Rant ahead re: "You don't want him to be too far ahead"

[JulieA97]

Ds is in Kindergarten at a new STEAM magent school. He is also academically ahead, hence he is bored. He does need to work on his handwriting and his teacher wants him to work on drawing more. Draw a picture and label it. To my non-artsy, hates anything to do with coloring or crafts kid, this is torture. But its something they push there so I said I would work with him on it.

 

I mentioned to family this weekend I was working with him afterschool on reading (I truly hate the way they teach reading in public schools but that's a whole nother thread) via AAR. Plus lots of fun math games and working through Booksharks reading list. I plan to add SOTW CDs in the car soon. They said you don't want to do that. He is already bored, don't get him too far ahead. Don't do anything that would be something he would do in 1st grade. You make learning too fun and he won't want to learn in school.

 

He is at an age that he enjoys learning and soaks up information. As long as I am not pushing him, there is no harm. Why would you want him to go the entire year and not learn? Just so the next year he fits in better? No. Just no. They are working on things he has been doing since he was 3. No wonder he is bored.

 

The reasons we chose this magnet school over homeschooling still exist. Homeschooling is not the right fit for our family at this time.

 

So-do I just say pass the bean dip? Are they right in saying don't get him ahead? We only do maybe 30 minutes a day (besides bedtime reading of course) and he doesn't have homework.

[amymarie3]

I am in the exact same boat as you except a year farther along in the journey with my twin 6yo first grade boys.   I vote for keeping at it :) 

 

We skipped preschool with our boys and just learned reading as we went, nothing formal.  As a science minded mom I do push math a bit more.  In kindergarten last year they were bored with the curriculum but kindergarten was fun enough that they did okay.

 

This year is a different story.   They have already tested out of both first grade math and reading and are horribly bored.   They are very much first grade boys though, skipping a grade is not an option.   Instead the teachers are trying to find ways to challenge them a bit more.   At home we talk a lot about how important it is to practice and get good at the basics so that they have  a good foundation for the future.  :) See if there is anyway to talk to the teacher he will have for first grade early and put forth a warning that you would like your son tested early on for proper placement.

 

At home my boys live in a Charlotte Mason inspired environment.   I work hard to keep the house filled with living books that are at their current reading level, it's a challenge!  We have a ton of math games that they play on a regular basis to reinforce the basics.   We read Life of Fred once or twice a week to give them new math concepts to think about.  I have the first grade Math Mammoth workbooks that they do with Grandma between when they get home from school and I get home from work.

 

Our read aloud bedtime stories come from things they are interested in and the Ambleside Online history, literature, and geography selections.

 

Over all I try to not cover anything at home that would be covered in school.  We don't do a formal reading or math curriculum.  Instead I try to focus on history, geography, mythology, folktales, and the sciences.  I try for the arts but it's not my strong suit.   The things that are important for them to know but will never be covered in school are our main focus.

 

 

We also take lots of breaks to just read fun literature and study things the kids find interesting. I also allow video games in a controlled fashion.  I credit much of their reading comprehension skills to text based video games.

 

Kuddos to you for working so hard to make sure your child has every advantage in life!

 

[SKL]

I would say, do whatever is fun for both of you.  I would avoid using the same curriculum he will do in school, assuming it's easy for him.  (Different advice if he needs a little more time to learn things.)

 

When my youngest was in KG, we would read primary-level biographies and such, hang out at museums, travel and just enjoy all manner of books.  Thankfully, she needed no encouragement to read.  For math we used math stories and real-life problems.  My kids also dabbled in piano, guitar, Spanish, and various kiddy sports.

 

It may or may not be a problem if he's ahead in school.  For my kid, it hasn't really been a problem in the sense that she hates school or anything.  More that she has never developed the habits of hard work and perseverance.

[fdrinca]

An alternative approach might be to skip formal curriculum and really dive into interest-based learning and problem-solving games. 

[SKL]

I will say that having been on this board for 5 years, I've seen many moms come on here angry that their advanced kid is bored in school and the school isn't doing enough about it.  So it isn't completely out there to think that an advanced child will be in that situation sooner or later.  Though maybe your STEAM school will be more equipped to address this.

 

I agree with those who say, just don't mention afterschooling to other people, unless they are looking for ways to help their own kids.  Maybe refer to it as "homework" if it comes up.  Lots of KG kids have homework these days.

 

And as a general rule, ignore what people say about your choices.  Especially if they don't have similar-aged kids themselves.  :)

[Have kids -- will travel]

So they're definitely not right in saying that you shouldn't get him ahead. He's already ahead, so that's a fairly moot point. 

 

A kid who doesn't face challenge, whether that happens at school or after school, doesn't get the benefits of working to be successful, doesn't get a chance to fail and succeed, and gets taught that success comes without effort or only perfect results are good enough. The point of afterschooling and pursuing developmentally appropriate education isn't getting your kid ahead; it's providing your child with the chance to work hard and succeed. 

 

So don't teach a first grade curriculum just so that your kid is ahead (which of course you don't), but aim to challenge your child since the school hasn't been capable. 

 

I'd encourage you to keep going, but also think outside the homeschool box. Afterschooling means that you get to focus on the areas that the school is weak in or areas of high interest. No need to tick all of the educational boxes since school is ticking some. 

 

My K-er is also a boy with limited interested in coloring. He has in the past enjoyed mazes, drawing maps, writing signs for his toys, and doing written math -- anything done with a pen is a win in my book. Fine motor is important as a school generally only accelerates to the output level, so poor writing will mean math becomes more of a struggle when writing problems, etc.

[Guest]

There is a book called 'The Diverse Schools Dilemma' that you should read. Essentially if you are in a district that doesnt have a growth mindset for all children, and your child is in the demographic chosen to be excluded from academic growth, you must choose what you want to sacrifice. There are schools inclusive of all children, but maybe not near you.

 

The housing bubble priced me out of moving to the one school district within commute radius that is academically what my lad needed, then the recession came, so we stayed to be near family. Huge waste of time, we had to go to private music lessons as well as supplementing math, science, and writing as the rich fled and the poor decided they didnt need to actually do the schoolwork, which turned the district into an inner city remedial type of school, complete with knife fights and an honors track for district staff children. The handful of middle class kids, children of long time residents, ended up taking classes online (at their own expense in this state) in order to get college prep. Their children are not returning after college.

Edited October 24, 2016 by Heigh Ho

[SarahW]

Ds is in Kindergarten at a new STEAM magent school. He is also academically ahead, hence he is bored. He does need to work on his handwriting and his teacher wants him to work on drawing more. Draw a picture and label it. To my non-artsy, hates anything to do with coloring or crafts kid, this is torture. But its something they push there so I said I would work with him on it.

 

I mentioned to family this weekend I was working with him afterschool on reading (I truly hate the way they teach reading in public schools but that's a whole nother thread) via AAR. Plus lots of fun math games and working through Booksharks reading list. I plan to add SOTW CDs in the car soon. They said you don't want to do that. He is already bored, don't get him too far ahead. Don't do anything that would be something he would do in 1st grade. You make learning too fun and he won't want to learn in school.

 

He is at an age that he enjoys learning and soaks up information. As long as I am not pushing him, there is no harm. Why would you want him to go the entire year and not learn? Just so the next year he fits in better? No. Just no. They are working on things he has been doing since he was 3. No wonder he is bored.

 

The reasons we chose this magnet school over homeschooling still exist. Homeschooling is not the right fit for our family at this time.

 

So-do I just say pass the bean dip? Are they right in saying don't get him ahead? We only do maybe 30 minutes a day (besides bedtime reading of course) and he doesn't have homework.

 

I posted about my son on a local FB group a bit ago (looking for local info) and realized how spoiled I am by these boards. The IRL people responses ranged from "Oh, he already knows all of this years math? Then he can just do something else during math time." (For the next five years? Really?) to accusations that I shouldn't push him in math (I don't) and suggestions I should interest him in other things (I do!) to outright jealousy (lol, you really don't want my kid, acceleration is hard).

 

I tried to respond nicely ("That won't work for him, but thanks for the suggestion!") or with gentle correction ("Math is just one of his many interests, believe me, he spends way too much time on Roblox!") or just ignore the unhelpful people, especially the jealous one's, I can't help the way other people feel.

 

I don't think you can help him getting ahead. Especially in early elementary, where a lot of time is spent on basic reading skills and place value in math. Kids who naturally pick those up quickly are just going to be spinning their wheels for a while. And if the kid has an interest, they're just going to accelerate themselves (my son's math acceleration is really not because of anything I've done, it's as shocking to me as it is to everyone else, lol). "Holding back" is a nonsequitur for them. 

 

What you don't want to do is encourage perfection. These sorts of kids have problems with perfectionism as it is. Keeping them in low level work and expecting perfect work can be quite counterproductive. Plus, it makes my son rebel completely.

 

I hear you about the handwriting work. I'm still working on handwriting with my son. If he truly hates it, maybe ask the teacher if she can offer an alternative. Good teachers usually have a number of tricks up their sleeve.

[RenaInTexas]

Here's the deal (depending on your long term goals for his education):

 

You're not preparing your son to compete with his classmates for seats in a college major or jobs after college.

You're preparing your son to compete with the entire world for those positions. This is the reality that many Americans haven't truly realized yet. Ask anyone in a STEM field, what the ratio of Americans vs Immigrants in their office is. Nothing AT ALL against immigrants; just pointing out that competition for jobs, not only extends beyond your city, it extends beyond our borders.

 

I'm not saying go all Tiger Mom on him, but his measuring stick definitely should not be how the students in his school are doing.

 

So, Keep it up!

Edited October 24, 2016 by RenaInTexas

[tm919]

I know parents who teach their child the SAME curriculum that they will learn in school, so the kid is seeing the same problems or texts, the same way, but weeks, months, or a year later. And then the kid is like, "Oh, that problem with the bees" when they get it in school. But I don't think you are doing this, it sounds closer to my approach... it's not "ahead," it's "beside..." Different methods, different emphasis, than the school.

[mathnerd]

Looking at what you are doing afterschool, I don't think that it will be clashing with your son's school curriculum - SOTW, AAR, reading a lot of good books will not go against anything that he will do in 1st grade at all. You are enriching his mind and building stronger skill sets. And a smart kid who is never challenged in school will coast through school and reach college and realize that things are not easy anymore and they do not have the study skills and the work ethic that is needed to succeed later in life. So, you are doing a great thing by providing challenge so early in life. Don't give it up!

 

Another thing that you can do is to go deeper into the topics that your son's school is covering. You don't need to worry about goals and curriculum levels at this age. Just enrich their minds and let them feel that there is so much to learn (I will never forget my child coming home from pre-K and saying: "I already know everything, mom". That is not a good attitude towards learning.)

 

Just divert the conversations when curious minds want to know what you do afterschool - there are plenty of topics to be discussed on neutral grounds - like favorite foods, what your son likes for a snack, where to buy shoes, clothes, extracurricular activities, how you hate/love cold weather etc etc. 

[Kathleen.]

I wouldn't even bother telling the teacher what you accomplish academically at home. Some teachers might appreciate it, but I think most would see it as not real learning because you can't attach a grade to it. I think if your son's teacher thinks he's ahead in an area then she's more likely to work with you.

 

It's been my experience that teachers like to be in charge of the learning and we are to assist our kids at home. I think it's great what you're doing with your son. I wish there were more people in our lives that thought it was normal to want to teach your kids something at home. I could never tell other moms - oh, we follow Charlotte Mason mostly and throw in some WTM. Moms usually say that's what school is for.

 

Keep doing a great job😀

[itsmylife]

Well, my take on your situation was the same as your family.  I chose not to do the academic stuff with DD who was/is ahead.  I was way ahead in school and I remember being bored, it was torture.  I did not want to put DD through that.  Instead we focused on a lot of fun stuff - listening to music, reading through magazines, doing a lot of art, etc etc.

 

That said, you should make the decision on what suits your family best.

[IsabelC]

I'd say it's a 'pass the bean dip' situation.  Your kid is already bored in school, so letting him get 'further ahead' isn't likely to increase the boredom significantly, but could alleviate overall boredom as he is at least learning at home, if not at school.  I believe that schools prefer not to have very accelerated kids mainly because it is inconvenient for them, rather than because it's a problem for the student.  

[pkbab5]

I say pass the bean dip.

 

I'm lucky though.  My family is generally of the opinion that we are kicking butt as parents with all the afterschooling, and that we are giving our children a huge advantage.  And my cousins who also have kids usually ask things like "what program are you using, and where can I buy it?".  I imagine it's a lot harder to cope if your family doesn't have the same type of drive that we do.

[OneStepAtATime]

Pass the bean dip.  Explore learning with your child while they still care to do so.  I think that's great.  Your child may reach a point where they don't want to explore stuff with you after school but right now they do.  Yeah!  Keep going as long as they have interest.  Maybe peer interaction will take over for a bit eventually.  Or whatever.  Right now he is eager.  Go for it.  And just don't discuss it with family.  If they aren't going to support you, don't bring it up.  If the subject comes up anyway, anything you say will sound defensive and self-serving so just pass that bean dip.  

[Bluegoat]

For me the question is, wat is the scenario they are imagining, and is there any truth in it?

 

I think there probably is in the sense that a kid who is really ahead in class, and who won't get any kind of appropriate work in class, is going to be bored for that hour a day or whatever time they spend.  Obviously that really isn't ideal - the time becomes wasted and it may affect the child in other ways as well.

 

The best idea would be to offer something better at school, or allow time for something totally different - but that may not work for the teacher.

 

But, it leaves you with a difficult choice.  You can work ahead in math at home and try and give the challenge and exposure that will be ideal there, and just live with the fact that school math will be a bore.  In that case I think your approach, to supplement with ideas rather than just working ahead in the same program, is really the best idea.  Over time though, this problem could just get further and further compounded. 

 

Or, you can just let the child have a fairly easy time in math at school and not do much extra.  The downside there is he may still be just as bored but will also not find math interesting at all.

 

The other possible downside to supplementing something like math or reading IMO is that it could take up time that could be spent on other things.  Some regular kid stuff like playing outside.  But also things that won't be available in school at all for many kids, like literature or music instruction.

 

In the end I think it is a bit of a catch-22 situation. 

 

You could pass the bean dip, but it might also work to tell the relatives that he is bored anyway so you aren't worried about causing that, only about keeping him interested in math.  Or with reading, or history, that you are worried about him being taught those topics poorly.  Or you could reassure them you aren't forgetting about non-academic stuff.