You are out in public and overhear a conversation

[OH_Homeschooler]

Once I recognized someone on another message board from her avatar. We were friendly online and I knew she lived in the same area. So when I saw her while out and about and introduced myself, she was friendly, but it was awkward. I'm shy, and I suspect a lot of people who use message boards are shy...so I don't think I'd do this again. I hate feeling awkward. 

[Garga]

One of the best things about our local get togethers has been being able to put faces/bodies and real lives behind screen names. I still feel closer to those I've met IRL than the rest of y'all. I read their posts with more understanding (and care).

 

I'd definitely say hi. There are many on here I wish I could meet IRL. :coolgleamA:

 

Of course, if any of y'all are thirty - sixty something year old men without kids living in your family's basement... well, at least I'd know!

I'm one of the people from Creekland's get together. I agree with what she said: it's been great to put faces to names. And now when one of the people I've meet at our get togethers posts, I can "hear" their voices and picture their mannerisms, etc.

 

However, I don't ever (EVER) tell anyone that I am friends with IRL my WTM user name. I may mention to homeschoolers that I know about the WTM boards from time to time, but I do not let them know who I am on the boards. I did with one person and it's been ok because of her personality. I feel safe with her knowing the things I post here, but I don't want everyone I know to know what I post.

 

So, even though I've met WTMers IRL, they're still part of my WTM circle and not my other circles. I wouldn't want people from my non-WTM circles to join WTM and know who I am here. I would end up editing things I say about many issues: parenting, politics, family life. For some friends, we know not to talk about certain issues for the sake of not aggravating each other too much. I know I've alienated a bunch of friends with my political views before I understood just how alone I stand in my views in my area. I honestly thought we all believed the same way and was surprised that we didn't and got some serious push back about it when I posted things on FB. So....I want to be able to come here and say what I want without inadvertently alienating all my IRL friends.

Edited June 23, 2017 by Garga

[Paige]

I'm one of the people from Creekland's get together. I agree with what she said: it's been great to put faces to names. And now when one of the people I've meet at our get togethers posts, I can "hear" their voices and picture their mannerisms, etc.

 

However, I don't ever (EVER) tell anyone that I am friends with IRL my WTM user name. I may mention to homeschoolers that I know about the WTM boards from time to time, but I do not let them know who I am on the boards. I did with one person and it's been ok because of her personality. I feel safe with her knowing the things I post here, but I don't want everyone I know to know what I post.

 

 

 

Yes, I would be fine with a meetup of people who lived generally nearby, but random encounters would make me uncomfortable and shy. 

[Guest]

Does anyone remember the WTM buttons we used to have? Those were useful at conferences.

I never did end up going to a convention, but I had a notion that I would wear a tee shirt that said "Quill" on it.

[creekland]

I'm one of the people from Creekland's get together. I agree with what she said: it's been great to put faces to names. And now when one of the people I've meet at our get togethers posts, I can "hear" their voices and picture their mannerisms, etc.

 

However, I don't ever (EVER) tell anyone that I am friends with IRL my WTM user name. I may mention to homeschoolers that I know about the WTM boards from time to time, but I do not let them know who I am on the boards. I did with one person and it's been ok because of her personality. I feel safe with her knowing the things I post here, but I don't want everyone I know to know what I post.

 

So, even though I've met WTMers IRL, they're still part of my WTM circle and not my other circles. I wouldn't want people from my non-WTM circles to join WTM and know who I am here. I would end up editing things I say about many issues: parenting, politics, family life. For some friends, we know not to talk about certain issues for the sake of not aggravating each other too much. I know I've alienated a bunch of friends with my political views before I understood just how alone I stand in my views in my area. I honestly thought we all believed the same way and was surprised that we didn't and got some serious push back about it when I posted things on FB. So....I want to be able to come here and say what I want without inadvertently alienating all my IRL friends.

 

This is totally different from my life.  I'm the same on the board as off of it - in conversation, thoughts, and life.  Often I've discussed similar things (except homeschooling issues) with my IRL circle too.  Conversations can start here - or there - and I'll take them from one to the other if they pique my interest in seeing a different POV.  I'd post a wee bit less about certain members of my family, but that's all I can think of.

[Guest]

I'm one of the people from Creekland's get together. I agree with what she said: it's been great to put faces to names. And now when one of the people I've meet at our get togethers posts, I can "hear" their voices and picture their mannerisms, etc.

 

However, I don't ever (EVER) tell anyone that I am friends with IRL my WTM user name. I may mention to homeschoolers that I know about the WTM boards from time to time, but I do not let them know who I am on the boards. I did with one person and it's been ok because of her personality. I feel safe with her knowing the things I post here, but I don't want everyone I know to know what I post.

 

So, even though I've met WTMers IRL, they're still part of my WTM circle and not my other circles. I wouldn't want people from my non-WTM circles to join WTM and know who I am here. I would end up editing things I say about many issues: parenting, politics, family life. For some friends, we know not to talk about certain issues for the sake of not aggravating each other too much. I know I've alienated a bunch of friends with my political views before I understood just how alone I stand in my views in my area. I honestly thought we all believed the same way and was surprised that we didn't and got some serious push back about it when I posted things on FB. So....I want to be able to come here and say what I want without inadvertently alienating all my IRL friends.

Exactly. Sometimes I am sorry that I have allowed myself to be easily recognizable on here. If I felt confident that I wouldn't get stuck with the dreaded grey silouhette, I would change my avatar to something else. I'm happy to have met people IRL who I first knew on WTM, but I'm not keen the other way. I had one friend turn weird on me and I have a suspicion that she secretly saw (or sees, presently) things I have posted here that are too different from her views. She shrank away from me abruptly and stopped endeavoring to have our kids get together, so I always wondered.

 

I have another friend IRL who casually said on day, "oh, yeah, WTM. I'm on there all the time." (Although I don't think she's on Chat board so much.) But I wanted to say, "WAIT. You are? WHO ARE YOU!?" She didn't volunteer the information, though, so I just said, "Cool. Me, too." But it has always nagged me that she is "on here all the time" and might be this poster...or maybe [/i] that[/i] one...

 

So, hi, B. If you're watching, not that you'll come clean...ðŸ˜

 

ETA: fix tag

Edited June 23, 2017 by Quill

[Seasider]

Exactly. Sometimes I am sorry that I have allowed myself to be easily recognizable on here. [snip - for me by details shared rather than personal image] I'm happy to have met people IRL who I first knew on WTM, but I'm not keen the other way. I had one friend turn weird on me and I have a suspicion that she secretly saw (or sees, presently) things I have posted here that are too different from her views. She shrank away from me abruptly and stopped endeavoring to have our kids get together, so I always wondered.

 

 

Ditto. And it makes me sad, really, that folks wouldn't understand that different opinions aren't an evil thing. As garga mentioned upthread, many fellow homeschoolers IRL make assumptions about what position I hold on certain issues, simply by virtue of homeschooling. Also, as someone who's been deliberately stalked online, and in this forum, I am more inclined to keep my virtual and actual lives separate as much as possible. Often the conversation here is just too good, though, and I share more than I should.

 

I strive to speak plainly both online and IRL. Online, however, seems to provide the opportunity for more balanced conversation with a more diverse audience, plus the lack of time constraints (as with a brief conversation in a group of people face to face) allows me to compose a statement without getting distracted, interrupted, or left incomplete because someone had to leave before I could fully speak my piece.

 

In reverse, there are many things I talk about with people IRL that I wouldn't bring up online. So it works both ways.

 

As to the original question, I confess that I would eavesdrop a bit before deciding whether or not to out myself. Take the temperature before jumping in the water, y'know?

[Ausmumof3]

I think it would depend on the day and conversation. If they looked like they were thoroughly engaged and enjoying time out together I probably would sit down and try not to listen (but I probably couldn't help it).

 

If they looked open to interaction I might say something. It's not really likely to happen, I only know of one well trained minder in my state. It would have to be a planned thing.

 

That said I saw a lady from my homeschool group the other day who I don't know well and I didn't even say hello. I was going to but I was with a group and she disappeared before I had a chance. So I might not.

[Ausmumof3]

On the flip side I did see someone I know in real life in the sonlight forums. I let her know because I didn't think it was fair if she thought she was posting anonymously.

[ocelotmom]

I did that with someone I know IRL who is on the boards. Her posts sounded so much like her. And the ages of her kids were the same. I asked her, "Hey are you so-and-so," and she was. :)

 

I've recognized people I knew in real life on another forum (MDC) based on little quirks combined with other details that added up (occupation, general location, kids ages). One had a very unusually vehement negative reaction to a certain book that I've never heard from anyone else, which I'd both heard from her directly and saw on the forum. One talked about some issues with her son that we'd also discussed in real life. One... I think it really just came down to her writing "voice", combined with details that fit.

 

Really made me rethink the concept of internet anonymity, and I tend to be very conscious about posting things that could be too identifiable. Not so much on here, where I'm not really posting anything I'd have a problem with people knowing, but elsewhere.

 

That said, I'd be reluctant to jump into a WTM conversation in real life around here in anything but a "Oh, do you homeschool too?" sense, just because the homeschooling community where I live leans so strongly conservative/religious.