Mynyel Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 We have been talking about moving for years. I want to and dh wants to however I can't seem to get a fire lit. He keeps talking of moving but won't help me figure out where he wants to go. He either shoots down the place I suggest or, if it a place he somewhat likes, he researches it to death and finds something he doesn't like about it and then hems and haws. So now here is the issue. As I said in my recent post I quit my out of the home job for a work at home job. This job at home entails answering calls for a cruise line. I will need a nice quiet place while I am taking those calls. Unless I sequester myself in my daughters room (which because of the layout of our house cuts off access to my son's room as well) I have no place to take those calls. SO, I have been trying to get him to make a decision on where he wants to go but he won't hardly talk about it and if I do start to talk about it I get a "Here we go again". I would like to move *before* my training is over (which is in May). I would like to find a rental within the next two weeks as I took a two week cushion from work in order to do just that so that if we need to travel we can. He will NOT help me. I found a good rental today in a very nice area and he won't even look at it. I feel like I am stuck in the mud. If I do it on my own he will get... not happy (insert the "p" word here). So WWYD? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 Sounds like he doesn't actually want to move. I guess I would concentrate my efforts on how to make the house you are in work. Challenge him to come up with some ideas on how to rearrange things so that you can do your work in the house you have now. He may come up with some good ideas.... or just trying to make it work may convince him that moving is the better choice. A win either way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynyel Posted March 16, 2013 Author Share Posted March 16, 2013 Sounds like he doesn't actually want to move. I guess I would concentrate my efforts on how to make the house you are in work. Challenge him to come up with some ideas on how to rearrange things so that you can do your work in the house you have now. He may come up with some good ideas.... or just trying to make it work may convince him that moving is the better choice. A win either way! The problem is *I* don't want to make this house work. We rent and this rental, while certainly not the worst, is horrid. It is so ugly we don't invite anyone over and even dh family doesn't like to come over. Even if we clean it still looks dirty. There are ants living in the walls and they have woken up fro winter and are taking over the house again. We have tried and tried to get rid of them and we can't. We have mice, dh is always setting mouse traps. *I* want out of this house. *sigh* I don't know if there is anything to be done. I may just be at an impasse for the time being. I am just so frustrated and I feel like my life is stagnant right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Is there something else going on with him? If your current place is that bad, it seems really weird that he doesn't want to move. Is he having problems with depression or anything else that would make him act Iike this? If he is fine and acting like this for no reason, I would bluntly tell him that you need to move to do your job. He can either help you look for a place, let you do it yourself, or you will have to quit your job. Ask him which option sounds best to him. I'm not a feisty person. As a matter of fact, confrontation makes me sick. But I would not stay in a home all day with my kids in the conditions you have described for no good reason. It is beyond selfish for him to make you and your kids live like that (maybe my issues with rodents are making me overreact here- I can't tell), and it looks like you are going to have to spell that out for him. ((Hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Start moving the bedrooms so you don't have to kick the kids out of theirs. Maybe then he'll see how this doesn't work well. Or go to bed and stay there till the ants are gone. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Not sure what state you are in, but ant infestation and mouse infestation would be issues for housing authority. Even if it is a private rental, the owner needs to take care of those issues. In CA I am 99.9% sure I could call an exterminator, pay and deduct it from my rent. Check your state. Won't make it prettier, but maybe livable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 For some people making decisions about change is difficult. We have often been in that sort of impasse. My approach would be to say: "You have said you want to move. Unless you clearly say you DON'T want to, I am going to go ahead and arrange it. If we go this route, I'd like you to look at places with me, but if you don't, I'll be happy to make the decision." Without this approach we'd still be living together with no kids! When we decided to get married dh said that getting married was like buying a new shirt - he didn't know if he'd like it until he'd actually done it. (That's MY romantic proposal story.) So it's always been like that - it's my job to turn ideas into action around here :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 For some people making decisions about change is difficult. We have often been in that sort of impasse. My approach would be to say: "You have said you want to move. Unless you clearly say you DON'T want to, I am going to go ahead and arrange it. If we go this route, I'd like you to look at places with me, but if you don't, I'll be happy to make the decision." I like this approach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 It really depends on yours and DH's relationship. My DH is similar in that he only sees the negative and then fails to go forward. Since I am lazy, this means we do not have much gumption or change in our lives. Nevertheless, when I want to move I just put the house up for sale and go for it. I pack all the boxes except his office and clothes. Somehow he always seems to move with the rest of us. LOL! So my vote is to start packing when you find another house. It is nice that you are renting and can just leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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