Kate in VA Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 I need some advise or to hear others experiences or to just vent.... i am so lost and upset right now..... my husband and I have been having issues with his brother and sister in law for a while now and it has been eating my up inside...... Here is a VERY short description of much more complex issues.... About 2 years ago we moved to be closer to my husbands family (we thought this would be good for our daughter- to see her cousin more- and my dh parents too) She (my dd) was extremely close to my nephew (who is also and only and 3 years older then her) After we moved in, my nephew was spending the night and I overheard the kids in her room playing with her doll house.... He was telling her how to make them "have s*x" (not that that is a bad work but i'm not sure if i should type it out on here) I immediately asked them to come down stairs and got them involved in something else..... I them called my SIL and told her about it (at this time I considered her a best friend) she was very responsive and told me that my BIL was on is way to pick him up ( the kids didn't know that this was going on or that I heard what was said) ...... After I talked with my dd about it and told her that that was something for her to learn when she is much older and it was something to only discuss with us..... (She had only JUST turned 6 at this time) She was fine with that and we moved on.... However afterward I found out that when she went over their house that my SIL was trying to create secrets with my dd (innocent ones like boys and such) but i think it is strange to keep secrets with children...... (again she was only 5 at that time) But anyhow my dd told me about alot of things that my nephew was doing (like taking a real sword off the wall and swinging them at her - my BIL collects them and displays them in his basement where the kids played) My biggest problem is I really didn't want to explain why these things are wrong to my SIL. I really didn't want to hurt her feeling or start anything...... however a couple weeks later she wanted my dd to spend the night again and I tried to give a "hint" that that was not a good idea but she kept pushing so i told her that I didn't think that it was a good idea for a while and she went off..... telling me her son never lies, that "boys will be boys" , etc.. etc.... I really maintained my cool (which i normally NEVER do)! However her and her husband went off on my dh and called us all sorts of things and told my MIL all kinds of crazy UNTRUE stuff..... she totally believes them .... (thats another story all together) ..... So fastforward ...... that was a year and a half ago... we have not talked with them since (we used to get together at least once a week) besides an evening we went over for a wake for my SIL father who had passed away.... a couple of days ago my MIL sent both my dh, myself , my SIL and BIL the same letter about how we are never going to be forgiving by God and that we should forgive because he forgave us of our sins..... about how we need to "grow up" and so on and so on... (honestly it was a nasty letter) She also mentioned how we need to do this for her "grandchildren" however to be truthful she doesn't even "know" my dd... she has never spent time with her or talks to her or anything a "normal" grandparent does........ My biggest issue is that I LOVE my nephew dearly and it kills me that i can't see him.... I know he didn't do anything wrong..... my issue is NOT him but all the lies his parents tell and the fact that they just don't care... (they have said this on more then one occasion)...... How can i forgive someone who doesn't even care? Do i move on? Do i fix it? Again, there are MANY more things that go into this.... but this way the thing that started it all...... I also know that this has been taring my dd apart... my nephew was her best friend..... But even if i were to forgive them... they dont want anything to do with us..... this is not how I wanted my dd to grow up and it crushes me .... i am poring my eyes out as i type this.... i also lost my "best friend" and "sister" i thought i could trust her with anything.... i found out she was talking behind my back and telling lies too........ What should i do? Anyone else not have good experiences with family.....?:( Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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