NavyMommy Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 (edited) I could really use any help / advice you have on establishing a morning routine with kids (5 and 7). I have been struggling with this for awhile but this morning was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. We all get up, have breakfast, clear the plates, then I try and send them upstairs to get dressed and get their teeth brushed while I finish up cleaning the kitchen and prepping for schoolwork. That's where the chaos starts. They're immediately arguing and fighting, in each other's rooms, not allowing each other up the stairs/ in the bathroom. Stealing the toothpaste, it's ridiculous. This morning I think I had to go up at least 5 times to correct behavior. I've tried incentives, charts, punishment, and nothing has worked. I'm thinking that expecting children of this age to be able to go upstairs and get dressed / teeth brushed independently is a fairly normal thing, but maybe it's not? I just hate the start our mornings this way. By the time I get to the school table I've yelled at both at them (more than once) and I'm frustrated and at the end of my rope, before school even starts. Add to this I'm due with baby #3 in March and I need for them to be able to get themselves ready in the mornings. What's worked for you? Any tips / ideas? Thanks!!! Edited November 24, 2015 by NavyMommy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kristie in Florida Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 I don't have parenting experience with kids with a gap at those ages, but I do have sibling experience. What if you sent them up individually? One could go up and the other could help you in the kitchen, and then switch. Or do you think they will dawdle? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 I think I would rotate the kids going upstairs until they are used to the routine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Separating them, as suggested, seems like an obvious step, but as they don't seem to fight before they come down to breakfast, I'd also have them get dressed first: Get up, get dressed and come to the breakfast table. This will be even easier if they lay their clothes out the night before. Mine are older and have a much bigger gap, but we still have occasional mornings where they fight, and it really does ruin the day, doesn't it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyMommy Posted November 24, 2015 Author Share Posted November 24, 2015 I don't have parenting experience with kids with a gap at those ages, but I do have sibling experience. What if you sent them up individually? One could go up and the other could help you in the kitchen, and then switch. Or do you think they will dawdle? I may try and send them up individually. They're both pokey, but I could probably solve that with a timer (I already have been using that when I sent them up together). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyMommy Posted November 24, 2015 Author Share Posted November 24, 2015 Separating them, as suggested, seems like an obvious step, but as they don't seem to fight before they come down to breakfast, I'd also have them get dressed first: Get up, get dressed and come to the breakfast table. This will be even easier if they lay their clothes out the night before. Mine are older and have a much bigger gap, but we still have occasional mornings where they fight, and it really does ruin the day, doesn't it! That is very true. My youngest sometimes gets dressed before coming down in the morning because he likes to sleep in his underwear and knows he can't come down like that. It does tend to go a little smoother then. I just need to have DD lay out her clothes at the same time. Thanks for the suggestion! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kristie in Florida Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 I may try and send them up individually. They're both pokey, but I could probably solve that with a timer (I already have been using that when I sent them up together). I sent my 12yodd up to get ready when I did the kitchen with my toddler (DS and I will go up afters) and I timed it. It took her 22 minutes to get ready for the day. We've been struggling to start school "on time" and are using this break week to work on some things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Take turns with one kid helping clean up dishes and set up the school work while the other goes upstairs to tidy up for the morning. Don't send them both up there at the same time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonbon Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Love the idea of splitting them up. I do that too, in minor ways in regards to teeth brushing, etc. because my two have a small bathroom and will argue over the sink/stepstool/hair stuff/etc. I buy them separate toothpaste and they keep their things in separate drawers/dividers. We have a rule about letting the other person finish in the bathroom before starting. Also, I don't know if this would work with your personal morning routine, but don't underestimate the value of your physical presence--especially with younger ages. Sometimes if I'm tired or too busy, I start relying more on verbal commands vs. physically being present with my younger (4yo). That's when things don't get done and/or they descend into bickering. I don't mean standing over them--I mean an awareness and physical presence in that area of the house. We have a "chore chart" routine we use. I don't have a chore chart for myself, but I do all the same things at the same time so I can kind of monitor and train on how to do things if they need help. I make my bed and then pass through their room to help my 4yo make hers. I try to be hands-off so they can flex their independent muscles, but "aware" if there is a sticking point. With just a verbal request, some things won't get done by the 4yo because she's sometimes overwhelmed. I expect my 7yo to get ready and feed pets, do minor chores on her own because we've been doing this for several years now, with increasing responsibility/capability. With the 4yo, it can end in tears if she's not sure what to wear or gets stuck on some other step. Ideally, I'd like them to get ready before breakfast because it speeds everything up and allows me to get the kitchen table (aka "homeschool room" :laugh: ) ready while they get started on chores. I used incentives with the chore charts for a long time; now we've moved on and use them throughout the day for behavior--getting "caught" being good to others, having a good attitude, helping with gusto and a happy heart, etc. I'm not very consistent with those types of systems. Don't know if you're into/interested in anything Waldorf, but I've learned a few very simple, short songs and verses that help tremendously in helping my 4yo to transition and enjoy working on things. She loves them. Seven Times the Sun is a good resource for anyone interested (I don't personally agree with all views of the author, but I love most of it. Really helped me as a mom in regards to morning/bedtime routines, etc.) A tiny phrase sung can make a huge difference between resistance/battle and happy compliance. Also, for them, the idea of starting circle/morning time and cuddling up on the couch for an intriguing read-aloud is a good incentive for getting all of that morning-getting-ready stuff done! You are a wise mom to consider this before baby comes! I hope your older two will enjoy helping with the baby! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Try having them get ready (toilet, brushing, washing, dressing) before breakfast. Stay upstairs the whole time they are getting ready, until they can be trusted to do it without you. It will save you time in the long run. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petrichor Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 I got DS into a routine when he was 5 or 6, by printing out the routine on a sheet of paper. It was a list of pictures, since he couldn't read yet. Breakfast had to come after all of the dressing and teeth brushing, because otherwise he would get distracted. He is an only child though, so we didn't have the fighting that having siblings often leads to. I agree with advice to separate them, or at least make their routines different so that child a isn't in the bathroom at the same time as child b. Perhaps child a gets dressed first, then brushes teeth, while child b does it in the opposite order. Do you have a second bathroom? Is it possible for one child to keep toothbrush/paste and brush his teeth in the second bathroom? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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