Thanks so much for this! We are going to have them work on OT and speech and forego the rest for now, as we work through trauma sources OhElizabeth recommended. I am hopeful that might get them to a better place sooner than later.

DH moved out and supported himself from 18 years of age, working full time nights/weekends and full time school during day. The engineering school he attended basically said he qualified for nada because Daddy made so much money. DH had his father sign letter that there was no support, he showed rental agreement and utilities in his own name, etc etc. and it meant nothing. It really does suck for young adults who are on their own.

After the school labeled these children, their parents had them assessed by private, outside professionals whose reports completely contradicted the schools' assessment. Everyone has different experiences, and I appreciate your opinion. For what it is worth, I am attorney by training and do nothing without a shed load of evidence to back up my position. ;)

Thanks for this. I think we will wait longer and just supplement oldest DS (6). He reads well for us, though he is not doing much at school. And his teacher's remarks largely echo what they told you. DD4 is going to work on speech therapy. Thankfully, we have a trusted private resource for this. :) In the meantime, I think we'll just wait. Thanks for the advice!

I have read so many adoption related resources but don't have good contacts in terms of adoptive parents. The books have not been very helpful. We hired someone to work with them in their country before we brought them home, but very little was done. Their comprehension of English is outstanding, and youngest son's articulation is nearly flawless. My daughter has speech issues, so we are going to hire someone to work privately with her. I don't want to go into too many details on a public board, but we live in a rich school district and have several close friends with children who are simply labeled and put in special ed classes when it is not warranted; to be honest, it sickens me that so many children are marginalized because they are different. I can go the PS school route to have her evaluated, but DH and I have elected not to because we trust private professionals a great deal more. In addition, my little girl will never be put in a school context because, as bright as she is, she is in no way suited to the traditional context.

So true.

Thank you!

Oldest DS is in school, but the only specials they are doing is English lessons. Long term, I want him in a progressive, private school but his English needs to improve. The twins being at home with me have developed their language schools far better than DS6 who supposedly has 3 lessons each week. Given his highly extroverted personality and social needs, DS6 needs a school environment so it would not be good for him to be homeschooled. I reached out to the school social worker, but she said the teacher is thrilled with DS and he is thriving. His lack of skill acquisition suggests otherwise.

They are 4, 4, and 6. My little girl (4) is highly distractible, very loud, has an abnormally high pain threshold and craves sensory stimulation. She doesn't sleep much either even though she needs a lot. The meds they tried actually stimulated her. When she is in a good place, she is delightful, although she is not "compliant" and is strong-willed (I'm used to that with my bio kids :) ) Her twin brother is as calm as she is excitable, and both of them are very confident and strong now that they are in a good place. My concern for my little girl is her ability to learn when she is so easily distracted. Her twin brother is learning better than both of his siblings. She struggles to learn because she just struggles so much to pay attention. Older brother (6) has extreme anxiety but complies with outsiders and English teachers. It concerns me because they don't see how he is trying to be perfect, as his panic attacks and problems are generally just at home. Honestly, I think it is because he feels like he can actually be real with us. His anxiety seems to me to likely inhere more in his fragile personality which was magnified many times over due to abject poverty and neglect. He is so anxious about failure that he doesn't want to try to learn. But his teachers just say crap like what a delightful, silly boy he is and that he'll learn eventually. If I wanted my child to be passed over and allowed to stagnate because of his "status" he could have stayed in the horrible place where they already wrote him off. What really angers me is they think they are being nice, but low expectations communicate to kids you don't believe they can do anything. He has had enough of that sh*t to last a lifetime.

Can anyone help advise me of a realistic time frame to have our kiddos we adopted assessed. They have been home for about 5 months, and based on years of homeschooling outliers, I understand a lot about them. But separating out their special needs that inhere in them versus spring from their "adopted" status is a huge question mark. I am trying to avoid putting them in front of more people who conflate these issues. DH and I are beyond frustrated with the "professionals" who are happy to take our money but provide no helpful answers. Should we wait for a few more months, maybe after they have been with us for a year?

Oldest DD was placed in private kindergarten at age 4 (grade skipped, I guess) and it was a disaster because she was way beyond the other kids, ended up being used to teach them how to read and was bullied. Now she was not small for her age, but she was smaller than the other kids. So, we decided to home school and use some coop opportunities that might fit her academically. What we discovered there was that going up 3-4 years in content only put her in awkward situations with "typical" kids, and the level of work was not challenging. What we discovered was that advancing years in these outside opportunities, however significant, just yielded a "higher" level of work but the same mile-wide, inch-deep material that HG kids simply don't benefit from. I might add the social component can become a real issue for these kiddos who are perfectly mature for their age but are not going to be as "mature" as the older kids they are in class with (I guess that depends on how much higher they go.) My brother's boys have benefited from G/T opportunities within their grade level, where they go much deeper in their course work. I work with his boys and have seen their work. The "regular" assignments are embarrassing, but the pull out class work is quite good in terms of depth and complexity. So, maybe with your HG child, a combination of maybe going up a grade if possible AND working in G/T environment or with G/T pull-out opportunities within that level might work.

That is fabulous! It sounds like he is in the ideal location to begin establishing relationships and contacts who can be instrumental in his career. DH and I both benefited immensely in our careers from "unpaid" experiences. You never know who may cross your path, notice you, and open doors to very well paid opportunities. We admittedly focus on the long term picture, but boy can it pay off :) Congrats again on such a great opportunity!

i agree that it's worth it. For anyone whose students took SAT in middle school and retained scores, remember one hoop is taking SAT again for the confirmation score.

Just another perspective that I don't think has been shared: some 18 year olds are at CC and even 40 year olds not because they are unmotivated or remedial. It comes down to the realities of their lives. My daughter took one DE class (all others were AP and much better fit for her). Her experience with students there is mixed. Some are in fact unmotivated and others are engaged. In terms of early college question, DD did not want to pursue early college so that ended conversation. She is very happy with her decision, was engaged and greatly enjoyed AP course work with me here and with outside providers. There are great options either way. For us, AP course work has been the best fit with research opportunities and mentoring at local university.

I also did unpaid externships during law school. The experience and commendation go a long way in building resume and establishing connections but not in helping your bank account. :)

I agree with others about reading comprehension ability being crucial. When my kids took SAT in middle school, we dialogued through questions on the different reading passages, and I made them explain their reasoning for their answers. As an attorney by training, they have grown up in a world from their earliest years where we discuss "why" at least as much as "what" so that goes a long way to help promote these abilities. Reading as much as possible at the highest level possible in terms of fiction and nonfiction along with discussion is crucial, beginning as early as your student is willing. Every student is different and progresses at different paces with reading comprehension and rhetorical skills. My biological kids were not only primed for this from their mom's background but also have grown up in a world with me where the "skills" to be developed were implicit in their daily lives from their earliest years. While they did practice with some real tests, the reason they achieved perfect scores on SAT in middle school had far more to do with their environment/culture than the practice tests IMO.

Last night, my daughter accepted admission at Ohio State University. She will double major in Classics and Linguistics. This combination leaves all paths open to her after graduation, whether grad school, law, medicine, or industry. OSU was clear choice across all indices. OSU has strong academics in her areas of study. OSU is top 10 in US for Linguistics and has robust Classics program with graduate offerings to undergrads. Numerous Honors and advanced classes and research opportunities in her fields of interest. As an Eminence Fellow, she has a faculty mentor and program mentor to work with her throughout her studies. In terms of culture and fit, OSU again clearly wins for DD inasmuch as she has a close community of peers (fellow Eminence Scholars who live together in Honors dorm) within a large, diverse context-what DD really wanted for the college she would attend. In terms of finances, OSU is fully funding her education along with enrichment grants. She is also within driving distance and can have a car on campus. Since she has three new siblings, she really wanted to be relatively close to home if possible. The idea of having her own car on campus didn't sound too bad to her either. LOL.

LOL! She is a self-proclaimed nerd of languages. :)

For what it is worth, my daughter greatly enjoyed meeting your son in Boston. She said the greatest thing about him was not his AMAZING academics but that he was such a nice guy. That is such a rare combination. I just wanted you to know how impressed other people are with him, not just for his incredible mind but for the quality person he is! We both really hope for the best for you both and will keep you in our thoughts.

Thanks so much, Kathy! You have been such a wonderful support and encouragement to me! You are such a pivotal part of Grace's story in getting here in kindly advising me (who knew very little). I thank God for you! :)

:grouphug:

Grace received her call today from OSU offering her the OSU Eminence Fellowship. Full COA with a phenomenal group of high stat students (25 out of about 8000 students) with a philanthropic bent!!!! All expenses paid. Last fall, she said she wanted either this or Vandy scholarship. We feel so blessed and humbled that she has been offered both. We are still processing it. I just want to thank all of you veteran homeschool moms on the boards whose advice I have read and benefited from. I am so grateful for all of you. Kathy in Richmond, in particular, you have been so kind and encouraging to me for years!!!! You inspire me! 8Fill, you are amazing! JeaninNewcastle, Creekland, Nan in Mass, I have read your posts, and you are nothing short of amazing. This board just has an amazing group of amazing homeschooling parents. I just feel so grateful for everything coming together and for the advice I have read on the boards. With Grace being my first, you just never know if what you did was the right thing. Thank you so much to all of you amazing moms. You are all part of the success our kids enjoy as we learn from your experience and wisdom! I am so grateful for these boards and for all of you who care enough to impart your wisdom to those of us who follow in your wake.

While it is common sense to a certain data set, I don't think it is for most people. I have met parents with highly talented students at public schools who are never told by counselors about talent search contests, university research opportunities, etc. Some counselors think it shows favoritism to the top tier students, so they don't disclose it and expect the parents/kids to figure it out for themselves. I know people like this, and they don't live in "poor" school districts that don't know any better. Quite the contrary.

There are some amazing merit scholarships that are admittedly highly competitive and definitely not guaranteed to anyone at high stat schools, but you can shoot for them. My daughter did, casting a wide net because merit was the only way she was going to get any $$. Now, Ivies and Stanford are out for us because we have 6 children and can't pay $70k per year per kid for school. Even so, schools like Vandy and others as well as state universities have some highly selective scholarships that set your student apart from the pack. They are a reach, but it never hurts to try. You can get them! :) I might add, like 8Fill has said on other threads, when your student is one of a small cohort at a large state university on merit scholarship, they absolutely stand out and have a peer base within larger context, get fabulous opportunities, and are not settling in any way. In fact, the diverse population they will be immersed in much more closely approximates the business world many will join when they graduate.

This.