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Having MAJOR behavior issues with ds

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And several people have suggested maybe school would be better for him. Maaayyybee........but I don't think hsing is the problem here. I think right now he will be having problems where ever he is. I won't get into all the details right now, but it is bad. We are not sure if it is from his Lyme, the meds, or just a habit he's developed through this time or completely unrelated. These problems started this fall (around the same time he was diagnosed with Lyme) so this is not the norm for him.


He is having some problems coping with frustration, disappointment, and anger. I've been able to help some days by coaching him through it and offering motivation,but I can't be at his side at all times. This is so hard, but who would help him at school? My mom thinks a lot of this may be because he wants more independence. She seems to think hsing means he is tied to me all the time.


At any rate, I guess I just want to hear if some others think school would not necessarily solve his behavior issues. I guess I'm looking for support and maybe a few hugs.....

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How old is he? Is he old enough to learn some coping techniques? My ds has been taught to go to his room to let it out instead of letting it out on us. He's been taught to verbalize what he is feeling instead of just having a melt-down. He's been taught to run around the block! He's been taught to do a calming activity (for ds this is reading because it focuses his brain on the story and not on himself).


Unless he is inhibited by having other people around, going to school isn't going to solve the problem. They will have to teach him coping techniques or he will spend all his time in the principal's office or will be put in a classroom for kids with behavior problems (depending on what the behavior is). And unless you follow up with the same coping techniques or ones of your own, he will be just as bad at home in the evenings, and on the weekends and during vacations.

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Going to school doesn't make a kid independent. It just makes them dependent on their peers instead of you (don't you remember being desperate to fit in? If that's not dependence, then what is?) In school, you have to constantly monitor your every word and action, hoping that it won't single you out for bullying or teasing.


A child can't usually be "independent." Being independent means that you have a firm grounding in who you are, without worrying about what peers around you tell you you have to be. People aren't truly "independent" until they're fully matured. Kids who are "independent" from their parents are just kids who have transferred their need for guidance from their parents to their immature peers.


Kids look like they're independent when they turn away from their parents and seem to be making their own choices separate from their parents. But look closely. Usually their choices are not their own. The choices are often just ways to try to fit in with the other children. That's not independence. That's just a child trying to find approval from whomever he or she is around for the majority of their time. And trying to find approval from a bunch of other immature children is almost impossible, so the child is constantly trying to conform to the other children and separating more from the parents in their efforts to fit in with the other children. Again, that's not independence. It's independence from the parents, but it's just transferring their normal dependence onto someone else (peers.)


Wow! Can you tell I just finished reading "Hold on to your Kids"? A book about what type of guidance children need to become mature. (Answer: guidance from adults, not other kids.)

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Wow, I could have wrote this post about my ds.


I completely agree with what your mom said, because I truly believe the same thing about my ds. I've tried to let him be more independent by letting him make some choices regarding his schedule and curriculum, and I've also told dh he needs to spend more 1 on 1 time with ds. It's just me and the boy most of the time and I wish he had some brothers or something, but he'll just have to do with the random kids he meets at the park and the little boy across the way.


I'll support you and give you an "Amen, sister" because while, I have some days where I think he might be better off in school, I know deep down, he wouldn't. The both of us would be spending more time in the principal's office than in the classroom and work, so why bother. And honestly, how would being around his peers really help him with his behavior issues? Most likely, they'd just amplify them or increase them.


I do give him fish oil though, and when he takes it regularly, it really helps. Also, if you really feel it might be Lyme's or the meds he's on, talk to his Dr. about it.


It'll all work out.



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I have read that Lyme creates emotional problems in kids. I vaguely remember reading a sad, dramatic story about a young teen (13???) who went completely off the deep end before being diagnosed, and even after diagnosis it took quite a while for her to regain equilibrium. You might research this aspect a little.


My observation has been that behavior problems are made worse by group settings. I would not consider school as an answer to major behavior problems.


Is your son still being treated for Lyme? If not, perhaps he needs more treatment?


Outside of that, you might consider a good therapist. It's possible that the Lyme created emotional difficulties, which then became habit. A little loving retraining may be in order.

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Well, he is 8 yo. He used to cope far better than he does now. And yes, I think it has become a habit, whatever it's initial source. So retraining is exactly what I am attempting to do with him. I think perhaps I need some more ideas in this area.


He is inhibited quite a bit around others, but I think the problems would continue at home certainly and maybe into school at times when things just overwhelmed him. So yes, I think I would either spend time at the principal's office or still have major issues when he came home. No, I think the problem needs to be worked out independent of whether we ended up sending him to school or not.


Luna--ds has a younger brother and that's probably one of the hardest parts! When he is having a hard time, younger ds sometimes thinks older ds is playing or older ds directs his anger at younger ds, even if he had nothing to do with it.

Also, I'm wondering about the fish oil. I tried it with my son and he hated the taste. Do you have any way to cover it up? Or do you know of any alternatives like the fish oil?


And finally, he is still being treated for Lyme and I think I need to speak with his Lyme dr. this week.

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