Recently discovered half sister

[KeriJ]

Without going into all the details, I have had contact with a half sister I never knew existed until this year. 

We have communicated briefly through messenger.  She is very sweet.  She doesn't have any expectations other than wanting to know who her biological family is.  My brother has met her twice in person and agrees that she is very easy to talk to and has enjoyed getting to know her a little better.  I have no negative feelings about her whatsoever.  But....I feel stuck.  I can't quite figure out what the relationship should be.  She lives in a different state, so I don't really imagine us meeting in person any time soon.  So in the meantime, we communicate online, but I can't get past a few polite sentences and brief holiday wishes. 

I would imagine there are a thousand different ways to handle this and that no two relationships are the same.  I just wondered if anyone else has gone through this.

[Sneezyone]

HEY!! Welcome to the club!! I found out last year that I have a 28yo niece. I'm 43 BTW. I'm also an adoptive mom so I can also envision myself on the other end of this 'news'. It's quite a shock. Go easy on yourself and her. Chances are, she just wants to learn about you and your family. She may appreciate some pictures. She may come in and out of contact as she processes the new information she receives. She may want medical info. or have questions about what your childhood was like (i.e. what she missed). Maybe consider it like a paid genealogist contacting you out of the blue.

Edited July 22, 2019 by Sneezyone

[Ottakee]

It is fine to take it slow.  I have a half sister (older) that I have met a few times and talk to once in a while and we are FB friends.   Sorta like a casual friend/second cousin relationship.

My girls are adopted and have 6 older siblings we just located in the past 3 years.  My son has 7 other siblings, 2 he recently found out about.

We have seen them, visited several times.  No bad feelings at all but again, not close either.

Do what you feel comfortable with.  

[DawnM]

I sent you a PM

[Shoeless]

This happened to my husband. His bio-dad was a player and DH has multiple half-siblings, (I think there are 7 or 9 "kids" from bio-dad.  Each has a different mother).  DH spoke with his half-sibling A for awhile and they are fb friends.  They look alike and we actually live close to the half-sibling, but we have never met them.  They don't have much in common, so once the initial curiosity was satisfied, the relationship has gone dormant.  As far as I can tell, there are no bad feelings there.  It's neutral. 

Half-sibling B was very "rah rah rah" about being "family" for awhile, and that was tough because again, they didn't have anything in common other than DNA.  B seems like a decent person, just a little...intense and enthusiastic.  She had a lot of expectations that DH would fill the role of "Big Brother" in her life and invited us to her wedding.  We declined the invite and that put a chill on the relationship.  I hesitate to call it a relationship because he didn't really know her at all.  He wasn't opposed to knowing her or being friends in time, but she came on so strong.  It was too much too soon.   

There are other half-siblings that B located and some were polite, said hello, exchanged medical info, and that was it.  A few requested she leave them alone and stop reaching out to them. 

 So, our experience has been that it's unlikely a relationship will develop with a long-lost half-sibling unless both parties are very committed to building one.  It would take both people making a concerted effort to bond.          

Edited July 22, 2019 by MissLemon