Autism ages 8-12

[PeterPan]

My ds had a growth spurt and has been kind of pulling back on stuff. There's a reclusiveness to it that wasn't there before. He's 8.5, will be 9 in October. I notice other people talking about reclusive tendencies as their kids age. How did you handle this? I'm trying to decide what's causing it and how to work with it. I literally think some of it is that he's seeing the complexity of the situations and is just wanting to pull back. 

 

Any thoughts or stories? :)

[Innisfree]

I saw this yesterday and thought someone would surely chime in with more help than I can offer, but I see that hasn't happened yet, so I'll try.

 

We have this problem. We don't have good solutions.

 

Dd12 has been saying she'll be fine as an adult with a dog, cat and if possible a horse. No people. She has frequently lost patience with humanity in general, and doesn't want to get involved in activities with others.

 

On the other hand, she gets bored and lonely without friends available. It's a constant balancing act. She has a long-term friend in the neighborhood. They fight, dd declares she has had enough, months go by without them speaking, then she's finally desperate enough to try again. Often the fight is based on her inflexibility or lack of social sophistication.

 

I have tried to talk her through these issues. Her BCBA tried to talk her through them. Neither of us has had much success.

 

Activities revolving around a special interest are easier, but her attention remains firmly on the activity. The people are tolerated more than enjoyed.

 

She does better with adults and little kids, with whom she is patient and can be nurturing.

 

Right now we're talking through the fact that next year I am expecting her to take part in a co-op class. She wants no part of it, but I am insisting. It's going to be interesting to see how it goes.

 

As for what causes it, I do think the social complexity just gets overwhelming. This dd actually has a history of being my more outgoing child. She has been willing to hang around the local playground and make friends. But once her longterm friend turned 12, entered middle school and suddenly had a boyfriend, dd was lost. She's still in the can't-stand-boys stage, wants to roll on the ground with her dog and play minecraft, and suddenly she has to deal with her friend wearing makeup and focusing on the boyfriend.

 

All this is essentially normal stuff. I think there's just so much more complexity, and our kids may be emotionally on a different growth curve from their peers. Withdrawing becomes a coping technique. But over time it increases the difficulties.

[geodob]

OhE, with Autism it has been defined that their is typically a difficulty with 'Mirror Processing'.

Which is a process that enables us, to put ourselves in the other persons position.

To understand the other person's perspective.

 

Though your question about Autism ages 8 to 12, raises a question about when a child with Autism. Starts to become aware of their difficulty with understanding the other person's position'?

 

[PeterPan]

Innisfree, thanks for sharing all that. I am realizing this is stuff that people don't talk about, that it's just kind of quietly happening, like maybe people think it's just them and everybody else is doing fine and it's just THEIR kid where it's happening.

 

Geodob, that is sort of blowing my mind. You're right that a shift or growth in self-awareness would just really alter how you view the world. I hadn't thought of it like that. So maybe more social thinking intervention would help him feel more on top of that?

[Guest]

nm

Edited August 13, 2017 by Guest

[kbutton]

My ASD kiddo is pretty socially motivated, but he never really had an option when he was little (no diagnosis, so we adapted both frequency and "helped" him learn to be more flexible--all trial and error). He also had a teacher in first grade that taught the kids in her class how to be friends and include each other. So did the school counselor. We also did scouts for three years where social things were automatically combined with group instruction, inclusion (regardless of skill level), and a motto/qualification of "Do your best."

 

I do know people who report that their ASD kiddos find just about everyone annoying and all social interaction to be useless, bothersome, etc.

 

I know of kids who want to join in but don't have pro-social behaviors (for a lot of different reasons--usually some combo of self-awareness and maturity level when peers were learning those skills). 

 

I know of kids that are really kind of in and out of their own world, and they are just hard to engage. They can be sweet and interested, but there is just a constant disconnect. 

 

I think it's a range and an issue that people feel badly about more than something not talked about. However, among homeschoolers, it could be less talked about if parents feel like they have to defend their homeschooling methods, socialization, etc. on a regular basis, or if they are just not in a place where talking about labels is really okay.

[That70'sLisa]

I saw this yesterday and thought someone would surely chime in with more help than I can offer, but I see that hasn't happened yet, so I'll try.

 

We have this problem. We don't have good solutions.

 

Dd12 has been saying she'll be fine as an adult with a dog, cat and if possible a horse. No people. She has frequently lost patience with humanity in general, and doesn't want to get involved in activities with others.

 

On the other hand, she gets bored and lonely without friends available. It's a constant balancing act. She has a long-term friend in the neighborhood. They fight, dd declares she has had enough, months go by without them speaking, then she's finally desperate enough to try again. Often the fight is based on her inflexibility or lack of social sophistication.

 

I have tried to talk her through these issues. Her BCBA tried to talk her through them. Neither of us has had much success.

 

Activities revolving around a special interest are easier, but her attention remains firmly on the activity. The people are tolerated more than enjoyed.

 

She does better with adults and little kids, with whom she is patient and can be nurturing.

 

Right now we're talking through the fact that next year I am expecting her to take part in a co-op class. She wants no part of it, but I am insisting. It's going to be interesting to see how it goes.

 

As for what causes it, I do think the social complexity just gets overwhelming. This dd actually has a history of being my more outgoing child. She has been willing to hang around the local playground and make friends. But once her longterm friend turned 12, entered middle school and suddenly had a boyfriend, dd was lost. She's still in the can't-stand-boys stage, wants to roll on the ground with her dog and play minecraft, and suddenly she has to deal with her friend wearing makeup and focusing on the boyfriend.

 

All this is essentially normal stuff. I think there's just so much more complexity, and our kids may be emotionally on a different growth curve from their peers. Withdrawing becomes a coping technique. But over time it increases the difficulties.

 

This sounds like my 11 yo ASD son. 

 

I don't know what to do either. In his case, he seems happy, and so I am not sure if I should do something at this point or not.

[HxGirl]

Hi, I'm new, just joined today. I recently heard about an ASD site https://SPARKforAutism.org that is hoping to get others to join to help in research. I was thinking grades 8-12 and just noticed it is ages 8-12. My guy just turned 14 so I'll see if there is a group for teens. Please check out the SPARK site. Thanks

[HxGirl]

My 14yr old fights with his half brother T and their younger 8yr old  half-bro felt left out plus he broke his leg and isn't as mobile yet. The 14 yr old had his 12 yr old brother visit (he visits every other weekend) and they took off downstairs together. That is more like the typical fighting we experience.

 

The 14yr old will leave the room when we eat as he says he can't stand listening to anyone eat so he often eats alone. He doesn't like most healthy foods anyway.

 

Anyone have any ways to feed an ASD child healthy food?