Divorced Homeschoolers - a question

[TraceyS/FL]

Can you share with me how your school budget is handled?

 

I don't meet with my lawyer until next week or the week after, but she's never dealt with anyone that homeschooled. Right now, my expectations are that he won't pay anything towards school - then if i get something, i'll be surprised.

 

Would school expenses fall under regular support or be a split cost outside of it? We have an ongoing bill of $53/mo till June, then it will be $30/mo. Then regular books and such on top of that.

 

Also, any suggestions on wording she should use? I think i read in another thread that someone said to put that I have total control over schooling choices.

 

I'm not sure how much of a fight this will be - HE is trying to say we don't need a lawyer, so i'm hoping that means that he is will to NOT change things up too much. I know i NEED a lawyer, and he is nuts. But i'd like to see his offer before getting the lawyer involved (or him knowing i'm using one).

 

OH, and is support more or the same because you have the kids more? I know that if they were going to school there would be less electricity used, and i'd see them less - does this impact visitations schedules and all that? SO many questions... .and i just want the magic wand waved and it all to be over!

 

 

Thanks for any "help" - i'm working on my budget too....

[Pamela H in Texas]

My friend has a kid in private school. It had been decided from birth that that is the route they would go so though hubby changed his mind and now wants kid in public school, he can't make that decision without her (and she's not changing her mind). He has to pay half of his schooling just like he'd pay half of daycare if he were in daycare. It is a split cost just as dental payments will be.

 

Another thing to consider is that there are joint custody arrangements that allow for one parent to make ALL of certain decisions when it is likely/possible the parents won't be able to come to an agreement (my friend's hubby would go against her even if he thought it was the greatest idea on earth).

 

I do NOT think you would get additional support simply for using more electricity and such. But getting the cost of materials, programs, or classes is perfectly reasonable.

 

The lawyer will do this very similarly as she would do ANY private schooled child. If she doesn't know THAT? I'd consider a new lawyer.

[Trivium Academy]

If you have total control on educational decisions...are you seeking sole custody? I think a provision stating that you both agree to pay 50% of the educational supply costs and fees should cover it.

 

I wouldn't list out books, games, etc. but make it more broad, and fees would cover any outsourcing you may need to do or extra-curricular activities.

 

Go to the library-get, How To File a Divorce in Florida. Also get, What Every Woman Needs to Know about Divorce and Custody; and finally How to Write a Parental Agreement that Works.

 

Whatever he offers, you have to have a lawyer look at it. There is no other alternative, if this was an uncontested divorce without kids, it would be another story. Depending on your state's law, support is not based on how much time you spend IN your home but who is the custodial parent, income and a few other factors. The better educated you are regarding this, the less you will regret later.

 

How to Make a Parental Agreement that Works will illuminate a few things you're possibly not thinking about right now, such as what happens if one of you needs to move?

 

I hope this helps,

[Trivium Academy]

one parent to make ALL of certain decisions when it is likely/possible the parents won't be able to come to an agreement (my friend's hubby would go against her even if he thought it was the greatest idea on earth).

 

This would be sole legal custody with a joint physical custody agreement. You can separate the legal and physical custody terms.

[Pamela H in Texas]

This would be sole legal custody with a joint physical custody agreement. You can separate the legal and physical custody terms.

 

I wouldn't know :) I just knew how lawyer and friend discussed it in lay person's terms :)

 

Hubby and I, when we filed for divorce, were extremely amicable and he was willing to give me anything I wanted/needed. Of course, I was completely reasonable also. Well, and we see how THAT turned out. Years later and we're still together. From the divorce threads on here, I see that y'all would have counseled me to be much different (including having legal counsel). I think that unfortunately that is necessary most of the time, but thankfully, it wasn't in my case. My hubby and I kept the children at the center of our worlds which helped considerably. I wish EVERYONE could have it so good (and that the outcome was similar the great majority of the time).

[TraceyS/FL]

The lawyer will do this very similarly as she would do ANY private schooled child. If she doesn't know THAT? I'd consider a new lawyer.

I'm sure she has - i have only had a consult with her and haven't had a chance to delve in deep. She's good and came highly recommended.

 

If you have total control on educational decisions...are you seeking sole custody? I think a provision stating that you both agree to pay 50% of the educational supply costs and fees should cover it.

I haven't gotten that far - i just remember that snippet from a thread. I would prefer sole custody for a variety of reasons though.....

 

I wouldn't list out books, games, etc. but make it more broad, and fees would cover any outsourcing you may need to do or extra-curricular activities.

 

That makes sense.

 

Go to the library-get, How To File a Divorce in Florida. Also get, What Every Woman Needs to Know about Divorce and Custody; and finally How to Write a Parental Agreement that Works.

Thanks, i'll check and see if they have them - i live in a retirement community, i'm not sure! LOL!!

 

Whatever he offers, you have to have a lawyer look at it. There is no other alternative, if this was an uncontested divorce without kids, it would be another story. Depending on your state's law, support is not based on how much time you spend IN your home but who is the custodial parent, income and a few other factors. The better educated you are regarding this, the less you will regret later.

No question on the lawyer on my end, his parents are camping in my driveway on vacation since this went down at the beginning of January. I'm trying to get them out of here before we go deeper. I don't need them and their hatred of me involved in the flesh, 3000 miles away is bad enough.

 

How to Make a Parental Agreement that Works will illuminate a few things you're possibly not thinking about right now, such as what happens if one of you needs to move?

 

I hope this helps,

Oh the moving is on my mind - for him. HIs parents would love nothing more than for him to move back to CA with them. I'd love that too....

 

This would be sole legal custody with a joint physical custody agreement. You can separate the legal and physical custody terms.

AH, i need to go read about this more. THis sounds like what i want/need for my middle special medical needs child.

[TraceyS/FL]

Go to the library-get, How To File a Divorce in Florida. Also get, What Every Woman Needs to Know about Divorce and Custody; and finally How to Write a Parental Agreement that Works.

 

Struck out on the 2, but they do have the how to file one.

 

Which of hte 2 if you had to buy would you suggest?

[Joanne]

I'm not sure how much of a fight this will be - HE is trying to say we don't need a lawyer, so i'm hoping that means that he is will to NOT change things up too much. I know i NEED a lawyer, and he is nuts. But i'd like to see his offer before getting the lawyer involved (or him knowing i'm using one).

 

OH, and is support more or the same because you have the kids more? I know that if they were going to school there would be less electricity used, and i'd see them less - does this impact visitations schedules and all that? SO many questions... .and i just want the magic wand waved and it all to be over!

 

Child support is based on income, not expenses, and is a state-mandated percentage of wages.

 

The only thing my xh and I split in addition to support is out of pocket medical. We do 50/50, but I'd negotiate that differently if I were to do it again. His 1st x is one he had children with and they'd split 50/50 yearly school supplies and clothes.

 

Visitation is scheduled as a default arrangement unless you agree to a different schedule. Ours is, in writing, different than what we do but if we can't agree, it would default back to the written decree. (For example, he has them every other weekend vs. the default 1st, 3rd and 5th) and we don't necessarily follow the written protocol for school and summer vacations.

 

I think many states now have automatic "joint" custody even though children still have a primary residence. This leaves the decision making about education, medical, etc to *both* parents instead of one. In most states, it has become difficult to strip a parent of that decision making role without *substantial* reason.

 

 

DON'T WAIT ON THE OFFER to get an attorney. Get one ASAP.

[TraceyS/FL]

It's definitely the splitting of extra expenses i'm more wondering about.

 

Sports, extras, schooling and that type of stuff.

 

I have a pretty hefty case to strip him of a lot in the decision making on the kids medical stuff, it's probably bashing to go into it here and too public, but his actions don't look good. They look really really BAD in fact....

 

His boss currently has a funky visitation schedule i think, and i'm thinking he is going to try for that (well, unless he honestly thinks that he could get them). HIs boss has his DD on wednesday evenings - technically from after school - for dinner, then friday night still mid afternoon on Saturday. The good thing is that would let me have a regular schedule at some retail job, and the kids might actually see him. I'm not sure he could actually take them for the whole weekend....

[Trivium Academy]

I would get the What Every Woman needs to know book b/c it will help in more areas, if you need help crafting a parental agreement without emotion, the other is worth getting too. I have a fabulous co-parenting relationship with my ex, dd's dad but there are a few issues we haven't even covered that is covered in the book that help promote a neutral standpoint. Having something that covers all the bases helps keep the emotions out of it or reminds the parties to keep emotions out of it.

 

Definitely get the How to File in Florida, it will help you understand the process and what Florida law is but I would purchase What Every Woman Needs to Know now if you can only get one book.

[swellmomma]

Technically my school costs are considered section 7s to be paid in addition to the monthly child support. However, I did not go for section 7s I was just happy to get regular support after 7 years without. What happens now is in late spring/summer I figure out how much I am spending on books/supplies over and above what my funding covers and then split it down the middle and he pays 1/2 to me right away. That said last summer/fall was the first time we had this arrangement, previously I covered everything myself, since I was not even getting cs.

 

IF I applied for section 7s it would be splitting things like extracurrics(sports, camps etc), school things, daycare costs if I had to go back to work, medical costs(lke OT for ds that has to be paid out of pocket), etc. Due to income differences he would likely be responsible for 90%+ of these costs and that would cause more headaches then it is worth. SO I decided not to file for them at all and let him just volunteer up the extra money when I ask him for it.

[Sonshine]

I don't know if you have thought of this, but you might want to research the cost of supplemental classes for homeschoolers when they are older. If you want to outsource chemistry, foreign language, etc. they can be expensive. Also, if they take community college classes as high schoolers, college textbooks are more expensive than homeschool textbooks, and you may have to pay tuition or other fees.

 

Do you hire help for care for your special needs child, or anticipate doing this in the future? Also, the costs of piano lessons, baseball uniforms and fees, etc. - expenses for extracurricular activities. I don't know if these expenses make any difference in what you are awarded, just wanted to make sure that you are anticipating future needs.

 

Another thing - is it possible that your in-laws will be called as witnesses and say lies about you to contradict the evidence you have against your husband? Again, I don't know how this works - just wanted to help you think about possibilities.

 

You deserve some kind of award. I think if I was going through this with my in-laws who disliked me living in my driveway, I'd be in the Funny Farm. I admire your resolve to be a good mother to your children and stay sane throughout all of this. You go girl!

[TraceyS/FL]

I don't know if you have thought of this, but you might want to research the cost of supplemental classes for homeschoolers when they are older. If you want to outsource chemistry, foreign language, etc. they can be expensive. Also, if they take community college classes as high schoolers, college textbooks are more expensive than homeschool textbooks, and you may have to pay tuition or other fees.

I don't have access here to extra classes - its why i'm recording Homesat this year like a mad woman. But we do have dual enrollment available and I will keep that in mind.

 

Do you hire help for care for your special needs child, or anticipate doing this in the future? Also, the costs of piano lessons, baseball uniforms and fees, etc. - expenses for extracurricular activities. I don't know if these expenses make any difference in what you are awarded, just wanted to make sure that you are anticipating future needs.

I don't need help for her - her needs are more medical costs and learning issues. She couldn't be in a regular classroom, and is blissfully unaware of how different she is than her peers. that said, we aren't sure that she will be able to live on her own 100% either. It's a long road ahead to find out. Extra stuff right now isn't in the budget - they take gymnastics because its cheap and they like it.

 

 

Another thing - is it possible that your in-laws will be called as witnesses and say lies about you to contradict the evidence you have against your husband? Again, I don't know how this works - just wanted to help you think about possibilities.

Possibly they will try.... but they don't have much to stand on. I can get a deposition from a variety of people with statements they have made about me. Including sitting in my 86yo grandmothers living room bashing me. Go figure.

 

The main issue is cut and dry in the medical area, he cancelled something and now it can't be replaced due to pre-existing conditions. I also have facts to back that up he can't counter.

 

You deserve some kind of award. I think if I was going through this with my in-laws who disliked me living in my driveway, I'd be in the Funny Farm. I admire your resolve to be a good mother to your children and stay sane throughout all of this. You go girl!

 

I am about in the funny farm, but i'm trying to be civil and above them. 12/28 was the "all &*(( broke loose" day, and they were 1/2 way here and they arrived 12/31, and my SIL & BIL arrived the 2nd for 12 days. The in-laws were supposed to be gone by now.... and aren't.....

 

Thanks everyone for all the things to put on my list so far. I just need to have all my ducks in a row since i know that i could have expenses that others might not.

 

I just spent a decent amount of time reading Florida Regs too ( i swear i suck at Google, i couldn't find them before!LOL!!!), i have a part in there that i'll be bringing up with the lawyer too.

 

Jessica - i'll see what i can do about ordering the book. I have no access to money at the moment :(

[SonshineLearner]

You need to remember that while you might not have access to extra classes, now, you will/might in the future. Of course, I'm just happy to be lots of miles away...and be able to homeschool.

I would definitely put the ability to homeschool, over the $$$. Maybe, Extra Curricular activities, including up to $1000 a year will be split between the two parties? Or something like that?

Also, are you listing how school holidays will be decided? You've got a ton of things to think about!

I'm happy for you...that for this...he's being ok with homeschooling!

And, you might want to add that if private school is decided on by you at a later time, he's split the cost according to income..or whatever.

Carrie

[TraceyS/FL]

You need to remember that while you might not have access to extra classes, now, you will/might in the future. Of course, I'm just happy to be lots of miles away...and be able to homeschool.

I would definitely put the ability to homeschool, over the $$$. Maybe, Extra Curricular activities, including up to $1000 a year will be split between the two parties? Or something like that?

Also, are you listing how school holidays will be decided? You've got a ton of things to think about!

I'm happy for you...that for this...he's being ok with homeschooling!

And, you might want to add that if private school is decided on by you at a later time, he's split the cost according to income..or whatever.

Carrie

 

Well, at this point - i don't KNOW that he is going to be ok with homeschooling. Those RV dwellers are against it.... at this point i'm not changing a thing. And while he did make a statement on the 28th that says he might fight it - he hasn't taken any actions since then to back up that statement either.

 

I'd have to drive 60 miles to get to classes in Orlando, and it's just too far to plan on at the moment. I'd be able to find a tutor probably easier/better than i could a class here in retirement community area.

 

I like the $$ with the limit idea, i'm adding it to the list!

 

Oh and gee, technically the kids are private school students already since we use an umbrella school. But regular private school isn't an option financially. It's wayyyyyyyy too expensive around here ($550/mo per student at the ones i know the $$ of).

 

Another thing to add to the list.

 

Thanks guys!

[SonshineLearner]

Heck, if you're in a Senior Community(Rv'rs)...you've got a wealth of possible tutors:-) I bet some of them would do art....English...etc...There have got to be some teachers in there...that still like teaching...but not the politics! Probably even some special ed ones:-) Maybe it could be good:-)

Also, depending on how you like your judge, and their record, you might think about adding something in there about if your ex moves...that can be a tricky thing..Maybe others on here have more experience:-)

Carrie:-)

[kalanamak]

Struck out on the 2, but they do have the how to file one.

 

Which of hte 2 if you had to buy would you suggest?

 

The newer edition of What Every Woman is less than 4 bucks (plus 4 bucks shipping) on Amazon. I WILL BUY it for you if you'd like. PM me with address and I WILL BUY it for you.

 

I'm imagining a Trojan War epic....with the siege from the driveway and the appeals to the gods (courts). I suspect something like this would have befallen me had I had children with my ex. My MIL's term for me from the get go was "the white wh*r-", only in Panjabi.

Edited February 15, 2009 by kalanamak