Constant talking

[Janeway]

My daughter has a speech issue so I have been trying to just let her talk. But lately, she talks constantly. It is to the point where I want to go to bed at night but she is speaking. I need to make a phone call for something important, but she wants to know why I am always on the phone (I am not always on the phone). Today, it was literally, she walks in while I am speaking to the disability office at the university for my son. The conversation was 5 minutes and she interrupted and said I was always on the phone. I cannot get in a word edgewise. It took me two months to read "Farmer Boy" to myself because she would not stop speaking. And she has only gotten worse now. I am reading a fiction book right now and when she catches me, she says "why do you read a book someone else wrote when you could listen to MY story?" I have tried giving her time limits, but she quickly comes back. We cannot even do school work because if I have to speak, she cuts me off to tell me her stories. I have already tried telling her to write it down. What it really comes down to is, I feel mean telling her to stop talking, I have had enough. I cannot even do my taxes because she cannot take a break from speaking and she wants to make sure I am listening.  The last few days just feel worse and worse. She has NO outside activities right now. They start up again in June. We go to the park and see people there, but then she brings her notebook and has everyone write down their phone numbers and wants me to call and make playdates.  I think if I were wealthy, I would hire a staff to handle her constant needs. I would likely also put her in to a private school as this has become so overwhelming. But, I cannot be the only person who has had an only girl who will not stop speaking, constantly. She does have brothers. Any good suggestions that are kind too?

[HomeAgain]

It's not mean to set boundaries.

Period, full stop.  It's not mean.  I'm not sure how old she is, but I'm guessing around 9? It is actually a kind thing to stop her, look her in the eye and explain: "look at what my hands are doing.  Look at how I am in the middle of something.  I will be glad to listen as soon as I am done here."  And then mean it.  Put on headphones if necessary to finish your task or go to another room with a door.  As soon as you're done go find her to listen to the story.

I think one of the things I have struggled with has been not feeling guilty when I'm not entertaining my kid.  But truthfully, boredom is good, and having to be independent for a bit is good, even if it's a hard skill to get the hang of.  It took quite a while of kicking my kid outside for an hour before he would do something besides whack the tree with a stick or wander aimlessly.  It was really, really hard to watch.  But now he bolts out the door to go to one of his three forts, skates, goes for walks..

[AnneGG]

My son talks non stop as well. I’m an introvert and we live in a tiny apartment, so I had to set boundaries. If I’m at my desk or on my bed, it’s a quiet zone. No talking. It doesn’t matter what time it is. 
 

He plays in another room for an hour day and I call it “quiet hour.” He come out for water or the bathroom, if there’s an emergency, etc. but otherwise mama needs a little break. 
 

I ignore interruptions for the most part. If he’s being boisterously persistent I will remind him it’s not polite to interrupt and to please wait until I can give him my full attention. He’s going to owe me some extra contributions (chores) if he continues. 
 

Also, we have a kids echo dot. He can talk to Alexa all day if he wants. She doesn’t mind. I actually think Alexa has helped a lot. He also takes social classes/ groups on Outschool. That definitely helps him understand that excessive chatter alienates him. 
 

[kirstenhill]

When I was ten or eleven, I was a chatterbox and I remember my mom saying to me multiple times, "You don't have to say everything out loud. Think to yourself inside your head.". I remember being mad at her but it was really a good skill to learn to be able to have internal dialogs with myself.  

I like the idea above of signing her up for some cheap classes online that have a discussion component.  If you have any pets, maybe encourage her to talk to them? Another thing I did as a kid was record myself talking into a tape recorder and pretend I was making radio shows.  The modern equivalent might be talking into a voice recorder app on a device. Do you have any older relatives she could talk to on the phone? An older relative might love to pass the time listening to stories if they are lonely. 

[Janeway]

4 hours ago, kirstenhill said:

When I was ten or eleven, I was a chatterbox and I remember my mom saying to me multiple times, "You don't have to say everything out loud. Think to yourself inside your head.". I remember being mad at her but it was really a good skill to learn to be able to have internal dialogs with myself.  

I like the idea above of signing her up for some cheap classes online that have a discussion component.  If you have any pets, maybe encourage her to talk to them? Another thing I did as a kid was record myself talking into a tape recorder and pretend I was making radio shows.  The modern equivalent might be talking into a voice recorder app on a device. Do you have any older relatives she could talk to on the phone? An older relative might love to pass the time listening to stories if they are lonely. 

I remember my grandpa asking my grandma why I talk so much. LOL.....ahhhh....our children are reflections of us! 

[stripe]

On 5/3/2021 at 2:14 PM, Janeway said:

We go to the park and see people there, but then she brings her notebook and has everyone write down their phone numbers and wants me to call and make playdates.  

I have to say, that is impressive planning on her part to bring her notebook along!

I definitely agree that calmly setting boundaries is way better than being furious (or worn out or feeling put upon) when she overdoes things. It’s hard but I encourage you to do it.

It does sound like she needs more people to talk to. Can you get her on the phone or video call with anyone? I would also try to redirect her urge to communicate towards writing. She could make  a newsletter, write letters, make recordings of some sort (including in the radio program / podcast style) or write stories, and maybe that would help. Also, can she call any of those kids from the park, instead of you? (Do kids not talk on the phone anymore?)

Edited May 5, 2021 by stripe