Cremation or burial?

[abbeyej]

If it were up to me, I'd rather be simply buried. Shroud, pine box, those are both appealing. But no embalming. No death-makeup. No synthetic fabric-swathed coffin. And if it has to be in a cemetery, I'd rather one where the stones are individual, not an institutional row of flat markers... There's an old cemetery near our home -- the old part dating back about 200 years, and a new part as well. The old part is beautiful, a perfect place for a stroll or a picnic with the family. Shady. I could imagine sitting there and chatting to my loved ones. The other side though. It's wretched. It's like the difference in having a baby in your home, and seeing the babies lined up in isolettes in a nursery.

 

But maybe I don't care, really. I certainly think God is bigger than what happens to our physical bodies after death...

[CactusPair]

donation to medical science, if they'll take me. after that jazzy send-off, ashes to ashes...:auto:

[LibraryLover]

People on my mother's side of the family have always been cremated. My father's side are mausoleum people. :D

 

Dh and I have already specified cremation and so have all of my sibs and my mother. My dad has a spot in the palace (I love my dad-- but the place is rather palace-like) next to his mum & dad. (My parents are divorced).

 

My dh's family are a mix of cremation and burials. (No granite sites lol).

[sdWTMer]

I am a conservative, religious person and I would like to be cremated. In my view, it is just an earthly shell not to be used when/if I can go to Heaven.

[Soph the vet]

I am undecided as to which I would do, probably burial.

Funny related story: My stepdad died in 1994 and he was buried. He was very fond of the 3 Maltese dog that my mother and him had for many years. They all outlived him. Well, when they each died over a few years' time my mother had them each cremated and waited until she had all 3 THEN she went to the cemetery in the middle of the night and buried their urns in my stepdad's plot with him!!

[RebeccaC]

When my mil died in Jerusalem she was not embalmed nor did she have a wooden casket. Dh said she was wrapped in a white shroud bag and place in a fixed stone or cement box above ground. It was a very inexpensive funeral done the same day she died just before sunset. It sounded ideal.

 

I have told dh and my son that when I go do the absolute cheapest thing. I have no wish to be pumped full of God only knows what kind of chemicals to preserve a body that is useless, and chemicals that do God only knows what to the environment, neither do I want a fancy casket, or head stone. Bottom line if it is cheaper to cremate then do that and don't buy a fancy urn. I want the money to go to the living, no flowers if they want to give me flowers do it now other wise spend the money on the living. I am a very conservative Christian and have no doubt that God will take care of me and find all the bits and pieces or make new ones.

Edited October 13, 2008 by RebeccaC

[*LC]

I don't know about donating a body to science, but one thing people don't realize is organ donation isn't always an option after a death.

 

I know two families that recently had children die in accidents -- one a car accident and one a farming accident. Neither could donate organs, because of the organ damage to the bodies. Both families were extremely disappointed that something good couldn't come of something bad. However, they both could donate corneas. The second family turned it down, until talking to the first family about it. They had thought anything but her eyes.

 

My husband had planned to be an organ donor; we had talked about it; and it was marked on his driver's license. However, he died at home, and I was never asked about it and I never thought about it. When I thought about it a few days later; I felt horrible. That is when I learned that he couldn't have donated anything since he died at home.

[Guest Katia]

I don't know how much of a contribution this will be to this discussion, but I thought I'd just throw this out here:

 

A man in our church owns the local funeral home and he is pretty much a one-man operation. Well, in the last several years he has homes in two different towns, so he has people that work for him and run these homes, but he does all the work here in our town.

 

This man in a wonderful man. He will help the family have the type of funeral they want in whatever way he can. It is simply amazing to me that when I have questions regarding funerals, burial, etc. he will answer them honestly. My dad lives in another state and his funeral director quoted him some really, really high prices about what would happen if he was visiting me and he died. (like how much to fly a body inter-state, etc. being over 1.000 dollars)

 

So, anyhow, we asked our friendly neighborhood guy who has flown people from every state in the union and he said max cost was $300. Yup. Max. From ANYwhere. So, there are many, many funeral directors that just want to make as much money as possible. I know that.

 

BUT, I also know that there are many that do not. For example, he has told us that cremations are sometimes much more expensive than a regular burial. I forget all the particulars, but it has something to do with all the state and federal regulations regarding dead bodies. Just something to think about and check into.

 

Also, you can request to do anything to your loved one's body that you don't want the funeral home people to do. Like, many people choose to fix their loved one's hair because they know how they liked it done. It is ok to do this. This summer we had a 15yo girl killed and her 16yo sister did her makeup and hair, because she always did it for her sister before she went out. It was healing for her. One lady, her dh was killed in a car accident and she was 6 mos preggers, she chose to wash and dress her dh. So, there is a lot you can chose to do within the regular funeral home setting.

 

And, our funeral home director has so many, many coffins to chose from. Super cheap to super expensive, but he doesn't push; he lets each family decide. His favorite looks like a brown paper-wrapped parcel with a red 'stamp' on it that says "Return to Sender". And he says you do have to have a coffin even for cremation.

 

One more thought (I know this sounds disjointed, sorry): Dead bodies are handled with respect at the funeral home. They really do try their best to take care of the body and to make it presentable however the family would like it to be. How hard this is, is determined by the cause of death. I know our funeral director's daughter died when she was 4yo. That was well over 30 years ago. He still has trouble working on children and will cry over them while working, thinking about the parent's loss, knowing his own grief.

 

It's a tough job and it seems to me that the media has made it look like a money-hungry, hard-hearted, unfeeling profession. I'm sure it can be in some cases, but according to this guy, most of the people in it are trying to provide a service.

 

Just so you have something to think about when it comes to the funeral homes and the directors. If you don't get satisfaction with one: change homes. Find one that will work with you and give you what you want. There are still ones that are service oriented. Especially in small towns. :001_smile: