J-rap Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 My parents and I are very close! They are a huge inspiration to me, my siblings, and all of their grandchildren. They still live in their own home, volunteer, and travel. They are 89! My father has always been an open book. My mother is a great woman but part of her life has always been very private. I've often longed to try and get past some cultural/generational feelings of privacy that she has. I mean, I know she is not hiding some big secret, and she is such a smart and fun woman! But she has a lot of thoughts and opinions that she has always kept to herself. Also, she is naturally a shy and reserved woman. In the past 6 months, she has started to slip mentally. I'm thinking, now is my last chance to really try and dig more deeply into her heart and mind...but maybe not. Should I just leave it alone? Will I always feel like I should have? Of course I'm not really expecting you to answer that for me, but I'm wondering what others would do anyway. I'm thinking about this and trying to navigate it. I've told my kids that when they see that start happening to me, they can go ahead and still ask me anything. I'm a pretty open book if people are interested and ask questions. I don't think my mother is that way. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 Can you take her through the family tree in the guise of research? I have found that I have discovered more about my mother and uncle by talking about the family more generally than by asking them about themselves. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted August 16, 2017 Author Share Posted August 16, 2017 Can you take her through the family tree in the guise of research? I have found that I have discovered more about my mother and uncle by talking about the family more generally than by asking them about themselves. That's a great idea. Kind of coming at it through the back door. I'll give that a try! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 The research is a good idea. My DH took a video camera over to MILs house to ask her a bunch of questions about her childhood and early marriage with the kids in interview format. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth S Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 Our moms are both slipping. I love old photos. Last month I made a photo album of mom's old photos, & I loved hearing her stories as she flipped through the photos. It definitely included her sharing more of herself. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in IL Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 Have you looked into her magnesium and b12 levels? We are about to do that for my mother in law. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 (edited) The question, "What was your mother like?" revealed some interesting memories. Also, "How did you and Dad meet?" and "What was it like playing with your siblings?" My parents are gone now, but I've talked with my elderly aunt while discussing genealogy, and she has told me about things that my parents never mentioned. Interestingly, there are some things I've found out about my aunt's parents (my grandparents) that she didn't really want to delve into. I would say, ask. Otherwise, you'll regret it. Edited August 16, 2017 by Fifiruth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted August 16, 2017 Author Share Posted August 16, 2017 Have you looked into her magnesium and b12 levels? We are about to do that for my mother in law. No, I haven't. I know she takes some supplements but am not sure which ones. I'll have to check when I see her next week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 I agree checking on the vitamin levels but KNOW THIS: just because YOU know, or think you know, of something (vitamin-wise) that will help, doesn't mean that she or her dh will agree with you, or even acknowledge what you've said as having any worth of consideration. Can you tell I've BTDT? It's so hard to have knowledge of what could help and yet have your own family disregard it. So I just want you to be prepared for that possibility. It's really tough to see our parents age! If she's going the dementia route, she may very well "let you in" on those secrets as she travels down memory lane. Those are the times I treasure with my mom, the memories she lets me in on that she never told me about before. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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