Free Indeed Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 How do you motivate your phlegmatic child? The one who isn't interested in anything, and will do the least amount possible? I've tried making it more interesting or applicable, loosening up, etc... I am not comfortable letting skills slide- I can't do the whole "they will learn math when they need it" because while I haven't used algebra since I left school- I won't let them just not do it. I've been homeschooling for quite a while and have graduated several students- but the lack of motivation in this one is bringing me to my knees. I try asking for input- and there is little. So I pick the curriculum (I already own quite a bit from previous years)- and they do a half a** job. I send them back- with much complaining- to do it right. 😠Any suggestions? Do I just ignore it- push on- keeping my expectations and the child "hating it"? Do I focus on skills and let the reading cover the rest? This child is 13 and in the "8th grade". So highschool is looming. Any one been here? Advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 I establish minimum requirements and then leave it at that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 I'm listening in because I have a 14 y.o. like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 I guess I should expand, I don't really "leave it." We regularly talk about goals, future, etc. But if the child won't do the work, at some point it becomes his or her issue. There are legal requirements for school and I make clear that we will meet those. But I can't make a child prep for the Ivy's it his or her heart isn't in it. I do always give my kids the information they need so that if they change their minds they know how to regroup and recover. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Let me know when you find out. I have one like that. He's actually been in b&m Catholic school the past 2 years because I just cannot educate him, but he may end up coming home and doing some sort of on-line charter for high school because his school only goes to 8th grade (he's not doing all that great there, either) and the local public high school is horrible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 My son submitted to hs'ing because we both feared he would just drop out of public high school! As a pp said, I set the minimum and we've trucked though it. We are both so thankful he's graduating high school this year. According to his college acceptances, scholarship offers, and ACT and Accuplacer scores, we did manage a college prep curriculum. But he's not going to college; right now he's choosing between robotics/mechanical type vocational studies and skilled trades. Honestly, hs'ing this child was agony, from 8th grade through 12th. Every year, I gave him the option of going to ps (even though our local high school is awful), or trying either of two area high schools with open enrollment that are slightly less awful. But he always chose hs'ing, because he thought there'd be a lot of time wasted at school and he knows I never waste his time. I cannot imagine him sitting through a ps school day and then agreeing to spend even more time on homework. I could get him through his day in about five hours of cracking the whip and sitting there with him. He's capable, kind-hearted, strong, and smart, and has an excellent work ethic. He attends vocational high school for shop class every morning; has no problem with the coursework or the daily grind of going there, coming home to finish 12th grade homeschool classes, then going to work. I am sure he will succeed as an airplane mechanic or plumber or carpenter. All of those options will net him an associate's degree, and I know he's capable of going on to college if he ever thinks it would be beneficial. Do not let a boy like this fall through the cracks. Sit with him, feed him and listen to him, hold him accountable for his education even if his lassitude makes you doubt whether he can learn, or whether you should make him. Of course, you should make him! He's not wise enough to keep his options open, but you are wise enough to see it through. If he wouldn't do well in school, and your relationship is very good, homeschooling can be the best (or maybe the only) path. If he would grumble through public school yet probably, grudgingly, do the work, and you think your relationship would be better if you weren't the teacher, try school for 9th grade because it can be difficult to impossible to transfer from hs'ing to ps in the middle of high school. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 (edited) nm Edited February 4, 2017 by .qp_ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 :grouphug: So sorry! That is very stressful to care much more than the student. Part of it is age-related -- they do seem to turn a corner along about 15-17yo -- but that's still aways away for you. Could it possibly be the student feels overwhelmed and doesn't know how to get things done or make choices and just shuts down? Maybe working on Executive Function skills with something like Smart But Scattered Teens might help...? Sometimes, these students work better and are more accountable to an outside authority. And, you can spend high school building relationship rather than having to be both mom AND the academic authority (which usually takes over the mom-child relationship, due to the stress of trying to encourage/force/drag the student through school). You might look into something like enrolling the student in a local charter or private high school and be done with worrying about it except for the transportation and getting assignments in. Or a university-model school where you just oversee the work done at home 1-2 days a week and the teacher at the school does the teaching/mentoring the other 3-4 days a week. Or, consider an all-online school like American Correspondence School for high school. BEST of luck in finding what works best for this season! Warmest regards, Lori D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 My son submitted to hs'ing because we both feared he would just drop out of public high school! As a pp said, I set the minimum and we've trucked though it. We are both so thankful he's graduating high school this year. According to his college acceptances, scholarship offers, and ACT and Accuplacer scores, we did manage a college prep curriculum. But he's not going to college; right now he's choosing between robotics/mechanical type vocational studies and skilled trades. Honestly, hs'ing this child was agony, from 8th grade through 12th. Every year, I gave him the option of going to ps (even though our local high school is awful), or trying either of two area high schools with open enrollment that are slightly less awful. But he always chose hs'ing, because he thought there'd be a lot of time wasted at school and he knows I never waste his time. I cannot imagine him sitting through a ps school day and then agreeing to spend even more time on homework. I could get him through his day in about five hours of cracking the whip and sitting there with him. He's capable, kind-hearted, strong, and smart, and has an excellent work ethic. He attends vocational high school for shop class every morning; has no problem with the coursework or the daily grind of going there, coming home to finish 12th grade homeschool classes, then going to work. I am sure he will succeed as an airplane mechanic or plumber or carpenter. All of those options will net him an associate's degree, and I know he's capable of going on to college if he ever thinks it would be beneficial. Do not let a boy like this fall through the cracks. Sit with him, feed him and listen to him, hold him accountable for his education even if his lassitude makes you doubt whether he can learn, or whether you should make him. Of course, you should make him! He's not wise enough to keep his options open, but you are wise enough to see it through. If he wouldn't do well in school, and your relationship is very good, homeschooling can be the best (or maybe the only) path. If he would grumble through public school yet probably, grudgingly, do the work, and you think your relationship would be better if you weren't the teacher, try school for 9th grade because it can be difficult to impossible to transfer from hs'ing to ps in the middle of high school. What good advice. Makes me think of my cousin, who disliked school immensely and didn't go to college like the other cousins but has a successful landscaping business where he gets to stay outside and work with his hands, which is what makes him happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free Indeed Posted January 27, 2017 Author Share Posted January 27, 2017 Thanks everyone. We sat down (again) and talked about minimum standards, and future life goals. I laid out options and we made a plan. I was just hoping for maybe some miracle fairy dust y'all had sprinkled on your phlegmatic to motivate them. 😂 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 (edited) Thanks everyone. We sat down (again) and talked about minimum standards, and future life goals. I laid out options and we made a plan. I was just hoping for maybe some miracle fairy dust y'all had sprinkled on your phlegmatic to motivate them. 😂 Gosh yes, I wish there was a stash of that around somewhere! :laugh: It might help to outsource just the 1 or 2 most difficult subjects to get your student to do or that you both dread -- example: Writing, or Math (or both). Then you know the hardest/worst subject(s) are getting covered adequately, and that might free the two of you up a bit to have fun exploring a bit with 1 or 2 other subjects... I've been teaching writing in middle/high school co-op classes for the last few years, and at some point, just about every parent comes up and tells me "s/he writes for you when s/he wouldn't write for me". Geesh, my own DSs were like that, too, because they sure didn't write for ME when we homeschooled! I think there is just something very motivating about the occasional outsourced class... ...So I pick the curriculum (I already own quite a bit from previous years)- and they do a half a** job. I send them back- with much complaining- to do it right. 😠Any suggestions? ... I just re-read your original post, and picked up on this. You might also try sitting with the the students, or having everyone working together on Math at the same time around the table together, rather than sending them off to work solo. Some students are more motivated to get the work done when everyone around them is working, too. And since you'd be right there to monitor and gently keep them on track in the midst, and to see that it's done right the first time while they're sitting there, there wouldn't be any more of that very exhausting for you of "half-jobs" and sending them back to re-do, and hearing complaining... Just a thought! DSs here really were NOT ever self-motivated or interested to do school, and for different reasons, they really needed me there scaffolding up through about age 15 before I could do more of a handing off a schedule and extended time of them solo-working. About age 12-14, we were able to do go over something and then they could work somewhat solo while I worked quietly nearby, or they were able to take some work and work solo for about 20 minutes. But it all had to be short, very directed, very specific expectations laid out in advance for that solo work. I guess mine just needed scaffolding for a very extended period of time. Edited January 27, 2017 by Lori D. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 (edited) nm Edited February 4, 2017 by .qp_ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.