Hope this is the right spot

[ciles]

Hopefully this is an ok spot to plop this post- its going to be kind of a random mess of questions. 

 

My oldest daughter will be 6 this fall and we will be homeschooling. Although it is only April I am stressing out about what we are going to do- for multiple reasons. 

 

First of all, I should explain her diagnosis. She has Spina Bifida, Hydrocephelus, Chiari malformation, ostopenia, paraplegia, among other things. Mentally she is at an appropriate age level- although she does have a higher chance of a specific learning disorder related to her diagnosis. With the learning disorder- it may be harder for her to learn certain subjects. (The learning disorder is Non-verbal Learning disorder- http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/nld.htm) 

 

This will be my first time homeschooling- although I was homeschooled for several grades when I was a child. 

 

One thing that makes me nervous is the fact that she tends to be super nervous about getting answers wrong. She knows her letter sounds and such but doesn't want to work on sounding things out because she is worried about getting it wrong. She recently had a physical and she did not want to do the eye exam b/c she was concerned she'd get the wrong answer. She broke down in tears due to this and was hysterical. 

 

While part of me would love to do kindergarten super super laid back- I think she'd do well with a structured school set up. However, a lot of people keep telling me to just read to her and etc. I do read to her a lot but I guess I am used to the idea of having more of a structured school day. 

 

Basically, I am feeling overwhelmed because I want to give her the best start (especially with her specific challenges) and I need some tips/advice/ideas on how to proceed. 

 

ETA: Also- should I just do the core subjects (handwriting, reading, math) or would it be okay to do history one day a week and geography one day, science, etc.? Or should I wait till 1st grade to do those subjects? 

[Heathermomster]

My eldest sibling was born with severe spina bifida, seizures, and hydrocephelus.  She went blind at about aged 9 yo due to a shunt malfunction.  She was 1.5 years older than me, so we grew up together and were very close as children.  Anyhoo...

 

I can't really speak to the anxiety.  If you haven't done this already, look for a local special needs support group.  My sister took anti-anxiety meds as an adult due to a heart condition.

 

My advice to you is don't panic and teach her in the way that suits you both.  You want structure, so by all means give her structure.  Just try to give yourself some flexibility too for when days don't pan out.  

 

My youngest child is in kindie, and we focus on phonics, math, and handwriting.   We also do read alouds, Bible, and videos.  DD has started going outside and drawing pictures from the yard.  She also puts out bird feeders, bird houses, beads jewelry, and paints.  We also listen to books on tape in the car and house.  That's my family.  Absolutely pursue the subjects that you both love or find interesting because that is the beauty of homeschooling.  If you add too much in a week's time, scale back and enjoy her!

 

ETA:  In a wheelchair, my sister attended a regular kindergarten with healthy kids on a USAF base.   

[geodob]

Your daughters nervousness and concern about getting a wrong answer, is a real concern ?

While you describe it as concern about getting a wrong answer?

Given her other 'difficulties', which at 6 she would no doubt be well aware of?

Also trying to make sense of.

What this concern about getting wrong answers could be ?

Is that a wrong answer could make her worry that she has 'another difficulty'?

Where her response to the eye exam?

Could be not wanting to find out, that she also has an 'eye difficulty'?

 

Though given that her Non-Verbal Learning is the major area impacted.

This suggests a potential strength in Verbal Learning?

Where perhaps her Verbal Learning could be highlighted to her and used to develop a confidence in this area?

So that she can feel free to make mistakes, without worrying that a mistake could mean another 'difficulty'?

 

Maybe you could use the subject of Science to reframe her thinking about making mistakes?

Where you present it as 'Scientific Inquiry'?

Which goes through a 'trial and error process', to understand how something works.

This reframes 'errors', as it is important to try different ways, to work out the best way.

That making errors is how we learn and understand why something is correct.

 

[kbutton]

Anxiety is very, very difficult. My son struggles with it from time to time, but it's usually as a result of him feeling out of control. It's not so much a problem to get him to start something. So, I have some tips, but your mileage may vary since the presentation is a bit different. We had to back off a little our first year at home (third grade)--he was definitely ready intellectually, but he was just overwhelmed in other ways (sensory issues, etc.). We also learned that we have to carefully balance open-ended tasks with well-defined tasks. Some materials are not chunked into specific lessons, and he can only do so much of that before he feels out of control--he wants a list, and he wants to check it.

 

My littler one was nervous a bit about school, and it came out as silliness. He's in K. If he wouldn't read and sound out stuff for me, I often made cards or little matching games on the white board. I would read a word, and he would pick up the card that it was on. When we got to the end of our cards (just a few at a time), he would read them back to me, so it wasn't just cold turkey on his part. His anxiety was minor, but perhaps you can find a way to split the difference with her so that she still has to give you some output, but it's in a less intimidating form. Self-correcting materials are great for this when you can find them (such as matching cards that work only with the right answer). She can figure out on her own that the answer is wrong and then fix it.

 

You will probably think this is a bit underwhelming, but you'll find that the universal advice when a child is resisting something academic is to move it to the whiteboard or do it orally (or add movement if you have a kid who needs activity). Not sure why it works, but it seems to be a great first step to getting kids to comply, chill, etc. That is only one component of what you are talking about, but maybe it just seems more like LIFE and less like SCHOOL to the kids when we do these things.

 

I think geodob has some great insight--if your daughter already feels different, it may be harder to accept anything less that perfection or to have something else (like vision) be wrong. I think it's also a great idea to use her visual strengths (assuming she does have NLD--it sounds like that is not something that is definitively diagnosed yet). I would not avoid stuff, but I would work like crazy to give her confidence and lower the hurdles to the point that she is not anxious about something and can do it without extreme stress. Others whose kids have a type of anxiety more closely related to your daughter's might correct me on this, but delaying stuff or putting it off too far might just make the anxiety get bigger and bigger. You might try to give her chances to make mistakes in areas that are not that important to her if that seems to make the stakes less high in her mind.

 

:grouphug:

[PeterPan]

Hi Ciles, welcome to the board!  :)  Yes, you're absolutely in the right place.  I know at least one other person in the past has discussed chiari issues on the board, so if you search you'll turn up her posts.  

 

Now about the NVLD, I don't want to misspeak as I'm NOT an expert on this, but I think it might help you to cut through the chase and read about spectrum.  http://www.landmark.edu/ld-and-adhd-resources/autism-spectrum-disorder/  Thinking of it as an isolated "learning disorder" might not get you anywhere.  Looking at it more big picture, as part of a larger part of the spectrum that can have all kinds of things (learning styles, thought processes, quirks, areas for intervention, etc.) might get you farther.  Also, it's the horrible truth that labels shift.  So they might call her NVLD now and switch it to autism later.  No matter what, read across labels and open your mind to the TECHNIQUES.  Any technique that will work, from any label, take and use.  This is a cafeteria when you're learning how to work with them, not just one shelf you have to stick to.

 

Yes, I'd hone in on that anxiety and perfectionism and learn techniques, get counseling, whatever you need.  I'm just saying that as one who has chatted with friends over the years.  That's likely to be one of your biggest struggles.

 

As far as the schooling, I'm totally with Heather that you have to teach the way that suits her.  There's no way around it.  You do NOT have to force a curriculum on her.  It's possible to work WITH her interests and WITH what makes her open up.  You can be consistent without being rigid.  You can harness what engages her if curriculum does not.  

 

I identify with your worries about wanting to do the best you can.  That's hard and plagues every homeschooler.  The standard advice when you start homeschooling is to create a homeschooling philosophy, and I HIGHLY encourage you to do this.  Make an educational philosophy statement to drive how you approach your choices.  What are your goals and how will you interpret appropriateness or necessity?  For instance, my goals with my dd were very generic, that she would: love God, love others, and have the skills with which to serve.  With that I was able to interpret, make value-based decisions between options, etc.  But with my ds, who has verbal apraxia, I have to add to that.  Mercy, I haven't even put it into words yet.  It's the value statement that what's INSIDE goes beyond what I see on the outside and not to assume they are the same and to eliminate barriers in his education that would try to limit him.

 

I think for you that idea of *Education without Limits* might be very profound.  It tells you, as a value, that every time you hit on a barrier (physical, learning style, whatever), it's not a hill to die on but something to work around creatively.  Education without limits.  

 

So make your statements on your values, what will drive you, what you're trying to accomplish.  Three or four things will more than do.  

 

I think your ideas for content coverage sound lovely.  I agree with Heather that you are most in sync with your dc and that you are best qualified to know what she's ready to do.  You should NOT feel limited to age norms for content.  If she engages with the world on a mental or visual level and has extreme abilities in certain areas, by all means feed that.  Give her what she's ready for.  

 

I think there are resources on perfectionism and that you'll want to get in sync with them.  I'm no help there, sorry.  Start a thread on it and ask about how the moms TALK with their kids.  It might give you lots of ideas.  There might be books.  There's definitely counseling for the anxiety.  

 

As far as the skills, sometimes they're going to have a very different timetable or need really non-standard coverage.  One friend I have with a dc who had an NVLD label did a lot of the Peggy Kay and Marilyn Burns type stuff for math.  For writing and spelling, it seemed like dyslexia but responded better to the right-brain style techniques you'd use with adhd.  For that, you can read Freed's Right Brained Children in a Left Brained World.  That's why I was suggesting you read across labels.  You might also find The Right Side of Normal by Gaddis encouraging.  I'm not in the non-interventionist camp (at all), but still we need people reminding us that it's ok to see your child as whole and worth something and blossoming, even if the blossoming isn't the blossoming the standard curriculum progression is looking for.

 

 

 

 

[Heathermomster]

I am curious.  Does she have full use of her hands?  Does she receive regular PT and OT?  How is she with number recognition and counting?  I'd like to hear about her likes and what she does to entertain herself.

[ciles]

She was doing weekly PT and OT. We moved states two months ago and are waiting for referrals and such to go through.

 

She's very artsy. She loves watching Bob Ross videos and stuff like that. She loves being read to and she loves doing stuff on the computer- as long as its not something that makes a big deal about errors. She likes mathseeds but not the reading eggs portion of the site. Today we tried Teach Your Monster to Read and she likes that.

 

Her anxiety stems from all her medical stuff. She's had ten surgeries so far and its taken its toll. We did have her in play therapy and she was doing better but we need to find her someone in our new state.

 

We don't have the non-verbal diagnosis. When we talked to her doctor who would diagnosis it she said they wait until older to do so- and it may be an issue we have or it could be a fluke that we have some of the symptoms. It's hard to tell so far. I spend a lot of time worrying before we need to. In this case I just want to make sure I'm giving her a solid foundation just in case she does have learning difficulties.

 

I'm typing on my phone so please excuse any typos.

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

Whatever phonics you use, write the words in large print, uppercase is easiest and clearest, one at a time on a white board and let her use the phonovisual charts, then she can't get them wrong!

 

https://www.phonovisual.com/products.php?id=207

 

https://www.phonovisual.com/products.php?id=205

 

This is a fun online way to supplement phonics that calmly waits until you get the right answer, Read, Write, Type.

 

http://www.talkingfingers.com/

[ciles]

:grouphug:

 

Whatever phonics you use, write the words in large print, uppercase is easiest and clearest, one at a time on a white board and let her use the phonovisual charts, then she can't get them wrong!

 

https://www.phonovisual.com/products.php?id=207

 

https://www.phonovisual.com/products.php?id=205

 

This is a fun online way to supplement phonics that calmly waits until you get the right answer, Read, Write, Type.

 

http://www.talkingfingers.com/

Those look awesome! Thank you so much. I feel like I'm cramming a lot of stuff in my head as I try to wade through curriculums and such and its always nice to get a point in the right direction :) 

 

I feel so overwhelmed!

[ElizabethB]

You can also play my phonics concentration game with her for fun practice, maybe a game would be less pressure? You could use the phonovisual charts with the game as well.

 

http://www.thephonicspage.org/On%20Phonics/concentrationgam.html

 

With all of my younger students, but it sounds like it would be especially helpful in your case, I like to work all or part of the time writing the words from a whiteboard instead of from the book. Writing in large letters (uppercase is easier to write neatly) and letting them pick the white board marker color makes it more fun and seems like less pressure than a book. It doesn't take that much longer than working from the book and helps them focus on the word they are working on.

[SadieMarie]

Anxiety is generally part of NLD, just part of the package.  If you are having to navigate the world with incomplete information it can create a lot anxiety. My dd has NLD and anxiety is our biggest challenge.  We are making progress but it is slow and it is hard.  Dd is also very anxious about being "wrong".  We have tried making mistakes deliberately just to demonstrate that it is OK, the world will not stop spinning.  I say things like "it is learning, not knowing" and "nobody learns without making mistakes,nobody!"   Using a white board to figure out math problems and have me check them one at a time is how we are doing it now.  Then she writes them in her workbook.  Making mistakes on the white board does not bother her as much. I try to point out my own mistakes and model an "oh well, I will just try again attitude."  But I just don't think there is one thing that can address the anxiety or any kind of quick fix.  It is a long process, but it can be overcome.  Did I say that it is hard lol?  

 

For reading progressive phonics has been the best for us, and it is free so it might be worth a try.  I also use Critical Thinking Language Arts.  For math Singapore (with the home instructor's guide, which includes the games and activities) is good.  Ronit Bird is good also, for math games for kids who struggle with math.  We also use Life of Fred.  When dd was at her most anxious about math we did just Life of Fred until she liked math again (about nine months).  Then we were able to go back to Singapore.  Math in narrative form is sort of perfect for kids with NLD.  She is a good year below grade level but making progress.  And as long as we are moving forward, even if it is slow, it is good.

 

I tried different homeschooling "styles" I guess you might say.  And school at home with a very. very, very predictable structure has been best.  Her anxiety is much less when life is very predictable.  Routines are good.  Predictability is good.  When we have to change our schedule, when life interferes with our routine, I just expect a bit less from her and know that it is going to be hard.

[Plink]

Just a hug - I remember that drowning feeling.  It really does get better.  You will find your groove and learn how to teach her well despite her struggles. 

 

You are doing a great job in researching what is best for her.  Go momma!