Julpost Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 I have a 19 year old who just moved across the country to live with his aunt and uncle. He has only been there a week. Already he has arranged a date with someone through Tinder (?) later this week and is currently driving around with someone he met online as they show him around town. I understand that social media is the new normal, I guess, but I just can't see how this is safe. He's telling me, "this 5'2" is not going to murder me, I'm not an idiot, mom"....ugghhh! Is it just me, am I out of touch? I can't do anything about it anyway, but it's not unreasonable to be worried, right? I'm just not sure how to deal with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 (edited) Tinder is AWFUL. http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating I shared this with my adult child and we couldn't believe it! I insisted she only see people she meets in a normal way in real life! So far, so good. Edited December 2, 2015 by TranquilMind 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 You are kind of out of touch. I meet people from on-line all the time. I don't know how I'd meet people otherwise to be honest. I don't work. I don't belong to a church. So what's left? I'd only stress to be safe. Meet in a public place at least the first couple of times. That sort of thing. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 (edited) Meeting people online is not necessarily more unsafe than meeting people in person. You could meet a nutcase in your class or on the train or in a bar. Back then, we found room mates and ride shares on message boards where people pinned actual pieces of paper... ETA: Both my kids have met great friends online. So have I. Edited December 2, 2015 by regentrude 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 I also met my husband on-line. And not from a dating service. This was nearly 20 years ago and he lived in another country. I met up with him the first time face to face at the airport. And then I went and visited him where he lives. We went together to visit a whole group of people we met in an on-line group. They came from several countries. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SorrelZG Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 My last three relationships started online (not dating/meet-up sites), one of them on xbox Live (Ghost Recon). I met each one for the first time by myself in an airport. :-/ Two in different states, one in a different country. I am not recommending this, I'm just saying. Only the first one was nutso--incidentally the one I travelled internationally to meet as a freshly turned 20yo--but so was I, obviously. Have been married to the last one for 11+ years. Oh and my best friend (of 16 years and counting)! I met her online also. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julpost Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 Ok...so the key thing is meet in public, no getting into cars, and meet several times in person first, right? Thanks, guys! I feel much better. I just need to know how to navigate this issue. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Ok...so the key thing is meet in public, no getting into cars, and meet several times in person first, right? Thanks, guys! I feel much better. I just need to know how to navigate this issue. Exactly, yes. I met my best friend on-line. We've gotten together (in spite of the 2,000 mile distance) several times in the last dozen or so years. I've met several other good friends on-line as well and gotten together with them over the years. My daughter met a friend or three on-line before we moved to Texas. Some of their parents were really weirded out by it, but it seemed normal to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Meeting people online IS very common. I've met friends myself that way. However, among the college students I attend school with, Tinder is just a hook up app...not good. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Yeah I know zero about Tinder in particular. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobeatenpath Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 tinder is a dating/hook-up app so it is different than say meeting through an online group discussing favourite manga or something. That said, you are talking about a 19 year old. Who has moved out of home. They are at the stage where it is a bit late to be worrying about this kind of thing. Did you bring them up to be a sensible adult? If so you need to stop worrying about their choices. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Targhee Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 (edited) tinder is a dating/hook-up app so it is different than say meeting through an online group discussing favourite manga or something. That said, you are talking about a 19 year old. Who has moved out of home. They are at the stage where it is a bit late to be worrying about this kind of thing. Did you bring them up to be a sensible adult? If so you need to stop worrying about their choices. I think we all do our best, and that every individual has choices. As an aside, why when someone rises above their circumstances or upbringing the credit is with the individual, but when someone makes mistakes or poor decisions (or lacks work ethic or other some other desired quality) the fault lies with the parent? Also, when you love someone you never stop worrying about them. That's human nature. That said, this child has taken huge steps away from the stewardship of parents by virtue of age, moving, and geographic distance and your influence and dynamic with this person is changing. There is a different parent-child relationship emerging, which the two of you will work out together. I don't have any understanding of Tinder. But, I don't think meeting someone online is the real issue - it's context. It sounds like Tinder is about hooking-up, not unlike some IRL establishments. But you could also meet someone online discussing jnana yoga, or monastic celebacy, or curing Ebola... Edited December 6, 2015 by Targhee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 Tinder is yucky. Meeting people online and then in real life is usually not yucky. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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