I'm so tired of being the nice neighbor

[Bluegoat]

Huh, this just doesn't compute to me. In my mind, nice people don't repeatedly do something that is not only against the law, but that they know bothers a neighbor and creates a significant inconvenience for her. I mean, I wouldn't really classify myself as a nice person--I'm kind of bitchy--but even I draw the line at broadcasting dog shit throughout the neighborhood.

 

Different backgrounds and expectations make a huge difference to how people perceive situations.

 

Edited August 10, 2017 by Bluegoat

[mellifera33]

Different backgrounds and expectations make a huge difference to how people perceive situations.

Sure, plenty of people grew up in areas where dogs were allowed to wander. But after moving to a place where it is illegal, and where the neighbor has repeatedly told you that it bothers her, you continue to do the same thing? Nobody is asking them to change their religious beliefs, the way they eat, how they parent their children, what music they listen to, etc. I really doubt that letting their dogs poop all over the neighborhood and destroy property is an important part of their belief system or culture.

 

Can you tell this is a major pet peeve (no pun intended) of mine? :D

Edited August 10, 2017 by mellifera33

[Bluegoat]

Sure, plenty of people grew up in areas where dogs were allowed to wander. But after moving to a place where it is illegal, and where the neighbor has repeatedly told you that it bothers her, you continue to do the same thing? Nobody is asking them to change their religious beliefs, the way they eat, how they parent their children, what music they listen to, etc. I really doubt that letting their dogs poop all over the neighborhood and destroy property is an important part of their belief system or culture.

 

Can you tell this is a major pet peeve (no pun intended) of mine? :D

 

The illegal thing might not - laws differ so much as to how they are perceived, often I think we go much more by how they are commonly followed than what the law says is strictly the case.

 

As far as the neighbour thing - yes, but I wonder how seriously they realize that the OP is annoyed?  And, what sort of effort do they consider proportional to that annoyance, based on how they see it as a social obligation?

 

For example, what if the OP asked them to play their music more quietly.  Clearly if they are nice, they'd want to help out and there are some guidelines in law.  But, would it be reasonable to expect them to never play music outside or let their kids out to play and be loud, or the dog to bark?  Maybe not - but some people do seem to feel that way.

 

They also may be unsure how to keep the dog where they want it, especially if they aren't very well organized people.

[mellifera33]

The illegal thing might not - laws differ so much as to how they are perceived, often I think we go much more by how they are commonly followed than what the law says is strictly the case.

 

As far as the neighbour thing - yes, but I wonder how seriously they realize that the OP is annoyed?  And, what sort of effort do they consider proportional to that annoyance, based on how they see it as a social obligation?

 

For example, what if the OP asked them to play their music more quietly.  Clearly if they are nice, they'd want to help out and there are some guidelines in law.  But, would it be reasonable to expect them to never play music outside or let their kids out to play and be loud, or the dog to bark?  Maybe not - but some people do seem to feel that way.

 

They also may be unsure how to keep the dog where they want it, especially if they aren't very well organized people.

 

Well, I tend to follow the law as written. The other examples you give are actually codified into ordinance here. Noise is okay before 10 o'clock. Dogs cannot bark continually for more than 15 minutes. Decent guidelines to follow. I can sympathize that fences are expensive. But we kept our dog on a run when she was outside until we could afford to fix the fence so she could not escape. If one cannot afford the rope to make a run and a collar to attach to the run, they really cannot afford to have a dog. Anybody who knows me knows that I am not an organized person. I'm just not an a-hole who lets their dogs poop all over the neighborhood.  

[snowbeltmom]

People who let their dogs roam onto their neighbor's property, especially when those neighbors have expressed their wishes to not have the dog on their property, are not disorganized, they are self-absorbed and inconsiderate.

[Valley Girl]

The illegal thing might not - laws differ so much as to how they are perceived, often I think we go much more by how they are commonly followed than what the law says is strictly the case.

 

As far as the neighbour thing - yes, but I wonder how seriously they realize that the OP is annoyed?  And, what sort of effort do they consider proportional to that annoyance, based on how they see it as a social obligation?

 

For example, what if the OP asked them to play their music more quietly.  Clearly if they are nice, they'd want to help out and there are some guidelines in law.  But, would it be reasonable to expect them to never play music outside or let their kids out to play and be loud, or the dog to bark?  Maybe not - but some people do seem to feel that way.

 

They also may be unsure how to keep the dog where they want it, especially if they aren't very well organized people.

 

 

Disorganized or not, it is their responsibility to figure it out in the face of complaints or seek help from a vet or animal trainers to do so. Having to clean up other animals' waste from the property so your kids can play... repeatedly clean shoes or other items... deal with the ongoing drama of a child who won't wear said shoes... installing sprinklers or fences... hauling other people's known pets to the shelter... is an awful lot of effort to expect the non-dog owning neighbor to exert.

 

I'm pretty mind-my-own-business about many things, but obviously this kind of behavior from neighbors really ticks me off.

[Bluegoat]

Well, I tend to follow the law as written. The other examples you give are actually codified into ordinance here. Noise is okay before 10 o'clock. Dogs cannot bark continually for more than 15 minutes. Decent guidelines to follow. I can sympathize that fences are expensive. But we kept our dog on a run when she was outside until we could afford to fix the fence so she could not escape. If one cannot afford the rope to make a run and a collar to attach to the run, they really cannot afford to have a dog. Anybody who knows me knows that I am not an organized person. I'm just not an a-hole who lets their dogs poop all over the neighborhood.  

 

Well, being codified not being the most important thing for most people was kind of my point.  How much noise is too much?  Even after 10, you can usually have some noise.  Some places give levels, but in practice people just have a sense that one thing is ok, but another is too loud.

 

It sounds like these people for some reason just don't see this as being as important somehow as the OP does.  Maybe they don't expect the same level of dog containment as the OP does, so they are kind of talking past each other.  Kind of like someone who doesn't think his noise is noisy.

[Bluegoat]

People who let their dogs roam onto their neighbor's property, especially when those neighbors have expressed their wishes to not have the dog on their property, are not disorganized, they are self-absorbed and inconsiderate.

 

The OP said they were generally nice people.

[snowbeltmom]

Well, being codified not being the most important thing for most people was kind of my point.  How much noise is too much?  Even after 10, you can usually have some noise.  Some places give levels, but in practice people just have a sense that one thing is ok, but another is too loud.

 

It sounds like these people for some reason just don't see this as being as important somehow as the OP does.  Maybe they don't expect the same level of dog containment as the OP does, so they are kind of talking past each other.  Kind of like someone who doesn't think his noise is noisy.

 

That "some reason" is probably because these people are not the ones having to deal with all of the crap. Like I said before, self-absorbed and inconsiderate.

 

[Valley Girl]

That "some reason" is probably because these people are not the ones having to deal with all of the crap. Like I said before, self-absorbed and inconsiderate.

 

 

Bingo!

[Bluegoat]

That "some reason" is probably because these people are not the ones having to deal with all of the crap. Like I said before, self-absorbed and inconsiderate.

 

 

The OP said that they were not assholes.  Someone said they didn't know how that could be possible.

 

I suggested it was because they basically didn't see things from the same set of expectations.

 

I'm inclined to believe that the OPs story is true and also that her perception that they nice is true.  

[wintermom]

If the OP knows it is these neighbours' dogs that are leaving their droppings on the ground, why not take a shovel and re-deposit the droppings on the neighbours' lawn. A nice, neat pile of poo should get their attention, especially if they step in it themselves. If they've already been asked to deal with it, I think they'll figure things out pretty fast if it keeps returning to their property. 

[Artichoke]

Changed my mind

Edited August 11, 2017 by Artichoke

[Bluegoat]

My young cousin solved an issue like this herself - the upstair neighbour in their flat wasn't very on the ball about scooping the back yard.  After she posed her foot coming down the slide, she went and knocked on the door, showed them her foot, and told them they they needed to do a better job cleaning up the $%^# yard.

 

I guess they were pretty mortified.