PeterPan Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 This. It is such a short time in the scheme of things, looking back. Unfortunately, for this particular situation, it's going to be much more challenging and extended. They're not able to live with family. I understand that's the norm and desirable for many situations. We're just not talking end of life here, and we're not talking a typical situation. It can't be that way, and everyone involves knows it. We're doing the absolute best we CAN do for the person, and it's going to be MORE than good enough. We're hoping it's a fulfilling and WONDERFUL change. :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Well, the family in town and an allergic reaction ate my time and the Internet ate my response re diabetes, so I will give a shorter answer here. My dad had diabetes. When he was at home and in independent living, he could manage his own insulin. But when his other medical issues required him to enter assisted living, even though his ability to manage the insulin had not changed, assisted living in the same facility as independent living had a policy against allowing diabetics in assisted living, requiring him to go to skilled nursing instead. The price was 2x for skilled nursing. The process used for moving my dad around was bungled and it was super frustrating. But as I watched my dad's steep decline, I saw what can change that makes it impossible for a patient to properly manage insulin when their appetite and food intake can change so dramatically--I can see why assisted living would not be able to track and manage this. But it would have been nice if they had bothered to tell us before we signed all the paperwork for assisted living. You've gotten good advice on this thread. Facilities vary by community and by when they were created... I'll participate more in the thread after tomorrow. Still have company Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Suzanne, thank you for explaining that! I had found your mention of Brookdale in the past, but apparently the Brookdale's in the town where I'm looking aren't the same or as nice, sigh. Anyways, we are going to do some visiting, and that's the VERY thing I've been sweating for the last hour sitting here, how to prioritize visits!! I'm very afraid of OVERWHELMING the person, turning it into a blur, and having them give up. I know full and well which one is probably the right fit, because I've researched it pretty heavily. Google is amazing these days, with the ability to tour inside, see reviews, etc. Sorry Brookdale doesn't work for you. They are a large corporation, but maybe their different facilities don't have the same standards. I'd recommend making yourself a worksheet that you can print out and take with you when you visit. Make a chart with space at the top of each column to name each facility, and (down the side) lists your priorities and concerns and common amenities. Have a space to check things yes/no, and write comments. Include less tangible qualities like general feelings, smells, morale of residents and staff. Later, when you're sorting through your notes, you'll be able to sort things out and compare apples to apples. When figuring out what to include on your list, you can use the items you've gathered while reading the previous posts, and include those things important to your family member and you and the other caregivers. I used such a spreadsheet when I was looking for a house for a military move (I only had a week to find a house and buy it.) I listed my dh's and my priorities (3-car garage, move-in-ready, etc), as well as standard amenities (flooring, #bedrooms/baths, etc). During the first three days of my whirlwind visit, I saw between 8 and 12 houses a day, and yeah, they definitely started running together in my mind. But, with my checklist/worksheet, I was able to easily eliminate the ones that didn't meet our minimum requirements, and sort through those that did. Those that made the "short list", I went to see again, then I made my final decision. It made the process so much easier and more efficient. I wish you the best. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 That pretty much answers it then. My gut was that that couldn't work. The situation is just way too complex for that. I'll even exclude facilities that have that kind of turnover. I'm looking for the place with the most consistency possible, even if it means a little less swanky food or something. Consistency is vital here. Well thanks for explaining that! :) Is the group home idea viable at all? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) Well honestly, the place I'm looking at is only 58 residents. When it's that small, it basically *is* a group home, kwim? And I'm looking through their FB feed. They really blow it out of the water with activities, themes parties, trips, etc. I'm really psyched and hopeful that this is going to meet the person's needs. Some of this has been hard to sort out. Like it seemed like the right thing to offer choice. Thing is, there is a point where that's not compassionate, where you really just need one that's acceptable and not to overwhelm them. I'm just glad it's coming together, and I'm hoping the place turns out to be as good as it *seems* from everything I'm reading online! Edited December 28, 2015 by OhElizabeth 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joules Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Well honestly, the place I'm looking at is only 58 residents. When it's that small, it basically *is* a group home, kwim? And I'm looking through their FB feed. They really blow it out of the water with activities, themes parties, trips, etc. I'm really psyched and hopeful that this is going to meet the person's needs. Some of this has been hard to sort out. Like it seemed like the right thing to offer choice. Thing is, there is a point where that's not compassionate, where you really just need one that's acceptable and not to overwhelm them. I'm just glad it's coming together, and I'm hoping the place turns out to be as good as it *seems* from everything I'm reading online! I'm so happy for you. We have a unique situation, also, and have been struggling for about 6 months for an answer. I have this week off, so I'm going to spend it all visiting doctors, facilities, and other professionals for opinions and suggestions, just me. It's too much for family member to deal with. That will happen when I have two or three excellent choices. This thread has been really helpful! Thanks to all! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I'm so happy for you. We have a unique situation, also, and have been struggling for about 6 months for an answer. I have this week off, so I'm going to spend it all visiting doctors, facilities, and other professionals for opinions and suggestions, just me. It's too much for family member to deal with. That will happen when I have two or three excellent choices. This thread has been really helpful! Thanks to all! I am moving my 91yo mum to be near me within the next few weeks. I had planned on giving her choices, but actually, I am going to pick a place initially, with her choosing to change later if she wants (at the end of six months). She's going to be exhausted from the move and will not be up to making decisions. As she will be going into a cottage, rather than an institution, I will stay with her for a week or so to help her settle in. Thereafter, I'll be dropping in daily, helping her with organisation, food, etc. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 Well y'all will be relieved (or at least happy) to know it went well! It turns out one place was enough when it's the right place. :) So now we have kind of a flurry to get all the work done, but the family member was ELATED with the new place. It seems HV was right, that gut is where it's at on this. I had looked into SO many places, and none fit the parameters as well as this one. We didn't bother to go to a 2nd place. We found the food wasn't as good as you could dream up. There really are some high end food options out there! But the food is normal, good, thoughtfully chosen and prepared, and delivered with LOVE, lots of love. Even in little things, like our gut sense (and the family member's preference) that they be in a main building not in cottages turns out to be so right on. You could just see the family member coming alive. It's very peaceful, sort of like having a nice bedroom suite and then this HUGE lovely living room and rest of the house to enjoy with lots of people in it! So now we have things we're doing to get ready for the move. (new curtains, sort through things to keep and toss, etc.) It's busy, but it's good! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joules Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Well y'all will be relieved (or at least happy) to know it went well! It turns out one place was enough when it's the right place. :) So now we have kind of a flurry to get all the work done, but the family member was ELATED with the new place. It seems HV was right, that gut is where it's at on this. I had looked into SO many places, and none fit the parameters as well as this one. We didn't bother to go to a 2nd place. We found the food wasn't as good as you could dream up. There really are some high end food options out there! But the food is normal, good, thoughtfully chosen and prepared, and delivered with LOVE, lots of love. Even in little things, like our gut sense (and the family member's preference) that they be in a main building not in cottages turns out to be so right on. You could just see the family member coming alive. It's very peaceful, sort of like having a nice bedroom suite and then this HUGE lovely living room and rest of the house to enjoy with lots of people in it! So now we have things we're doing to get ready for the move. (new curtains, sort through things to keep and toss, etc.) It's busy, but it's good! I'm SO happy for you. I spent the day yesterday looking at unacceptable options, but I learned lots. Found a person that is sort of a headhunter (the word we'd use in IT) for retirement facilities who is going to help come up with more options. I also learned that what is defined as assisted-living is defined by state law, so since I was looking in a border area, that made my search even more confusing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 This is great news! I'm so glad things went well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.