Transition to public school (cross-posted)

[sangtarah]

Dd10, who has a SLD in math and anxiety/depression, and maybe more, is adamant about attending public school. We are letting her, I think. She hasn’t worked willingly for me in a year.  But school starts in a week and a half and I’m freaking out about all that has to happen beforehand. Not the least of which is an updated IEP meeting (we had the initial one in May). 

So, talk me through it, please. Reassurance would be greatly appreciated. All I can foresee is her getting crushed and lost. But there must be a bright side, right? 

We are pursuing a nuero-psych eval, but haven’t been able to get on a schedule for it yet. I don’t know the extent of the issues. It could be there isn’t anything more, but I strongly suspect ADD or auditory processing. She also has weak hand writing skills (went to OT last fall) and can’t compose a paragraph yet. 

Is it possible to convince the school to put her in 4th grade? I was calling her fifth by her age (summer b-day), but she wants to be in 4th (she is nervous about the workload). 

[Lori D.]

(((sangtarah and DD))) Just sending hugs and encouragement as you transition to the traditional school setting. Children are so often much more resilient than we think they will be, and many children who go from homeschool to a brick and mortar school really take off and bloom in that new environment. The fact that DD really wants to do this will be a HUGE help toward her having success.

There might be some tips in SWB's book Rethinking School for helping you advocate for your DD while she is at the public school; also tips in how to help the school "think outside the box" to better meet your DD's needs. I'd start by pushing for 4th grade if that is her working grade level/ability level -- do you have standardized test scores that would lend weight to that grade placement? Also consider pulling together a portfolio of samples of her work in math and the different LA areas to show them for discussing grade placement.

Before school starts, perhaps you and DD be able to go through the book What to Do When You Worry Too Much, and talk about which techniques might "click" for her, to give her some tools she can use at school, and also when de-stressing at home. (For example, the 15 minute Worry Time when she gets home from school.)

Remember to give both yourself and your DD a lot of grace in these first weeks/months. Esp. the first few weeks -- she will likely come home completely drained from trying to adjust, so don't plan on any other events or activities, give back rubs and lots of encouragement. And during this transition time, while it's not fun, be her "safe place" for melting down/blowing up, as she will likely be using every ounce of mental/emotional energy to hold it together and figure out the new routine at school.

Can she have a stress ball in her backpack to pull out and squeeze as needed while she's at school? Or a weighted lap pad that could be kept in her desk or in the classroom that she would be allowed to use whenever needed?

BEST wishes to you both for a wonderful new year! Warmest regards, Lori D.

[goldenecho]

My son was also 10 when we put him back in after 4 years of homeschooling.   He did the IEP and it showed ADD and some other things (though they told me they can't diagnose, but it was enough to get him services).   I was terrified to put him back in school.   I cried a lot the week before he went back.  But thankfully it went so much better than I feared it might.

I told them that we had repeated kindergarten at home (which was pretty true...he didn't get very far his year in PS KG, so we did repeat most of the material)... and that was enough to get him classified as 4th grade, not 5th.   Though, it's worth knowing that the amount of services they get is dependent on the somewhat on the difference between his grade level and skill level...so the greater the difference between grade level and skill level the greater the services he may get.   My child got plenty even going in at 4th grade not 5th.  

We were thinking of putting him in a charter homeschool (homeschooling part time) but they suggested a reduced size mixed grades class for kids with learning difficulties/dissabilities and we took them up on it.   It was 10 kids with a teacher and two aids, so the individualization they did in the class was excellent.   The teacher was wonderful.  I have two older boys in public school (they didn't have the same challenges my youngest did), and I've never been in a class where they focused on the WHOLE child (not just their academics, but how they were doing socially and emotionally) than that class and that teacher did.   She GOT how emotional stuff could totally derail learning and made making the class a safe and supportive environment a priority.   And it really showed.   His confidence, which had grown a lot while homeschooling, skyrocketed.   Some of it actually was about being around other kids who struggled too...I don't think it would have gone as well if he had started in a regular classroom. 

 Sadly, he wont have the same teacher next year so I will see if that was just that teacher or general practice for those types of classes.    I know we got a better than average teacher based on what the other parents said. 

 

Edited July 31, 2019 by goldenecho

[kiwik]

10 kids a teacher and 2 aides? Wow.

[Frances]

On 7/31/2019 at 10:05 AM, Lori D. said:

Remember to give both yourself and your DD a lot of grace in these first weeks/months. Esp. the first few weeks -- she will likely come home completely drained from trying to adjust, so don't plan on any other events or activities, give back rubs and lots of encouragement. And during this transition time, while it's not fun, be her "safe place" for melting down/blowing up, as she will likely be using every ounce of mental/emotional energy to hold it together and figure out the new routine at school.

 

This was absolutely exactly our experience when my ds started middle school. We found playing ping pong with him while talking to be his best stress reliever at the end of a long school day. He even jokingly started calling it his therapy. The first few weeks he even often napped right after school.

I think advocating for fourth grade sounds like a great plan. I wish both of you the best of luck on this new journey. Just remember that it’s not a permanent decision, and she can come home later if needed. Our son lasted one semester. But lessons learned from that semester led us to the wonderful co-op that was a huge part of his life for the next four years.

[goldenecho]

On 8/3/2019 at 4:37 AM, kiwik said:

10 kids a teacher and 2 aides? Wow.

 

Yeah, it's a different public school environment than most kids get,  and so transitioning to that would be a lot different than transitioning to a regular classroom (though it was supposed to be twenty kids with the same amount of teachers...and for some reason their class was just really small last year).  But I also wanted to mention it because sometimes schools have really good programs that your child might be eligible for through an IEP, so it's worth looking into if you're considering it anyways.

Edited August 6, 2019 by goldenecho

[kiwik]

3 hours ago, goldenecho said:

 

Yeah, it's a different public school environment than most kids get,  and so transitioning to that would be a lot different than transitioning to a regular classroom (though it was supposed to be twenty kids with the same amount of teachers...and for some reason their class was just really small last year).  But I also wanted to mention it because sometimes schools have really good programs that your child might be eligible for through an IEP, so it's worth looking into if you're considering it anyways.

I have heard of similar from other people on the forums.  NZ thinks is you don't have special ed you don't have a problem so anything other than one teacher/30 kids is almost non-existant.