Wasn't expecting that!

[PeterPan]

Turns out my ds is relatively good at Bible trivia! He couldn't get all the answers, but he could get enough to win with some selective cheating and mis answers on my part. 

So that's kind of a fun development. I am, as always, looking for more things for spiritual/learning about God that he can connect with. I got so used to my dd, who could just do anything. I have this Bible trivia game from when I was his age, and I remember it as being HARD for me and a challenge! She never even wanted to play because she was so good with narrative she knew all the names, all the answers. But for me at this age and now ds, it's actually a challenge and sort of fun.

I'm thinking next I'll try him on some creation science or I can't remember the word. Catechism, that's the word. I just need to find a way to do it that is more interesting and not a language test but more of a thought process, sort of like trivia. Or maybe his language is good enough now that it will be fine? Hmm. 

I also want to do some work on sword drills, being able to find things in the Bible. I haven't figured out a fun way to do that yet. 

But at least for today the trivia was a winner. It's a start. I need to up his "I'm an expert on the Bible" game. I think church has been hard enough for him that it's just easier for him to feel completely disconnected. I'm kind of hoping maybe the junior high group would go better, when they have a youth pastor rather than a random woman teaching and when they drop the coloring and whatnot. Sigh. But I don't know when that begins. 

How is church going for you all? Any creative solutions? I think if he had a sibling, that would help. It was going better when we had a worker, which we don't know. A Sunday worker is very hard to find.

[Lecka]

Church is going well here.  My son (all my kids) help with the offering.  My son with autism always does, the other two sometimes rotate out with other kids depending on who is there.  He is greeting people when we pass the peace, and he is responding to people who talk to him (!!!!!!!!!) and make some small talk with him.  He is in Sunday School with siblings, it does help.  The two women who do Sunday School are in choir with me and they have not minded if he has wandered around the room some when they are supposed to all be sitting at a table together.  He does well with coloring and craft projects, the Sunday School teacher orders from Oriental Trading Company or prints things off the Internet.

Also between one thing and another, he has sat on his own in the pew while I am in the choir loft (while my husband was at work and siblings were sick) and done well, which is major progress for him.   

We'll be starting over after we move, though, this summer.   Here we are attending a small church with extremely nice people and an extremely friendly and caring atmosphere, and there are a lot of people who take interest in children and go out of their way to talk to children.  

Edit: to be fair, I thought that about my previous church in our previous town, too, and a lot of people did talk to my other two kids.  But at the time my son with autism did not respond to people talking to him for the most part and couldn't answer small-talk questions for the most part, so even with a kind intention it just didn't go very far practically, but they were welcoming of a worker coming to church even though that was a strange thing at first since no one had done it before.  And people did make an effort.  It was just hard.  

Edited February 23, 2020 by Lecka

[Lecka]

It is hard to find a Sunday worker.  We had one who brought her own kids with her and they went to Sunday School at our church, or to the baby room.  

At the time we had two college students who would come once in a while to give her a Sunday off.  

That was all through the ABA agency and my son knew them already from other times in the week.  

 

[Lecka]

Also we will play this by ear, but I am intending to attend the same church as my mom when we move, but my sister's church has a special needs ministry and, I am not sure what age it starts.  It is definitely on my radar.  I know they have a Sunday School class for adults.    

I have no idea right now if he would do well in a junior high Sunday School or if I would look for a special needs group.  We will just have to see.  

It also might not be the best for his sister for them to go together, depending on how things go.  She is also at an age where she gets angry if she thinks he is embarrassing her.  

[kbutton]

I know there have been threads about various Montessori-style Sunday School materials and lessons. It can be pricey to get for home use, but I have always been attracted to the idea (part-time Montessori preschool was good for my older kiddo). 

Our church starts splitting up boys and girls at 5th grade. The 3rd and 4th teacher is sort of the one everyone counts on to be stable, civilizing force. Then the 5th and 6th grade teachers for boys and girls are usually very vested people who love teaching the Bible vs. corralling kids, and since the kids had the 3rd/4th teacher who was such a peach, they are ready for it, lol! We lost a SN family that would give me more of an idea of how well it works (they moved, but had multiple SN kids in one grade). Youth starts in 7th grade, and for SN kids, how they do usually corresponds to how inclusive the kids their age are, and barring that, if they can be in a combined class with kids slightly younger or older (there are just some classes of kids that are more friendly than others, or some classes function better as smaller or larger classes). 

We had a short burst of maybe being specifically SN friendly, but parents in our church would rather have their heads in the sand than get kids diagnosed and helped, unless the issue is physical. It's frustrated people who want/need a SN ministry, but if people won't use it, it's not helpful to have it. 

[PeterPan]

1 hour ago, kbutton said:

if people won't use it

Yes, I run into this a lot with families who don't want to talk about it, want to somehow handle it themselves (not showing up, keeping it quiet, whatever). And it makes it hard because then administrators think EVERYONE could/should handle it that way. 

[kbutton]

3 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Yes, I run into this a lot with families who don't want to talk about it, want to somehow handle it themselves (not showing up, keeping it quiet, whatever). And it makes it hard because then administrators think EVERYONE could/should handle it that way. 

We have had the issue of trying to have resources and then people not wanting them. 

[kbutton]

18 hours ago, kbutton said:

We have had the issue of trying to have resources and then people not wanting them. 

And a fair amount of special treatment to boot...informal supports that aren't helpful, such as wanting to be able to bring things that other kids aren't allowed to have that are definitely in the "toy" vs. "tool" category both by what they were and how they were used by the child in question--parents of other SN kids who knew the difference were being silenced on this issue because the parents using them inappropriately were able to raise a stink. But I think that particular family has kids who are either older (like youth group now), or they have moved on. They had a lot of issues, were working on some (but might not have been evidence-based), and were just kind of expecting people to know what to do and not step on toes without any game plan. Peachy stuff.

There are teachers that have tried to have fidgets and things available for anyone who needs them, etc. 1:1 aides were offered (parents of grown-up SN kids and a responsible/effective teen who wants to do spec ed someday) and somewhat utilized but not anymore.

I stopped volunteering as a sub and directly with kids in general (vs. doing behind-the-scenes stuff) because the dynamic was so, so frustrating. I routinely managed to get stuck between adults who were not on the same page but had shared or overlapping responsibilities--usually one was super loosey-goosey (kind, but didn't realize some practices were things that led to chaos if not delineated better), and then another one would be making up for the lack of structure with being arbitrary. That made me nuts and created a bit of ill will on my part that I wasn't going to be able to keep in check. One person that bugged me the most has firsthand knowledge of ID coupled with great life skills, and that made it worse--this person's standards were off because their child had spiky skills that they didn't realize didn't translate across the board.

But, several of the kids in question aged out of elementary, families moved, etc. We have a couple of major behavioral needs, and now it just seems like we have a disproportional number of kids with ADHD or dyslexia, many of which are concentrated in one grade. 

I am beyond thankful that at least in Awana, we've had some new leaders this year who seem to roll with all these idiosyncracies and do a great job. 

I really should stop before I get wound up on this topic!

I think as local schools get better at identifying and offering services, parents are getting more okay with accepting them or knowing what is reasonable and what is not. I think a few districts gave up identifying kids past a certain age unless parents ask for an evaluation, but they are getting on board with identifying kids really early and trying to set new expectations for parents and kids as they age. They are also doing more with district early childhood centers to make things available without IEPs (RTI in a good way).

[Lecka]

I can say I have seen parents flip out on school and pull their kids out to — minimal, sad.  I can understand how people at school tiptoe and tiptoe.  But so frustrating and it seems to be the greatest disservice to kids not identified easily at a young age.  Sigh.  We have moved and I honestly don’t know if it’s similar here.  It seems like early identification is better here.  It was garbage in my previous location when my son was little and I know they were working hard to make it better when my son was even 4 and 5 years old.

He was missed by EI when he was 2-3 years old, ugh.  Literally when I took him back and he was 4ish, a person asked me at a meeting why I hadn’t brought him in sooner, and I said I had taken him at 18 months and he had exited services, and there were gasps and dropped jaws around the room.  And still I can see it because the woman we did have was very nice and we got along well, there was just not the information out about red flags.  

[Lecka]

I also have had “we are doing what the last/only previous person with the same diagnosis thought worked well.”  Well — really that is understandable.  I think that can be normal levels of advocacy, as frustrating as it might be.  I feel like I have paid my dues and can have some conversations that go well and not be “overly sensitive.”  Sadly I think it takes being very cold-hearted to be able to communicate clearly on a lot of things.  It is not easy but I think it is often what is needed, and it’s just hard to say “well really here is what is needed, yes, things are at a point that this is what is needed.”  I can be frustrated with parents in denial but I can’t blame them.  I also think sometimes parents feel like things can go either way and don’t see how it would be a benefit to the group if there was a peer group.  That is something I have found with school — school can be willing/able (with parent cooperation) to create a peer group if every parent won’t opt out of it, but if other parents opt out then *there is no peer group.*  At this point I just have faith there will be a peer group for my son, to some extent, even though some other parents choose to opt their kids out of being in a peer group.  

[popmom]

My 14 yr old dd has very little interest in attending church right now. Neither do i. And we actually LOVE our church. I miss it. My dd just doesn't click with the kids in youth group. They are not mean or anything--she just doesn't fit in. Her social skills group meets on Sunday afternoons and often goes late--which makes it hard to make it to evening youth group gathering on time. I need to do more at home with her. 

 

[PeterPan]

We're trying compression clothing. Seems sorta obvious, but had been a long time see we used them. We'll see how it goes.