s/o GoFundMe for elderly parent's funeral

[solascriptura]

I agree we shouldn't complain to whoever has decided against a service of any kind.

 

My first experience with 'no service' was a co worker of mine who had been a rep in another state. We had been fairly close for years....I kept up with him when he left the company and went to work for a furniture company in his city. He lived with his mother and was estranged from his only child who was about 20. Then his mother died. One day he didn't show up to work and his co workers went to check on him. He was sitting in his running car in his driveway. He had had a heart attack. We were all so devastated.....his son did no service. Which we understood because he was a kid and I guess there was bad blood with the xwife....ugh. It was just so bad. The VP of our company flew down and some other reps drove in and along with the co workers at the furniture store they had a service.

 

If a loved one of mine requested ' no service' I would not promise that. I would say 'you won't know because you will be dead and services are for the living. '.

I’m the one that originally asked about the offensiveness of no memorial service. I want to be cremated because I’ve been to viewings and the bodies never really totally looks like the person you once knew. I want my family to remember me as I was. Not as a dead body. Sorry, if my bluntness is offensive. Not intended at all.

 

I also don’t want a memorial service because they are all so depressing. They’re supposed to be a celebration of life and I haven’t been to one where that is the case. Heck, as the person who passed, I’m giong to be celebrating that I’m in heaven with Jesus. Why would I want my family to be crying and moaning like I’ve done and heard in funerals? If they want to have a dinner together with all my favorite foods and do something that I loved on earth, go ahead. Usually I’ve just seen a lot of moaning, crying, sniffling, and pained faces. Yes, I know their emotions are real and valid. Yes, I agree that funerals are for the living. So then please live a full life like I tried to and anticipate when we’ll meet again in heaven. That is how I wish to be remembered and honored by my loved ones.

Edited September 22, 2017 by solascriptura

[Scarlett]

I’m the one that originally asked about the offensiveness of no memorial service. I want to be cremated because I’ve been to viewings and the bodies never really totally looks like the person you once knew. I want my family to remember me as I was. Not as a dead body. Sorry, if my bluntness is offensive. Not intended at all.

 

I also don’t want a memorial service because they are all so depressing. They’re supposed to be a celebration of life and I haven’t been to one where that is the case. Heck, as the person who passed, I’m goong to be celebrating that I’m in heaven with Jesus. Why would I want my family to be crying and moaning like I’ve heard in funerals? If they want to have a dinner together with all my favorite foods and do something that I loved on earth, go ahead. Usually I’ve just seen a lot of moaning, crying, sniffling, and pained faces. Yes, I know their emotions are really and valid. Yes, I agree that funerals are for the living. So then please live a full life like I tried to and anticipate when we’ll meet again in heaven. That is how I wish to be remembered and honored by my loved ones.

I guess I am fortunate to have attended some wonderful services along with some horrible ones. My high school friend who was murdered at age 21 was horrible....

 

But a good friend died a year or so ago and he requested a celebration of life party and it was wonderful. His sons, also my close friends, did a fabulous recounting of their fathers life. There were some tears but mostly laughter.

[gardenmom5]

I've wondered about this before. I've already discussed my wish to be cremated when I pass. A memorial is kind of meh to me too. Do people really feel offended when there isn't a funeral service?

 

my mother detested funerals  - she didn't have one for her mother.  she had my father cremated, and  pushed cremation on both her parents and my father's mother, because it was cheaper.  for my mom - it was all about the money.  while it wasn't cheap, it was still affordable.  I met at least one cemetery worker who openly looked down upon the practice.  (buster, you're in the wrong line of work if you can't be more professional.)

 

my sister *needed* the closure and structure of a funeral/ceremony - and my sister is not remotely religious. it was hard on her there wasn't anything for my grandmother when she died - just a "the cemetery is burying her today - so we'll be there for that."  - just watching them put her ashes in the ground.  mother did look relived to when it was over. 

[momacacia]

I think the trouble with using crowdsourcing for funeral costs is that it's not sustainable. I mean, everyone dies.

😂😂😂

[Bluegoat]

I’m the one that originally asked about the offensiveness of no memorial service. I want to be cremated because I’ve been to viewings and the bodies never really totally looks like the person you once knew. I want my family to remember me as I was. Not as a dead body. Sorry, if my bluntness is offensive. Not intended at all.

 

I also don’t want a memorial service because they are all so depressing. They’re supposed to be a celebration of life and I haven’t been to one where that is the case. Heck, as the person who passed, I’m giong to be celebrating that I’m in heaven with Jesus. Why would I want my family to be crying and moaning like I’ve done and heard in funerals? If they want to have a dinner together with all my favorite foods and do something that I loved on earth, go ahead. Usually I’ve just seen a lot of moaning, crying, sniffling, and pained faces. Yes, I know their emotions are real and valid. Yes, I agree that funerals are for the living. So then please live a full life like I tried to and anticipate when we’ll meet again in heaven. That is how I wish to be remembered and honored by my loved ones.

 

There are probably things you can do to emphasize the meaning of death of you.  In know in my religious tradition, the funeral service is focused on that to a significant degree.  It's not happy clap, and it acknowledges that there is a dark side to death and that it is hard for loved ones, but that there is a proper Christian response to that.

 

I don't think it's a bad thing for people to be sad together, though  It kind of beats being sad seperatly.  I have a friend who is a priest who served in two communities, at the same time, with very different traditions around death.  One really relied to kind of ignore it, while in the other there was a huge all community celebration, and also mourning that would seem pretty extreme to most of us.   He really felt that the people in the second group fared better as far as coming to terms with the loss.