Dooley Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 My husband is a freelance video engineer - as you might guess, his industry is...nowhere now, he has no jobs lined up, he has worked 2 small jobs since the beginning of December (jobs are usually only days long). Its feast or famine, and its famine now. We pay all healthcare costs, have 4 kids... things are getting scary. His parents are well off. Years ago, when my MIL's mom was dying, my MIL said that she wanted to give any inheritance checks directly to her two sons (hubby and brother), as they (her and husband) dont need them. At the time, she was talking big because her family does not like her and she thought she would be excluded from her mothers will. So, I think, she said she would give it away, to sort of cover up her interest in getting something in the first place, KWIM? This lady has made a habit of saying things that she never pulls through on. For instance, she told me when my older kids were young, that she was setting up college accounts...never happened. Or, we are all going on a cruise together that she would pay for. Didnt happen either. Stuff like that. I think she likes to appear magnanomous, but never really has any intention of generosity, thinking we will never remember her words. They always like to tell us how much they have, where in Europe they are going now, how much her new purse costs...yet are always unsupportive when my husband shares any burdens with them. They say "Oh, it will all work out. Now, lets talk about our vacation..." So...at this juncture, when things are starting to get difficult, I am wondering how bad we would look if we asked her about her "desire to give her mothers inheritance checks to her sons". I feel like its bad form, but- I have always been up front with how I feel. Basically, thats it. What would YOU do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trivium Academy Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Leave it alone, money and family don't mix well unless the person giving the money will do so freely without strings and there seems to be strings here. I wouldn't push anything, let your dh be the one who decides if approaching his mother would be a good idea, it is his relationship with her, not yours. I don't think it's a good idea either way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Leave it alone, money and family don't mix well unless the person giving the money will do so freely without strings and there seems to be strings here. I wouldn't push anything, let your dh be the one who decides if approaching his mother would be a good idea, it is his relationship with her, not yours. I don't think it's a good idea either way. :iagree: It's bad form and potentially too costly to your sanity later if she starts pulling rank because she still thinks of it as her money. I think it would be okay for your dh to let her know how tight things are right now, but not ask for money. Let her be the one to decide if she is interested in helping out or not. :grouphug: I'll pray for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KayT Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 No way would I ask for money from family. I would live under a bridge first!!! If she offered because of your circumstance, maybe...but I am pretty sure it would only cause problems down the road. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 I would stay far away from this woman. I had a relative like this. She did give money away, but it was to control people. You could never ask for it either. her daughter was truly in need once and asked. She was so nasty and never gave money to her daughter and everyone far and near heard about how awful her daughter was. Even if she would give you the money, I'm sure there would be a real nasty control factor. Don't go there it's not worth it. Better that you and your dh work several part time jobs and scrape by. Sounds hard, but the alternative you've proposed is really not worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Given the way she has handled other things, no way. My husband's family is pretty balanced and close, and the few hitches along the way over the years have ALWAYS been over money. ALWAYS! I'd rather work at Staples. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 to ask if a person plans to give you money. If you are in dire straights and need money, your DH could ask his parents for help. That wouldn't be something I would want my own DH to do, but I understand your financial situation is precarious and sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. I personally would explore every other option first, including me getting a job in whatever place I could. Many people who have a lot of resources still avoid giving adult children money because they really just don't think it's the right thing to do. I think it's really normal and *entirely* acceptable for wealthy parents to let their adult children experience living within their means, even in difficult times. It's a shame, though, that she says things that imply she might help you and then doesn't. That would be hard to deal with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K-FL Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 I would stay far away from this woman. Even if she would give you the money, I'm sure there would be a real nasty control factor. Don't go there it's not worth it. Better that you and your dh work several part time jobs and scrape by. Sounds hard, but the alternative you've proposed is really not worth it. :iagree:My FIL was like this. Even though he didn't really give you money, if he helped you get a house (he was a RE broker), you never heard the end of how he'd "gotten you that house." Made for really fun times w/him!:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dooley Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 The fact that you all responded with a "dont do it" is great. I do plan on getting a pt job too, it was just one of the many things going through my head right now.... I wish my MIL would just be quiet and keep her high life to herself. Said with love :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 I would also feel as if it was bad form. I'm wondering, though - and this is strictly pondering on my part - how "well off" they actually are. In my experience, the people who like to make a big show of spending and tell you how much possessions cost are generally trying to seem successful but have huge debt and no money. Know what I mean? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dooley Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 I would also feel as if it was bad form. I'm wondering, though - and this is strictly pondering on my part - how "well off" they actually are. In my experience, the people who like to make a big show of spending and tell you how much possessions cost are generally trying to seem successful but have huge debt and no money. Know what I mean? Yeah. They have no debt, they have a large inheritance from my FIL's dad plus investments, .... It may be since they have driven every family member away, their money makes them feel better about their lives. I know that sounds so ugly and mean...wish things were different with them. I really, really do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in KY Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 I think I would move to a different area with a lower COL—even a different country—change careers, or become an off-the-grid homesteader before I'd borrow money in that situation. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Yeah. They have no debt, they have a large inheritance from my FIL's dad plus investments, .... It may be since they have driven every family member away, their money makes them feel better about their lives. I know that sounds so ugly and mean...wish things were different with them. I really, really do. Oooooh. I know what you mean. Sometimes, the truth of a situation is less than pretty. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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