Feeling exhausted

[cornerstonemom]

I wanted to know what suggestions anyone may have for Home School Burn-out. This is in reference to me, not my children (although, they would love to be done with book work). Often I dicuss with my dh this problem and suggest we send them to public school. There is definitely NO peace from the Lord there so I try to continue. The problem is that my frustrated attitude is rubbing off on them. I also don't feel like they are getting the fullest education at home. It is hard not to look at what other mothers are doing and were their children are at and then compare ourselves with them. I would love to read some of your experiences in this area and your advise. All of my 4 dc are between the ages of 10 and 16.

[gardenschooler]

It sounds to me like you would benefit from a weekend away by yourself. Then you could figure out if you're burned out on homeschooling, or just burned out in general.

 

Rejuvenate. Nothing else will happen if you don't.

[Liz CA]

I wanted to know what suggestions anyone may have for Home School Burn-out. This is in reference to me, not my children (although, they would love to be done with book work). Often I dicuss with my dh this problem and suggest we send them to public school. There is definitely NO peace from the Lord there so I try to continue. The problem is that my frustrated attitude is rubbing off on them. I also don't feel like they are getting the fullest education at home. It is hard not to look at what other mothers are doing and were their children are at and then compare ourselves with them. I would love to read some of your experiences in this area and your advise. All of my 4 dc are between the ages of 10 and 16.

 

I have always been inspired by reading a good homeschool book. I bought the WTM long before I knew there were boards, there was thread about "favorite books encouraging homeschoolers". I know several people who liked the Moore's book on homeschooling.

When I felt I was running out of steam, I re-read chapters in the book and reminded myself why I started homeschooling.

 

I have to say that I never homeschooled four children and it takes a lot of organization and perseverance to usher all four through their academic journey.

Perhaps you could find a good homeschool group - if you haven't already. Instead of comparing how *wonderful, efficient and productive* other homeschool Moms are, you could just sit down with some of them and discuss areas that are difficult? Can you enroll some of the children in courses taught by a co-op or junior college?

When I still homeschooled, ds and I would meet other homeschoolers at the park for PE and just chatting with the moms often gave me a lift.

[battlemaiden]

Just a thought. What about a hybrid homeschool? Would you be able to enroll them in a cyber school for just one year?

 

I can completely understand your attitude rubbing off on the children. And I want my relationships with my children to be healthy, you know?

 

It is possible to rigorously educate our children and maintain peace in the home, but sometimes we need a break to zoom out and get some perspective. It may be worth it to take a short break and do some alternative schooling- visiting the library, playing games, visiting museums or other educational venues, doing factory tours, etc.

 

I'm a little loopy from a busy day, but those are just some disjointed thoughts on the matter.

 

Keep in mind that we are being refined by our circumstances. I recently heard the following quote:

 

"The majority of people overestimate their own abilities and underestimate God's"

 

True, huh?

[iamrachelle]

I'm :bigear:. I'm suffering from a little burn out too... but I can't figure out if it's because we're a little isolated living overseas (very few other HS'ers) or the frigid weather we've been having. I miss the sunshine and warm weather.

[Pamela H in Texas]

A couple thoughts:

 

1) Make more/better time for yourself, your interests, etc. This is the best prevention and will help you get on the road to "recovery."

 

2) In a short time, do several special things for yourself (dates, a weekend away, go out with a group of moms, library trips, baths, lock self away, etc)

 

3) Consider a change. Your kids will not suffer if you take time off, change things considerably for a semester, etc. Another option would be a boxed curriculum or cyber school they could do fairly independently. If they aren't old enough to be able to do Alpha Omega or K12 independently, then I DEFINITELY think you should take time off altogether. Like someone else mentioned above, maybe read the Moores or possibly John Holt.

 

For me, when my daughter did "7th," I didn't feel capable of dealing with ds's special needs and her needs right then based on everything that was happening. So she used Abeka DvDs. With my ds, we had MAJOR crises (3 hospitalization), mental health issues, and too much life going on about the time of what turned out to be 7th and he used the state's (k12) virtual academy. Both years helped CONSIDERABLY. We just left the virtual academy and I feel similar to how I did when the kids were just getting to school-age...totally rejuvenated. Ds is doing beautifully (dd is in college).

[Kim in Appalachia]

I did 2 things to help myself out.

 

Streamline school. I focus on the basics of math, writing and reading. I use Imitations in Writing, which is not teacher intensive, and IEW, one of their themed lessons. For history and reading I use Ambleside. The kids have their schedule and have to read the assigned books and write or give oral narrations. Science is done only a little. I also try to worry less about their school. My oldest has been difficult. She struggles to learn and is not motivated. While I still work hard with her I try not to worry about her academics. I know she would not do any better in school, so I have to stop pushing so hard.

 

I take more time for me. I exercise. My goal is everday. It really helps you feel better. I make sure I get enough sleep. I have been more careful to eat right and I take vitamins. I take more "me" time. Long, hot baths, days out alone, or time in my room reading a book; these things are helpful.

 

I also recommed spending more time alone with your husband. When we homeschool life can become all about school and the kids. I find it helpful for me when I have more time with him.

 

HTH

[missplacedalaskan]

I could have written your post back in Sept/Oct. The solution that we chose is to go with BJU DVD school for the 3 older kids. I don't know that this is a permanent thing, but it has given us a peace for now. I miss being REALLY involved with the kids every day, but it is a nice reprieve to have someone else do the planning & teaching. This solution has also allowed me to spend time really focusing on the youngest, she was not getting much in the way of school before.

[coffeefreak]

A friend and I have been discussing this in depth this year. I agree with all the advice you've received so far, but I have some things to add and repeat because they're important.

 

First, and foremost - since you're a Christian, I would say pray and ask the Lord to show you what is stealing your joy of Homeschooling. Sometimes it's not enough to try and "get through it." Sometimes there are some very real things wrong and we need to make changes. I've been praying about it all year, and here's what I've discovered:

 

1. Homeschooling is not who you are, it's what you do.

 

We start to become so entrenched in the lifestyle, we choke out everything else in our lives. It's like we're workaholics who never come home! We don't think of it that way because, well, we are home, but are we really? Even as I sit at my computer I'm not plugged in with my kids, I'm not plugged in with my husband, I'm plugged in with my job. When my husband used to bring work home, I would try not to be hurt because I knew he had no choice. But I would feel so lonely even though he was sitting 5 feet away. He might as well have been across town at work. I'm realizing I do the same thing to him. I sit and research, plan, schedule, co-op, drive, teach and plan some more. When I go to bed at night, I have a hard time not picking up a HS magazine or book. I force myself to read something frivolous and I find I sleep a lot better! If this is you, start putting the computer down, the magazines away, and start doing something else - anything else!

 

2. Give yourself permission to take a break and pick up a hobby - a class, a group, something that gets you outside the house for at least an hour or two each week

 

3. Start "Date Night" if you haven't already

 

I have always heard that parents that focus solely on their kids, and don't take time for their marriage or themselves are the ones that are more likely to divorce or become severely depressed when their kids leave home. Also, they have a hard time making the transition from parent to friend when their children are grown, which makes for a unhealthy relationship. I thought I was selfish to want time to myself. I thought I was a bad mother because I wanted to go to Yoga once a week and out with friends a couple of times a month. Christian Homeschool magazines TOLD me I was a bad mother for not making my kids priority #1. The reality is, my kids ARE priority #1, but I have to take care of myself too! It's not like I'm blowing all our money and going away for weeks at a time! I'm going out to dinner with my girlfriends and getting a break. Adult conversation and several hours away from my JOB. My husband isn't required to stay at work 24/7 and neither am I.

 

4. Start giving your children more responsibility for their education. You're not responsible for their education, they are. Part of our job is to teach them HOW to learn, and to instill in them a responsibility for themselves. I'm starting already with my oldest (3rd grade). She is getting more and more responsibility and it's helping me so I can spend time with my Kindergartner who needs more hands on help.

 

I know this is long, but I am right there with you. I've been praying for the Lord to show me where my joy went and what is going on here. This is what He's shown me, and I thought I'd pass it on to you.

 

Blessings:grouphug:

Hang in there! You're going a great job!

 

Oh, and a great book to read is: Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe by Todd Wilson. Hysterical and true! An easy read - you'll finish it in an afternoon.

 

Dorinda

[Guest suzluchs]

I posted this answer on another thread but it bears repeating here (probably more fitting here), especially as this is, I think, such a HUGE topic for homeschoolers... the issue of burnout and what it really means. My experience, in a massive nutshell (oxymoron!), is this:

 

I think I was the original WTM-er... bought the first book when it came out and studied it before my first daughter (adopted from China) was even school-aged. Adopted a second time 5 years after the first and so, when my eldest was in 5th, my baby started K. Then, last year -- their 1st grade and 6th grade years -- something just happened to me. I don't really know exactly what it was or how to explain it in words. But it was scary. I simply... gave over. I really did just burn out. I lost every ounce of enthusiasm and belief in myself and drive and love of it. I lost my fight and my strength. I lost vision and heart. It was like a death. Because I still believed so much that it was what I SHOULD be doing, I tried plodding along, but it was murderously agonizing for all of us. You have to understand: I'm actually a schoolteacher by trade, so it's not like this was something I ever thought was going to feel daunting to me! But suddenly I was falling behind and laying awake at night in a cold sweat over what I wasn't doing, over how much damage I thought I was doing to them, over how I wasn't getting this or that part of the logic stage accomplished, yadah, yadah... I was completely overwhelmed. I looked at my older daughter, too, REALLY looked at her, and realized: she was missing something. A friend who stayed for a visit (who was supportive of HS-ing) mentioned it: she just seemed to be drifting, unattached, at loose ends... looking for something. And it wasn't that she and I weren't still close, because we have always been uncannily, blessedly close. But she seemed to need more than I was able to give her at home, and I SO did not want to admit that. It took me awhile, but I finally had to face that my beautiful dream was coming apart at the seams. I visited the Christian Schools in our town and I chose a very small Missouri Synod Lutheran school for her to attend. I grieved. I cried bitter, self-abusive tears. I beat myself up totally. And you know what? She came ALIVE! She fell IN LOVE with school! She started working REALLY HARD for the first time (always did well for me in the younger grades but had started bucking my authority when asked to, for instance, write essays and such.) She attached to some outstanding teachers and wanted to do well for them, and lo and behold, she was coming home every afternoon and plopping down at the table on her own to do her work, totally motivated, and HAPPY. I was blown away. At the semester, she got straight A's (two A minuses), and I could not be more proud. She has a few wonderful friends. She goes to games. She thinks that her religion teacher, who has several adopted kids from the Eastern block, is a deeply challenging mentor, both spiritually and personally. So, it's still hard for me, but this is one mom's experience with burn-out. It's not that I don't still process my own actions as a personal failure, but I have tried to relax a little and realize that I did the best thing for my daughter, and at least SHE is not suffering! I'm seeing that there is good in school again.

[mom2abcd]

I posted this answer on another thread but it bears repeating here (probably more fitting here), especially as this is, I think, such a HUGE topic for homeschoolers... the issue of burnout and what it really means. My experience, in a massive nutshell (oxymoron!), is this:

 

I think I was the original WTM-er... bought the first book when it came out and studied it before my first daughter (adopted from China) was even school-aged. Adopted a second time 5 years after the first and so, when my eldest was in 5th, my baby started K. Then, last year -- their 1st grade and 6th grade years -- something just happened to me. I don't really know exactly what it was or how to explain it in words. But it was scary. I simply... gave over. I really did just burn out. I lost every ounce of enthusiasm and belief in myself and drive and love of it. I lost my fight and my strength. I lost vision and heart. It was like a death. Because I still believed so much that it was what I SHOULD be doing, I tried plodding along, but it was murderously agonizing for all of us. You have to understand: I'm actually a schoolteacher by trade, so it's not like this was something I ever thought was going to feel daunting to me! But suddenly I was falling behind and laying awake at night in a cold sweat over what I wasn't doing, over how much damage I thought I was doing to them, over how I wasn't getting this or that part of the logic stage accomplished, yadah, yadah... I was completely overwhelmed. I looked at my older daughter, too, REALLY looked at her, and realized: she was missing something. A friend who stayed for a visit (who was supportive of HS-ing) mentioned it: she just seemed to be drifting, unattached, at loose ends... looking for something. And it wasn't that she and I weren't still close, because we have always been uncannily, blessedly close. But she seemed to need more than I was able to give her at home, and I SO did not want to admit that. It took me awhile, but I finally had to face that my beautiful dream was coming apart at the seams. I visited the Christian Schools in our town and I chose a very small Missouri Synod Lutheran school for her to attend. I grieved. I cried bitter, self-abusive tears. I beat myself up totally. And you know what? She came ALIVE! She fell IN LOVE with school! She started working REALLY HARD for the first time (always did well for me in the younger grades but had started bucking my authority when asked to, for instance, write essays and such.) .....QUOTE]

 

Thank you for sharing, suzluchs. I am beginning to feel, too, like dd would thrive in a small Lutheran school. (We have some wonderful experiences with the Missouri-Synod schools, too.) As I heard over and over from supportive moms when we decided to pull dd from the school system, parents have to do what's best for their child. Sometimes what's best is a structured, traditional school... You're not in the St. Louis area, are you? I'd love to know which school you like so well if you are.

[hornblower]

I think this is normal at this time of year. I find Feb can be pretty awful.

You don't mention whether you have support in your community? Is there an hs group you belong to?

 

Be careful with comparisons. My tendency is to look at things like this:

 

Susan does French with her two kids!

Jean has her kids in swimming and in soccer!

Anna's four kids are all thriving in math and running a young engineer's club!

Chris's kids are both writing novels!

 

ERGO.... my kids should be doing ALL those things! Oh no! They're not! I'm falling behind.......!!!! Panic attack!

 

:D

 

Remember, life is not a competition.

 

Go back to read the WTM. Where are your sticky notes? Which sections did you highlight or bend down the corners on?

 

Make a list of what is going well.

Make a list of what your goals are.

 

Include your kids in the conversations. What's working for them? What's not?

 

Don't fear to switch curriculum. Or take a couple week's break and do a study on something or a group project.

 

Take time for yourself. Drink water. Eat chocolate. Rent a funny dvd.

 

This too will pass. :001_smile:

 

good luck,