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This isn't a current urgent need, but it's something I think about. My primary goal for my kids, given family history, is to support good mental health. Already we have had times when that meant academics had to take a back seat.

That wasn't a big deal with younger kids, I try to keep math going and make sure they read and a lot of the rest can be set aside for a time as necessary.

Now that I have teens though things are more complicated. 

If you needed to keep academics low key and non stressful for a season--short or not so short--at the junior high and high school level what would that look like?

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1 hour ago, texasmom33 said:

Does college acceptance factor into your framework, or is this strictly get through high school and then come what may, sort of scenario? 

I would want college to be an option but not planning for elite colleges. Most of our in state schools won't even look at a homeschool transcript, they admit based on test scores alone unless the student has a certain number of accredited units.

If I homeschool independently we have no state requirements to meet.

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So, probably TMI about myself, but I come from a family of gifted people (I think a group of them were tested and have IQs in the 150s), which sounds really spectacular on paper.  There was a ton of mental illness and addiction/substance abuse surrounding them.  One of them was an extreme hoarder (basically like the houses on the hoarders show).  Most of them just really were not functional.  Like I said, probably TMI, but I just don't care who knows anymore.  The only one left now is my mom.          

3 of my kids are teenagers and I am very conscious about how I parent, because of this.

We are a no yelling/no drama house.  I rarely yell.  We are very laid back.

I use that saying Pat Farenga came up with: Give them as much freedom as you can stand, as a parent.  I do this with school and freedom to go places, etc.  I let them choose their curriculum every year.  If they don't like a book, we usually drop it and find something else.

I don't replicate "school at home".  We don't do grades.  I try to emphasize reading great books and doing projects.  

We school year-round 4 days a week.  When we need a break, we just take one.

If it's pretty outside, we'll do school outside.  We've done school at the park before, etc.  I also take them to the park a lot - even the teens.  I play football, baseball, disc golf, basketball with them.  We spend a lot of time outside.

I constantly tell them things like "it's ok to fail", "it's ok if you're not very good at something", "it's ok is stuff is messed up/things don't have to be perfect"...

I make sure they get enough sleep.  Unless we really need to be somewhere, I just kinda let them wake up whenever.

I'm going through a phase where I'm trying to let them experience typical fun high school stuff.  I keep telling them high school is supposed to be fun.  They have public school friends who are having some extreme anxiety problems - panic attacks, depression, etc.  So, they are seeing what high school stress and competition is doing to their friends.  As far as fun experiences - dd16 just went to a Homecoming Dance...ds15 plays on a high school football team.  They go out to eat with their friends.  I make sure they have plenty of friend time, even though it's a pain in the butt to drive them around.  I asked them if they wanted class rings, but they thought that was silly.  I'm planning to get dd16 senior jewelry, etc.  

I know I sound like a lazy, slacker mom.  Oh well.  And after all that, they're really NOT too lazy, I guess.  The oldest two are trying for the Congressional Award.  I am putting dd's senior year on her transcript for next year and she will have 33 credits.  She's studying 3 languages this year: German, Hebrew and Latin.  

Good luck, OP!

Edited by Evanthe
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32 minutes ago, Evanthe said:

So, probably TMI about myself, but I come from a family of gifted people (I think a group of them were tested and have IQs in the 150s), which sounds really spectacular on paper.  There was a ton of mental illness and addiction/substance abuse surrounding them.  One of them was an extreme hoarder (basically like the houses on the hoarders show).  Most of them just really were not functional.  Like I said, probably TMI, but I just don't care who knows anymore.  The only one left now is my mom.          

3 of my kids are teenagers and I am very conscious about how I parent, because of this.

We are a no yelling/no drama house.  I rarely yell.  We are very laid back.

I use that saying Pat Farenga came up with: Give them as much freedom as you can stand, as a parent.  I do this with school and freedom to go places, etc.  I let them choose their curriculum every year.  If they don't like a book, we usually drop it and find something else.

I don't replicate "school at home".  We don't do grades.  I try to emphasize reading great books and doing projects.  

We school year-round 4 days a week.  When we need a break, we just take one.

If it's pretty outside, we'll do school outside.  We've done school at the park before, etc.  I also take them to the park a lot - even the teens.  I play football, baseball, disc golf, basketball with them.  We spend a lot of time outside.

I constantly tell them things like "it's ok to fail", "it's ok if you're not very good at something", "it's ok is stuff is messed up/things don't have to be perfect"...

I make sure they get enough sleep.  Unless we really need to be somewhere, I just kinda let them wake up whenever.

I'm going through a phase where I'm trying to let them experience typical fun high school stuff.  I keep telling them high school is supposed to be fun.  They have public school friends who are having some extreme anxiety problems - panic attacks, depression, etc.  So, they are seeing what high school stress and competition is doing to their friends.  As far as fun experiences - dd16 just went to a Homecoming Dance...ds15 plays on a high school football team.  They go out to eat with their friends.  I make sure they have plenty of friend time, even though it's a pain in the butt to drive them around.  I asked them if they wanted class rings, but they thought that was silly.  I'm planning to get dd16 senior jewelry, etc.  

I know I sound like a lazy, slacker mom.  Oh well.  And after all that, they're really NOT too lazy, I guess.  The oldest two are trying for the Congressional Award.  I am putting dd's senior year on her transcript for next year and she will have 33 credits.  She's studying 3 languages this year: German, Hebrew and Latin.  

Good luck, OP!

Oh, you don't sound like a lazy slacker mom at all. You sound like an amazing mom.

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Due to things that had been simmering for years, and came to a full boil last year, I had to cut back last year for one of my high school kids.  The amount of physical/mental energy required of *me* also meant that I had to make some changes to the other kids' schooling as well (I have five that are school aged, high school down through elementary).  The kid in crisis needed loads more time to talk, more time to be alone, and more time get done what was easy before and was now suddenly oh-so-hard.  Some subjects for the other kids went on auto pilot, and I checked in and talked things over as I could. We all ended the school year in a decent place, even if we took a lot of detours along the way.  Some years you learn academics, some years you learn consistency, some years you learn other habits, and some years you can actually learn more than one thing (but not that often!).

My current basic plan for the high schoolers is to prepare them for admittance to the local CC or state school, and have good SAT scores that reflect their strengths.  Yes, we work on the weaknesses, but I try to stay realistic about the current abilities of the kid in front of me. I can't rewire my student's brain and make him into a new person overnight. So I am carving out time for the things that do reflect that my student is hard working in _____ , whatever that may be.  It doesn't have to be an academic strength.  Everyone needs to feel that he can work hard at something and accomplish good things with it.  My child is so much more than a diagnosis or a test score.

I know that all sounds kind of vague and emotional, but I don't have too many hills to die on here.  I'm over some of that.  I had to be.

 

 

Edited by Zoo Keeper
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On 11/4/2018 at 7:14 PM, Evanthe said:

So, probably TMI about myself, but I come from a family of gifted people (I think a group of them were tested and have IQs in the 150s), which sounds really spectacular on paper.  There was a ton of mental illness and addiction/substance abuse surrounding them.  One of them was an extreme hoarder (basically like the houses on the hoarders show).  Most of them just really were not functional.  Like I said, probably TMI, but I just don't care who knows anymore.  The only one left now is my mom.          

3 of my kids are teenagers and I am very conscious about how I parent, because of this.

We are a no yelling/no drama house.  I rarely yell.  We are very laid back.

I use that saying Pat Farenga came up with: Give them as much freedom as you can stand, as a parent.  I do this with school and freedom to go places, etc.  I let them choose their curriculum every year.  If they don't like a book, we usually drop it and find something else.

I don't replicate "school at home".  We don't do grades.  I try to emphasize reading great books and doing projects.  

We school year-round 4 days a week.  When we need a break, we just take one.

If it's pretty outside, we'll do school outside.  We've done school at the park before, etc.  I also take them to the park a lot - even the teens.  I play football, baseball, disc golf, basketball with them.  We spend a lot of time outside.

I constantly tell them things like "it's ok to fail", "it's ok if you're not very good at something", "it's ok is stuff is messed up/things don't have to be perfect"...

I make sure they get enough sleep.  Unless we really need to be somewhere, I just kinda let them wake up whenever.

I'm going through a phase where I'm trying to let them experience typical fun high school stuff.  I keep telling them high school is supposed to be fun.  They have public school friends who are having some extreme anxiety problems - panic attacks, depression, etc.  So, they are seeing what high school stress and competition is doing to their friends.  As far as fun experiences - dd16 just went to a Homecoming Dance...ds15 plays on a high school football team.  They go out to eat with their friends.  I make sure they have plenty of friend time, even though it's a pain in the butt to drive them around.  I asked them if they wanted class rings, but they thought that was silly.  I'm planning to get dd16 senior jewelry, etc.  

I know I sound like a lazy, slacker mom.  Oh well.  And after all that, they're really NOT too lazy, I guess.  The oldest two are trying for the Congressional Award.  I am putting dd's senior year on her transcript for next year and she will have 33 credits.  She's studying 3 languages this year: German, Hebrew and Latin.  

Good luck, OP!

This sounds fabulous.  I wish I could let go a bit and trust the process.  

We are good on sleep, though.  School might not start until noonish most days because I have kids who like to sleep.  

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On 11/4/2018 at 1:59 PM, maize said:

This isn't a current urgent need, but it's something I think about. My primary goal for my kids, given family history, is to support good mental health. Already we have had times when that meant academics had to take a back seat.

That wasn't a big deal with younger kids, I try to keep math going and make sure they read and a lot of the rest can be set aside for a time as necessary.

Now that I have teens though things are more complicated. 

If you needed to keep academics low key and non stressful for a season--short or not so short--at the junior high and high school level what would that look like?

I love this topic and I'm trying to figure this out.   We do have the expectation of college, but I don't have kids who are heavily involved in sports and such--which most kids here are.  

I find it hard to let math go, but if I wanted to give them a math break, I might even let a kid go back and go through the Beast Academy books at his/her own pace... or do some of the interesting Outschool classes... maybe do a mental math Great Course or something like that?  

What about science being experimenting on themselves? The Happy Project...or various anxiety techniques (rating one's anxiety on a scale of 1-10 after doing yoga for X days or meditating for x days, etc.)  Rating their mood/anxiety/depression levels after going without screens for a month?

Right now, I have a 13 year old who is not a big reader...so he's doing the Mensa Reading List with his 3rd grade brother.  Yes, it's easy....but they are classics and he's still reading. There have also been some really robust discussions regarding some of the books.

I've always had my eye on the Oak Meadow Hero English class. (I think it's 9th grade?) I may save that for a slow paced year.

What about The Teen Big Life Journal that just came out as "English"? https://biglifejournal.com/products/big-life-journal-teen-edition?gclid=Cj0KCQiA8f_eBRDcARIsAEKwRGeiydewg2G-el1cSSzOsaF9x1lAw-cUrneZZ2S2EjCxUENnGplemFsaAviYEALw_wcB

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I think you have a lot more freedom in junior high, but there is still quite a bit of freedom in high school to not go "all out." Since keeping the door open for college is a goal, I would see if meeting the minimum suggested for your state schools is doable. Usually something like: 4 years of English, 3-4 years of Math, 2-3 years Science (1 or more labs required), 2-3 years Social Studies, 2 years Foreign Language, 1 year Fine Arts--see what the requirements are. There is typically lots of room for electives. There is also typically a lot of room within the subject areas to pursue interests. Sometimes certain things will be required (for example, my state wanted a minimum of bio or chem with a lab for sciences but otherwise one could choose how to fulfill the other required years--I've seen ag-related courses for a real hands-on type of credit that wasn't book-heavy, or sciences where they might be able to do more hands-on observing and less book-reading/lab write-ups etc...) English/lit gives you a lot of room for reading that a student is interested in (I've seen people do courses on fairy tales, movies as lit, specific genre's, creative writing, etc...), Social Studies may require US or Government or both but may allow an elective (my dd did a Psychology class for a fun SS elective). All that to say--there's room to play around with what they "have" to do, both with regard to credits required and with regard to how to fulfill those credits. A lower academic SS credit could involve mainly reading and casual discussions with you or dad instead of lots of papers and tests. I've never seen a minimum number of labs required to call a class a "lab science," so you have some flexibility there. You don't have to do all academic subjects each year, so only do 3 or 4 on a year that needs to be lighter and fill in with hands on electives in their areas of interest. Almost anything can be made into an elective credit if you want. Think about things your student already does that might be able to count for credit. 

OTOH, think what's easy for you teacher-wise too, if you are needing it to be light on you as well as the student. Sometimes an open and go textbook is the easier option.

If community college is a possibility as an avenue for getting into college (transferring to a 4-year institution later), you have even more options (because a student with gaps from high school can always take a remedial college class if needed.) In that case, you could go even lighter if you really needed to. 

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I would do the following:

  • Have them read a list of books of all different types and discuss them with me, including history books that would also informally cover history
  • Write narrations across all subjects
  • Keep progressing with math at whatever level they are comfortable with, without pushing to get to a certain level
  • Have them do interest-led science and keep a notebook of what they study (drawings, experiments, questions, etc.)
  • do a lot of non-school things that contribute to interests and life skills, like learning to cook, jogging, or painting, or whatever they are interested in

This plan may not transfer well to being college-ready but I may leave that bridge for when I need to cross it. You can always do more later, if it's needed and they are capable.

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Thank-you, Maize, so much for putting up this post. Like Zoo Keeper stated above, we **also** have had numerous issues brewing here for years. (And thank-you Zoo Keeper for phrasing it so eloquently; it's been a long year and I just couldn't find my own words to describe it. Thank-you again.)  I've had to change my expectations to save my sanity/health(pre-existing condition) while trying to insure that my child gets a good education for her future. It's definitely a balancing act and can be so stressful. At this point, I take it day by day.

Edited by twovetteslater
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I can tell you what it looks like at my house this year (which is different from last year and probably next year.)

Math at home.
English that is Social Studies-focused at home.
Co-op Science and electives. (Our co-op has a great academic focus, but manages to retain a laid back and fun atmosphere.)
My 11th grader has a DE course that is lots of reading, thinking, and conversation, light on the testing and writing. (Philosophy)
Both teens spend a lot of time volunteering and training in their passion area. Dh handles most of that.
In the spring, one will play a sport and the other might assistant coach a team.

For us, outsourcing enables us to have great conversations without the teacher/student, right/wrong, authority dynamic, which has been great.  All classes are contained in 3 week days, leaving sufficient time for scheduling counseling. Two of those class days are very light, leaving plenty of room for both homework and "them" time.

Also, both teens got jobs at the *same place*, which only has *one shift*, so there's a whole two birds deal and very few scheduling surprises. Their weekend evenings are always free. (I'm ecstatic over that luck!)

All of us are working to address exercise needs, as that plays a huge part in our moods. We're also looking for shortcuts to transition us back to healthier eating, because we've gone a little too laid back with cooking lately and one dd has gone vegetarian.

in print, it does look (to me) a little overwhelming, but it's really been pretty calm in practice.   They're not quite where I want to be on the home courses, but we're turning a corner. I don't think we'd be turning that corner if we had attempted more rigor these past few months. The things they've been spending the most time on are the ones that feed their souls. And that feeds mine.

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