Tiramisu Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Seeing one of my dc in more varied social situations lately, I've realized she can't not touch or lift up kids she likes, especially girls around her own age or a little younger. With boys, she's more likely to play rough if they are rough, but doesn't with less rambunctious boys. It seems like a sensory thing but I guess there could be a social communication aspect. She also often leans against me, hangs on me, and pulls me. It isn't really a problem, but it's not quite age appropriate either. Other parents don't seem to mind and she gets a lot of invitations for play dates, for whatever that's worth. Anyone else dealing with these issues? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Yes! For one, he still does it to *me* and his siblings, but he quit doing it to other kids as soon as they started expressing they didn't like it. There are still kids who like to be like this as he has gotten older. For the other, it was coming off more aggressive and he was not picking up on signs to stop. He was observed and we found out that he did not know a lot of other ways to "initiate" playing with other kids. We (home and pre-school, some in Kindergarten) worked on a lot of "initiating play" skills, and it has been very, very helpful. But honestly -- a lot of kids just like to play this way. It really might be no big deal. If other kids are not complaining -- then there is a good chance they like it, it feels close, it is a sign of intimacy or liking, etc. I can relate, though. My older son and his accidental bumping, his spinning and accidental bumping -- it drives me crazy sometimes, especially when I am trying to cook supper! But I think this can be a version of "wrestling" or "horseplay" that girls do, too, and if you keep an eye out, you may see she is similar to a group of kids who do this stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nature girl Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 DD is younger, but yes she's very much like this. I don't know if it's a sensory thing or an emotional thing, maybe both...She feels these huge rushes of love (I think associated with her ADHD emotional regulation issues) and just wants to bear hug/lean against/lift the friend she's feeling that love for, often telling them how much she loves them in a huge, heartfelt way. She does this with adults she loves as well. At this point it's not much an issue because she's so young that it's still somewhat acceptable behavior, but I've worked with her on asking before she reaches for someone who might not be comfortable with it, and she's gotten much better about it over the past year or two. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashamama Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Yes. My boy does this and fails to realize when this annoys other kids. I think part of it is sensory seeking and another part is emotional regulation/impulse control. He gets excited and does not react with the approperiate emotional responce. The more excited he gets the more he touches or lifts others. Or runs....he also responds to excitement by running. We have been working on social stories and emotional responses and have seen an improvement. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoutingmom Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 My 9yo daughter too.... and she annoys her 12yo brother all the time with it. Sent from my SM-T530NU using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 How old is she? The picking up thing might not be that far out of the norm. My dd is almost 12 and the girls in her ballet grade are constantly picking each other up. When I taught middle school the kids were touching, poking, prodding, hugging each other All. The. Time. Drove me crazy. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Targhee Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Yes. Hugging, squeezing, lifting (sometimes knocking herself and other person over)... Very much my middle DD. She has ADHD, and is sensory-seeking for sound and touch/pressure. She also is frequently upside down, starting a dog pile, grabbing people in excitement, and (because she's also assertive and has impulse control issues) pushing her way past others. Not in a mean way, just an indifferent oblivious way, but my point in saying that is she doesn't mind the contact at all. Gymnastics has been great for her! I think she would be great at roller-derby too :-/ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinsomeCreek Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Yes. I thought it might be a sensory issue, but the more I watch groups of kids the more I see that especially picking up is pretty normal friend play. Mine is also a leaner. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I'm surprised at how many people see this with other kids. It was common at this age growing up, but where I live now, people are more hands off. At all ages and there are more "rules" about it. It definitely can be sensory as well. My son's leaning got out of control at one point. He went rag doll all the time, and I got really tired of being the leaning post. :-) I wouldn't worry about if it's not bugging anyone too much, but it's okay to tell her to stop leaning on you, and you can bring it up with an OT. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Oh, boy, can I relate to this! The leaning, the hugging, the picking up, the coming-up-from-behind-and-grabbing-as-surprise. In dd's group of peers this was normal and appropriate during 1st and 2nd grade. After that she started to stand out a bit, and I helped her see that her friend was expressing discomfort with it. Dd still, at nearly eleven, does this with anyone with whom she feels really comfortable and relaxed. When I've seen it with a friend recently the friend has seemed somewhat surprised, tolerant and a bit amused. I do see it all as a sensory sort of thing and as an outlet for strong emotions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 How old is she? The picking up thing might not be that far out of the norm. My dd is almost 12 and the girls in her ballet grade are constantly picking each other up. When I taught middle school the kids were touching, poking, prodding, hugging each other All. The. Time. Drove me crazy. She's nine and I'm not seeing anyone in her social group do this. Since she gets along well with other kids and parents like her despite this, I'm not really worried. But it can be annoying to me and it makes me think some people might eventually be bothered by it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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