Deleted

[lauraw4321]

.

Edited May 1, 2022 by lauraw4321

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

As tough as it sounds, your Mom asked first, you said yes, and I would honor that.  (Assuming there’s no toxic issue with your Mom where it would be better not to go)

Since DH is going to be upset over the seating arrangements(which sounds like a space issue, not an intentional slight?), could he spend the day with his parents and you spend it with yours and divide the kids up somehow?

[lauraw4321]

2 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

As tough as it sounds, your Mom asked first, you said yes, and I would honor that.  (Assuming there’s no toxic issue with your Mom where it would be better not to go)

Since DH is going to be upset over the seating arrangements(which sounds like a space issue, not an intentional slight?), could he spend the day with his parents and you spend it with yours and divide the kids up somehow?

There are toxic issues. He’s calling to offer we go down Friday and see them on Saturday. 

[stephanier.1765]

Just now, lauraw4321 said:

There are toxic issues. He’s calling to offer we go down Friday and see them on Saturday. 

That sounds like a great compromise. My mother and I usually celebrate early to avoid the crowds.

[73349]

I would've told ILs we already have plans and offer to see them another time, like the following Sunday.

These are the times I'm glad our families live far away.

[lauraw4321]

4 minutes ago, 73349 said:

I would've told ILs we already have plans and offer to see them another time, like the following Sunday.

These are the times I'm glad our families live far away.

It seems unkind to not invite them to see DD’s video at church. 
 

We lived far away for 2 years. I was so happy. No one else was. 

[almondbutterandjelly]

Undo it all. You’re already dreading everything except dd in the church video. They’re going to be upset anyway. It’s your Mother’s Day, too. 

[barnwife]

There isn't enough room at the restaurant for everyone at the same table? That's a no go for me. I just can't wrap my mind around thinking that is okay. Also, in total honesty, we rarely eat out. Eating out on Mother's Day is a nightmare to me. Valentine's is the same.

I'd much rather be at home, avoiding the crowds. Especially in a pandemic in a situation where people don't wear masks. So, while I can conceive of saying yes to a restaurant get-together, I can't in a situation where there isn't space for all. 

At this point, I'd say we need to aim for a different day or restaurant. I'd make it clear I/DH would be seeing the church video, saying they are welcome there. I absolutely wouldn't do a big hosting thing if I didn't want to.

Then again, take my opinions with a grain of salt. We don't really celebrate Mother's Day of Father's Day in our household. I did grow up doing so though. 

[happi duck]

19 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

It seems unkind to not invite them to see DD’s video at church. 
 

We lived far away for 2 years. I was so happy. No one else was. 

They can attend at the time you're attending or attend on their own at the later service

Or 

You can get a copy of the video and show it on a laptop when you see them a different time.

I think you should keep the plans you already committed to.  

 

[lauraw4321]

2 minutes ago, barnwife said:

There isn't enough room at the restaurant for everyone at the same table? That's a no go for me. I just can't wrap my mind around thinking that is okay. Also, in total honesty, we rarely eat out. Eating out on Mother's Day is a nightmare to me. Valentine's is the same.

I'd much rather be at home, avoiding the crowds. Especially in a pandemic in a situation where people don't wear masks. So, while I can conceive of saying yes to a restaurant get-together, I can't in a situation where there isn't space for all. 

At this point, I'd say we need to aim for a different day or restaurant. I'd make it clear I/DH would be seeing the church video, saying they are welcome there. I absolutely wouldn't do a big hosting thing if I didn't want to.

Then again, take my opinions with a grain of salt. We don't really celebrate Mother's Day of Father's Day in our household. I did grow up doing so though. 

There is no other place that will hold all of us than my house for hosting.

 

 There is no other place that will hold all of us than my house for hosting.

 

I also think the seating arrangement is insane. I would rather go a different day than have the seating arrangement. But my mom invited me and that is what she has planned. I tried looking for other open places that could accommodate us all and of course there are none.

This has been resolved (other than DH is upset (understandably) about the seating arrangement). I’ll probably delete. Thanks for letting me whine. 

[happi duck]

I'm glad you're sticking with original plan!  I'm sure the unusual seating arrangement will be okay.  The hostess might even notice and figure something out.  If not the two men can have a nice visit and y'all could even switch out from time to time!

[Grace Hopper]

2 hours ago, perky said:

Undo it all. You’re already dreading everything except dd in the church video. They’re going to be upset anyway. It’s your Mother’s Day, too. 

This is an underrated response to many situations. May or may not be the right thing to do in this situation but I just think this is an option people don’t choose to even consider when at times it would be the best solution. 

Edited May 1, 2022 by Grace Hopper