Curious: around age 8, how open are you with your child about negative teacher comments?

[SKL]

I have always been pretty straightforward about the official teacher comments, e.g., on the midterm reports.  Usually it's stuff we've already been working on anyway.  But right now I am debating something.

 

Miss A has historically had a hard time keeping up in class.  This year I told her that this is her #1 area for improvement.  That if she could really focus and stay on task and get things done along with the rest of the class, everything else would pretty much fall into place.

 

I didn't mention any past issues to her teacher.  I didn't even meet her teacher.  Just sent her to be who she is and do what she can do.

 

So the first interim report has come out, and the teacher says she "would benefit from slowing down on her work and trying to stay focused."  LOL.  I'm confused.  Her next comment says she is often "just sitting there."  I guess that means she is finishing early, and the teacher does not like this?

 

The grades so far are pretty good. Her grades from this teacher are 91, 96, 98, 98, 98, 99.  She must be focusing at least part of the time.

 

I think the messages on Miss A's interim report are too negative and confusing to be helpful.  On the other hand, her sister, Miss E got a glowing report from the same teacher - no noted areas for improvement, just the usual "she is so enjoyable and hardworking" bla bla bla.

 

So I started wondering - do other parents usually tell their kids what the teacher wrote, or quietly file it away?  If you share them, do you let the siblings know too?

[SMRB]

I would also file that one away and not share it. We screen the interims, and if they have comments that match up (good or bad) with areas we've been openly working on, we share the comments with DS. This term, he finally got great improvement comments from his teachers, and we handed him the interims to read himself. Up until then, we just summarized them to reinforce the message we were giving every day.

[OneStepAtATime]

I agree those grades are EXCELLENT.  I would praise your child and file the comments.  I would not share them unless, after having a conversation with the teacher, it became apparent that something needed to be addressed.  I would definitely talk to the teacher, though, and ask for specifics.  If she is making those grades and getting done early, she obviously understood the material and slowing down would probably have been more aggravating for your DD than helpful.  Can she read a book or something while the other students finish?

[SKL]

Turns out that the teacher gave all the kids their interim reports unsealed, and they read them before they even got home.  (I had seen them online earlier in the day.)  So the question is moot.

 

Yesterday, the potential disappointment was overshadowed by the drama of a bloody accident on the playground, emergency dentist appointment, and a few other things.  :P  So we did not discuss the teacher comments.  In the future I will know that there is no confidentiality between this teacher and me.

 

The teacher is going on maternity leave any day now, so I am not going to push her for explanations etc.  It is a year for me and my kids to be flexible and take a lot of things as they come.  To be honest, so far I think 3rd grade has been our best year yet - which is a pleasant surprise.  Of course we're only 6 weeks in ....

[SMRB]

Oh, that would make me furious about them not being sealed. We had something similar happen last year, and the teacher got a polite but strongly worded note about how inappropriate it was to put DS in the middle and that all communications had better be only in sealed envelopes from then on. Sometimes teachers need a stern reminder about who the parent is.

[SKL]

Oh, that would make me furious about them not being sealed. We had something similar happen last year, and the teacher got a polite but strongly worded note about how inappropriate it was to put DS in the middle and that all communications had better be only in sealed envelopes from then on. Sometimes teachers need a stern reminder about who the parent is.

 

I'm in two minds about this.  I am in favor of kids taking ownership where they can.  It's their life after all.  Sometimes I'm glad when fate pushes us into something when I'd felt we weren't quite ready.  So on this one, especially in light of other things going on right now, I'm going to just let it be.

[kiwik]

Ds7 has had two reports this year (Jan to Dec). The first one in May I never received and only found out it had been issued when I followed up. Despite weekly reminders the substitute teacher was not able to get me a copy since then. The second was a small slip of paper in an unsealed envelope. I will have to follow up next week when the real teacher is back.

[Melinda in VT]

Report cars come home in the backpacks and are not sealed. I don't see this as a breach of confidentiality at all. The comments are from the teacher, and the teacher doesn't need my permission to communicate with a child in her class (other than the implied permission I give by sending said child to school).

 

I have twins who are often in the same class. I do not share grades or report cards with siblings if they are in any way negative.

[SKL]

I agree that there doesn't need to be confidential communication between the teacher and me (excluding my kid).  But the note as written was really not the sort of thing you write to a 3rd grade kid.  If she really intended that for my kid to read, she was being kind of nasty IMO.

[mathnerd]

I always give my son his report cards with the teacher's comments on it (both bad and good) and let him read them and then discuss with him what exactly the teacher means by those comments. I also ask him to explain to me why the teacher might think of him in a particular way and what actions led to her writing some of the negative comments (we had a couple of them last year). I ask him to come up with a plan so that such things are never repeated.

[Greenmama2]

I always read my reports (always unsealed) as a kid, but to be honest I would have been glad not to a couple of years.

[SMRB]

If the interim reports are intended by the teacher to be read by the student, I wouldn't care if they were sealed. At our school, in the younger grades, however, they are written to the parent, not the student, so we have to actively screen them, and they are sealed for that reason. Report cards are also sealed. We have had teachers try to use DS to manipulate things, letting him see and read communications that were inappropriate, and it has made him feel like he has to take sides at times. So I'm sure we're more sensitive than most about what primary grade students at least should be reading without parental interpretation on hand. We learned the hard way that we can't trust the teachers to write criticism in a way that a 7-year old can understand without being hurt, so we will keep screening for another year or two. When they move to letter grades, we will give DS more direct responsibility to interpret the comments and make course corrections mid-term. Until then, if the test grades are good and there are no behavior red flags coming home, we try to just roll with it.

[Tsuga]

This would not be discussed in front of the other kids.

 

My daughter has the same issue: she would rush through math and then sit there and doodle and read. Hurry up so you can have fun waiting, basically. So to me that sounds VERY consistent with what you've said about your daughter in other posts.

 

I guess if it were feedback like what you got, I'd filter it and try to interpret it in a positive way, i.e. not problem-focused but solution focused. "You need to go over each worksheet at least once to make sure there are no mistakes. When you finish, ask for more advanced work." That is what gets them higher grades in our school, anyway.

 

Tough call.