Taking too long with chores

[Mrs. A]

What do you do with a child who takes 30 minutes to complete a 5 minute task? Why does it take him so.long.every.time!?! It's not that he doesn't know how and it's not that the tasks are too demanding (getting dressed or sweeping the kitchen floor should not take a 10 year old half an hour!).

 

I'm at a loss. I don't know how to handle it without nagging and/or yelling. What are appropriate consequences? Especially when it's something that needs doing right now (i.e. sweeping the floor before the baby tries to eat all the crumbs or bringing laundry downstairs so I can keep the washer going).

 

I'd appreciate any suggestions!

[HomeAgain]

I become super cheerful and helpful, right by their side so they can have all the company they need while they complete the task. 

 

Side note: They don't usually want my company.  It does cause them to go much faster.

 

Or I set a timer.  Sometimes they just don't realize how distracted they get.  When it goes off in 5 minutes, I go back and look at the task, review, and set it again.  Repeat ad nauseum.

 

I'm going to say at age 12 my oldest had a huge issue with 'moving with a purpose'.  He would meander and play through life and drive me insane.  We ended up with the two methods above until he grew out of it.  I'm not going to say it made it better, but it helped me keep my sanity and find the humor in it all.

[HS Mom in NC]

When the child is told to go do it, also tell them how long you expect it to take and what the consequences will be if it's not done correctly on time.   Give them a timer set accordingly. Be sure you're there to check up on it being done correctly when the timer goes off.  If it's not, follow up on the consequences. Don't say there will be consequences and then not follow through with consequences.  Following through is the theme for both the kid and the parent.

The consequences at my house growing up for not cleaning the bathroom properly was 1) recleaning it until it was done correctly AND 2) cleaning the other bathroom in addition because, as my mother would say, "Obviously you need more practice."  It was quite a lesson in "doing correctly the first time takes less time and effort that redoing it" because redoing meant another chore.  Ouch.

[Heidi]

I put on a timer and tell them if it's not done then they also get to do another chore. If they finish on time they get points. Right now they earn points for computer time.

[EndOfOrdinary]

We used a timer as well. It was $2.50 at Walmart. Honestly, Ds had no clue about a sense of time. He was not trying to be lousey at it. He just had no frontal lobe development with time. We started by doubling the reasonable amount of time so he was assured success. It was a game. If he repeatedly was unable to complete a task with any urgency, the timer was clipped to him so he had to see it the entire time. If that did not work, then I would actually watch what he was doing. Often, it was merely a lack of reasonable experience, such as not understanding how to begin in one corner and systematically sweep. He would sweep all haphazardly and do three times the work!

 

Now we use it for showers. Gracious that child can take a long shower!

[Alice]

My middle son is like this. He is also just distractible in general. I have a friend who has a similar son and she likes to say they live on "Ent time" (from LOTR). 

 

Often what works best for us is to turn it into a competition or game. "You have 30 seconds to get the laundry to me...can you do it?"..."Go" or something like that. I also have to frequently pull him back to task when he is doing a longer chore. We have found music helps him stay focused so if he has a longer chore to do he will wear headphones. Lists help him a lot, even with one chore he gets tangled up and lost in the series of steps. So I will break it down into smaller steps and make a quick list. Doing each step and checking it off. For something like getting dressed that can be a permanent checklist. I'm fairly sure my son has ADD although I've never gone through the diagnosis process. I have a friend with ADD who as an adult has laminated checklists for just about everything in her life. Otherwise she says she will forget something or it will take her three times as long because she will get distracted. 

[Mrs. A]

My middle son is like this. He is also just distractible in general. I have a friend who has a similar son and she likes to say they live on "Ent time" (from LOTR).

 

 

Ent time. I love it!

 

Thanks for all the suggestions. I will have to make more of an effort to be more consistent on my own follow through and make sure I don't get distracted with the other kids when I tell him to do something. It's frustrating because there are 5 of them and 1 of me and I have so much I'd like to get done but I guess that's a bullet I'll have to bite.

[Julie Smith]

I use to sometimes feel like banging my head against the wall watching my boys do laundry. They would work at it, but do it in the most inefficient way possible. - or so it would seem to me. 

 

They would carry up a small load of clean laundry then walk to the basement empty handed to get another load. 

Then they would bring down the dirty laundry, walking back upstairs empty handed to get more. (This changed to dumping the dirty laundry out of the baskets onto the floor and pushing it along with there feet all the way from upstairs to the basement floor. Then they would go back upstairs and get the baskets, load them up and carry them the 3 meter distance to the washer)

They would park the dirty laundry on the side of the washing machine so the door blocked easily putting it in the machine. So they would have to work to get around the door. 

 

I just gave up and assign them laundry chores when I'm out of the house. That way I don't have to watch. :p I now very rarely go into the basement. I'm not sure if they figured out a better system. Either way it's not my problem. :)

 

 

[Alexigail]

My 9 year old is like this. I have to sit with him when he does chores and remind him what he's doing. I had to stop thinking of his chore time as a time where I could get other things done. I usually sit with a basket of laundry and fold it while giving him step by step instructions on his chores. It's exhausting, but it's helping with his focus. If I can't sit with him, I give him very small steps like "get your shoes and bring them to me. Don't do anything else. Say 'get shoes' to yourself over and over so that you don't forget."

Then at the end of the day I close my door and say "Ok now Dad's in charge for the next hour." :D