Earthmerlin Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 My nearly 9.5 yr old seems to have turned off her brain lately, LOL. She seems unsure or stumped on how to solve some daily problems. Nothing major but things like 'I hear the fridge alarm go off' but she doesn't bother to investigate why or how to make it stop. Or regularly saying 'Mom, I need your help'. I think it's a phase but look at it as an opportunity to encourage on-the-spot problem-solving...either by scaffolding questions/comments or having her do so independently. For example, she told me the toilet was plugged and I walked her through plunging it. She asked what to do when a ruler wasn't handy (to draw a straight line) & I asked her if she could improvise--finding another straight edge. Things of that nature. She's so creative in other ways, how can I encourage her to think on her feet in more practical ways? What are ordinary things you have your kids do (to this end)? What question or comment stems do you use to turn things back on them so they think through solutions? I need to restock my verbage, LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8filltheheart Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 You lost me at expecting a 9 yr old to deal with a clogged toilet! 😱 I wouldn't want to deal with the aftermath of my 9 yr old unclogging a toilet. (I am very OCD. Lysol/bleach and extreme caution are my pre-reqs before even beginning. 🤢 ) I expect my 9 yr olds to solve lots of issues on their own, but I definitely want them to ask for help in situations where they don't know what to do. For me, the bigger issue would be helping them know the difference. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earthmerlin Posted January 16, 2019 Author Share Posted January 16, 2019 4 hours ago, 8FillTheHeart said: You lost me at expecting a 9 yr old to deal with a clogged toilet! 😱 I wouldn't want to deal with the aftermath of my 9 yr old unclogging a toilet. (I am very OCD. Lysol/bleach and extreme caution are my pre-reqs before even beginning. 🤢 ) I expect my 9 yr olds to solve lots of issues on their own, but I definitely want them to ask for help in situations where they don't know what to do. For me, the bigger issue would be helping them know the difference. LOL, no I didn't expect her to unclog it. I was happy enough she altered me to its malfunction. I guess it was a bad example but I was hurryingly trying to give a recent real life (scaffolded) problem-solving opportunity. So onto your second point--how do you help them know the difference? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earthmerlin Posted January 16, 2019 Author Share Posted January 16, 2019 5 hours ago, HeighHo said: "What have you tried?" "how did that work out for you?" "what's your plan?" as a last resort "are 'help' and 'do my thinking/ labor)' synonyms? Yes, those are some new questions I was looking for! Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lewelma Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 4 hours ago, 8FillTheHeart said: You lost me at expecting a 9 yr old to deal with a clogged toilet! 😱 I wouldn't want to deal with the aftermath of my 9 yr old unclogging a toilet. (I am very OCD. Lysol/bleach and extreme caution are my pre-reqs before even beginning. 🤢 ) LOL! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 Mm. I wonder how many times I've politely said "Have you tried thinking?" only to have that greeted with gratitude for the brilliant idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nixpix5 Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 (edited) 15 hours ago, Earthmerlin said: LOL, no I didn't expect her to unclog it. I was happy enough she altered me to its malfunction. I guess it was a bad example but I was hurryingly trying to give a recent real life (scaffolded) problem-solving opportunity. So onto your second point--how do you help them know the difference? I actually smiled at your unclogged toilet example because it is totally within a kids' ability at that age. My 7 year old grabs the plunger and unclogs the toilet if he overuses toilet paper. In fact he did exactly that 3 days ago. I like the earlier recommendation to ask her what she has tried or what solutions she may have thought of. Then I would go help but take the child with to teach/show how to fix it in an empowering way just as you did. When she does fix something on her own say "wow, I am really impressed with your problem solving with that. That's how I would have done that" or "that was a great solution for that" She may just be at an age too where she enjoys your examples and interacting. Not too uncommon for this age in girls. Edited January 17, 2019 by nixpix5 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 Now we're really off topic, but I've never been able to successfully use a plunger. I've tried. I think I finally decided it took some sort of arm strength I didn't have, which is why dh was able to just boom, do it. And he's not the handy one in the house. I'm the one that fixes and patches and does most of that stuff. Honestly the kid in question sounds like a 9 yo. I think leaving my kids alone actually helped most with those skills at that age. Or having them go run small errands up the block. I feel like Destination Imagination helped with that some too because adults weren't allowed to solve the problems. And cooking on their own was a good way for them to practice those skills. It would force them to plan then try out lots of things. But the main thing is what everyone is saying. Pause and ask if they thought about it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoCal_Bear Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 For my two cents, I think you are probably now experiencing raising a tween. I'm there as well, and I wonder daily where my child went or rather where his brain disappeared to. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 On 1/17/2019 at 3:35 AM, OKBud said: It's a sign of love, trust and companionship on their part and in my experience some people don't really outgrow the impulse to speak before acting. Thank you, because when my child says "I need help" a million times, I never thought of it that way! Yes, it does seem like an impulse to involve me in his activities by asking for help. What I usually do is to remind my child that one day he will head off to college and then, he would have to improvise every time he needed help and that we can all start practicing now to be able to do well later. Then, I tell the child the steps he needs to take to solve his problem by first asking him what he thinks needs to be done and then asking him how he plans to solve the issue e.g. cannot find pajamas to change into - ask him where he thinks he will be able to find pajamas: he replies that he should look in his room - then, I tell him to go look in his chest of drawers or the unfolded laundry in the basket etc. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earthmerlin Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 LOL, I just heard 'What's a student driver, Mom?' Kid cracks me up! So I helped her walk through that one (even though I suspected she already knew). I think she was really asking why a car would have such a bumper sticker but she thought that one out aloud too. Yeah, I think I have a verbal thinker on my hands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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