Encouraging a tween/teen to eat better

[PeachyDoodle]

I am struggling with how to encourage DD12 to branch out on her food choices. She has always been a picky eater. She likes carbs and junk food and pretty much nothing else. She doesn't like any kind of vegetable and very few fruits. She won't eat most kinds of beef, chicken, or pork and no seafood or fish. Basically, if it's not a starch, it has to be deep fried for her to touch it.

 

For breakfast, she usually eats cereal. Lunch is a pb&j -- usually two -- and maybe a yogurt, the kind loaded with sugar. If I insist, she might have a piece of fruit. I cook a healthy meal for dinner 90% of the time, and more often than not it goes untouched, or at best picked at. If there are potatoes or rice or another starch that she likes, she will eat that, and drink a glass of milk. She would rather go hungry than eat something she doesn't like.

 

We almost never keep sweets or chips, crackers, etc. in the house. We always keep a big basket of fresh fruit and plenty of veggies that can be eaten raw or easily cooked. There's no lack of choices, and we have talked many times about the importance of good nutrition.  More exercise might increase her appetite, but she's fairly active as it is, and still she would rather not eat at all than eat chicken or broccoli.

 

She is healthy and not over- or underweight, but I know that will change with time if her eating habits remain the same, and I want her to start building better habits now. I don't want this to become a battle, but I know her tastes won't change if she never tries to develop them.

[bolt.]

Can you get her on board with the personal goal of gradually expanding her food choices to include two or three acceptable choices from each food group?

 

You have a lot of years to work with her gradually if you can get her to "buy in" but you are very close to the end of when you can insist that she eat well. If she "buys in" work the rewards and positive reinforcement heavily, and encourage her to keep trying. Teach her that her taste buds can and will change if she keeps up the good work of small nibbles (or even licks, smells,or on-her-plate tolerance to start).

 

Teach her not to sabotage her own goal by assuming she won't like an option. Teach her that eating very small bits of things she doesn't immediately like will help in the long run. Work with 'helper foods' (dips, sauces, spices) as a strategy.

 

Another few goals for the future (besides food groups for now) would be: to gradually reduce the sweetness she expects from sweet foods and the saltiness she expects from savory snacks (her taste buds will adjust, but it takes time) until things like sugared fruits and salted meal components begin to be in the same ballpark. Similarly, increasing her tolerance for fibre in her carbs can be an alternate goal. (But I would get her on board with food groups first.)

 

In all this I mean for you to encourage her to adopt these goals, and for you to suggest strategies for her to accomplish her goals -- not for you to play the familiar role as a parent, having the goal and doing the strategies. It's not the right phase of life for that approach any more.

[bolt.]

And watch cooking shows. Buy things she seems semi-interested in, even if they are outside your family's normal menu, and even if they are expensive.

[skimomma]

I was very similar when I was growing up.  My family culture required that I did eat many of the things I didn't like at meals (no thank you servings) but it did not help me acquire tastes for those things.  I now know that the reason I didn't like many things was the way they were prepared and that I did indeed like many things I thought I hated when prepared in different ways.  The bottom line is that my parents really didn't care if I liked or didn't like something and made little effort to encourage me to branch out yet I did develop a healthy palate eventually despite that.  So, there is hope even if you are not able to make progress in the early teen years.

 

That said, I see the yogurt as an opportunity to try new things.  Instead of the sugary yogurt, perhaps smoothies prepared at home would be a good way to introduce new fruits (and maybe even vegetables eventually).  You can start with adding enough honey to make it similar in taste to prepared yogurt and back off over time.  Put in large quantities of fruits your dd tolerates at first but introduce small quantifies of new fruits over time.  This method will work best if your dd is on board with the goal of palette expanding.  

 

Potatoes and rice are great carriers for healthy toppings.  Rice can even be cooked in vegetable broth to add nutrition.  If actual vegetables are going to be an issue as toppings, are sauces an alternative?  Nuts or nut butters?  

Edited October 10, 2017 by skimomma

[HomeAgain]

You buy the food.  You control what comes into the house.  If you're not comfortable with cereal or the yogurt, don't buy them.

 

FWIW, I was a picky eater growing up.  I didn't like any cooked vegetables and was limited in what I did like on my plate.  As an adult, I have completely different tastes.  So does my dh, who grew up with only eating a handful of foods (usually meat and potatoes).  Now we have a wide variety of greens that come into the house and many different styles of cuisine.  So if her habits don't change now, don't give up hope.  There is time.  That's not saying she'll magically like all foods (there is not a person in our house that can stand broccoli) but that what she eats at age 12 isn't an indication of what she'll eat at 30.

[PeachyDoodle]

Can you get her on board with the personal goal of gradually expanding her food choices to include two or three acceptable choices from each food group?

 

You have a lot of years to work with her gradually if you can get her to "buy in" but you are very close to the end of when you can insist that she eat well. If she "buys in" work the rewards and positive reinforcement heavily, and encourage her to keep trying. Teach her that her taste buds can and will change if she keeps up the good work of small nibbles (or even licks, smells,or on-her-plate tolerance to start).

 

Teach her not to sabotage her own goal by assuming she won't like an option. Teach her that eating very small bits of things she doesn't immediately like will help in the long run. Work with 'helper foods' (dips, sauces, spices) as a strategy.

 

Another few goals for the future (besides food groups for now) would be: to gradually reduce the sweetness she expects from sweet foods and the saltiness she expects from savory snacks (her taste buds will adjust, but it takes time) until things like sugared fruits and salted meal components begin to be in the same ballpark. Similarly, increasing her tolerance for fibre in her carbs can be an alternate goal. (But I would get her on board with food groups first.)

 

In all this I mean for you to encourage her to adopt these goals, and for you to suggest strategies for her to accomplish her goals -- not for you to play the familiar role as a parent, having the goal and doing the strategies. It's not the right phase of life for that approach any more.

 

I like this approach, thanks. And yes, my goal is to help her make these goals/choices for herself. She is beginning to have more and more opportunities to make food choices on her own when she's away from home. It needs to be something she wants for herself.

 

You buy the food.  You control what comes into the house.  If you're not comfortable with cereal or the yogurt, don't buy them.

 

This is true. I don't have a problem with the cereal (we stay on the healthier end, not the really sugary kiddie cereal) and yogurt, per se. I think they can have a place in a balanced diet. They are probably among the "worst" things we have in the house on any given day, which is why she picks them. We buy a fixed amount each week and when they're gone, they're gone. What that essentially means is that she eats less and less throughout the week until we go to the store again. I just want her to branch out a little bit and learn that not everything has to be super sweet or super salty to taste good.

[OrganicJen]

I think my teen eats pretty well compared to most. Overall I just don't give him a choice on what comes into the house. We don't buy sugary cereal or sugary yogurt for example, so that if he wants cereal for breakfast it's something with more complex carbs at least. Then after lunch I don't allow snacking so that he eats a full dinner, and if he chooses to clean his plate he can have just about anything else in the house he wants to for a snack before bed. Also, I think growing some of his own food has encouraged him to eat healthier. Sometimes I'm lucky to ever get green beans or cherry tomatoes because if he is out there before me he's picked and eaten the best ones before breakfast lol.

[catz]

Trying a cooking class and making meals definitely helped my kids in branching out.  We don't force foods, but do ask them to try things.  If you don't want her to have certain things, I'd just stop buying it.  Sugary yogurt is a treat here.

[AK_Mom4]

Investigate some good vegetarian dishes. I’m not talking about starting with spicy curries - try a rice-based main dish since she likes rice. Have her help choose recipes wiith ingredients she thinks she might be willing to try.

 

I have a family of meat-eaters with one member who eats very little meat (maybe a bite or two) There are lots of good vegetarian dishes that we all like.

[Tanaqui]

Is it possible that this is an issue that you should bring to a therapist? There are people who specialize in "picky eating" and can help people expand their palates. (But then, I always think MOAR PROFESSIONAL HELP!!! is the answer.)