the manager along with a lecture. Now...sometimes that isn't going to help because the manager will just pocket it, lol....but then you've got bigger problems. I am one of those annoying people who will write to the main office about my complaints when I get home from a poor experience. Used to be a lot harder to do finding their mailing address, typing or handwriting a letter, finding envelope, stamp and getting it to the post office. But, now 90% of the places have websites with an easy "contact us" tab. Sometimes I don't get any response, and thus know that customer service is not a priority throughout that chain and shop accordingly....but most times I get at least an apology and quite often I get a coupon for a future visit....some as small as $5 coupon, but occasionally a BOGO and once we got a coupon for all of us to return for free. Sadly that one the return service wasn't any better, so I gave up.

Not at all unusual for me to have two of them going at the same time....we live in Arizona, and during the summer you pretend that your oven doesn't even exist, lol....so stove top, outdoor grill or crockpot is the only way for a hot meal. Main dish goes in one and either a side or dessert in the other. We only have the large crockpots, 6 qt, but I could easily do with a 4qt for the side/dessert one. But...it's also not unusual for me to cook a main dish in both.....either for a party or because I want to have lots of leftovers for the week (or the freezer) when we know even a few minutes in the morning is too much.

Yep, cause my kids don't talk to anyone (well, except the jackets hanging in whatever closet I lock the children in, does that count).

No need for brick and motar local offices (they do have them but not in every state and pretty spread out). Check out their website usaa.com and give them a call....they'll walk through qualifying you based on his military service, and then they'll be happy to explain all the options available. For those that already have an account of any kind with USAA you can use your member number to get access to the website and get a peliminary quote for homeowner or auto insurance. We have been shopping for a used car and use it to check on the potential insurance costs. They also have a car buying service...the discount on new cars was several thousand dollars over walking on the lot. THey have used cars as well, but so far not what we want.

We've gotten all our home loans from USAA...but we never did get on the ARM bandwagon, opting instead to go with fixed rates. Our last loan (6 years ago) was a 100% loan because our other house still hadn't sold (in another state). I didn't feel we had to jump through hoops...and honestly was shocked we got the 100% loan, lol. And at only 4.4%. I think a lot of it has to do with all their customers being military (or former military). But...look at their annual report and you'll see that they too were hit with a lot of foreclosures with this economy.....I think the main difference was that they didn't give out a lot of questionable loans like mainstream did.

You will LOVE being with USAA. Not wishing an accident on you or anything, but just wait until you have a claim. Talk about no hassle! And an accident doesn't make your rates go sky high. We have auto and house insurance, our mortgage, 3 checking accounts, a savings account, credit card, an investment account, life insurance, paid off now but had a car loan too. Oh...and all our kids have their prepaid credit card through USAA where we transfer their allowance, etc. Oh and probably my absolute favorite....Deposit at Home. All you need is a scanner and internet and you can deposit your check and it's in your account and AVAILALBLE to use immediately. The one drag is that USAA doesn't have brick & motar banks in our town....but you can make deposits from home like I said, or you can mail the check to them, and get this they reimburse you the postage used to mail your deposit (or you can request postage paid envelopes for free). Checks are free too (not fancy, but they work to pay the few bills I still use checks for). And that's not just the first box of checks...we've had our original account with them for 20+ years and never pay for checks. Questions, problems, they are always polite and always work to resolve it. Unlike other companies where I often have to work through to a supervisor to get anything done, they either handle it or THEY offer to get a supervisor to help find a resolution, AND they stay on the call to help explain what was already discussed/done. Love em. Edited: Oh...and USAA didn't take a dime in "bail out" money and are still just as competitive as ever with rates and such. Fiscal responsibility at it's best.