Jodi-FL Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 how to make the best of it? all 9 of us, plus 2 dogs have moved in with my in-laws here in PA until our home in FL sells--they are elderly and need our help, but they have a museum house--only certain rooms can be used, the dogs are banished to the basement and it's not a very big house to begin with. I love helping them--doing the cooking/cleaning and wash, but I'm noticing that they need something to do (remember that song "Vienna" by Billy Joel?). we've only been here 2 weeks and already the kids are feeling claustrophobic and dh has decided he'd rather live at work than deal with his parents. DH has decided the kids will be in public school (his alma mater) which I hate everything about but am trying to keep my chin up--and even if our house sold tomorrow we'd still be here another month until closing. ideas? activities? something to keep my mind on to keep it off a negative track (such as school--home, no room, etc.). I brought lots of books to read, but haven't had time since I'm either cleaning, cooking, washing, or listening to my in-laws. and how to encourage my dh during this time? he's not real fun to be around. should we just get rid of the dogs as they're an added stressor and I have not been successful trying to find a temporary place for them to live? I just don't know what to do (other than pray) to keep peace and serenity in all of our lives right now... and i would miss the dogs terribly, but obviously my marriage and family are more important.... tia- jodi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Taking the dogs for walks a couple of times a day will help you and the dogs. It is a good place to start. It is something small and do able. The kids will be fine in school for a couple of months. My neighbor has 4 dogs and when we first moved in I wondered why anyone would want 4 dogs. She is a ps school teacher. Everyday when she comes home from work no matter the weather, she walks each dog separately for about 20 minutes. I have watched her face when she leaves with the first dog and compared that to when she comes back with the last dog. The change is remarkable. It literally walks the stress right out of her day. As for the rest of it. If you can't change it and it is temporary, there are a lot of things you can live with. Put a nice smile on your face and relax. Hold dearly to the good things in your life and enjoy them. Find a space for yourself to be happy and peaceful or you won't be able to help the kids and the hubby to be either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dorothy Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Establish them. They are DH's parents - he cannot live at work. He has to deal with them too. You get to go out and walk, read, whatever, by yourself every day for at least an hour. Only clean/cook what is NECESSARY and let your in-laws DO things. Old people need work too. Can the dogs live outside? That might help. Let the kids go to school and get out to do errands/alone time when they are at school. Good luck! I totally understand and am speaking from a place of knowledge -- too much knowledge really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Only clean/cook what is NECESSARY and let your in-laws DO things. Old people need work too. This is very true. Unless they are very motivated folks, it will be easy for them to fall into the habit of not doing anything. If they CAN do something, let them do it. My father always needs a project, however small. Would your ils be able to help you with the dc? Special story times, teach them to cook, work on a wood-working project, etc? :grouphug::grouphug: to you. This sounds like a rough way to live, but I don't think you'll ever regret your decision. (Well, *later* you'll look back and not regret it, iykwim!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 What kind of dogs? And how old are your children? Is your money situation really tight? I'd suggest monthly boarding, if you need a spot just for a month or two. My dog actually likes it. Or, doggy day care. And, depending on how old your kids are YMCA or something similar. Library story time. Anything where you get out and enjoy. Work on...Working out...Playdates at other people's house... Parks with doggy parks? Carrie:-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 What are the reasons you made the decision to move in? If your DH got a new job there, I assume you are saving money living with them rather than finding housing before your house in Florida sells. Calculate what you are saving, and think of earning that as your "job." Dealing with this situation could be saving your family thousands of dollars a month, and you are the one earning that. I could deal with a lot of misery for thousands of dollars in savings a month. If your DH has always wanted to move close to family, then focus on that - how you are helping him realize that desire. I think you just have choose what is good about it and try to dwell on the positives. Your in-laws sound a lot like my parents and I found it very difficult to visit them with children. But it was difficult for them too. Now I live a mile away, and it's great- no one sleeps under the same roof, but I can help them a lot. So maybe eventually you will get to the kind of situation I have (which is still, by the way, hard). Try to remember that your in-laws probably liked their life when it was just the two of them in the museum. They probably feel that having nine people move in is very disruptive, though I am sure they love the company and the help. They probably know you think they need more to do and don't want to be thought of that way - people do what htey want when they are old, which often isn't "enough" by their childrens' standard. Just remember this is hard on them too. As for the dogs - I think that they should be getting lots of walks with all those children. I would assign children significant walking duties rain or snow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 What are the reasons you made the decision to move in? :iagree:, focus on the reason you are there. Keep the dogs. Walk them, talk to them. I've always found a dog to be the best listener in the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 :iagree:, focus on the reason you are there. Keep the dogs. Walk them, talk to them. I've always found a dog to be the best listener in the world. I would be out of that house for HOURS every day walking the dogs. In my universe, time spent with dogs = happiness; time spent with dogs outside = happiness + sanity. If your in-laws managed at least a bit before you moved in, they can manage with you out of the house for hours each day. I would also try to put some definite structure to your days so everyone knows where everyone is at given times. I've found when cohabiting with others the biggest irritants are often about access to resources, which often is easily resolved with scheduling. Was the arrangement that you would be their live in caretaker? There's help and then there's HELP. It's one thing to help out a bit but it sounds like you've taken on a full time job. I'd pull back and as has been mentioned, establish some boundaries. And if it so happens that you end up taking more and more responsibilities for running the house, then it's reasonable to discuss with them some changes to accomodate how you'd like to live in the house & perhaps changing the musuem status of some rooms. Lastly, speak with your dh. Speak loud & clear, girl! This isn't something for you to shoulder alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohru Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 :grouphug: Keep the dogs. It is ridiculous to get rid of your pets when you committed to keep them for life because of a temporary situation. Take them for walks. Take the elderly for walks. Take the kids for walks. Play games. Start a nature journal. "Love" your husband even more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 This is a rought situation, but blessings to you for tackling it and I am sure it will be worth it in the end. I agree with the other posters. Can you look at taking a class on something new..maybe quilting, crocheting, scrapbooking. Find a book club. If you do scrapbook or journel, head off to a coffee shop for an hour a day or just sit and read and have a cup of coffee or tea. If you read scriptures, take along a bible or maybe a woman's bible study book. Does your Mil have a talent you've always wanted to learn and she can take the time to teach you now? Bread baking or something? Is she a good cook? Go thru her recipes and make up your own file from her's.. Get your In'laws to chat with you about some family history and do a scrapbook for you husband. Go thru family photos or memorbilia they have around and would love to have organized. Can you tell I love to scrapbook and tell family stories? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Board the dogs and get a job. If you were to work would you be able to get your own place? Shoot, if you were able to support rent for a place of your own the dogs wouldn't need to be boarded. How long are you going to be in PA? Are the kids going to always be in PS from now own? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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