Connections and relationships are super important, which is why I don't exchange gifts outside the immediate family or make big parties etc. I know some women handle everything wonderfully. They really do but adding things just because you are supposed to just stresses me out. If I'm stressed out I ruin other relationships like with my husband and children. I think a lot of women focus on looking good socially but that doesn't always mean that it really is about relationships. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it really is! . I do try to be cognizant that others recognize love through those things and I specifically tried extra hard with the inlaws for that reason and exchanged gifts with them long after not doing so with my own family. My husband had to take the lead most of the time though. The best gift givers in my house are my husband and DS2 because they really pay attention to what people like and need. The rest of us are clueless.

Give kids meals to cook. They have to email me their grocery list and I add it to mine. Write things down in some way rather than verbal reminders so you only have to tell someone something one time. Write my own list too!

In addition to many of the above: All kids have to keep track of their own activities and schedules or they will miss it. The older ones are responsible to get themselves there. The younger ones can ask for a ride if they can't bike. If it's an evening activity they will remind me early in the day. We don't schedule school time activities. All ages (since youngest turned 10) must write their activities on the wall calandar. All ages must text me if they are leaving (because I will forget). All kids are responsible for there own belongings, laundry, etc. Youngest still struggles at times but we are getting there.

This used to work so well for me. I'm struggling with the right rotation now. I finally realized everyone who ate does dishes although if we are all home I might give other tasks during that time since dishes need done pronto and whoever was on dish duty is not home.

Well, you sure seem to imply it. "ALL" women need better supported. You have a bias. I certainly feel for those who don't have a real team mate to help them raise kids etc. But a pass that ALL women are victims is a modern narrative that I simply can't agree with. I know you will probably now qualify it but that really seems to be the attitude I hear a lot. It certainly seemed the tone of the thread and and the article. Men are certainly NOT given the same pass to complain about the opposite sex regardless of if they have been treated poorly. That seems to be a privilage only women are allowed.

I shared some of my story then promptly erased it because it's not mine to share but I know and have stayed in a home where the woman's sole contribution might "might" be that she swept the floor because her husband asked her to. No homeschooling, no career, no cooking, no licence to drive kids places, no maintainance skills, hell not even basic laundry. The man not only worked tons of overtime but took care of everything. Ev.er.y.thing. I watched him raise 4 kids and multiple nephews and run himself into the ground. His weekends were spent doing cleaning and food when he wasn't working tons of overtime as the sole breadwinner. He dealt with school issues, discipline issues, then had to fix the car and pay the bills. Mostly she watched movies and played video games. The first time I experienced this I didn't know what to do as a guest. After a few years, if I was visiting, I'd do the work myself, as a guest while she watched t.v. I also know three men personally that are now raising their ex's children that aren't biologically theirs because the woman is a flake and the children refused to live with their mom but chose their step-dad. The carry the entire mental load because the women aren't even in the picture anymore. I know it's only three though. I don't say it's a complete representation of the entire nation. Trust me there is flakiness in both genders. It works so much better to work as a team but if you get someone who is a flake there are huge costs to divorce and you can't "just change" another adult. I will agree with that. I can sympathize and want all couples to share burdens but what I really can't do is say it is always men. The majority of my personal experience tells me it's the other way around but I know others have different experiences and really each relationship has their own dynamics. So we can both agree that parents ought to be supported more. What we can't agree on is that all men fit this sterotype and all women are wonderful.

When the kids were younger we shared dinner together daily unless DH worked late or was out of town. Now we try to when we can but pretty much every week night and sometimes on weekends at least one kid has somewhere to be. So I instituted family night on Sundays as almost nothing was scheduled then. We always eat together and play games or bike or ski or something. Sometimes DH is out of town but Sundays we all can typically be home and I do refuse to attend most things at that time. I'm not losing a job over it or something but I still guard it.

In addition to the above comments I will add you can scaffold narrations both oral and written. This is easiest orally at first. For example, for a story you may start with: who are the characters, describe the protagonist,what is the sequence of events, etc. You can break it down further if needed. What is the first thing the character did? What is the second thing the character did? Etc.

There are few trig type problems and skipping them would not cause a abyssmal score so it depends on what you are looking at. Speed is also an issue, so for someone who has to really think about the problem and write things down and can't do mental math (most of the numbers used were smaller and easy to do mentally) might struggle with even finishing. Honestly, a kid in pre-calc will have had more experience at all the types of problems (pre-calc reviews all of those more advanced algebra concepts) and it is likely that if they got to pre-calc faster, it might be because they have the aforementioned skills down. So of course, it makes sense. But honestly as a tutor I would choose to work on the speed and understanding of the more basic material. I'm assuming the point is to get the score up not get a perfect score. So I would ask how she usually works with students at your daughters level.

I guess I'm the odd ball. I think halls are wasted square footage. I need every inch, well I used to and now I hate heating the extra space. I do like having one extra main room so that family members doing incompatible things can separate. My mother's house only fits 20-30 people for Thanksgiving because of the open concept. I on the other hand can't fit any guests without people being separated into other rooms because my immediate family fills the entire contained dining area. If people can not figure out I need to dirty dishes to cook, I don't know what to say.

I agree that some guys would not be fun to live with and I'm not making light of it but once my husband found all his socks scattered all over a partially put together car. Inside as it had no windows, on the engine. Only because I specifically asked him twice already and had a lot going on but I'm sure it sent a message. Since the garage is his area I often dump stuff out there if it's a problem. I have many ways of communicating. Lol Editing to add: I argued your position once on that facebook post making the rounds about why a woman wasn't lucky to have a man who helped.

Oh, I didn't mean it in a judgemental way. It's really hard to know what's going on in other people's homes so I won't bother trying. Sometimes it IS the man's fault, sometimes it IS the womans, sometimes it's both. "The first to plead his case seems just, until another comes to examine him." I'm just glad my husband pulls more than his fair share although I try to keep up with him and we both try to learn how to care about and help each other as the years go by.

Wow, I don't have time to catch up with this whole thread but boy am I feeling grateful for my husband today.

Nm

One more thought, I think we often forget the other person is a human. 10 years into my marriage I realized I was taking advantage of my husband. We were in a particularly stressful time of life with unusual circumstances and I was focused on the problems and the children and the to do list. If he forgot something it of course fell to me and added to my burden. What I realized one day was that I saw that thing come crashing down on me but not the other 99 things he had handled successfully or the things he had to deal with when I failed. It certainly sent my marriage on a different trajectory. To remember, he is a person with feelings and needs and stress. It has already been mentioned that obviously we all have very different circumstances and so talking in generalities is difficult but whatever solution is proposed it must take into account we are all fallible humans.

Exactly

I don't think it is just complaining. I just have seen more men than women have to do everything and so threads like this drive me nuts but I realize it's not that way everywhere in every little cultural group in America. There are some sub-cultures where men seem to get a pass. In my sub-group, lazy is a 4 letter word and the men seem to get held to a much higher standard. When there is a divorce often the man not only raises his children but her biological children. He HAS to have a job. There is much gasping and pearl clutching over a SAHD and men are to be helpful at home too but I have to remember that my reality in my small world doesn't apply to the whole world. When my husband and I both worked full time he was in charge of cooking meals every night and I was in charge of cleaning the house. We divided the labor according to preference. When I quit work I took over meals because I had more time. 4 kids later and with house number 3 being older and impossible to maintain the sheer number of tasks became overwhelming. I think the mental load with teens ramps up tremendously. Giving everyone in the house the responsibility they can handle helps. Sometimes it is also best to give the Father the job of checking all the kids work every evening. Of course, that can't happen when he is in a different state. I think the concreteness of writing things down helps. I also think there is a difference in having different standards of cleanliness etc and a spouse who just refuses to help. Perhaps he just forgets his job and is overwhelmed and busy but at some point you are just refusing to change. Carrying the mental load of realizing all the things that need done is easier when the job actually gets done after you hand it over to someone.

Confession- If my husband asks me where his keys are, it's because I stole his because I couldn't find mine and I was in a hurry. I guess I'm an immature pea brain. I'm glad he is forgiving. I remember more of the details of kids schedules and home maintenance because I'm home more. My remedy to this is to give him tasks that relieve the mental load. Tax paperworks in that folder honey. It's all yours. I'm not thinking about it again.Furnace isn't working, that is now your responsability. I think every couple has to figure out how to work together efficiently. I realize some of you may be married to complete nin-com-poops. I'm sorry, because truthfully that sucks. I've also watched my brother pull 12 hour days while his wife played video games and watched movies all day. Yes, I know how this worked because I stopped in to visit and there she would be. He made his own dinner, was in charge of maintaining the home and car, and cleaned on weekends. Her kids were in school and walked there. She did nothing. I guess I can complain that society gave her a pass to not have a job and support herself or contribute in any meaningful way when a man who doesn't work is a lazy low life. Another example of "the soft bigotry of low expectations." And my husband brought home flowers once and I berated him for spending money. Adults in their own homes can do what they want with their own private property but it is good to be respectful of others wishes. This is where sharing a room with a sibling can be good. If one spouse is unhappy with an arrangement then it does need to be fixed but being considerate is a two way street.

I didn't start Barton until my son was 10 or 11 but even so we don't tango much around here and my 10 year old doesn't care if Susan is flirty or whatever. Lol 😉

In addition to the above I will add, I do know multiple people who have survived and worked and lived a very middle class lifestyle without being able to read. One is in his 90's and you can say times were different in his era but one is in his 30's but is a good welder which is skilled work that pays decently. I'm sure most of us would agree reading is important even if people can survive without it. Just being able to survive without something doesn't mean it isn't useful so I'm not sure that is a good gauge.

I tried to read all Peter Pan and Pen's comments but I have a 4 year old distracting me and a lot going on in my house so forgive me if I repeat anything. This is mostly about Barton as you've talked about testing and such. Barton feels slow because it is thorough. You teach until the rule is automatic mostly. This is why it ends up transferring to other writing. It sounds like your daughter is doing well with AAS but it's not automatic enough to transfer. If your child is doing fine you can skip a section. Not a new rule of course, just a practice section. We tend to skip dictating phrases as they write the phrase in the sentence anyway. If he is struggling though we get the extra sheets off the website. How fast you go should depend on how well your child has things down. If your child wants to read and write on her own I still wouldn't stop her. I think the issue is being forced to do something like reading a book while having to pretty much guess at most of the words. My son with dyslexia actual hates screens but some love it. You may have to have some trial and error to find what works best. The app for example frustrated him partly because if you touched the screen anywhere else (like with the side of his hand while trying to drag a tile with his pointer) everything would get messed up. The magnetic tiles and case made a huge difference in set up, putting away, and kept us from losing them but physical tiles were definitly better for him. We started with splitting time and working on it multiple times a day to move ahead because I felt the urge to "get him reading" but then settled into 20-30 minutes a day and then off to other things. Is it boring yes but we treat it like excercise or chores. You just try hard and then go on to more interesting things. He works best for that length. He was still getting vocab through subject studies, read alouds, audiobooks, conversation, etc. If your child isn't getting the vocab it will slow him up later. Barton teaches phrasing and asking who, what, where etc. This helps break up the sentence for understanding. This will help with math word problems especially. One last warning, Barton was made for remediation. It talks about a lot of stuff my son didn't know about. The focus was not on what words children know so you will find politicians doing the tango. I think it's fine to expand children's vocab but I really can't see reccomending it for a 1st grader. There just isn't enough familiar stuff for a really young kid.

I think American society doesn't even know what the primary goal of a high school or college education is other than, "it's something everyone should have" which quite frankly makes it kind of meaningless. I really dislike that employment is so closely tied to it. I mean obviously for specific career paths you would need relevant information but to say that you can't do something that has nothing to do with what is learned in school, well, that seems nonsensical. It makes it difficult to navigate these kind of discussions.

I don't mind.

Electrical Engineering True, non-freshman would take precedence. Hopefully, that won't mess him up too bad. He knows to try to schedule the things that are a prerequisite to the largest number of classes first.

Thank you. I must have missed it. I could never keep up with all the posts here but it's starting to slow down I think.