Would you encourage a kid to stop an expesive sport/class?

[Heather in Neverland]

I am so glad I read this thread. Our youngest ds shows signs of athletic ability and dh and I have been discussing what types of things to let him try. We discussed things like cost and time involved over the long haul and we eventually decided NOT to even try things like gymnastics, for instance, because of what I have learned here on the boards about the time involved. I was never in gymnastics but I learned so much from reading what some of you do and it really helped us focus on something else less time- and money-consuming.

 

Not to say that it isn't "right" for someone else...each family has to decide that themselves...but it did save us from having to make a tough decision like this down the road. So thanks! (mental note: take competitive swimming off to-do list :D).

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I am so glad I read this thread. Our youngest ds shows signs of athletic ability and dh and I have been discussing what types of things to let him try. We discussed things like cost and time involved over the long haul and we eventually decided NOT to even try things like gymnastics, for instance, because of what I have learned here on the boards about the time involved. I was never in gymnastics but I learned so much from reading what some of you do and it really helped us focus on something else less time- and money-consuming.

 

Not to say that it isn't "right" for someone else...each family has to decide that themselves...but it did save us from having to make a tough decision like this down the road. So thanks! (mental note: take competitive swimming off to-do list :D).

 

And then on the other hand, it's possible to go down these roads and not be uber-competitive or team-focused. Dd was in gymnastics for three years and to this day will speak of how the lessons she learned from merely challenging herself once or twice a week have affected her focus and body sense and discipline. So you don't have to go for "best" in the field.

 

I do understand what you're saying, though. We made enormous sacrifices of time, money, and family for ds's music. Who knew that joining a choir and a few years of violin lessons would have started something so intense, but? (And that was a fairly low-cost, non-time-intensive option -- back then.) It's unpredictable where life takes you. I wish we had had such a vision so firmly in place regarding time/money/commitment when we were considering stuff back then. Although I guess I know we were walking the right path, and I really should not second-guess our decisions.

 

However, I will say that we just found out from his fraternity website that among the (actual) prestigious awards and acknowledgments from both in-house awards and scholarships from his college and from elsewhere among his fraternity brothers, he holds the 2009 Guitar Hero Championship title for the school. So it was all worth it, I reckon. :glare: :willy_nilly: :blink: :eek:

 

 

:smilielol5:

[Nan in Mass]

If he is in with a good group of friends, I think that is worth lots of time and money right there.

 

...and...

 

We gave up a lot for gymnastics, but one thing we keep refusing to give up is long family vacations and peacewalking. We pull the boys out of practice for most of the summer, and they miss when they are off trying to save the world. Both of these things have made them less able to compete well but have given their bodies a break, have kept us together as a close family, and kept their priorities straight. I have to say that gymnastics hasn't hurt us as a family because all the boys did it at the same gym. The car time alone, even if the boys are doing their math during it, is close family time.

 

-Nan

[Osmosis Mom]

I have one kid in soccer who loves it. It is his air. I can't imagine taking it away from him and I am not sure it'd do any good. My kids were also doing karate very intensely and had to give that up due to finances. Oldest dd in college was recently in a show doing karate and shone. I strongly felt that all the hours tkaing them and all the money spent was definitely worth it to see this level of not proficiency, but self-confidence. Which is really what is my main focus for ds 13. Plus we always wanted him to have an energetic outlet before hitting the teens. I did not pursue gymnastics to being with for the time and money commitment, though, even though he would have marvelled at that as well!

[Jenny in Florida]

Not to say that it isn't "right" for someone else...each family has to decide that themselves...but it did save us from having to make a tough decision like this down the road. So thanks! (mental note: take competitive swimming off to-do list :D).

 

One of the things we tried to do from the very beginning with our kids was to be very clear about the potential path for anything they tried. In other words, I never let them sign up for the first lesson if I wasn't prepared to follow that path to the end.

 

This is why my son never did Boy Scouts. We have religious/moral challenges with the organization. I kept having people tell me that none of it would be a problem in the early years, but I wasn't going to allow my son to get involved with the group and fall in love with the people and start thinking of it as part of his life . . . only to pull the rug out from under him later.

 

And, likewise, those who remember my thread about Civil Air Patrol a few months ago may also remember that my concern was about the long-term situation. And this is why we could never really throw ourselves into letting our son start a martial art. I'm sure the beginning would be fine and manageable, but if I'm not willing to follow the path to the end, I don't take the first step.

 

So, when my kids expressed an interest in gymnastics, we signed them up for once weekly lessons. But I had thought it through and knew that, if one of them decided this was IT, I was prepared to support the interest. Ditto with ballet and theatre and choir and music lessons.

 

Now, of course, they're kids. So, the majority of the time, they try things out, do them for a for maybe as long as a few years, then move on. And that's fine, too. But this approach at least saves us from having to make tough decisions down the road.

 

So, I think it's very wise to know your boundaries and make that clear from the beginning.

[Nan in Mass]

We did this, too.

[Heather in Neverland]

One of the things we tried to do from the very beginning with our kids was to be very clear about the potential path for anything they tried. In other words, I never let them sign up for the first lesson if I wasn't prepared to follow that path to the end.

.

 

Exactly! Here in Michigan, hockey is a very popular extra-curricular for the kids. My BFF is a hockey mom and both of her kids have played for YEARS. This season alone she has spent over $16,000 on fees, equipment, ice time, tournaments, travel, etc. etc. :svengo: Neither of her children are "great"...just average. Neither of them "live and breathe" hockey...but they do like it. Neither of them will get a scholarship and with what hockey costs the parents, they might not have much money for college either.

 

Does my friend regret putting them in hockey? In some ways, yes. Looking back she wishes she would have set more boundaries for it...like, you can play on a local team but no travel teams, etc. But these things take on a life of their own, ya know? And she did not take the time to look farther down the road at where this all may lead and set the boundaries in advance.

 

I figure if my kids are never in hockey or gymnastics or insert money/time-consuming hobby here, they will never miss it. But if I put them in something knowing full well that it has the POTENTIAL to be more time- and money-consuming than dh and I are willing to commit to, and then my kids really love it, and then I have to pull them out because it does not line up with our family's values regarding time and money...it is my fault.

 

So we do things that the kids enjoy but are not overly expensive and do not consume all their free time but will benefit them in the future whether they become professionals at it or not.

 

For the record, I do admire those who go full force into something like gymnastics and take it to the olympic level. I think they are amazing! It's just not for us.

[In The Great White North]

By the way, I never realized swimming was that expensive!

 

It really doesn't have to be. None of the teams in our area cost $6000 a year.

[Tap]

It really doesn't have to be. None of the teams in our area cost $6000 a year.

 

It isn't just team costs. The coaches fee is $140/month. The pool fee $45. But adding in equipment, gear, travel, eating out, extras due to swimming in our regular life.... it costs us $500/mth. The real time cost, is $6,000.

[Nan in Mass]

We banned anything that required lots of protective equipment: hockey, football, ... And now I look at what my children are doing and think, "Hmm... There is no protective equipment on the child except a little chalk and a strip of leather... a bit more would be rather nice... and gymnastics requires even more protective equipment than hockey if you take into account that the entire room except the ceiling is lined with extremely expensive padding." LOL

[Jenny in Florida]

It isn't just team costs. The coaches fee is $140/month. The pool fee $45. But adding in equipment, gear, travel, eating out, extras due to swimming in our regular life.... it costs us $500/mth. The real time cost, is $6,000.

 

I believe it. Out of curiosity, I added up what we've spent on my son's dancing this year. The basic tuition is only $155 per month for ballet and character. However, when you add in assorted fees, shoes, clothing, extra tuition for the two classes he takes at a different studio and tickets for us to see his performances, it's well over $3,000. That's before you count travel or the additional restaurant and drive-though meals we eat because we don't have time to go home.

 

And mine's only 11 and doesn't compete.

[SherryTX]

Dd10 doesn't mind him swimming, in fact sometimes it ends up with her getting more one on one time, because he is busy. Dd10 takes her own classes and has her own interests, and they don't overlap, so it really doesn't affect her.

 

Dd2, is in bed when I am picking the boys up at night (I do the pick-up part of carpool), so she misses only about 15 minutes a night with me.

 

For meets, dh and usually split days, so dd10 doesn't have to usually go, we avoid having the toddler there.

 

The only thing it really affects is when we take vacations, we have to be respectful of the meet schedule.

 

I am away from the house 20 hours a week for work. Part of my paycheck does go to swimming, but I would work anyways. I always have. I need to work, for my own mental health. The money would just go to something else if swimming wasn't in the picture. My paycheck has always paid for classes, tutors, lessons etc, any thing that was optional. If he stopped swimming, he would pick up his other activities, that while they weren't as expensive...weren't cheap either.

 

So, really it doesn't affect them too much.

 

Well - if it isn't a matter of money really, and you are going to work anyway, I would just let it go for now. Check in with him again in 6 months. If you are not that concerned that he because a champion or something and more that he is doing something he loves, then why changing it up? He must know he isn't the strongest swimmer already, so if he wants to keep going, and you can afford it and it doesn't take too much at of you, why change?

 

By the way - I totally get needing to work. I was laid off two months ago (I have worked from home for most of the last 4 years) and it is driving me insane. I do some freelance stuff on the side every now and then but it isn't enough. You gotta take care of your own needs - and glad to see you are able to do that with your work! =)

[Tap]

Well - if it isn't a matter of money really, and you are going to work anyway, I would just let it go for now. Check in with him again in 6 months. If you are not that concerned that he because a champion or something and more that he is doing something he loves, then why changing it up? He must know he isn't the strongest swimmer already, so if he wants to keep going, and you can afford it and it doesn't take too much at of you, why change?

 

By the way - I totally get needing to work. I was laid off two months ago (I have worked from home for most of the last 4 years) and it is driving me insane. I do some freelance stuff on the side every now and then but it isn't enough. You gotta take care of your own needs - and glad to see you are able to do that with your work! =)

 

I think this is where I am ending up in the process after reading everyone's posts. I understand that some people wouldn't even consider it a choice; I used to think that way too, so I can completely respect that POV.

 

I don't see anyone saying they invested greatly in their kids and regretted it later. I guess that is what I was looking for, some of that BTDT advice that said, stop, run away now! I didn't get that, and I don't feel that myself, so I guess we will keep plugging along!

 

I hope you find a job soon! It is really hard to be the type of person who enjoys a working career, and to be forced to stay home. My company just went through a cut in hours in lieu of layoffs and my seniority saved me. I was worried that since I was part time vs everyone else's full time, I would get cut first. I really thought hard about staying home for a while, dh just laughed at me and said 'yeah, right!" He knows that I don't do well with no money, and too much time on my hands!

[Tap]

I believe it. Out of curiosity, I added up what we've spent on my son's dancing this year. The basic tuition is only $155 per month for ballet and character. However, when you add in assorted fees, shoes, clothing, extra tuition for the two classes he takes at a different studio and tickets for us to see his performances, it's well over $3,000. That's before you count travel or the additional restaurant and drive-though meals we eat because we don't have time to go home.

 

And mine's only 11 and doesn't compete.

 

That is just it, when we started (at the first swim club we joined) we were told to expect $100 mth for dues, some meets at $20 a piece, and fundraising buy outs (I don't fund-raise) of $100 per year. That price was no problem.....except it wasn't the truth. I really thought it was going to be $150 mth. HA, Ha, Ha. The person who told me this is the owner of the first team we were on, since then I found out there was more dishonesty too. I really wish that when parents start out, they got a real time estimate of what the costs are going to be. I hear it all the time from parents of kids in all sports, that the true costs aren't really talked about up front. The suck your kids in, then they start the nickle and diming.

[phathui5]

I doubt I would ever go get a job to pay for my child's 'extracurricular' activities.

 

I would. I work from home to be able to afford our homeschooling, me staying home, etc. A sport they really love would be along the same lines for me.

[Kim in Appalachia]

My kids swim, so I understand about the practices and the meets (our program is not expensive, or we could not do it with all of our kids, but I do know what normal programs cost)

 

I also know that at 15 your son moves up to the last division and the competition is much harder. My oldest is about to turn 15 and will be in that division too. She is not that great of a swimmer. She made it to states in 2 events, and unless something changes I don't know if she will be able to make the cuts for women's next year. But she loves swimming. She just loves to swim. She feels relaxed and happy when she swims. It is a great outlet for her. Because we homeschool it provides her with social contact. It is great exercise and fun for all of the kids.

 

If your son feels like it is worth the cost, and you are willing to keep financing it, then I would continue doing it. I know it is a strain, but your ds will be in his last year of swimming before you know it. It goes by quickly. As for swimming in college, there all small schools that do offer scholarships to swimmers (I'm not talking about Div I, II or III). Even if your son is not a great swimmer, he may still be able to compete at college, if he wants.

 

I have my own swimming dilemma. My 2nd dd, who is 11, is a good swimmer. She is built to swim. Our program is small and only meets 3 days a week during the school year, it's also an hour away. By the time this dd reaches 15 she will no longer be able to compete because she does not get enough practice. I have to decide if I want to put her in an expensive program, also an hour away, plus drive to it 5 or 6 times a week. There are so many hard decisions to make when it comes to our children.

[homeschool_mom]

I think if he’s enjoying it and you can afford it, you should allow him to stay in swimming. I agree with the other poster who said that there are so many other benefits to being in sports. Is your family enjoying watching him during the weekends?

In deciding whether or not to stop swimming, I would take the fact that he doesn’t have talent out of the equation.

My situation isn’t identical, but my son didn’t have talent and wanted to quit, but because I had spent the money up front, I wanted him to continue going. This make get long, so scroll to the end for the quick summary. J

Several years ago, I signed up for one of those package karate deals—where you pay a

huge sum up front and you get to keep going until you reach a certain belt level. We did a trial month and my son really enjoyed it, so I felt good about paying for the package. He had no talent at all. They kept passing him up to the next belt level, even though he clearly wasn’t ready for it. I talked with the instructor and told him NOT to do this because it seemed like he wasn’t really learning what he needed at each level. The instructor suggested that my son start sparring to increase his skills and attend more times per week. My son thought this was a great idea, so I spent a lot of money on all the sparring pads and equipment.

My son never told me that he didn’t think he had talent—so I’m not 100% that he consciously realized that, but he started hating to go to karate. Even though he could go as many times per week as he wanted to, he was going two times a week. It was right by our house, so it was convenient. He stopped sparring almost immediately, but I encouraged him to continue attending regularly. He started going less and less, and I finally let him quit.

There were so many reasons that I wanted him (and I thought he wanted) to be in karate. He is not athletic or coordinated so karate would help with this and also give him a boost in confidence. Because I spent the money up front, I continued making him attend, even though it seemed he would never have ‘karate talent.’ My son still hasn’t really discovered anything he really enjoys doing, despite trying out many activities. A lot of kids never discover something that they really enjoy doing, so I think it’s great that your son really found something he loves.

[In The Great White North]

As for swimming in college, there all small schools that do offer scholarships to swimmers (I'm not talking about Div I, II or III).

 

Would you, by any chance, have a list of these?

[~Jenn~]

I haven't read through all the posts but I'd have to say "Yes".

 

If swimming truly is a passion and a love for him, and you can afford to allow him to continue then I would let him.

 

I forget how old you mentioned he is..is he old enough to work some small side jobs and earn some extra money to help with the costs?

[staceyobu]

I wouldn't encourage a child to quit for lack of talent. What if he was the most talented swimmer and looked like he was headed for the Olympics? But then got injured or burned out? I guess I'm just thinking you can never think of sports in terms of the pay off. Maybe he'll get a scholarship for it... or maybe not.

 

If he enjoys it and it works okay for your family, I'd keep at it. I spent most evenings/weekends as a teenager tied up with something (working, drill team, ice skating, etc). I would think swimming would be good exercise and something he can continue doing for the rest of his life as a hobby. I also don't think it's that much money. :leaving: My parents spent a fortune on my ice skating (and I wasn't that good at all). It seems that most sports can get pretty expensive as you advance. I'd be interested to know what you can be fairly competitive in that is cheap.

 

It does say a lot to me that he quit a more recreational team to train harder. Can he still swim in college even if he doesn't get a scholarship? I'm just thinking that could be such a good outlet for a high school and college boy.

[Tap]

Thanks again everyone for taking the time to discuss this with me. It really helps to see different points of view.

 

I am going to be off the board for a few days, so if there are any more questions/comments that come up, I will check in after my board break. I just don't want anyone to think that I stopped reading, I will be eager to catch up next week.

 

Please continue to post, I find everyones feedback very helpful.:D

[Tap]

 

It does say a lot to me that he quit a more recreational team to train harder. Can he still swim in college even if he doesn't get a scholarship? I'm just thinking that could be such a good outlet for a high school and college boy.

 

 

If he makes the college team, and had the time, and interest, I am sure he probably could. I agree that it is a very good physical outlet for anyone.

 

His coach is a former college coach, so I know he will be well prepared for that level of competition if he continues.

[Tap]

 

 

I have my own swimming dilemma. My 2nd dd, who is 11, is a good swimmer. She is built to swim. Our program is small and only meets 3 days a week during the school year, it's also an hour away. By the time this dd reaches 15 she will no longer be able to compete because she does not get enough practice. I have to decide if I want to put her in an expensive program, also an hour away, plus drive to it 5 or 6 times a week. There are so many hard decisions to make when it comes to our children.

 

We faced this last year when he switched teams. His practice is now 30+ minutes away, but in rush hour traffic, it turns into 60 minutes. He is only allowed to swim 5-6 practices because I can't drive there twice a day. I do carpool with other parents so I pick just pick up 4 days a week. It helps a lot! Do you have someone you can carpool, even part way with? You may even put the word out for other people who may be going to the same area for other sports or who may also want to join the team? I know it is hard to find reliable parents though.