bethben Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Dh and I have been trying for 2 years to adopt. We basically picked the wrong country and the wrong agency. We're lost our tolerance to wait longer (it could be more than a year yet). We've looked into other countries and even domestically which seems impossible also. So, we're now thinking getting pregnant again. I'll be 39 in March and already have 1 child with a Chromosome disorder (my first- born when I was 29). Should I worry? Or is there a decent chance we'll have a healthy little person? Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendi Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I would think you'd need to see a geneticist to find out the statistics related to your child's chromosome disorder, and the chances of similar (or other) problems in a future child. Also your OB/GYN could tell you about the risks over 35. I hope you can get some good info. :grouphug: Wendi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat19 Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 My aunt(who was 44 at the time) just had a healthy baby girl 6 months ago. No problems during pregnancy either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidsnbooks8 Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I don't know about disorders and what the chances are for anyone. It can happen to anyone at anytime. I have had 3 children after 35, I am now 42.(I was 40 with my last one) All are fine and pregnancies were fine. So, I would go for it, but that is just me.:001_smile: Best wishes as you make your decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SapphireStitch Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Obviously we don't know what factors you might have that might cause a chromosonal problem. I think the recommendation for genetic testing/counseling is a good one. I was 38 (almost 39) when my son was born. In between kids I developed fibromyalgia, but that actually seemed to improve during pregnancy. I have another medical condition that caused both kids to be born at 33 weeks, but that was neither improved nor worsened by my age. (And at the time I got pregnant with DS, my doctors and I did not realize I would experience this with each pregnancy.) For me, the harder part of having a baby in my late 30's has been motherhood. With fibro and old age :) I do not crawl around on the floor to play with my son like I did with my daughter. My patience is less for some things, and a lot greater for some other things. I tolerate a lot less noise than I used to, but nighttime feedings didn't wipe me out like they did the first time. I have to say that being 46 and teaching a first grader is sometimes a BIG challenge. I do have friends in the same boat, but they have many children and have been teaching all the stages all along. I'm finding myself having to reorient myself all the time, between relating to an adult child who still lives with us and her little brother. One minute I'm discussing relationships, politics, and Contra Dancing, the next it's Legos and boogers. :lol: I think if you were planning to add to your family via adoption anyway, and if you can feel comfortable about the risks you may face, that another pregnancy might be a really great thing for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnetteB Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 (edited) I don't know about disorders and what the chances are for anyone. It can happen to anyone at anytime. I have had 3 children after 35, I am now 42.(I was 40 with my last one) All are fine and pregnancies were fine. So, I would go for it, but that is just me.:001_smile: Best wishes as you make your decision. We've had 5 after 34 (43 with the last one) and feel the same way. Edited February 28, 2009 by AnnetteB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catalinakel Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I had my first at 38 and my second at 40, then four miscarriages. I had a friend who had the same experience as me, 2 close to 40, then four miscarriages. We opted to have dh's tube cut after 4 miscarriages because I did not want to continue miscarrying. My friend used hormones to help her pregnancy hold and had a down's syndrome child. A genetic counselor will do the math for you, which is not in your favor of having a healthy child. My friend's down's child is a joy....in all ways. You just need to prepare yourself if you decide to proceed. Children are a blessing, but the blessings don't always seem that way at first Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 My ds with the chromosome disorder was just a fluke - my husband and I have been tested. I guess I'm just wanting stories of women who have had babies this late in the game and everything turned out fine or not so fine. It seems crazy. I guess I don't feel that old. Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I was 40 and 42 when my last two boys were born and I still can't believe I was *that* old. Course, now I'm 44 and it just doesn't seem as old as when my mom was this age, y'know? Anyway, my pregnancies were fine, my boys are fine (well the 2 y.o. is a little terror but that's just part of being 2 ;) If you really want to be encouraged visit shelaughed.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I don't think that's too old at all. What does your OB-GYN think? My best friend has had three children since she turned 40. Having adopted domestically twice, what is the problem with this option? If you do not care about the child's race, and go through an adoption attorney instead of an agency, it usually is fairly simple. We got our first daughter ten DAYS after we applied, the other two months. They were newborns - we got them right from the hospital. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzf242 Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I'm 40 and am going to have my 2nd child in about 2 months. My first was at 34. Everything seems to be going fine so far... ;) Good luck! Suzanne. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 Domestic adoption is it's own scary thing...we've researched adopting infants- you basically put together a nice scrapbook page about your family, and then need to be "chosen" by the birth mom. One agency won't accept any new people because they already have so many clients and other agencies have no trouble placing children of all races using the same birthmom chosing thing. We've really lost heart to pay a bunch of fees and then be put on lists that have no end in sight. Foster care adoption---we really need to have a younger child due to our oldest child's vunerability. We're still looking into it, but again, I've been told there are no children available that are younger. The woman I talked to in the county office says that all last year, she only had to find families for 2 younger children who wern't adopted by their foster parents. These kids were special cases as they had to be adopted by a sibiling group. We really don't know how to navigate that system and are now in contact with someone who does know and I'll be talking to her soon. A lot of it has to do that we've just lost heart for adoption since we've been waiting 2 years already and thought we were close to a match only to find out it's still very far away. So, we would like to adopt, but we need it to be sooner than later. Our hearts just can't do it for a longer period of time. Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I had my babies at 30, 33 and 37. Many of my friends had at least one child after 35, many having their first after 35. I have several friends who have had children in their 40's. All great kids! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I just turned 40 this year (woo hoo -- I made it through 40 years!) and had two under 4 when I turned 40. They keep us young. My first was born when I was 36, my second when I was 38. They are 22 months apart. I had one miscarriage before Ingrid (my oldest) and one between Ingrid and Ilsa, when Ingrid was only 4 months old (I naively believed my doc when he told me that breastfeeding was a natural form of birth control). Of course given my age, some fears did settle in regarding health issues for both myself and my babies, but all turned out healthy for both babies, and relatively healthy for me (just some contraction issues, that probably had nothing to do with my age). On the "you" front, try to stay physically fit (if you are able to do so per your doc). I was not a superwoman at all, but I did make time to hit the pool and do some laps at least a couple of times a week. It made such a difference, both for my sanity (being alone! there were days when my 1 1/2 year old was driving me nuts!), and from the natural endorphin rush from exercise. God bless you as you make your decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 If you really want to be encouraged visit shelaughed.com. I just went to this site and WOW- it really encouraged me. For 2 years my husband has been saying - no more pregnancies. I have gone along with him. Now he is seriously considering it and I'm kinda hoping... Thanks for sharing. Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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