Frustration breaks recommendations

[displace]

I'm needing some ideas on things for DS to do by himself when we are forced to take a school break due to our frustration. We're having enough issues that I'm changing curriculum and doing a major change in our work to try and resolve things.

 

For example, DS will be working on a hard subject, make mistakes, get corrected. DS will be emotional and after a bit distraught. :(. Now we both need a break from school and I usually have to have alone time. So I just tell DS to listen to audiobooks.

 

What else? That or documentaries? I don't think I should have him do regular school because of the brain shut down while emotional (and I'm needing time away too).

 

I think a lot will be resolved when I change curriculum and support. But, I also want ideas for when it happens or if that doesn't work. Yoga he can't/won't do on his own. He didn't have breakdowns in public school when there were mistakes made. He says because he doesn't have to hold in his emotions at home. He's very sweet and sensitive and making mistakes is horrible for him.

 

Sigh.

[wendyroo]

I'm not sure exactly what you are looking for.  If my kiddos reach a point where they are really not mentally or emotionally in a place to continue school work, then they read, draw, nap, have a snack, play with legos, help me with laundry, run around outside or tantrum for a while if that is what they choose.  My main goal is to keep myself far enough emotionally removed from the situation so that I can go about my day - I try to be empathetic to their struggles, but I can't let them drag me into it because I have three other young children to tend to.

 

Largely, this just isn't an issue here.  My older two are both emotionally volatile, 2e kiddos (ASD, ADD, anxiety, ADHD, ODD).  They are not at a place that they can handle many mistakes, so I structure school such that they don't make many.  I would much rather they enjoy learning and "succeed" at school rather than pushing them to be more independent or requiring more output (especially written) which are both things that lead to mistakes.

 

For example, when DS7 does AAS, I sit with him and he does not commit anything to writing until he has run his spelling past me (his choice).  If I see he is hesitating to spell a word even orally, then I know he is too unsure of the spelling rule and I preemptively review the rule and discuss my thought process as I spell the word.  We continue through the lesson; at first I continue to act like I assume he is going to be able to spell the words.  The more he hesitates on, though, the more I shift the lesson to me demonstrating and him just watching.  The next time we do spelling, we will just redo that portion of the lesson with, hopefully, him playing a more active role.

 

We walk the same fine line with both the boys' other skill subjects.  For content subjects I just require almost no output.

 

Wendy

[Storygirl]

displace, I know what you mean. When homeschooling, I had to take breaks, too, when we had emotional shut downs. It was frequent enough that it disrupted our ability to advance through the curriculum.

 

I think audiobooks are fine. Will he watch something light but educational, such as a Magic School Bus video? Or Bill Nye the Science Guy? My kids enjoyed those. There is also Liberty's Kids for a history approach (for some reason, my kids never got into those).

 

Does he have an instrument he can practice? This would only work if it is enjoyable and relaxing for him, but music is that way for some people.

 

Would he like something like origami? One of mine was into origami for awhile. Or another craft that may not be educational per se but will still have benefits for fine motor work.

 

Does he like computer games? Maybe something like Duolingo or a typing program that is a game format, so that it seems fun.

 

Does he need time to do nothing? Maybe you could set up a corner with a little tent with pillows inside, where he could curl up and listen to an audiobook for a few minutes to decompress. Then, if he needs other things to occupy himself while you are recouping, you could have a little workbox station for downtime. Each drawer could have a different approved activity in it (you could put a card in there to designate computer time, along with a timer and the amount of time he is allowed to be on the computer). That way he could choose his own activity to cool down with.

 

Would he do a coloring book or a dot to dot? Some of my kids liked the mega dot-to-dot books where there would be hundreds of dots to connect to make one picture.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  for both of you.

[PeterPan]

You can look up Zones of Regulation. Jist is you're going to need to teach him to self-monitor and you're going to practice the strategies when he's CALM, not just pulling them out when he needs the breaks.

 

You want to be pre-emptive, honestly. It's better to take more breaks than you need and stay calm. Like do it BEFORE it gets to that point. Plan them into your day. Start taking data on how long he can work and how frequently he needs breaks. Odds are he was getting that support in school and it was kind of quiet, not really talked about. Like in homeschool we might go oh, 45 minutes just passed, while our kid crashes. In school they know how long they've been working. So shorten your chunks and work in more intentional breaks. That will let you practice and be pre-emptive. 

 

You are going to have to self-monitor. You may need to plan in snacks or whatever you need. 

 

You can make print pages of pictures of him doing his choices and code by blue zone, green zone, etc. We have a variety of things. (toss, batting cotton balls, Wii, all kinds of things) The main thing is to practice and be pre-emptive. In the moment, be honest and walk away yourself and take your break. 

[MistyMountain]

I just started doing short breaks between hard subjects especially. I have him do something physical he can do like bear walking, crab walking, push ups, cross crawling(marching while tapping the left leg with the right hand and vice versa).

[matrips]

I don't know how old your DC is, but I've often alternated harder subjects with our read alouds. Read alouds have always been downtime for us- snuggle time or coloring time or Lego time or lately, making cat toys. That way we still get our school done, but it's relaxing. Is it possible to schedule in breaks before he loses it?

 

Otherwise, my kids go to is just reading by themselves. Maybe have a nice stack of library books and he can pick from them? I usually picked out books I wanted them to read anyway at the library.

[displace]

Thanks for all the advice and ideas :).

 

I spoke with DS about public school and frustration there. He wasn't having meltdowns there. He said the work there was much more frustrating and he felt worse there but calmed down because his friend was always distracting him.

 

I feel like we have a lot of scheduled breaks and downtime with free play between subjects.

 

The frustration for DS during subjects may occur immediately as we're starting, or varied times throughout. For the hardest subjects I have a time limit of 15 min, but a lot of that time is talking. I need to be more proactive and that book sounds helpful. I'm pretty sure it's been recommended to me before but now I have to read it to help DS.

 

I think I'll set up a list of diy for DS to do (fine motor or gross motor skills would be great). And I'm changing our hardest math curriculum and separating out writing/spelling again.

[displace]

Hmm, zones of regulation is out of stock on Amazon and not at my library. I will have to shop around or look at another book. There are other self regulation books out there.

[PeterPan]

No, order Zones directly from Kuypers. She ships quickly. Or try the Social Thinking website.

[PeterPan]

Socialthinking - Search Results

 

You'll find some other goodies on the Social Thinking website, so feel free to get distracted, hehe. But definitely order Zones and don't switch to something else.

 

As far as your ds saying his friend distracted him, that's very intuitive! LIke think about what he's telling you there about the role of humor, fun things, etc. for him. Like you're saying you're going to give him a gross motor break and he's saying he wants to have jokes, a fun game, social... I don't know, I'm saying figure out the connector. Figure out why the friend thing works for regulating him.

 

People really are different with what helps them move between Zones and what will be good strategies for them. My ds is very kinesthetic, so his things are kinesthetic. If your ds is totally different, he's going to need what works for him. Like funny youtube videos of animals, does he like those? Joke books? Social stuff? He wants a joke of the day email? An email account and social media to check? A pre-approved Facebook page? What would really meet that need?

 

This is a really good age for humor/comedy, btw. The BARD/NLS catalog has a whole humor section under kids. My ds has been listening to some ridiculous books in a "Secrets of a Lab Rat" series. I kid you not. I don't even have the heart to listen, it sounds so stupid, lol. 

 

My ds is also getting into comics. You could have comic reading breaks, kwim? Does he have Calvin and Hobbes? I got ds a couple print books. He likes them on the kindle too, but I got him print books. You could put them in a reading nook. He can just read the pictures, only reading the text if he wants. The point is the enjoyment and relaxation. It's a good strategy for some people. 

 

Now why don't I htink of these things for myself? LOL

Edited February 13, 2017 by OhElizabeth