I want to re-discover the JOY in homeschooling

[Pam L in Mid Tenn]

As a lot of you know, we've had tons of sickness, financial strain, and other issues that have completely burned me out. I asked earlier this week on the general board for some tips to take care of myself.

 

Yesterday afternoon, remembering that several ladies mentioned the "tip" of enjoying nature and getting some exercise by taking a walk. So, I decided to do just that. I walked a mile on the trail around the pond in our neighborhood. I hated it and got more distraught as I walked.

 

OK, I am getting sidetracked... back to the point....

 

Dh came home and found me crying in the bedroom. He had not even taken his coat off and I blasted him with tears, anger, frustration, and discouragement. I told him that school is just not getting done, not even with the kids that are well. I'm barely keeping the house tidy, behind in laundry, stuggling to put a meal on the table every night. I'm certainly not a loving , encouraging, supportive MOM right now at all.

 

After he got over the shock of being bombared with my outburst, he calmly said, "If school is not getting done, then we need to think about putting the kids in public school."

 

OK... relief.... I felt some pressure lift off my shoulders. Now, I know the responbility of education would STILL be on my shoulders, but at that moment I felt a little better.

 

This morning I've mainly tidied up the house, did a little laundry, spent some time online just relaxing, and thinking.

 

Thinking..... I really do not want to put the kids in school..... I just want to re capture the JOY of homeschooling. I used to LOVE this job. Housework and cooking were lower priorities because home schooling and engaging my kids, seeing them understand or find an interesting fact, or enjoy a science experiment were all just a DELIGHT to me.

 

We moved, the kids morphed into teens, financial struggles have taken so much of my brain, and everything else in the past year and a half have taken over my primary thoughts.

 

I just want to get back to LOVING my family well and ENJOYING teaching and guiding them along the way.

 

Any suggestions to how I can practially and actually DO that????

 

Thanks, (again)

Pam

[JennW in SoCal]

{{{Oh Pam!}}} :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I know you've got a senior and the mental pressures of feeling that with teens higher level homeschooling needs to be more, just MORE. But, maybe you should take a break from homeschooling until January. Mentally tell yourself that you are not going to prepare or review lessons, that all you are going to sit on the couch with a warm blankie, a cup of tea (or coffee or cocoa) and read books followed by watching old movies at night. Bake things. Knit. Listen to audio books and do jigsaw puzzles.

 

Force a vacation upon yourselves, let yourself grieve and recover from everything that has happened in your life. Then reconnect as a family and start up with homeschooling in January.

 

My kids had a year of my being mostly absent while taking care of my mother's affairs while she was in and out of nursing homes and hospitals. The kids and I read aloud, listened to audio books, starting watching Lost episodes on DVD and watched old movies, and it ended up being ok. I was sure I had ruined their education for good, but once I recovered we started regular homeschooling again and they picked right back up.

 

One more :grouphug:

[Faithr]

Well, here's my 2 cents worth of advice! You have to imagine yourself doing all that, loving, teaching and guiding. Maybe it will help to break it down. As for loving them I would say sit and make a list of all the things you love about your family. You are not allowed to put anything negative down because you've had way too much practice lately being negative. Now you need to practice being positive, so only write down good things. I have actually done this little exercise once or twice and at first I couldn't think of anything or I wrote down a thing or two very begrudingly but when I made myself stick to it I started coming up with more and more things until I had a very long list indeed! Then tuck it under your pillow in your top drawer or whereever and when you feel that anxiety start to take control take out your list and read it to yourself! If you are feeling so negative that you can't read it silently without the bad thoughts crowding your attention, read it out loud to yourself. I'm not kidding! I actually found I had to do that to really read the list!

 

Also, another trick that I think I got from some selfhelp book I read a long time ago. When those negative thoughts/anxiety start to crowd your brain, pretend like they are a dc you are sick of listening to. Imagine yourself hitting eject, taking out the cd and putting in one that is soothing and positive. I find that when I get in the habit of being cranky, dissatisfied, negative, angry I have to work to break that habit of thinking. You can choose to be happy even if life is less than ideal. It is very tough and we can often falter, but if the main thrust of your thinking is towards choosing to be positive, you'll go a long way to fighting the blues.

 

For the teaching part, it helps me to journal every day what got accomplished. This makes me have a sense of control over things. On days when it has been frustrating, journaling helps me to see that we did get something done and it also makes me aware of what we need to focus on for the next. But very often when I journal I realize we did better than I thought (because those negative thoughts were making me see the glass as half empty).

 

And the guiding will come as you recover that loving feeling and feel equipped to deal with teaching again.

 

Do you pray? My mom used to always say this prayer to us when we were upset or anxious: Let nothing disturb thee, Let nothing affright thee; All things are passing; God alone is changeless; Patience gains all things; He who hath God, wanteth nothing; God alone sufficeth.

 

It is a very good prayer to pray when you feel you've hit rock bottom.

[lllll]

Posted by Jenn: But, maybe you should take a break from homeschooling until January.

 

 

:iagree: I've taken those breaks for a whole lot less. If you need it, you need it. Why doesn't really matter, does it???

 

HTH

Kathy

[Michelle in AL]

This may have been considered in your previous thread, but what did you enjoy before?

 

What brought you joy the last time you had it in your life? Make a list of all those things. Make time to do one of them each day. It might not get done each day, but you can shoot for everyday as a goal.

 

What brought joy to your homeschool before? Consider focusing on just one of those elements. For example if it was science, focus on science more for now. Do fun experiments, review Discover magazine etc. Let the other subjects be more self study.

 

If you can't take off until Jan, consider a couple weeks.

 

What has helped you get out of funks before? For me it was fun field trips. Try and find something inexpensive that may be similar.

 

Reconnect as a family: read alouds, weekly game night etc.

 

Some sort of daily Bible study helps me.

 

If life is just too overwhelming, many have used ps successfully. That is an option too.

[Susan C.]

Hi Pam,

I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. There was a thread awhile back about homeschooling teens, maybe someone with better computer skills can put a link on this thread....

 

Teens are hard (but I dearly love mine!). I have a 16 and 20 year old. It is not the same as when the kids were younger and we just curled up on the couch and read cool books. Teens are moody, and go in spurts. I think I have conquered things and things seem to be going well, and then we get drifting, uncompleted school work, etc. Dh and I had back injuries at the same time right after the death of my dad, and I lamented at having to deal with all of that (and being in terrible pain) and homeschooling middle and high school. I had a friend that encouraged me and told me that if we did school half of the time (and tried the other half), we would do better than public schools. They have under an hour per class, and sometimes a lot of that is taken up with discipline problems. Another mom told me that her daughter took Spanish 3 at the public high school here, and didn't do anything the whole semester, and she still got the credit. A few kids at my church announced that their geometry teacher was fired (after they failed) and the school changed their grades. Even on our worst days, we do much better than that! If we send them to public, we have to deal with their pace and curriculum with no flexibility. Of course, there are great teachers there and great classes, but you are not guaranteed that. I am glad that when we had two parent deaths in a year (and the kids lost two grandparents), that we could slow the pace a little so we could all grieve and adjust. School did get accomplished that two years (in two years, two parents died, both backs hurt, and a 9 month job loss). Was it wonderful, no. But it wouldn't have been any less stressful to send the kids to school. Change doesn't always mean better!

 

I would suggest if possible to go on a strict schedule and use curriculum that the kids can do by themselves most of the time. I made up my own way of coping, yours may be different. I needed space, so I stayed up after everyone went to bed and got all school corrected, assignments written, and the kids woke up to their stack of books, corrected work, and directions of what to do. Sometimes I even watched a movie! When the kids got up, there was several hours of things they could do without me, so I slept in. I would wake up in time to catch their questions. Also, I didn't do any curriculum that needed me, I picked things that "ran themselves." All directions, examples, instruction (math dvds) was there. Just do it, and I will correct and give minimal input. You don't have to do this forever, just when things are rough.

 

Hope this helps, I'll write more if I think of more!

[jld]

Pam, it sounds like you just needed your dh to say you are not trapped, that school can be your out if you need it to be. And just hearing that, just being released from that trapped feeling, was all you needed to realize that you do want to homeschool your kids.

 

You're not trapped in homeschooling. You may be trapped, at least temporarily, in financial problems, or health problems, or what have you (I'm sorry; I don't know your story), but you are not forced to homeschool. That said, you are saving yourself tons of hassles by not sending your kids to school (extra expenses and peer pressure come to mind). I would urge you to continue homeschooling, whatever form that may take for the next few months (unschooling might be a good choice for a while). The joy is still in your heart, and it will envelop you again.

 

It does seem like a lot of homeschooling moms have a hard time transitioning from the younger years, when we moms have so much control, in every way, over everything we do with our children, to the older years, when kids have to assume more and more responsibility, in every way, for their studies and lives in general. You may want to put less emphasis on teaching, and more on guiding (when asked) and supporting your kids. It will help any parent's relationship with a teenager.

 

And I totally agree with what someone said about doing whatever would be most nurturing to yourself right now, whatever that would be for you (not someone else). Baby yourself, in whatever way you can. The love and peace you will feel from that will spill over onto your kids and dh. Taking care of mama is a win-win for everyone.

 

Best of luck!:)

[HerdingCats]

:grouphug:

I have been discouraged and overwhelmed at different times, especially recently. I'll tell you what has given me a new lease on life right now is a DAY OFF each week. If you can arrange it, take a day totally for yourself and do anything you want not related to schooling. I cleaned my house for a little bit this morning, went out in the afternoon to do a little shopping. My dh was laid off in September and has offered to take the kids to the co-op group on Fridays. I think for the me the underlying issue has been feeling like I have utterly no life outside of schooling these kids. I think it began to suck the joy out of the homeschooling for me because I was subconsciously resentful for the way it has taken over my life, my house, my future, my spending, my friend time (or lack thereof!), etc. We still have financial strain, the house still isn't perfect, the subjects still don't all get done, but I feel like I am back in the driver's seat of my life again. It has made a huge difference.

 

Secondly, I know your kids are older, but they're still likely to enjoy some project type activities. I would do something together like that and put the other subjects on the back burner for a week or two. I am trying to remember that along with the rigors of the math book and writing assignments, I still want to make fun memories together as a part of our homeschool experience. Make a map out of cookie dough, do a science project that sounds fun, go on some field trips. Do the things YOU think are fun until your enthusiasm returns.

[Wildiris]

For the moment you might be relieved and a weight may temporarily be lifted, but sending kids to back to school may not solve your problem. There are some days when I think the answer to why nothing gets done at home would be easily solved by sending the kids to school...I'm already driving to the bus stop in my mind. The truth of the matter is that going to school will most likely not solve the problem. I've concluded that I badger the kids at home to complete their work and stay on task, and I badger them when someone else is teaching them at school and I am still doing most of the teaching of them at home. It is frustrating!

 

Taking time off....well why not get you kids reading and take some time to redefine your goals and get the kids to define their goals and together design a plan to achieve those goals. Make charts, use planners, get out the calendar, and consult colleges, trade schools and junior college admissions requirements. Try to cultivate a new perspective. (Much easier said than done.)

 

When my two sons were very young and we were on an airplane going to Loved Ones mother's wedding, an older couple next to us smiled and chatted us up. They had grown children. They installed a payphone in their house because the phone became such a problem with their teenage children. What I remember most about this couple was what they both called the teenage years: "The tolerance years." And they were right. Parenting a teen, probably even a "good" teen, draws on your reserves of tolerance.

 

Take a deep breath. It is going to be OK.

[Nan in Mass]

Do you think you might be depressed? If so, then unfortunately you may not feel much joy no matter how many good things you do until you get undepressed.

 

If you aren't depressed, then I think you should find a learning something you all like to do and do it together each day. Maybe it is reading novels aloud together, or learning new rounds to sing, or watching history or science videos, or doing science experiments or doing art. We do better if we have something fun to do after a hard subject or two first thing.

 

I find learning something new cheering. One time, I got an art book called Paint Yourself Happy and my son and I worked our way through it. We did math and art and nothing else every day for a three weeks until I felt better.

 

Hang in there.

-Nan

[lisabees]

I don't have any answers, but want to send out big hugs to you. I have been in that joyless place before and it had nothing to do with homeschooling. But, it can can be a lonely, confusing and dark place. Allow yourself to embrace your feelings - it's okay to feel overwhelmed and joyless. Take a few weeks to talk about - here, with your dh, with your friends. In a few weeks, I bet the answer will be clear.

 

I do wonder if your kids have lost the joy. What would they choose? HS or PS? Maybe it's a good time to explore their desires, as well.

 

I love hs. I have only done it a total of 3 1/2 months though! :lol: I enjoy getting up every morning. I have that joy, in this honeymoon phase of mine. But, doing this for years, without freedom to do what I want, would certainly be overwhelming. Don't sacrifice your needs for everyone else's.

 

I know this is a hs board, but you wouldn't be a failure if you sent them to ps. There really are some wonderful things about it. And you're not a failure because you are missing the joy right now. Don't make any decisions, though, until you have given yourself time to hash things out and talk freely about it.

 

Btw, I love the idea to take one day off a week, especially if your kids are older!

 

Best wishes.

[Mommyfaithe]

As a lot of you know, we've had tons of sickness, financial strain, and other issues that have completely burned me out. I asked earlier this week on the general board for some tips to take care of myself.

 

Yesterday afternoon, remembering that several ladies mentioned the "tip" of enjoying nature and getting some exercise by taking a walk. So, I decided to do just that. I walked a mile on the trail around the pond in our neighborhood. I hated it and got more distraught as I walked.

 

OK, I am getting sidetracked... back to the point....

 

Dh came home and found me crying in the bedroom. He had not even taken his coat off and I blasted him with tears, anger, frustration, and discouragement. I told him that school is just not getting done, not even with the kids that are well. I'm barely keeping the house tidy, behind in laundry, stuggling to put a meal on the table every night. I'm certainly not a loving , encouraging, supportive MOM right now at all.

 

After he got over the shock of being bombared with my outburst, he calmly said, "If school is not getting done, then we need to think about putting the kids in public school."

 

OK... relief.... I felt some pressure lift off my shoulders. Now, I know the responbility of education would STILL be on my shoulders, but at that moment I felt a little better.

 

This morning I've mainly tidied up the house, did a little laundry, spent some time online just relaxing, and thinking.

 

Thinking..... I really do not want to put the kids in school..... I just want to re capture the JOY of homeschooling. I used to LOVE this job. Housework and cooking were lower priorities because home schooling and engaging my kids, seeing them understand or find an interesting fact, or enjoy a science experiment were all just a DELIGHT to me.

 

We moved, the kids morphed into teens, financial struggles have taken so much of my brain, and everything else in the past year and a half have taken over my primary thoughts.

 

I just want to get back to LOVING my family well and ENJOYING teaching and guiding them along the way.

 

Any suggestions to how I can practially and actually DO that????

 

Thanks, (again)

Pam

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am looking forward to reading these responses. I am right there with you.

:lurk5:

[brendafromtenn]

Pam,

 

What are the ages of your children and what are they doing to help YOU around the house?

 

(((HUGS))) from West TN!:grouphug:

 

Brenda

[Pam L in Mid Tenn]

Thanks for all the responses. I think I mainly need to REST, REST, and REST some more. It is Saturday and I'll deal with school next week.:001_smile:

:grouphug:

Pam